fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #5987 ]

[ SECRET POST #5987 ]

⌈ Secret Post #5987 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Where do you live? I see it almost nowhere. I hear way more talk about it online, so I've started looking for it, and I'm "old," so I've been hearing this shit and looking for probably over a decade, and I still almost never see it.

Sadly I see it in my own parents. My dad isn't a bad guy but wow was he fucked up by the upbringing and he has no reason to change. That's not an isolated thing, it's quite a normal dynamic. But I am not from western country. Also it's more rare in men my age (late 30s) and younger.

Nayrt

I’m curious where you live too, because AYRT’s experiences are pretty common from what I’ve seen and experienced. And I’m old too, as is the type of behavior they’re talking about. To the point where it’s considered stereotypical behavior for men to be like this, even though obviously not every man fits the stereotype. But if you’ve never seen it, despite knowing it exists from online, you could just be really lucky to have never encountered it. Or alternatively, it’s not actually as common as those of us with anecdotal experiences may assume it is.

nayrt

I'm the southern US, and it's common here. More common in my parents' age group than mine, but still, it's definitely a thing.

EU, am now in my mid thirties, if thats important.

must be nice to live where you live. any single persons around your place?

The behavior is so long established that it's socially acceptable and normalized, which might be why you're not seeing it. My dad did zero housework until my mom died and even now he relies on me and my siblings to do it for him, mostly. He'll do some stuff like washing dishes and some cooking, but he's never cleaned a bathroom his whole adult life (and I'm not sure he did it in childhood, either) and it's honestly never occurred to him that this is weird or unfair in any way. He's just used to the bathroom being cleaned by other people, who happen to be female. To him, it's not sexist, it's just the way things are.

That's just one example, this type of behavior is common as dirt. Men who leave home and don't know how to do their own laundry, vacuum, buy groceries, cook a basic meal, make their own medical appointments, etc. Fathers who have never changed a diaper, don't know their own kids' likes/dislikes/food allergies, don't do bath times or bed times, expect to come home after work and do absolutely nothing with their kids, or just as bad, they're the "fun parent" who only does fun stuff and checks out for everything else, etc. etc. Boyfriends/husbands who don't listen to their partner's preferences, expect a hot dinner but don't know how to scramble an egg, expect to be waited on hand and foot when they're sick but their wives have to bootstrap it through their day AND still have dinner waiting, love blowjobs but won't return the favor, decide that they "need a break from work" so they'll game for eight hours straight on Saturdays while their wives look after the kids without a break, etc. etc.

These dudes are a dime a dozen. If I had a dollar for every guy like this I saw/heard of, I'd be typing this from my high tech castle built on my own private island in the Bahamas while my robot maid brought me an ice cold beverage and a charcuterie plattter.

I live in a pretty liberal area in west coast Canada and this shit is still super common. Literally all of my friends parents had this dynamic, my mother and her SO have it, and several of my friends have it in their marriages. I'm honestly curious where you live that you've somehow found an oasis away from this crap.

This

ayrt hasn't found any kind of sexism oasis. They just don't see it because it seems so normal.

This does seem like the most likely answer.

As someone who grew up very much blue-collar working-class, with most of my friends and acquaintances in the same general social class, I do wonder if gender bullshit perhaps manifests somewhat differently among the well-off and the upwardly-mobile white-collar classes? I'm not even hypothesizing that it does, just genuinely wondering.

I mean, it does kind of make sense to me that the more you can afford to outsource your menial daily tasks to others (daycare, baby-sitters, nannies, restaurants, take-out, meal kits, spending more on food that's easier to put together, house-cleaning services, paying people to come fix things as soon as they break, buying convenient household devices and amenities, dry-cleaning, buying good shit that's less likely to have issues in the first place, etc. etc. etc.) the less of a glaring problem the unequal division of household labor is likely to be. But I honestly have no idea.

I'm also not suggesting that upper and upper-middle class people deal with less ingrained sexism on the whole; I'm only pondering whether it might manifest slightly differently depending on things like socioeconomic status, etc.

Fuck off, I knew I'd get a response like this which is why I added that I LOOK FOR THIS SHIT and still don't see it. I'm aware it's normalized and attempt to open my eyes by actively trying to see the thing you're telling me I ignore because it's normalized. I still don't.

United States, a mid-sized city roughly halfway down the East Coast.

Also East Coast and yeah, I can't say I've ever really seen it here either.

I grew up in New England and I can't say this type of behavior is something I grew up seeing. I've seen it since in friends relationships, but it's pretty rare even then.

Same, I've seen it but only in men who are in their 60s-70s. Younger guys around here don't act like that.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #5987 ]

Re: Men who don't fucking listen.

Re: Men who don't fucking listen.

Re: Men who don't fucking listen.

Re: Men who don't fucking listen.

Re: Men who don't fucking listen.

Re: Men who don't fucking listen.

Re: Men who don't fucking listen.

Re: Men who don't fucking listen.

Re: Men who don't fucking listen.

Re: Men who don't fucking listen.

Re: Men who don't fucking listen.

AYRT telling y'all where I live

Re: AYRT telling y'all where I live

Re: Men who don't fucking listen.

Re: Men who don't fucking listen.