fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #5698 ]

[ SECRET POST #5698 ]

⌈ Secret Post #5698 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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05. https://i.imgur.com/7K1FcL8.jpg
[linked for porn? The 120 Days of Sodom]

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07. [SPOILERS for Nope]

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08. [WARNING for discussion of rape]

[House of the Dragon]

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Inspired by the comments on the secret the other day. Just wanted to share, I guess.

I’ve recently been coming to terms with recognizing that I’m not just messy or lazy, I have strong tendencies towards hoarding. A lot of people in my family struggle with it, so I’ve assumed it’s normal. After getting some distance from my family and looking into hoarding disorders more I realized my issues come from a similar place. I’m starting to fight back against my urges to hold on to stuff and let messes pile up but it’s really difficult to change my ways, especially after some circumstances where I’ve lost most of my possessions in the past. I can get very insecure about the feeling of losing things because of that.

Does anyone on here have tips for dealing with this kind of thing? I’ve found resources on r/hoarding to be really insightful and also very helpful for feeling less alone and ashamed, and I would love to hear from anyone on this. Either way thanks for reading, it’s tough but I’m getting better about this stuff a little at a time!

I find donating things that are donatable (like clothes), things that I'm not likely to wear or use but it feels wrong to just throw out. I donate it instead of keeping it. That way someone gets to use it.

Maybe try taking pictures of things before you get rid of them? That way you still 'have' them but they're not taking up space in your home. I don't know if it would help you but maybe?

I'm sorry, I don't have a lot of suggestions for this.

+1

I think I may have some hoarder tendencies, but I know most of it is me being lazy (lack of follow through, just put something AWAY!) And it's a way to self sabotage, but for a while I had (and still have) trouble letting go of things. Material possessions that either have sentimental value (I feel like I'm letting down the person who gave it to me) or I feel bad that I haven't used it "yet" or for a while. What's been helpful is taking pictures of things (arguably more hoarding, but at least it's digital and not piling up in my home) that have value to me before letting it go (Once took a picture of beat up sneakers, for context). I'm also fortunate enough to have a friend who's holding me accountable to my mess (my weekend plans involve cleaning the fuck out of my room) -- she's gonna check in on my progress, and she helps me sort through the things in a very non sentimental way. So I hope you can find a person to help you (or even a reddit group or some online community). I used to check out the unfuck my habitat Tumblr and bow I'm watching the people who clean up hoarder homes (I think Auri) was her name.

Also, it's going to take time so please be patient with yourself. And it can feel shameful (how did I let it get this way? No one can see this! I can't move on to better things because of this mess, etc.), But you can do it. One piece at a time. Even if it's something small. You can start with one section of one area. Say the bathroom. Do you have any paper or things that need to be thrown out? Can you see the floor? Start with that. Throw out the things you know are trash (papers, ads, receipts, toilet paper wrappers whatever). If that's all you can do that day, well that's a start OP.
I'm wishing you the best on this journey and hope to hear about your progress (ups AND downs -- I was supposed to start cleaning yesterday. All I managed was watering my plants. And that was all for that day. Was I disappointed for not doing more? Yes. But was I glad I at least started? Yes .). You're capable of getting this done, OP. I know you can, even if it takes time! Just an internet random, but I'm cheering for you.

- Getting into a regular habit of going through something in my house (a corner of the room, say), and deciding if I still need A Thing that's there or, if I don't, whether I can donate it or should throw it away, has helped me.

I can make it, you know, fun? Set up half an hour of music I enjoy and stop when the music is over and give myself a treat?

And I don't need to do everything all at once, either. Getting little things done, regularly, has done so much more for a clean house (and my mood in the clean house), than a Big Cleaning Binge. I know everyone is different, but that has worked well for me.

- And, keeping an eye for storing things efficiently - hanging things on walls instead of resting them on the ground makes it easier for me to vacuum, which means I do it more often, which means my dust allergies are less, which mean I sleep better, etc. etc. etc.

- And I know this sounds incredibly corny, but when it's time to let something go, I thank it for its presence in my life and then let it go. (Marie Kondo, She Knows Some Stuff.)

This is absolutely NOT a tip for how you should deal with all or even most of the stuff you may have accumulated. However, if your hoarding tendencies aren't too severe, then one thing you may be able to do for some items is start a word file or a journal in which you list items (by description) and the current date, and then set a date (several months in the future) where you will go back to the file and get rid of anything you haven't used in that time.

There are items this doesn't apply to because they are staples that almost everyone has on hand whether they use them much or not. Like some kind of kitchen blending implement, for example. You don't need four different types of kitchen blending implement unless you actually use all four, so if you had, say a hand blender, a full-sized blender, a mixer, and a mini mixer, then it would be a very smart and sensible thing to get ride of at least two of those, unless you use them all regularly. But if you only have one mixing implement, then even if you can't remember the last time you used it, it makes sense to keep it.

But the point is, often it can be hard to get rid of items (especially "practical" items) because you worry you'll need it at some point and won't have it. But if you give yourself six months to see if an occasion comes up where you use the item, and no occasion does come up where you use it, then in most cases, you're probably better off getting rid of it. And if you end up needing to replace it eventually, well, it won't be the end of the world.

If you're a full-blown hoarder and not just a borderline hoarder, then this is probably bad advice, because you really cant afford to be putting off the actual divesting process for several months. So please disregard this advice if you're too deep in it. If doing this feels like just an excuse to let yourself keep sliding, then yeah, don't. But for more mild hoarding, this can be a useful strategy.

A somewhat similar tactic for misc knick-knacks is to put a whole bunch of them in a big tub and store the tub away for several months. When it's time to open the tub up again, before you do so, take the time to really think about whether you've missed the items in the tub. How well do you even remember what's in the tub? If the tub was gone, how would your present circumstances be affected?

Again, this is a decent tactic for people battling mild hoarding, but may backfire if you're too deep in it. So just, please bear that in mind. And good luck!

Thank you so much for the considerate and encouraging replies, I appreciate it so much and wish all of you well who are dealing with anything similar.

I got motivated to clean for awhile and throw out a bunch of things that “could be useful someday” but that weren’t useful right now (extra bags and napkins I had saved, that sort of thing) and were taking up space, and hung up some clothes in the closet that had been strewn around, just trying to stay focused on what’s important *right now* and not get superstitious about what *could* be useful. Got rid of some paper trash and emptied out the trash cans too. Just gotta do a little everyday (and catch myself when I start thinking “maybe I’ll hold onto these old receipts for no reason…” LOL!)

That sounds awesome, OP. I'm rooting for you.

Two things that helped me:

Making a one thing in, one thing out rule for the house (food excepted): if I wanted something new, I had to get rid of something old first, in a similar category. This made me think hard about acquiring more things and helped me let go of some old things.

Getting rid of things with purpose: donating things in usable condition for someone else to enjoy rather than waiting until they're completely wrecked or hanging onto them for "some day".

There's no reason to be ashamed. It's a symptom of a problem rooted in mental health. Good luck, OP. You can beat this.

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[ SECRET POST #5698 ]

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