fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #5507 ]

[ SECRET POST #5507 ]

⌈ Secret Post #5507 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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If google isn't giving you answers or you just feel lazy.

I'll start off. I've been trying to figure out why people don't like Amanda Palmer but Google isn't being super helpful. So, can anyone tell me why people hate Amanda Palmer so much?

In general, she has corny taste and has had a habit of throwing herself out there saying a lot of controversial things framed in ways that are inflammatory and often frankly dumb. More specifically, there was a big controversy in the early 2010s about a Kickstarter album and paying artistic collaborators for their work and a bunch of sordid stuff like that, which I think really blew up and really soured a lot of people on her whole Internet presence. But I don't think it's really any one specific thing - it's not just the fact that she wrote a poem for the perpetrator of the Boston Marathon bombings, but the fact that she is the kind of person who seems to constantly do shit like that.

I haven't really kept up on all the waves of drama, but this seems like a reasonable take on it all. (Disclaimer: I used to be a fan of her music from the Dresden Dolls days, but kind of dropped off after her first solo album.)

She has a pattern of doing quite attention-demanding things that seem to be (at the very least) in bad taste, and then seemingly not understanding (or caring) why people are upset. The Boston Marathon bomber poem felt very much like a way of centering herself in a tragedy that had little to do with her. IIRC, there was some story from when she was younger about feigning a suicide/OD and filming her then-boyfriend's reaction to use as part of a project. She crowd-funded a tour and recruited people to collaborate and support her, but then only offered "beer and hugs" as payment.

The consensus seems to be that she's rather narcissistic, with little interest in how her actions affect other people and a sense that because she's working "outside the system" or challenging the norm, she is due praise and attention.

All this (DA)

Aaand in general from my observations online of people who don't like her, it seems that she's very attention seeking? I also think she was married to Neil Gaiman? The writer? Idk. Made some noise about their divorce? A lot of drama type of individual. And sometimes (this is just pure extrapolation) this kind of behavior can come off as insincere and annoying (on anyone frankly).

Again, these are just casual observations. Omg. Am I thinking of Emily Autumn? I feel like I might and I don't feel like googling lol. I mix those two up in my head all the time. So maybe ignore me. Idk.

Emilie Autumn wasn’t the one married to Neil Gaiman(I’m almost positive), so you are right that these were Amanda Palmer’s actions. However, Emilie and Amanda are very similar in personality, and have some aesthetic similarities, so I understand the confusion. And I say this as someone who’s still a fan of Emilie’s music. She can be an annoying and attention seeking person just like Amanda, both of their talent be damned.

Wasn't there a whole thing where she preformed as half of a pair of conjoined twins and that was considered kind of ableist/in bad taste? She also has a kind of odd voice and her music isn't for everyone so if you don't like her music but she keeps making a racket for attention people aren't inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt.

How do you end a friendship? Should I just ghost the friend or tell them, "Hey, I feel awkward around you now. Let's keep a respectable distance from each other?"

Depends on the friend, I guess. Maybe be honest with yourself about what you really owe them. Not that close, maybe never were? Or maybe close in the past, but haven't been for a while despite all your attempts to be? Ghosting may be okay. Person was in your wedding and you guys spent countless Saturdays hanging out? Maybe send a message. Person was someone you thought was okay but then they showed their true colors? Ghosting might work, but be prepared with something if they contact you (or if you blocked them, if you encounter them someplace). Sociopathic assholes who don't listen to you anyway should probably just be blocked.

Well, I guess you don't have to follow that exactly. I just think it would vary, but you know your friends better than me.

honestly, depending on the other person, nothing you do will actually get through to them so basically do whatever is easiest and most comfortable for you.

my roommate and I had a friend who was, frankly, the worst person either of us had ever met. we both handled it differently; she wrote a full essay-level letter why they could not be friends anymore and emailed it to her. I simply stopped interacting with her. We no longer share the same social circles so basically cutting the toxic person out of both of our lives ended up the same way, and there was never any response to the letter so in the end it probably wasn't worth sending outside of the sender's own personal catharsis. Third party here was terribly toxic - narcissistic, and stunted by living with her parents well into her 30s so she had very little experience dealing with other people. She actually tried some years ago to pit different members of her friend group against each other, we all figured it out right away and instead mounted a resistance against said toxicity.

Basically, it depends on the persons involved, not just your own comfort level but also the other party. There's an enormous difference between two people who have their own private issues that can be worked through vs one party being entirely toxic to the level of irredeemable. In the latter case, it doesn't matter what you do, things are going to get stupid, so your approach depends on what you want. Do you want closure, or just to be left alone? If you're certain you just want a hard break to get out and never deal with them again, ghost and never respond to any outreach. If you want some sort of sense of closure or to actually air your grievance before cutting contact, then do so, but steel yourself for the other side wanting to justify themselves to you. IME it's better, faster, to just ghost and never deal with it again, but that's not the right approach for everyone.

If you're fairly close and you want to break it off immediately, then I'd say you should let them know. Be prepared for them to respond, and try to decide in advance how much you're willing to talk it through with them.

If you're not that close, then I'd say ghosting is better.

Ideally, instead of cutting them off suddenly, you take a little while and disengage more gradually (e.g. replying only briefly to any texts, and putting off hangouts as much as you can without being totally blatant about it). However, if you need to break it off abruptly, then I'd say ghost them if you're not that close, but give them an explanation if you are quite close.

I'm someone who is usually a big advocate for direct and sincere communication. I hate passive aggression 99% of the time. However, if you've already decided to cut someone out of your life and your mind is made up, then I just feel like, in the majority of cases, explaining it to them will only make the situation more hurtful and humiliating for them without any real upside.

OTOH, if you go from seeing someone once a week for years to pretending they don't exist, then I think the lack of explanation is going to be a lot more hurtful--even traumatic--to the dumpee than a breakup letter would be. So in cases like that, I say tell them.

It depends on if you still have friends/spaces in common. If so you it's better to do a slower fade than an honest discussion of how much you don't get along. Decline any solo outings, respond to all communications with an honest "I can't respond right now, sorry." Let your friends know that you're uncomfortable and find other things to do when you're in the same group. Let it cool in an uninteresting way. Unless the thing that makes you feel awkward is that they're obsessed with you we're rarely as important to the people around us as we think we are.

From what I've heard, she's not... great about paying her contributing artists. She busked and networked her way up to the top so why shouldn't they?

And I find her artistic style a bit gushy and in-your-face. The Aja Romano of performance artists.

That said, I don't hate her, just find her a bit irritating, and I hope the divorce troubles sort themselves as peacefully as possible.

"Everything you shower-think of, expert scientists already theorized"--to reduce atmospheric CO2, why can't we grow fast (non-edible?) crops, dessicate the plants to recycle moisture and reduce natural decaying and stuff the plant matter down abandonned mine shafts? I'd love to see the science of it and how/why it wouldn't do (or would??) but I don't think I can find it at all--or if there are scientific papers they'll be behing paywalls.

I mean, growing the stuff, transporting the stuff, digging a hole for the stuff, and shoving the stuff down a hole would take a lot of energy and therefor carbon. But you do see thoughts like these with regard to trees or peat about how they capture and hold carbon, so the idea of growing our way out of C02 isn't crazy.

An abandonned mine shaft means you don't have to dig the hole it's already there, and I don't know about the energy for just shoving stuff down but drying and transporting, yeah, that might be a problem indeed.

Hemp! Hemp is another plant you'll often see these thoughts about. It grows fast and is really hardy.

I kind of love the idea for a scifi story, it's like restocking the coal for our ancestors in a billion years. But yeah, drying stuff out takes a ton of time and energy and if you don't it'll just rot anyway. Unused mine shafts tend to be located far away from fertile soil upping the transportation requirements. And you'd have to be doing millions of tons of the stuff. Plus also that's land, labor, chemicals and equipment that could be going towards something useful so the margins would have to be *huge* to be worth it. I think letting forests re-grow would probably be a better use of the land. I'm pretty far from an expert, but I'm a novice who likes trees.

Now, if someone told me we could store carbon by giving up plastic based clothing/materials and traded them out for older, plant based tech I'd be willing to listen. Polyester and Rayon will probably haunt us for centuries but it's never to early to stop a bad habit.

Does writing out a comment to ignorant assholes you know aren’t worth actually interacting with but not sending it really therapeutic? Does it help to get what you want to say out there enough that you don’t want to send it anymore? I’m phrasing these questions really strangely, sorry, but I don’t really know how to phrase them(hence why Google would be especially unhelpful).

I’m a grown ass adult who shouldn’t give in to the temptation to try to set people who clearly only believe what they want to believe straight. I know it’s healthier for me to just ignore it, especially because I wasn’t even part of the comment thread. I just happened upon it and know that this prick is completely wrong, and a complete misogynist. I know from experience that people like them wouldn’t listen, and would always find a way to keep believing the ignorant shit they want to believe. I hate arguing and debating either way, and I don’t think I’m any good at it either. I can speak eloquently when I want to(not that anyone would know that from this jumbled mess of a comment, and the eloquence is probably superficial anyways) and use evidence, but I always feel like I’m forgetting something or not doing a good enough job, even if I may look like a better person purely by comparison to bigots. Trying to debate is exhausting.

And I’m always kind of anxious of each response when I do interact with these people, because sometimes petty bullshit from these people still manages to get under my skin. Insults from them legitimately make me angry. Again, I’ve been a full grown adult for quite a while, and I’m still like this. I hate doing this so much, and always hope and pray someone else, someone better will do it for me. Will lay out all the points I would want to include, in a way I never could. So I have someone to support without getting directly involved. But when that doesn’t happen, the urge to jump in with the facts I know still gets to me, and I actively have to resist.

Back to the main problem/question: I’ve seen people(here, and in general) say that writing out a comment to frustrating and toxic people without sending it makes the urge go away, or at least get better. Like a modern version of that therapy tactic of writing a letter detailing all of your thoughts on someone with no intention of sending it. But does the comment version really work? The only reason I’m worried is that if I manage to type the whole thing out, and feel satisfied with it, I might want to send it even more. It’s so much easier to copy and paste and click send then take that physical letter to a mailbox.

Sorry, I know this was probably confusing as hell! This probably wouldn’t be such a problem or concern for me if I wasn’t such a screw-up lol.

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[ SECRET POST #5507 ]

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