[ SECRET POST #6494 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #6494 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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[Heartstopper]



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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 13 secrets from Secret Submission Post #928.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

01. https://i.imgur.com/SE5oeIx.png

[(Anonymous)]

I hope you take this as the supplement to your point that it's intended to be, but there's something to be said for the inverse of this: "if you can't love somebody else, how in the hell you gonna love yourself"? Sometimes it's knowing that there's someone out there you like and that you want to like you back that sets off the desire to change yourself, and even if your tastes change at the same time, it was still loving someone else that kickstarted everything.

Either way you look at it, how can you be loved, platonically or otherwise, if you yourself don't love?

[(Anonymous)]

As someone who has been one-sidedly loved before by someone I did not care about it can totally happen and it's a pain in the ass. I don't think the reverse is remotely comparable.

[(Anonymous)]

Are you saying your experience supercedes others? Not trying to pick a fight, just I dont really get your comment.

[(Anonymous)]

No, I'm just answering the question posed: "how can you be loved, platonically or otherwise, if you yourself don't love?"

It doesn't really make sense to ask because it's most definitely possible.

[(Anonymous)]

Also "for the sake of another person" is a pretty bad reason to seek to change yourself, and kind of sad if someone feels they need the person there for inspiration or else "how the hell you gonna love yourself?"

I get what you're trying to go for but I don't think it worked.

[(Anonymous)]

I get what you are saying and I agree. It won't fit for everyone, but there is def truth in what you are saying.

[(Anonymous)]

That expression is true for me, too. I think it’s part of why I enjoy so much fiction centered around someone who embraces their otherness and doesn’t let the opinions of others influence them. I was in my 30s before I could do that :(

[(Anonymous)]

Congrats! It also took a lot of time for me to get there but part of the process was also understanding who I was and growing up as an adult. From conversations I've had, I don't think it's that uncommon. I also see a lot of people who can't see their own value but through other people's eyes (like their partners', their friends' or their kids').

[(Anonymous)]

OP, how is that statement problematic? You're supposed to love yourself. Is anybody arguing with that premise? (serious question.)

[akacat]

If I’m remembering correctly, RuPaul was vocally anti-trans at one point. And there’s a faint whiff of “if you can’t love yourself *as you are*” to his statement.

Otoh, I think he’s changed his mind and apologized, and the statement doesn’t actually say you can’t make the changes you need to love yourself, if necessary.

But I’m both guessing and have an iffy memory, so.

[(Anonymous)]

Oh, okay!

[meadowphoenix]

in a general sense, it can lead to the idea that there is some value of self-love only after which you are capable of (healthily?) loving other people, which probably shouldn't be such a broad statement. while self-love issues can definitely harm your partner and your relationships, plenty of people work on themselves in a relationship and haven't reached self-love, but can (healthily) love their partner.

[(Anonymous)]

I think every possible bit of self-help advice can be helpful or hurtful depending on your situation. And as such, I don't find a lot of value in "But what about it..." comments. Like, "Drink more water" is pretty much always good advice but will actively hurt you if you're drowning.

If something doesn't work for you, that's fine. And if it does, that's fine too.

I'm glad this thing helped you!