[ SECRET POST #1979 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #1979 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Friending Meme if people want to add each other on DW!

Secrets Left to Post: 05 pages, 115 secrets from Secret Submission Post #283.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

As a dom hearing this kind of thing really, really creeps me out because I've run into waaaaay too many people believing that abusive relationship dynamics = neat gateway BDSM sexytimes.

And no, that is absolutely NOT what a healthy dom should behave like, and I'd even go so far as to say that this isn't even what a dom should behave like in porn if it's meant to be BDSM. If this was abuse porn, cool. Just get out of my kink.

[(Anonymous)]

This so much. It is the mislabelling that gets me. If noncon or abuse are your kinks, fine. But don't label it BDSM. This is not BDSM. And the fact is that the world at large really doesn't know the difference. This book being so popular actually kind of makes me nauseous. If people get into BDSM thinking this is what it is like, that can lead to very, very bad things.

[velvet_mace]

I think there needs to be an acknowlegement or some kind of universally accepted label to deal with the fact that there is fantasy BDSM as well realistic BDSM. We have it, sort of, in the Non-con side of fandom, with fantasy rape vs realistic rapefic, but in BDSM people don't seem to want to make that distinction: that in fantasy you don't have to deal with the realistic consequences. You can have the dynamic for kink purposes without delving into the problematic bits.

I think not acknowleging that there is two distinct, somewhat overlapping, but definitely not interchangeable kinks going on just makes talking about the issue confusing.

OP has a kink for fantasy BDSM. She may find actual realistic BDSM boring and she may not have a desire to engage in any sort of BDSM in real life.

[velvet_mace]

However -- I'd call it mislabeling if you call it non-con simply because in real life it would be abusive. This is consensual. She consents. Maybe, if this were real life, she'd be an idiot to do so, but nontheless she does.

[(Anonymous)]

Have you actually read the book? There are multiple scenes that contain questionable at best consent and one scene that I strongly feel was out and out rape.

Possible Spoiler Alert

Before they engage in an actual relationship he "gives" her time to think about his terms and she e-mails him saying she decided not to. He comes over to her apartment and forces her to have sex with him. The author handwaves it away later as she was just making a joke. However no one, including Christian when he was having sex with her would have interpreted it as a joke. He even says AFTER they have sex he did not realize the rejection was a joke.

[(Anonymous)]

This. There is a lot of erotica, this book included, that gives the impression that a woman's no doesn't really mean no and that if it is love, if she really wants it, or if she gets turned on everything is okay and it is all right for the male to go ahead and ignore her no. It is fucking creepy and not okay, and what makes it worse is that a lot of the world agrees with this assessment.

So just calling it fantasy BDSM doesn't work. It is a common, but not okay, viewpoint. If rape is your kink, fine. But label it. Don't pretend there is consent.

[(Anonymous)]

Ugh. This book has been a nightmare for me because I have so many acquaintances and relatives who just want to gush over it and I'm just o.O. It was especially bad because one of my brother's friends wanted to read it and see what got all the women so riled up and I had to be like, "NO. No, do not do any of those things. IRL it isn't romantic."

[(Anonymous)]

She doesn't consent. She says no and is ignored. Read the book.