[ SECRET POST #6565 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #6565 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 09 secrets from Secret Submission Post #938.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Advice thread

[(Anonymous)]

So I'm a woman, happily married to another woman. We're very different as far as sexual preferences. I generally am very submissive, enjoy bottoming, etc. She enjoys topping and being dominant. We've been together for six years and not once, though, have I ever got to wear the strap on. It's not like I have asked and been told no or anything, but I am curious and would like to try using it once. My fear, though, is that she has some sort of trauma or at the very least hangups about penetration, which I suspect, and of course I'd never want to hurt her or cause her discomfort, so I wonder if it's even worth asking about. If it's an uncomfortable subject, and again, I don't want to cause her any distress. Is there a gentle way to bring it up?

Re: Advice thread

[(Anonymous)]

Casually ask if she's ever wanted to swap? If she doesn't want to, that's that, but you could say you were wondering if it's something she hasn't brought up because she doesn't want to pressure you, and you're open to trying it if she wants.

Re: Advice thread

[(Anonymous)]

(Also lesbian-married. Hi, anon!) Just what you said isn't bad? If you guys talk frankly about sex, and turn ons and turn offs, just asking what her feelings are around this could be a decent way of deciding if this is unexplored or outright unwanted. And whatever else she feels like volunteering. But be prepared to talk about why you like it, or what your mental associations are.

She might be open to play that separates topping from penetration. It's easier to get into a mindset where the thing going into her is rightfully part of her, and just happens to be attached to your body, if you opt for ways of having sex where the motion is still controlled by the dom. This is more straightforward to work out, at first, with fingers than with non-bodyparts. If you two don't already do this, maybe bring up that you like the idea of her grabbing your hand, letting you know if you have permission to move and how, and bringing herself off on your fingers. For the duration, that's her hand. You might have to work out positioning together so that it doesn't hurt your arm, but logistics aside, that's the most non-threatening way I know to physically suss out where the boundaries ought to go. And whether it would be fun for your partner to nudge the edges of what she's confident doing.

Don't let your curiosity about switching up your sex life distract you from helping her feel good in what might seem to you like preamble: she may not want to take it farther, and implicitly, that needs to be fine. It can be difficult for a dom to know how they feel about finger-penetration based on unpartnered sex, because it's an awkward position as well as an emotionally-loaded act. If when she experimented by herself, she found the physical sensations unexciting ... having a separate body under her control could make that a lot more stimulating.

One thing you might approach tactfully, though, is that if she always uses the strap-on, there's a good chance that feels like *her* erection. She might be more open to your getting one of your own, and have preferences about girth, length, etc. Assuming she's open to that at all - some doms are not and will never.

Another miscellaneous thing to take into account is that the partner supplying the penetrative implement, even if that's a hand, often winds up doing more physical work during sex. Some of this is positional, but some of this is unavoidable. You may use muscles you don't work out anywhere else in quite this way, and will likely be expected to *keep* using them until your dom gets off.

Re: Advice thread

[(Anonymous)]

There is no harm in asking, just the way you've said it here ("Hey, I'm curious about trying this, I don't know if it's something you have reservations about or interest in yourself. What are your thoughts?"). It might be a strong preference, or a hard limit, or even something she is curious about herself, and the only way to find out is to respectfully ask.

It could be worth thinking through what you want to try specifically, so that you know beforehand what you're asking for and can answer questions she has about what you want to do. When you picture wearing the strap on, do you want to do gender play, specific sex acts like getting oral, try a dominant role...? Knowing what you're after will also help you find an alternative option that satisfies a similar desire if she is not into certain ideas at all.