fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #6136 ]

[ SECRET POST #6136 ]

⌈ Secret Post #6136 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[Long Gone Days]

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 21 secrets from Secret Submission Post #877.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
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Should I get the free standing hammock I've had my eyeball on for like two years now that it is 30% off? Even though I won't be able to use it until next year.

Yes!!!!!! I always recommend that anyone who thinks they want a hammock should get one.

And you may be lucky enough to be able to fit it inside of you place it at an angle. That’s what I do with mine in winter. It blocks my side of the sofa doing that but I don’t care because I’m in my hammock *g*

Oh man, I miss the hammock we had when I was a kid. In the fall, I would wrap myself in blankets and nap out there. Now I live in an apartment and don't have room. :(

Has anyone used them and can you recommend a brand? Wanting to buy some for my sister.

I had a fandom friend ghost me awhile back, and it was during a time I was writing fic that I was posting. NGL, the fact that they did that during that time, made me really uninspired to write. Lately I've picked it back up and it's been going decently. People seem to appreciate it, but I can't help but think that maybe my writing is just utter trash.

That friend was the whole reason I got to publishing fic, and they told me one time, that it was okay to not read new works/comment on fic despite engaging with the fic writers on a more personal level. I can't help but think they ghosted me because they just weren't interested in what I was writing.

I know that prob wasn't the thing, and hopefully it wasn't anything related to me; life happens and all. But still.

Any advice on how to get over is appreciated, because I can't help but think it whenever I write. The association is too great.

It sounds like you already know that connecting your writing with your friend ghosting you isn't rational, but it still has an emotional impact on you in the form of intrusive thoughts. This might sound silly, but have you tried changing up how you write? I mean, if it's possible, can you change the environment where you write? Choose a different location, a different time of day. Have different music or ambient background noise playing. Create little work-related rituals that'll help you change your mindset from the usual to something new.

And the key to intrusive thoughts is that you interrupt them immediately when they occur. Don't let yourself get sucked into that spiral of anxiety. Get up and take a walk, get a drink, fix yourself a snack, chat with a friend, play a game for a set amount of time, something to distract yourself for 10-15 minutes. Then go back to your ritual and start writing again. Repeat the distraction as needed.

Another thing you can try is reaching out to other friends and/or making new connections. It's doubtful that the ghosting would trouble you as much if you felt happier and more secure in your other relationships, so maybe tackle those and strengthen those connections.

Thanks for the advice. It honestly wasn't bothering me too much, until I started writing again because of the strong association I had with them about it.

I think the most upsetting thing, isn't that I was ghosted tbh. It was that it was really out of character for the person I thought I knew. Also really random. I can't help but wonder what was behind it all, because it truly blindsided me. And it's more upsetting now that I know I'll never get some sort of answer. It made me really evaluate how I talked to other people as a result which sort of sucks. I've tried to make my peace with it for the most part and yes, as you said spend more time with the friends I know irl.

I will take your advice with the writing strategies and doing other things when the doubt comes. It just sucks to sometimes feel this way when I write.

Yeah, I get it. Not knowing is often worse, because your brain keeps turning the puzzle over and over in your mind, trying to come up with possible solutions, weighing those solutions, debating the flaws and weaknesses of each one and trying to figure out what the likeliest answer is. When it comes to personal interactions, you can end up re-examining everything you ever said to that person, what they said to you in return, what that meant, whether or not they interpreted something you said differently than you intended, whether or not you misread something, etc. etc. My brain does that, too. It's a weird kind of mental paralysis at times where your brain gets bogged down trying to resolve something that might not have a neat and tidy resolution.

I've heard antidepressants can help with that. I'm not currently on any, but it's something I've considered in the past. For now, I find that physical AND mental interruptions to break that downward spiral is the best course of action that doesn't involve therapy and/or drugs. You're breaking yourself of a negative mental habit, and that's never easy. Good luck.

I might move cities. My spouse might get a job in the career they've been training for for years. I'll have to give up my job where I've dug in like a tic. I'm not actually happy at my current job, but I'm used to it. There are jobs available in this new city that could work for me, I'd just have to grow and work hard and I'm spooked. Interviews and applying was awful and I'm not looking forward to it.

There are cute houses and interesting things to do in this city.

But the weather seems *rough*

But I'm a homebody anyway. And I'd be an hour closer to my in-laws. And not that much further away from many friends. And only two hours further away from my own family.

I just... hmm. I'm very scared of giving up the security even though we'd be better off in the long term in a new situation.

So my ask: how do you move cities as an adult? It's easy to do when you're a kid and your world revolves around school, but I don't know how to do that as an adult.

Twenty years ago, I just... did it. I was disabled and didn't have to find a job. My parents moved too, so it wasn't as isolating as it could have been. I joined every society that looked relevant, and made three good friends straight away in a group for my disability, which had just started up. I volunteered in a women's group, and made another good friend there (that's two of the three people I call my ~real~ sisters.) I availed myself of the social services that were available to me. And I just kept going as long as I could. I'm much less mobile now. But I made enough social connections in those first few years to tide me over and help me settle in.

I'm assuming you have job skills enough that you can get something, anything, that will bring in money and make you independent should the worst happen in your partnership (I know, worst case scenario. It happened to me.) I hope you can drive, that you've got a car, and that there is public transport worth the name, if you can't. But basically, be prepared to stand on your own two feet, which you should be willing and able to do anyway, no matter where you live.

Make sure to be closely involved in all the nitty-gritty of finding and signing up for a place to live.

Keep up your social connections, make new ones, and good luck! It could be a great new chapter in your life, it could be meh. It could be awful - but here's hoping not. But whatever happens, you'll learn a huge amount about yourself and about life skills.

Thank you. I needed that.

I kept poking and a community College in New City has a program I want to study. No matter where I go I bet I can find a similar one. Even if we stay I'm going to try and join.

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[ SECRET POST #6136 ]

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