fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #6058 + 6059 ]

[ SECRET POST #6058 + 6059 ]

⌈ Secret Post #6058 + 6059 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 25 secrets from Secret Submission Post #866.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

For all your imposterial needs.

I really want to play Baldur's Gate 3 but I have to wait a month for the Playstation release because my PC is old and I don't dare to try an install any newer/bigger games on it anymore.
I would actually prefer playing it on PC because that's the platform I generally prefer for RPGs but I can't afford a good new PC (and would not like to set one up because I had to completely set up my old one after my Windows died some months ago and I hate doing that).

1. Stupid healthcare in America. Had to pay $150 for prescription ear drops. With insurance. And I finally got my referral to an orthopedic doc, after 3 months, only to find out I have to go to their out of the way for me location because that's the only one my insurance will cover.

2. Why are people so terrible? Was in the car shop today getting my brakes fixed, and there was an old lady in there, clearly not well off, who had to replace her air conditioner fan because some failure of a human had broken into her car and stolen it.

3. I love my job, I really do. But days like today are why I really wish I was working for a nonprofit. We had to turn away an amazing asylum case because he couldn't afford it. Meanwhile, I had to offer immigration advice to someone with some pretty serious criminal stuff who I'd rather not have had to help.

4. Why is it that when it rains, it pours? And everything expensive happens at once? Car trouble, out 600 bucks. Vet visit for cat, out another 300. Still have several bills to pay. And I have to put off some dental work I need done another month because I cannot afford. I hate adulthood sometimes.

Well, thanks anon, because I suddenly find myself Big Mad from the ACOTAR review posted above and needing to vent.

I shouldn't be this mad. I know I shouldn't. But my gods, I am so, so, so sick of "PIV sex isn't for women." I'm sick of being told that I need to explore outercourse (I don't like receiving cunnilingus! I'm sorry that that apparently makes me such a strange, bad woman, but except on the occasion that I feel like being dominant and go in for face-sitting, I find it boring. Fingering is nice, but I get the feeling that's not what's meant, since it involves penetration). I'm sick of being told that I ought to stop writing smut that features PIV, that I ought to stop reading it, that I even ought to stop having it in order to Queer Up my Sex Life and fight...something (wtf would I even be fighting? I'm in my bedroom, having a good time with the man I love, not out there volunteering or canvassing for the next election). I'm sick of being told that I can't possibly like it, because "60% of women can't orgasm from intercourse alone," as if 60% were equal to 100%.

Do you know that someone once insisted that I could not possibly be a woman, because a real woman wouldn't like PIV or giving oral? WTF is up with that? Yeah, it was a person on the internet, but it still made my eyes pop.

I am all for people having the sex that suits them best, or for having no sex at all. I am all for there being stories where a penis never gets anywhere near a vagina, because that's what some people enjoy most. But for the love of all that is holy, we can have those stories without taking away or lambasting the ones that people like me enjoy; and people can have outercourse without insisting that anyone who's into intercourse is backwards, or suffering from internalized misogyny, or actually a man in disguise. Certainly, we can carve out a space for women who want to be eaten out all night without denying that there are some who are really, really into being bent over the side of the bed.

Vaginal penetration may not *alone* cause most women to orgasm, but it can very well enhance orgasms.

Also the idea that PIV and male-receiving-oral is somehow a weird male dominance thing by nature is...gross and makes all men out to be these sex-obsessed hooligans with no moral backbone. A lot of people, regardless of gender, just like making their partner feel good! Men are just as deserving of sexual pleasure as women are.

People who can't wrap their heads around the fact that other people's experiences exist are so weird.

Words of wisdom, pithily expressed.

Masturbation TMI below (this discussion may be TMI already, but I'll warn just in case)

I'm asexual and pretty repulsed by any sex in practice, but I was scared and wondered if I was broken or brainwashed after reading so many accounts about clitoral stimulation as the be-all-end-all of pleasuring a woman. They all talked about how it was soooooooo easy to get a woman to come if you just play with the clit a little, you don't even need to put your dick in, and if you do then it's for you, not her. Whereas I can play with my clit to the point of exhaustion and not feel anything, and I finally figured out I need to put my fingers inside me a little and BAM, problem solved. All the articles and advice posts made me think that was pointless because penetration is only good for the man to get his dick wet and I was worried I was so brainwashed by the notion of the man being more important, that to get off I needed to simulate that even though there is no man involved and I don't want there to be.

Eh. Realistically I wonder if touching your own clit is like trying to tickle yourself for some people, like me. Maybe it has to do with nerves that don't work unless someone else does it. But I've never seen any info about that. Everywhere all anyone talks about is the glorious feminist act of worshiping the clit.

Well, to be fair clit goes around the opening and can be more sensitive in different places *shrugs*

Oh, same. Like, clit stimulation is nice and all, but I can't come from just that alone. I've tried and tried and it turns out I need some penetration too to go along with it. And like you, this was something I figured out from masturbation without having another person involved.

Will you shut up about your husband's superdick

Stop pretending you're not so obsessed with some other anon's husband's dick that you mentioned it a second time, to someone who may or may not even be the same anon.

Will you shut up about how very cool you are for hating the Evil Hets?

How about you shut up about how much you hate dicks.

I hear you. I'm in some fandoms where there's a very loud subset of shippers who insist that Awesome Lady doms and pegs her inferior himbo boyfriend is the only correct way to write het and anyone who writes anything else is Doing Fandom Wrong and probably Against Feminism. Plus there's often this underlying assumption that the only truly feminist sex acts are cunnilingus, face-sitting and pegging, which is bullshit. I'm so tired of the policing of other people's preferences.

This is fandom; the possibilities are infinite! There's room for everything!

DA

"This is fandom; the possibilities are infinite! There's room for everything!"

I may make this my mantra for when I visit this comm going forward.

Tmi response anon:

If it helps anon I'm a queer woman in a relationship with another woman and oral just... does not work on me, lol. Me and my gf have tried many times, in various ways, maybe I was too tense, maybe I was worried about how I smelt, etc. But as far as I can tell I am just really not wired for it, something about it doesn't work for me for whatever reason.

I used to think I was wired wrong as well but my gf has only ever reassured me that it's fine, and it's not my fault(if anything she thought she was doing something wrong instead, lol). But we've figured out what we like over the years and I'm a woman who enjoys penetration a lot when I'm in the mood for it so we have a dildo/vibe collection for me on that front and my gf is super happy to strap me when I want it. I'm not 'less' queer because I enjoy getting fucked.

Trying to politize our own personal sexual preferences is a losing battle because these are subjective things that don't fit into neat little 'is this progressive/not progressive' boxes and imo it's foolish and soul-crushing to try. Just let people enjoy what they like, it's not that hard.

DA This. Women are individuals and what works for one woman doesn't necessarily work for another. We're entitled to have different preferences and like different things.

"PIV sucks for women," is sort of the, "Real women have curves," of the sexual sphere, IMO. Mostly good-intentioned, but inadvertently pretty insensitive, due to the general social tendency to distill extremely valid and important sociological concepts down to pithy hot takes.

For a really long time, the prevailing narrative was that if you're a woman who doesn't get pleasure from PIV, there is something wrong with you. That narrative only started to change pretty recently, and I would argue that it's still semi-prevalent; it's just being met quite loudly by a counter narrative, now.

The asshats saying invalidating things about people who enjoy having sex a particular way are being radical and reactive, and they suck. It's totally fair that you want to tell them to go fuck themselves. But at the end of the day, you're still part of the group who's sexual tastes and responses jive with the prevailing sexual hegemony's interests. I'm not going to say the system is on your side, because you're a woman and we're talking about sex; of course it's not. But the prevailing system is less hostile and invalidating to you than it is to the women whose sexual preferences aren't in line with the norm it's still trying to enforce.

So basically what I'm saying is, tell the asshats to go fuck themselves if it'll feel good to do so, and then move on.

The system being on one's side can feel extra shitty when you as a person have immersed yourself in the counterculture that correctly believes that the system -- the patriarchy, here -- is a bad thing that needs destroying. Nobody like that wants to aid the enemy or get the approval of the enemy. And hearing from the counterculture to get over it because the enemy/system/patriarchy is on their side can also be worrying for the same reason. It's like they're saying "Your sexual preference that lines up with the patriarchy's standards is a flaw that we accept you in spite of, and just remember you're helping them in a small way by conforming" and it sucks to be told by the people you trust to hold the correct views that something you can't help and doesn't actually affect anyone but you is a flaw.

T_T me and everyone i know was waitlisted for the newest Taylor shows. siiiiiiiiiiiiigh.

I just can't with my fanworks. Can't get something going, can't even continue something I got started. I hate it. I'm back where I was 8 years ago just going "FUCKING FINISH SOMETHING. DO SOMETHING." I don't want to blame this on a semi-bitter Secret Santa exchange (where the recipient didn't even so much as burp out a "thanks") but it kind of did start there. Maybe I am blaming it in part, and I'm aware how childish that probably is. But I can't really talk about it with anyone. Then I doubt myself and think that maybe I'm just looking for an excuse to not do this stuff anymore. When I really just want to do something and complete something. But everything I start is shit, and suddenly everything is too hard to make it not shit.

And then I feel guilty because I actually am making progress in another area of fandom and feel like it's more than what some people get so I shouldn't complain. But I see everyone so productive in the first area and I can't muster anything.

I watch MST3K on youtube a lot and I make comments. Somebody is making inane unfunny replies to my comments and no one else's and has been doing it for a long time. I wish you could block youtube comments from a specific person like you can elsewhere but I finally told him to go bother somebody else.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #6058 + 6059 ]

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