[ SECRET POST #6423 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #6423 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 24 secrets from Secret Submission Post #918.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Non-fandom Secrets

[(Anonymous)]

I don't know my sexuality. I'm definitely cisfemale and I'm not attracted to other women. I used to be very very horny in my teens, but since I've been on zoloft for anxiety (over a decade now), it's like all my inherent interest in romantic or sexual relationships is gone. I want marriage in the most calculated way because I think it will make my life better. My interest in men seems to only come as "he'd be a good provider and I think I could boss him around". Which is why I never pursue anyone (because who the fuck deserves that, I'm not a monster), and I'm a virgin in my mid-thirties. I had to have someone describe a crush to me and I've definitely never had one, even before the pills.

Am I straight? Do I just give up and say I'm ace? Am I ace if the chemicals seem to be the main reason for my lack of sexual or romantic interest?

Re: Non-fandom Secrets

[(Anonymous)]

A few thoughts as somebody who's forty and identifies as ace.

1. I don't see it as "giving up". If that's what you are, then that's what you are and there's nothing wrong with that.
2. You say you were horny in your teens but you don't say that you were actually attracted to anybody then. It's not like being ace means you never experience sexual arousal or wanting to get off.

So anyway, I understand the desire to want to be in a relationship with someone for the stability aspect. I am single too and while I'm happy with it I do find myself worrying sometimes about things like what happens if I get hurt at home and nobody finds me. Or it's a pain to have to take time off work to take my dog to the vet and it'd be nice to be able to share that responsibility with someone else. Or all the other nice things that could come from being in a long term committed relationship with someone that don't involve having sex with them. So anyway, my point: I get the feeling.

Re: Non-fandom Secrets

[(Anonymous)]

Unless you're also on an antidepressant, I don't think your situation is the same. This very likely isn't "the way [anon] is" but instead something induced by the pills that she's on.

Re: Non-fandom Secrets

[philstar22]

Anti-depressants can absolutely affect sex drive. They never have for me personally, but for a lot of people they do definitely lower sex drives. If you want to change that, you can talk to your doctor, there may be things that can help.

Re: Non-fandom Secrets

[(Anonymous)]

As an ace person there are lots of causes and reasons to be ace or functionally ace. Medication and/or medical/health issues is a very common one, actually

Re: Non-fandom Secrets

[(Anonymous)]

Maybe you are really dominatrix wifey material ("he'd be a good provider and I think I could boss him around")?

Re: Non-fandom Secrets

[(Anonymous)]

I have had a similar experience to you nonny. Keep feeling your feelings and no one can define who you are except yourself, including not knowing or wanting any definitions in your life.

I still question if I'm aroace. Just last week I wondered if perhaps I am straight and in deep denial due to my fear and mistrust of men.
It's a lot of asking myself what is true to me, and what is something that I may not recognize and need to unpack or take a deeper look at (am I attracted to men or do I just want the benefits that come with being in a romantic relationship? Am I still idealizing a life not suited for me?)

The world makes it really hard to know what you want, please don't be too hard yourself.

Re: Non-fandom Secrets

[(Anonymous)]

You can call yourself ace if you want to! The ace community has dealt with enough gatekeepy crap that they have very little patience for it. It doesn't have to be giving up, though, it ought to be about accepting who you are right now.

But if you used to be attracted to men, you're also allowed to still call yourself heterosexual. If you were only ever teenage horny with no particular direction and no crushes, though, you might have been ace all along - like others said, plenty of ace people are horny, they just aren't sexually attracted to anyone in particular.

Good luck finding a partner, though! I too wish "I want to get married for purely practical reasons" was more widely doable in this society.