[ SECRET POST #2008 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2008 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 088 secrets from Secret Submission Post #287.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 2 - posted twice ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

ADHD anon here. Sometimes I feel so exhausted pretending I want to escape the crowd and shut myself in my room. It's worse when I miss the mark and either overdo it or forget I'm supposed to do it and people think I'm weird or a douche. It's one of the reasons I prefer not to ever have small talk or interact with too many people. It's so hard to know when to be sad, when to be happy, when to gush over their cutesy children, and when just be neutral. I wished there was an invisible sign over their heads that lit up and said, "Now you must show that you feel sorry/happy/incredulous/affectionate/horrified"

[unicornherds]

Waitaminute, this is an ADHD thing? Because I've always thought this is just a I'm-a-weirdo thing, but I am like the poster person for ADHD so if my social fail is related to that...I don't know why but it would make me feel so much better. I mean, I fake it till I make it and I'm doing all right, but it's still hard and would be kind of nice to know it's not just randomly me, but actually part of an already known issue.

[(Anonymous)]

ADHD can very well cause issues with social norms, especially communication. Also, many children with ADHD tend to be ostracized by their peers, creating difficulties in establishing social skills, and without intervention, these social difficulties will persist into adulthood.

In your case, it would depend on which end of the spectrum you are on in order to pinpoint where your social skills are impaired and why. So, yes, social problems can be related to your ADHD.

[unicornherds]

I was kind of ostracized by my peers and had difficulty with social skills etc due to epilepsy as a child, and as an added bonus I didn't get diagnosed with anything until I was an adult and off medication because as a child all of my teachers and doctors liked to just say "well, that's just because she's on medication" to any problems I was having, which did not help.

ANYWAY. So yeah, I have a huge problem with social skills and communication. I just never thought to connect it to the ADHD.

[(Anonymous)]

Aw, I'm sorry your issues were passed off as side effects of your medication. ): ADHD is such a common diagnosis now, borderline default diagnosis just to get insurance companies to pay for treatment, and there are a lot of older children and adults being diagnosed with ADHD, so I hope there will be more research on the matter.

But, yeah, you can connect ADHD with social issues. Your struggle should never be undermined as your own personality or doing.

[(Anonymous)]

Original anon with ADHD.

As far as I know it is a major cause of my social problems. I believe at the time other children were learning social cues I was off acting impulsively, watching birds, getting distracted by everything and anything, and feeling board and anxious. I was never diagnosed until adulthood because were I grew up no such thing as a diagnosis existed. I was ostracized by my peers too because of my hyperactivity and fluttery attention. On top of that, even now, when someone is talking to me, I have to pay a lot of attention to what they are saying to not zone out or be distracted by anything else in the room. The effort just to listen drains my energy and keeps me from analyzing the emotional weight of the conversation so I could act accordingly. So I would say yes, the past and present consequences of ADHD are surely a contributor to my social struggles.

[(Anonymous)]

The best is a combination of "if the roles were inverted, how would I want the other person to react to me?" and "what is the polite thing to do?"

You could look into a book about rules of etiquette and use those to make your own "if person in front of me says/does X, I do/say Y in reply" parameters.

same anon

[(Anonymous)]

It's exhausting and difficult at the beginning, but I've found that over the years you kind of brand it into the "routine" part of your mind and have to think less and less about it every time the situation comes up.

[oroburos69]

Fellow ADHD-er! And yes. Same problem. Practice has made me a lot better at it though--mostly being able to cope with failing in social situations, which I'm 90% certain is almost always in my head. I just got obsessive over the idea of what others must be thinking of me, and forgot that no one cares about a 5 second conversation.

If it helps--it helped me, anyway--figure out your own impressions of people, then judge your own actions against that standard. I ALWAYS assumed that the other people were studying me and taking notes on my every hesitation and mix-up, and adding it to this mental record book of fail, but honestly? I don't do that to other people. And if they do it to me, that's kinda weird on their part, and not my fault.

...yeah, hope that helps.

[(Anonymous)]

Yes, I just started to realize that too. Like you, I was constantly vigilant, thinking people were judging me and whispering behind my back about what a weirdo social failure I am. It didn't help that I have an extremely anal, criticizing sister who never fails to point my social missteps. But finally I have decided to let it go and take it easy. If they judge me so be it. Instead of trying to act out the emotions and mimic what they do I'd just show a mild vague thing and they can read it as whatever they want: sorrow, happiness, excitement. I just pretend I'm a subtle person and maybe it'd be enough.

[(Anonymous)]

I've been like this for most of my life, too. I've only recently started to care less and less what people think. I'll just do my best to be polite and nice, and if I fail, I fail. I'll just try again the next day.

[anonymouslyyours]

and if I fail, I fail. I'll just try again the next day.

I know this sounds like a really simple concept to grasp but I only started really acting on it recently and O. M. G. the difference it makes in how I feel about myself!

ayrt

[(Anonymous)]

ikr?! It's a very recent thing to me too, even when it's just so obvious in hindsight.

I used to obsess over social gaffes for weeks, months, years after the fact. The stress even gave me premature gray hairs (which do recover their natural color if I spent enough time relaxed and avoiding stress, phew!) and made my hair fall out (it thankfully grows back quickly enough, so no balding or anything), and that's when I stopped myself and realized that something had to change or my health would only get worse.

And I do have my bad days with "oh god i screwed everything up i'll never succeed my friends will leave me what do i do i messed up for good this time oh no" irrational thoughts, but they're less frequent and last less because now I have more strength to tell those thoughts to shut up and disappear. And they do. And life seems less and less impossible every day. C:

Re: ayrt

[anonymouslyyours]

There was nothing more freeing than when I suddenly realized I wasn't actually all that big a deal and nobody was sitting at home remembering that stupid thing I said five years ago.