[ SECRET POST #6565 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #6565 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 09 secrets from Secret Submission Post #938.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Advice thread

[philstar22]

For any advice you need or want to give

Self Advocacy

[philstar22]

How does someone who has massive self esteem issues, lack of self confidence, and tends to judge herself harshly no matter what learn to advocate for herself?

Honestly, I'm really easy to take advantage of. And now that I'm a department head, I'm having to learn to set boundaries and speak up for myself. And I've always struggled with this. Not to mention, my office takes advantage of me too, which I should have recognized before but really only started to recently.

I can advocate for anyone else. But when it comes to me, I just don't know how to do it. I can be confident and poised in court, defending a client, but all that goes out the window when it comes to defending myself. I just don't know how to learn.

Re: Self Advocacy

[(Anonymous)]

can you imagine yourself as a third party client?

also letting your office take advantage of you shouldn't be seen as "it's okay if it's me," it should be "it's not okay because my office is taking advantage of someone and I'm allowing it." if it works on you then all the more reason for them to try it on others because it's working

Re: Self Advocacy

[philstar22]

You are right. In the past, I just assumed that I just wasn't good enough an attorney, didn't have the experience, there was no way I could earn more or get a better job. But I've recently got some positive feedback from other attorneys with more experience than me, won some cases, and got told by a bunch of other attorneys that I'm way underpaid. It just never occurred to me before.

I am working on it all. It is just really difficult to overcome years of self worth issues.

Re: Self Advocacy

[(Anonymous)]

Realize that if they were in your shoes they would not help you.

Re: Self Advocacy

[philstar22]

That doesn't necessarily help since I tend to think fairly lowly of myself and my instinct when that happens is to think they are right and I'm not worth being helped. Stupid, I know. But it is hard to overcome years of ingrained stuff.

Re: Self Advocacy

[(Anonymous)]

I struggle with this, too, and I try to keep the Mission first and foremost in my mind all the time. That way I'm not speaking up for myself but for the purpose at hand. But leadership is so difficult.

Re: Self Advocacy

[(Anonymous)]

Idk if this is exactly healthy, but I pretend I am someone else. Like I basically treat myself like I would a friend or even stranger. If I think as "me" then I'm like "meh, I'm okay suffering" or even "eh I don't really need or deserve this" but if I think of myself as my friend or someone else then I know it isn't right. Basically a "treat yourself how you want/think others should be treated" mind game.

Maybe a simpler way to think of it, imagine someone you love in the same situation and what you would advise them or want for them, then just apply that to yourself.

I started doing this years ago and while I still kind of have to play this game I have also noticed it has gotten easier and my self esteem has gotten better. Sometimes you gotta fake it til you make it.

Re: Self Advocacy

[philstar22]

This is a great idea. I should try this. Thanks.

Re: Self Advocacy

[(Anonymous)]

This is something I'm working on myself.

I try to ask myself what I would do to advocate for a loved one/a friend.
I also try to think of myself as a child.
What would I, an adult, have done to help out me, my inner child, if the child me needed help?
Because as a child, my parents didn't advocate for me, I'm learning how to do that for myself now.

It's a lot of mindfulness and it's hard to always advocate for oneself, I still struggle with it. But I have learned to be proud rather than plagued with guilt when I advocate for myself and others have to do right by me.

Re: Advice thread

[(Anonymous)]

I've been on semaglutide weight loss shots since August, but obviously I don't want to be on them forever. What's the best way to come off of them and not balloon up? I eat way less than I used to, and am more active, I'm just afraid of the pendulum swinging way too far in the other direction. Anyone here use the shots and did you have success keeping the weight off when you stopped taking them?

Re: Advice thread

[(Anonymous)]

Ask your doctor....

Re: Advice thread

[(Anonymous)]

DA

Unironically the best advice, people's health situations are so different that blind advice won't really be meaningful or helpful

+1

[(Anonymous)]

this is too new to have any sort of range of personal anecodotal experience

ancectodal experience IS NOT AS GOOD as doctor experience with actual research

semiglutide injections is the wild west of medicine today. DO NOT rely on internet anecdotes. DO LISTEN TO YOUR DOC. And if you're doing this outside of doctor advice, fess up now and get absolution later, the important thing is whether you are safe and can continute to be safe, in spite of any doctor's supervision.

Re: Advice thread

[(Anonymous)]

Seconding to say, your doctor or a dietician are the best people to speak to about this. They can give much more specific advice on the medication and your overall goals.

As far as personal experience, I've had luck reducing my dose of a medication with weight loss as a side effect by tapering off slowly. I also created a healthy meal routine before reducing and stuck to that plan even as my appetite went up and down as my metabolism got used to the new dose, and stuck to the same exercise routine. I took a different med though and this isn't meant to be medical advice and may not be applicable to your situation, so use your best judgement.

Re: Advice thread

[(Anonymous)]

So I'm a woman, happily married to another woman. We're very different as far as sexual preferences. I generally am very submissive, enjoy bottoming, etc. She enjoys topping and being dominant. We've been together for six years and not once, though, have I ever got to wear the strap on. It's not like I have asked and been told no or anything, but I am curious and would like to try using it once. My fear, though, is that she has some sort of trauma or at the very least hangups about penetration, which I suspect, and of course I'd never want to hurt her or cause her discomfort, so I wonder if it's even worth asking about. If it's an uncomfortable subject, and again, I don't want to cause her any distress. Is there a gentle way to bring it up?

Re: Advice thread

[(Anonymous)]

Casually ask if she's ever wanted to swap? If she doesn't want to, that's that, but you could say you were wondering if it's something she hasn't brought up because she doesn't want to pressure you, and you're open to trying it if she wants.

Re: Advice thread

[(Anonymous)]

(Also lesbian-married. Hi, anon!) Just what you said isn't bad? If you guys talk frankly about sex, and turn ons and turn offs, just asking what her feelings are around this could be a decent way of deciding if this is unexplored or outright unwanted. And whatever else she feels like volunteering. But be prepared to talk about why you like it, or what your mental associations are.

She might be open to play that separates topping from penetration. It's easier to get into a mindset where the thing going into her is rightfully part of her, and just happens to be attached to your body, if you opt for ways of having sex where the motion is still controlled by the dom. This is more straightforward to work out, at first, with fingers than with non-bodyparts. If you two don't already do this, maybe bring up that you like the idea of her grabbing your hand, letting you know if you have permission to move and how, and bringing herself off on your fingers. For the duration, that's her hand. You might have to work out positioning together so that it doesn't hurt your arm, but logistics aside, that's the most non-threatening way I know to physically suss out where the boundaries ought to go. And whether it would be fun for your partner to nudge the edges of what she's confident doing.

Don't let your curiosity about switching up your sex life distract you from helping her feel good in what might seem to you like preamble: she may not want to take it farther, and implicitly, that needs to be fine. It can be difficult for a dom to know how they feel about finger-penetration based on unpartnered sex, because it's an awkward position as well as an emotionally-loaded act. If when she experimented by herself, she found the physical sensations unexciting ... having a separate body under her control could make that a lot more stimulating.

One thing you might approach tactfully, though, is that if she always uses the strap-on, there's a good chance that feels like *her* erection. She might be more open to your getting one of your own, and have preferences about girth, length, etc. Assuming she's open to that at all - some doms are not and will never.

Another miscellaneous thing to take into account is that the partner supplying the penetrative implement, even if that's a hand, often winds up doing more physical work during sex. Some of this is positional, but some of this is unavoidable. You may use muscles you don't work out anywhere else in quite this way, and will likely be expected to *keep* using them until your dom gets off.

Re: Advice thread

[(Anonymous)]

There is no harm in asking, just the way you've said it here ("Hey, I'm curious about trying this, I don't know if it's something you have reservations about or interest in yourself. What are your thoughts?"). It might be a strong preference, or a hard limit, or even something she is curious about herself, and the only way to find out is to respectfully ask.

It could be worth thinking through what you want to try specifically, so that you know beforehand what you're asking for and can answer questions she has about what you want to do. When you picture wearing the strap on, do you want to do gender play, specific sex acts like getting oral, try a dominant role...? Knowing what you're after will also help you find an alternative option that satisfies a similar desire if she is not into certain ideas at all.

Implanon/Nexplanon (reproductive discussion)

[(Anonymous)]

Anyone on fs who's had/has either, could you share your experiences with me? I'm two weeks into my first and I need some advice on what to expect/what to do wrt my period.

Re: Implanon/Nexplanon (reproductive discussion)

[(Anonymous)]

I had weird little spotty break-through bleeds at random intervals for about 6 months then they went away completely. No period pain or other period effects, though. But some people have slightly heavier periods for 2-3 cycles.

Re: Advice thread

[(Anonymous)]

Why should I not end my life next year?
My life's only going to get worse for the remainder of my time left.

Re: Advice thread

[(Anonymous)]

Small joys - Sunrises, meeting new dogs, a new song by that artist you like, the next great fandom you'll join, the next ridiculous meme, the next chance to help someone else

Spite - there's some real fucking assholes out there that need to be outlived so you can spit on their graves

Spirituality - your life is unique, your viewpoint is unique, you are unique, we'll never have another you, etc

But no really, please talk to your doctor about this or someone with real skills (988lifeline.org) If you've got a terminal disease or something also talk to a doctor because an anon online sure isn't going to know what to do.

Re: Advice thread

[(Anonymous)]

988lifeline is bullshit.
Most of these anons are paid trolls anyhow.

Re: Advice thread

[(Anonymous)]

Seconding the spite. The only thing I look forward to is orange hitler's funeral.