fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #6354 ]

[ SECRET POST #6354 ]

⌈ Secret Post #6354 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

__________________________________________________

02.

__________________________________________________

03.

__________________________________________________

04.

__________________________________________________

05.

__________________________________________________

06.

__________________________________________________

07.

[Midsomer Murders]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 14 secrets from Secret Submission Post #908.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I had a falling out with a long-time friend awhile back. As the months have gone on, I've slowly realized that she had been...sort of off for a long time, and I'd been stuffing down misgivings in order to keep peace in the friendship (and to convince myself that everything was fine).

Secret 1 triggered another realization about her. When she really likes a piece of media, she interprets that to mean it has cosmic importance. It's to an extent that I'd always found a little strange. Nothing was ever just "good," or even "great;" it was always Healing and World-Changing, something that people needed to experience so they could Get Better. It was always something that spiritual forces had meant for her to see/play/hear, to better help her carry out some grand purpose. It didn't hit me until now that that's...a well-known sign that someone isn't well.

What strange or unexpected things have caused you to have a long-coming realization? And what was your realization?

Yeah, I'd raise an eyebrow at that, too. It's one thing to really love a piece of media, but that sounds borderline delusional, or at least grandiose thinking. Significant red flag.

I've had a lot of realizations about human behavior over the years. Sometimes being friends or romantically involved with someone means you're naturally inclined to try and think of them in the best light, even if that means making excuses for them, or explaining away problematic behaviors. On several occasions, I've slowly realized that some people in my life who thought themselves unlucky, and frequently bemoaned their lack of good fortune, etc. were just... people who repeatedly made bad choices and then tried to evade accountability by treating the consequences of their actions like it was some quirky fate the universe bestowed upon them. It allowed them to never address their own damaging behaviors AND milk sympathy from others for their "bad luck".

(Like no, if you spend your limited income on collectible stuff, then it's not an unexpected turn of events that you don't have money to pay your phone bill. That was you, not managing your money well.)

Oh, man. I've heard that from former (for good reasons) friends too. I'm a bit of a hippie so I don't judge people for saying stuff feels fated and I totally understand how a piece of fiction can be healing. A few former friends had started really hyping up the importance of their fandoms and strongly recommending it so that I could grow as a person and get more emotionally healthy and stuff, that always seemed odd to me but I never really connected that to the other stuff going on with these individuals' respective mental health and how our friendships ended up falling apart. Jeez, you brought back a memory there.

It's an interesting question, but I'm not seeing the connection to secret 1. Is it just the fact that the OP referenced craziness in their fandom that they only noticed in retrospect?

Probably.

AYRT

I actually mistyped! I meant to reference secret 2. Leonard Cohen was one of the artists she felt had great spiritual and cosmic importance.

My ex best friend was the same with ships and shows that she loved. The fact that she stopped talking to one of our mutual friends bc she didn't like a ship she adored should've been a red flag...

I've had some retrospective realizations of my own with people in my life.

Such as when I had a falling out with a long time friend while at the same time going through something rough with my older sibling.
It's that people often speak in half truths.
I realized this when I would ruminate things said between me and my former friend as we as things said between me and my sibling.
In that, they care about me but they care about themselves first.
How much of myself am I willing to give to them knowing this?

The people in my life whose actions and words don't align - especially when it comes to interpersonal things - are people whose half truths come out of their mouths more than I'm willing to overlook.
And so I just have to keep my relationship and interactions with them at a certain level of distance (with my former friend it meant we no longer talk to each other, with my sibling it meant I shouldn't expect them to care about my personal life and I should keep things at surface level to keep things cordial).

It's always an orange flag, if not a red one, for me when people's words and actions do not align. That's something to watch out for.

I don't think I've ever actually been in love. Due to past trauma, it seems to have always been some form of limerence - idealizing and making up whole relationships in my head and hoping the other person would one day that on that role in the made up relationship.

I'd always known what I was doing was unhealthy and a bit fictional, but it wasn't until a year or two ago, it just basically hit me that it really was all fake.

Similarly, I had the realization that I've never really genuinely felt loved by anyone else. Like, safe and secure, like someone had my back. That kind of thing. Someone would say "I love you" but their actions would be of neglect or abuse. Not love.

Less a trigger of realization and more the final step of a trust thermocline but my roommate didn't do something that they use to pay rent. And now I'm just done. She can get her shit together or leave.

I realized that none of my friends were ever genuinely my friends.
It's better to be alone. People always suck.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #6354 ]

Weird triggers of realization

Re: Weird triggers of realization

Re: Weird triggers of realization

Re: Weird triggers of realization

Re: Weird triggers of realization

Re: Weird triggers of realization

Re: Weird triggers of realization

Re: Weird triggers of realization

Re: Weird triggers of realization

Re: Weird triggers of realization

Re: Weird triggers of realization

Re: Weird triggers of realization