fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #1801 ]

[ SECRET POST #1801 ]

⌈ Secret Post #1801 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

__________________________________________________

02.

[Venture Brothers]

__________________________________________________

03.

[Batman]

__________________________________________________

04.

[It's Not My fault I'm Not Popular]

__________________________________________________

05.

[Ray Force]

__________________________________________________

06.

[The Future I Whisper to You/Stargate Atlantis]

__________________________________________________

07.

[Terry Pratchett's Going Postal]

__________________________________________________

08.

[Code Geass]

__________________________________________________

09.

[Gokusen]

__________________________________________________

10.

[Code Geass]

__________________________________________________

11.

[Alison Brie/How I Met Your Mother]

__________________________________________________

12.

[The Vampire Diaries]

__________________________________________________

13.

[Final Fantasy X]

__________________________________________________

14.

[Supernatural]

__________________________________________________

15.

[Community]

__________________________________________________

16.

[Martin Solveig]

__________________________________________________

17.

[Clocktower series]

__________________________________________________

18.

[Winnie the Pooh]

__________________________________________________

19.

[Supernatural]

__________________________________________________

20.

[Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers]

__________________________________________________

21.

[The Sing-Off]

__________________________________________________

22.

[Oglaf]

__________________________________________________

23.

[Strangers with Candy]

__________________________________________________

24.

[Supernatural]

__________________________________________________

25.

[The Lion King]

__________________________________________________

26.

[S-CRY-ed]

__________________________________________________

27.

[Bones]

__________________________________________________

28.

[Fate/Zero]

__________________________________________________

29.

[A Christmas Carol]

__________________________________________________

30.

[Sequential Art]

__________________________________________________

31.

[ZUN/Jun'ya Ota]

__________________________________________________

32.

[Diablo 2]

__________________________________________________

33.

[Friends]

__________________________________________________

34.

[Winter Soldier #1]

__________________________________________________

35.

[Supernatural, Florence + the Machine]

__________________________________________________

36.

[Victorious]

__________________________________________________

37.

[Easy A]

__________________________________________________

38.

[The Vampire Diaries]

__________________________________________________

39.

[The Vampire Diaries]

__________________________________________________

40.

[Holly Black, Spiderwick Chronicles]

__________________________________________________

41.

[Monkey Island]

__________________________________________________

42.

[The Vampire Diaries]

__________________________________________________

43.

[Kurokami/Black God]

__________________________________________________

44.

[Eden of the East]

__________________________________________________

Notes:

Rec meme on Saturday, then!

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 050 secrets from Secret Submission Post #257.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 2 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - personal attack ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

As much as you are entitled to your angst, at this point, your elementary school-level hyperbole is just plain offensive to those of us who are female bodied and female identified. "Awful", "carnivorous", "alien maw"? Women are encouraged to have enough shame about their bodies, and in particular their genitals (which don't conform to standards unless pristine and groomed). These age-old, tired-ass, stereotypical ways of referring to female sex organs reinforce sexism and misogyny and take away from the concern I as woman would normally feel for you.

No, what you are feeling isn't normal. Please, share your feelings with a professional-- and stop sharing them with other women.

As much as I can see your point (and it's a good one!), I will disagree with you on one thing. OP is entitled to share their feelings on how they feel about body parts when they are trying to come to terms with this. It's important for them to talk about it, especially to other women like those upthread whom they have calmly discussed this with, so they can figure out the kind of help they need. Likewise, others who may feel the same and may feel bad about themselves, but are too afraid to speak up, can find that they aren't alone and figure themselves out as well.

It may not be normal, or even good, but it's never right to tell someone honestly asking for help to stop talking about it.

The OP is entitled to her pain, her confusion, and any other feelings she might have. What she is not entitled to is the repeated use of mysoginist hyperbole in expressing those feelings.
Unless, say, she were speaking to a licensed therapist who coud help her to deconstruct her language and the emotions attatched to it. Then, free pass. The kicker is that not one of the commenters being "helpful" in the threads above a licensed therapist. If there were one present on this forum, I'm sure he or she would refrain from reckless and irresponible Internet diagnoses.

What the OP is feeling is not normal in any sense. She needs help. She should talk. But she should not feel free to state her revulsion at the sheer horror of the vuvla over and over again in a society that countenances labiaplasty as an option for women with "unsightly" , albeit perfectly normal and functioning genitalia.

oh fucking hell, are you seriously doing this?

Suggesting that she seek professional help in lieu of the reinforcement she's receiving here that her phobia of her own genitalia is normal because EW YES THEY ARE ALL GROSS?

Yes, I am.

Shaming women for their genitals is certainly not okay, and it needs to stop, but I think you're reading too much into the op's words. You can't ask op to be 100% aware of the effects and insinuations her words have when it is obvious that her perception of herself is already messed up.

Shaming HER won't help her, and it won't help women. You're only reassuring her that she is a bad person, that she should be ashamed, and that might scare her away from seeking a solution. Yay.

A more effective tactic would have been to tell her that, no, her genitals are not monstrous, that that is not a normal perception to have and to please seek help, ya know, like pretty much everyone else in the thread was doing?

Also, people up-thread are pretty much telling op to talk to someone. That doesn't mean that op can't go do some research on her own first, anyway. Getting professional help and trying to help yourself do not need to be mutually exclusive. No one was playing "I am totes a professional!" here. They were just pointing op in a direction that might help, since, given her secret and her comments, it does not appear that she have words to describe what she might have beyond "this bothers me and makes me feel sick. I don't like it".

Giving her terms to do some research might help her search out those, and maybe find that "oh, hey, this is what I feel like!"

Knowing that you are not crazy, that you are not the only one ever going through this, is reassuring and might give her the confidence to go find a professional to talk to. It will also help her know if the professional she finds is full or shit or if they have a better idea of what is going on with her and how to help her.

wow, did you seriously just tell someone their psychological disorder was offensive to you? pull your head out of your ass. i don't think she likes her powerful nausea reaction any more than you do. have a little sympathy for another human being.

Wow. Did you seriously just diagnose someone over the Internet?

What is offensive to me the is OPs misogynist language, not her phobic reaction to her genetalia.
As for sympathy, when I directed her to seek help, I was in earnest. She needs professional advice, not asspats from anonymous strangers in this forum.

Lol I'm chuckling so hard at your comments right now. Not everybody feels that way about genetalia. And if they want to voice that, then so what? Hell, I think vulvas in general resemble the chomping double-face of the alien off Alien. But it's hardly anything to kick up a fuss about.

Interestingly enough, I haven't commented on my own feelings about female genitalia.
For the record, I don't think they are magical flowers of love and beauty. I just think they are completely normal parts of the body.

If you don't think that the very idea that female genitalia "resemble the chomping double-face" of anything is problematic, and doesn't have it's root in the idea that women's bodies in general and vulvas in particular are mindless, hungry vessels then I'm pretty sure "chuckling" is the most you have to contribute here.

OP here. If it helps, penises also look like malformed mushrooms growing from dead moss or [carnivorous] deep-sea tube worms to me. Since tube worms are near the top of my list of "really gross-looking things I never want to see in real life," I'd venture a guess that maybe I'm not being misogynistic so much as honest. I'm not saying penises are any better or that I want one, I'm saying I don't have as much of a physical aversion to them.

But you know, thanks for affirming my fear that most other women wouldn't understand. It's not bad enough that I get things like "you should accept your body, you can't do much about it" or "just have sex, you'll feel better" and "having babies will change all that" or "you're just being angsty" every time I try to share my feelings. Like telling a female what she feels isn't something other women might even possibly feel or agree with isn't misogynistic at all?

I also thought I was pretty clear that I know I'm not normal. I've had those feelings since before I'd ever heard those comparisons used by anyone else, I'm not parroting something a man once said or whatever. In my experience, most men (and women) tend to argue that vaginas are pretty awesome.

No, those trying, marginalizing experiences you've been through aren't misogynistic. They are hurtful, and it's disappointing not to be heard, but they are not analogous to the misogyny that exists the the culture as a whole. Your experience of positive attitudes towards vaginas notwithstanding, the world at large sees women's bodies, and in particular their genitalia as something to be controlled and as something to be beautified because they are never good enough or acceptable on their own terms. The language you use to talk about your personal feelings has it's roots in the historic fear and distrust of women's bodies.

As for your thanks, please. You don't need your "fear" affirmed by me, you already imagine yourself as the victim of a vast "vulvas are beautiful what is wrong with you" conspiracy. Don't lay your issues with your body on other women. Please just talk to a professional.

Don't lay your issues with your body on other women.

I'm...not? I never asked another woman to fix me. I've never said "what the hell is wrong with you, let me educate you on your wrong opinon about vaginas!" I just disagree. Is there really that big an issue with simple disagreement? I could say "I don't think redheads are attractive" and there'd be no issue with it, right? (I think redheads are awesome though tbh.) Well, I don't think vulvas are attractive. I'm not attracted to them because I can't stand the sight of them. I've tried to. I want to be okay with them. My body refuses it. It's honestly that simple.

I'm not sure where you are in the world that you have to deal with something that blatantly demeaning regarding the aesthetics of vaginas in particular, but I'm sorry you do. I'm glad I'm don't see that. My dislike of them came out of seemingly nowhere. I'd like to know where, and why, and I'd like to talk to someone about it. I just chose to make a secret before taking the next step.

OP, that was either a very shitty troll or a very mean person. Please don't listen to them. We have assholes like that regularly in this community who love to slam other people in the name of feminism/social justice/whatever-it-is-now and make everyone else look bad by association.

I can assure you that, I, at least, as a woman, did not feel offended by your words, even if I don't share your sentiments. You seem like a fairly self-aware person, and do not appear to be misogynistic or woman's-genitals-shaming or whatever.

I really do hope that you can find a therapist or a doctor to help you (I don't know if there are any with expertise in these manners near you?).

If face-to-face help is not available, there are internet forums and groups out there of other people who care about these topics (and I hope they don't have mean people like this community often has).

Thank you. I'm not letting her harshness get to me, since I think the actual point of her posts was tough love and education about how the words I chose could hurt people. Instead I'll just take her words as criticism like I would if it were against a story I'd written or something, and learn from it.

I'll look into exploring this with professionals and people online who are willing to help (like most people in this thread ♥). I hope I can accept myself someday.

NA

Waaaah, poor internet asexuals and self-loathing women!! How dare anybody come along and tell them they're tired of hearing female genitals disparaged?! The special snowflakes must be FREE, FREE, I tell you, to enforce social norms, and we all must coddle them!

Get OVER yourself, and get some help.

I honestly just cannot take you seriously

asexual =/= social norm

Just saying.

Also what is an internet asexual? Is it kind of like the internet super-highway, in that they're sort of like the real-life equivalent, just on the internet?
o wait

OP again. Okay, my first reply was fueled by hurt/anger/angst, etc. But honestly, though, isn't hearing how "beautiful" and "flower-like" they are to others technically offensive to those who see them as gross? I mean, it sorta sounds silly, but if it makes someone feel uncomfortable, abnormal or singled out somehow, isn't that offensive to them? The beauty some flowers once had have been ruined for me because of things like the scene from Pink Floyd's "The Wall." I see certain depictions, I think "vulva/vagina" and I can't look anymore for feeling sick. Considering how prevalent floral themes are in clothing and art, this can be a problem. However, I don't expect people to stop painting and wearing flowers any time soon.

Again, it's a silly parallel to draw between not being able to think some flowers are pretty and shaming women via language, but I think everyone reserves the right to expressing themselves and also getting offended. However, I don't think it's okay to say someone can't express themselves at all because someone might get offended. I also don't really think that most women/girls would read my comments and think "surely this person who agrees that she's abnormal and should seek help is right." You are entitled to your opinion, of course. But I'm also entitled to mine.

Hey, OP, I just want to say that I completely agree with you on finding male and female genitals gross, and also I don't think you're being misogynistic, nor do I think that you are suggesting that women should feel ashamed of their genitals. I have seen no one in this thread (so far) claim that reading your views on female genitals has changed their opinion on them, and if anything the most negative responses have been along the lines of; "yes, they look gross, but damn, I love how they work".

I read earlier that you had tried masturbation, but that it didn't make you feel any better about the appearance of the vagina/vulva. I'm the same. Masturbation feels nice, but no more so than a head massage, to my mind. Also, with masturbation you have to put up with getting your fingers wet and sticky and smelly which is not a nice experience either, I feel. And of course if I think about what it actually looks like down there, it just makes touching it feel skeevy. So, um, yes, maybe this is an odd view, but you're not alone in thinking what you do.

I don't feel gender dsyphoric, and I don't think that's what's going on with you either - but of course that's something we each have to figure out for ourselves. I'm happy defining myself as asexual biromantic, which takes genitals out of the equation. In theory.

with masturbation you have to put up with getting your fingers wet and sticky and smelly

not necessarily? I mean, one could use toys or just rub against something? no need to get your fingers dirty :b

OP

(Anonymous) - 2011-12-09 15:17 (UTC) - Expand

Wow, you just made me feel a lot less mentally touched. It's really, really comforting to me that you seem to feel the same way and have experienced the same things, because pretty much anyone I've ever even started talking to about this has either become so uncomfortable that I felt it'd be rude to go on (especially to the masturbation point), or they have said that I just don't know the wonders of the human body yet. It's almost sad how many people say "you haven't had an orgasm, so you don't know how you really feel." Heads-up, people: yes I have, and it's not that great to me. Come to think of it, yeah, a head massage is pretty much equivalent, or scratching a particularly itchy itch. I can't say anything for sex since I don't much want it, but not being able to even try anything if I found someone to love would be pretty disheartening.

The best way to describe myself tends to be "asexual heteromantic," but at the same time I'm not sure if I'm interested in physical things or not, since I'm so rarely attracted to someone. Maybe I should just focus on giving pleasure instead of receiving it, maybe something simple like clothes-on grinding would be enough for me. Doesn't sound too bad, come to think of it, as long as the clothes stay on, and maybe it'd be different with another person there. Who knows.

Man, I wish we could be LJ friends. It's so nice talking candidly to someone who feels the same way.

Re: OP

(Anonymous) - 2011-12-09 15:47 (UTC) - Expand

OP

(Anonymous) - 2011-12-11 00:51 (UTC) - Expand

Re: OP

(Anonymous) - 2011-12-09 16:22 (UTC) - Expand

Re: OP

(Anonymous) - 2011-12-09 17:46 (UTC) - Expand

Re: OP

(Anonymous) - 2011-12-09 21:24 (UTC) - Expand

Re: OP

(Anonymous) - 2011-12-09 21:29 (UTC) - Expand

ayrt

(Anonymous) - 2011-12-09 17:41 (UTC) - Expand

Re: ayrt

(Anonymous) - 2011-12-11 00:30 (UTC) - Expand

No, the attitude that vulvas/vaginas are at least "just there" and at most attractive is not offensive. It is not offensive because it is completely normal. The fact that people are at home with their own bodies/the bodies of others might bewilder you, but your mindset is the anomaly here. Yes, it's very good of you not to expect people to accommodate your irrational fears.

As for flowers, I'm not sure what to tell you. Other that what I have already said. What you are saying about flowers being ruined for you because of their comparison to vulvas is not a normal thing. Please seek help in dealing with your problem. Not so you can be turned into some sort of vulva-worshipping zombie, but so you can have a better, more healthy relationship with your own body.

There is no "matter of opinion" here. I am a woman. Despite your anecdotal evidence, I and other women live in a world that is hostile to women's bodies. Your language offended me because it comes from/reinforces deep, misogynistic cultural beliefs. I told you so. What you're entitled to do is accept that and to seek the help you are obviously aware of needing.

I honestly do apologize for offending you; I just want to reassure you that is not what I meant to do. I don't go around, wringing my hands, plotting ways to ruin women's bodies for them. I just meant to share my own opinion, which I think is also a good and healthy thing to do when it's something that gnaws at the back of your mind, especially in a place like this with no direct repercussions. I swear, that's it. I didn't even think this secret would get many replies, let alone anger anyone.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only