[ SECRET POST #2164 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2164 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 044 secrets from Secret Submission Post #309.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[maverickz3r0]

Yeeeeah that's why I don't go into some tags. Particularly the 'kill all x/die x scum' etc ones.

Originally, that sort of thing crops up because people are really sick and tired of having to defend themselves from being marginalized all the time. They use it to vent. Then other people start taking that, and taking on that attitude all the time--the SJW. (It's not even a fair bet to bet that some of the people saying it are cis themselves.)

But there is indeed a significant difference between coming off a bad situation brought on by people being horrible to you because you don't fit their cis-het mold and venting 'I hate these people, they're awful, I just want to not deal with them for a while' (which I'm assuming you're fine with here if you're an actual activist, since it sounds like you are), and 'everyone who's not like me should die' all the time as a pervasive attitude. Sadly, the latter is the one that gets more attention, because that corner of sites is very, very vocal about it.

I have had my 'fuck non-queer people, I just want to curl up in a hole and ignore their existence right now' days, when I just can't deal with it anymore. But I know that's not...really an excuse to go onto Tumblr and start yelling about how we should kill off all the straight people. And these people are also ruining venting for the people who need to vent, because people assume that venting people are part of this very loud segment, and have the knee-jerk reaction that everyone who does it does it all the time, and not just when they have run out of patience.

That fraction of people also does it to other queer people. There's a lot of bashing each other in the LGBT+ spectrum, especially on Tumblr. Even within the same letter. (Apparently gay guys who are less naturally flamboyant are 'straight-acting' and 'self-hating'! Yeah.) It makes me really mad sometimes, because that plays right into the hands of the oppressive people, the people who really do want to take away our rights. Ugh.

Sorry to vent right back, OP. I'm just as sick of these people ruining it for the rest of us. If it makes any difference, most of us do appreciate straight people who want to help us. You need to get away from the toxic ones who don't.

[sockpants]

Yeah, this. I've got a coworker who's a trans man and he really resents the SJWs.

To paraphrase him, "how many young people who've never actually met a trans person are going to come across someone like genderbitch and think we're all a bunch of violent assholes?"

[(Anonymous)]

Going anon for this, but I hate to say this is true.

I'm actually glad that I know two very lovely, funny and sweet trans ladies in real life...because had I gone by my experience in fandom, I'd have thought most of them are just really bitchy, angry people. I guess vocal minority? It's just, the complete opposite from my experience with trans people in real life. Maybe it has to do with the not seeing each other's face thing, but it really is a world of difference.

+1

[(Anonymous)]

All of the trans people I know IRL are wonderful and very understanding if people slip up or don't totally understand trans issues.

I was amazed to get online and find out that it was such a different world online.

[(Anonymous)]

Yep, if you're bisexual, you will get a ridiculous amount of shit from some factions of the queer communities because you aren't REALLY queer, you're just faking it for cred!

Being bi sucks ass sometimes. You get shit on by straight people AND queer people and told to "make up your mind."

[maverickz3r0]

Also apparently you can't be monogamous at all. And the fact that you can 'pass for straight' while dating someone the opposite gender is horrible, even though you get shit from everyone regardless of what you do.

Yeah, my bi boyfriend hates that shit too. I do not even with those people.

[(Anonymous)]

NAYRT

I had to read this one essay for class, I think it was about gay marriage legalization and why it would be a "Bad Thing". One of the justifications they used was if they let gay people express their sexuality and marry, then they'd bi people express their sexuality by marrying two people. And, as we all know, polygamy is a "Worse Thing".

I threw the textbook across the room.

...And then I realized I had read the wrong essay for homework. :/

[(Anonymous)]

Ugh I remember those. These arguments are the reason that "Slippery slope argument" is now only seen as "slippery slope fallacy"

I remember reading an argument paper JUST like that where someone was angry that people dared to compare the fight for gay marriage rights to the civil rights movement. (Kinda reminding me of the people who claim that acknowledged that men do get raped and abused is an insult...somehow..to the "real" woman victims.) I saw the person saying things like "if we pass this then we'll have to allow people to marry multiple spouses or adults to marry children" I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry , I just went with a good ol' facepalm.

gay marriage involves two-count 'em TWO- CONSENTING ADULTS- getting married. So saying that its acceptance will mean that people can marry anything is uh...stupid.

also- I'm a religious person ...and I believe that if your religion says "don't do this" it means YOU don't do that not "make sure no one does". If a person who couldn't eat pork (no offense to those who can't not saying you'd act like this) came up to me when I was getting some pork ribs and started shrieking that I was a disgusting sinner who is going to hell I'd be like "...uh different religion pal, shoo"

[(Anonymous)]

AYRT

I can't really add much, but plus all the things to your comment, especially the last paragraph.

[(Anonymous)]

I can't help wonder if we had the same book. was it a St. Martin's textbook?

[insanenoodlyguy]

I'm afraid Polygamous marriages will not see legal recognition for a long, long time.

If for no other reason then it's a legal nightmare.

This isn't a "slippery slope" this is cynical prediction: Imagine if you will, five parents all divorcing and arguing over who gets their adopted child and the cars.

It's visions of that that will make that fight much, much harder.

[(Anonymous)]

The implication that polygamy is bad isn't why I resorted to book throwing. It was the "Bisexuals like men and women, so they can't be in a monogamous relationship ever" that pissed me off.

[fuchsiascreams]

Agree. Being bisexual does not mean that I need a man and a woman at the same time in order to be happy. It means that I can have either a man OR a woman and be happy. People in general seem to not understand this.

[(Anonymous)]

Hello fellow partner-of-a-bi-boyfriend.

We hate that shit too.

Here's the thing. I get that they get to pass straight (sometimes) if they're seeing a partner of the opposite sex. But that doesn't mean they don't have some problems that really do overlap.

For example, there were quite a few gay bashings in the area where my bf works. Frankly I was terrified, because yes, he totally can beep on people's gaydar, and frequently does. I'm just scared that one day I'll get a call he's been beat up. He's not out except to close friends, and it's still a difficult thing to do. We can't give blood and other shit like that. I mean, it's bullshit to think we're unaware of discrimination. It's just a weird situation where you've got one foot in the gay community, and the other foot in the straight world, and you don't really belong. Doesn't really help we're not a very traditional couple either.

But if he posts things about lgbt rights on his Facebook, that's from the heart. If he's angry about discrimination, and he takes it a bit personally, well he's got the right to be - and anyone telling him it ain't so in an ass.

[(Anonymous)]

Perhaps I'm just old but, what is 'the straight world'?

I'm gay and i never really got this whole idea, that I was so completely different from my parents, or my straight friends.

Perhaps I've just been lucky in my like I dunno. Is this a new thing?

[maverickz3r0]

The world where people don't get kicked around for liking the same sex, basically.

Some people phrase it as 'straight passing privilege' which explains it and the mindset behind it a little better. That's another reason for the hatred of anyone who's 'straight gay' by some people--if we can pass for straight, they have the right to treat us as they would straight people. Bi people get it even worse because they can 'pass' more than superficially.

(This is ignoring the fact that most straight people who hate on queers have really shitty gaydar anyway, mind. None of the queer people I know read me as anything other than gay; it's only straight people who go 'oh, sorry, I didn't know.')

[(Anonymous)]

I guess then I'm a 'straight gay', but lord help me I'd never hate on another gay. We all need each other, and our friends and allies.

I wish your friend the best I do, I hope someday all this horribleness goes away adn we can all live in peace and love.

RE:

[(Anonymous)]

Ugh sorry if the above post came off as bit too terse. It sounds like your friend has it rough, I wish him the best.

[(Anonymous)]

Anon with the bi boyfriend

If you're old, I might be too.

I think it really depends on the person and place where you live, and it's sort of a vibe you get. So it's hard to explain but I'll try.

I suppose to us personally "the straight world" is work environment, our extended families, etc. Like, places where you come as a couple, and there are other straight couples, and there's this "family event vibe". That's obviously not to say that gay people don't have families - it's very hard to describe what the difference is, but it's very coded for lack of a better word. Often gender roles are quit rigid, and you get negative comments for any interests you might have outside that thinking. And people sort of assume you're like them without asking. And if you turn out not to be, it gets awkward. This doesn't even have to even be about sexual orientation alone. It's like the collective hivemind of normative people gathering. I'm painting a bit of a caricature here, of course there are nuances - but that's sort of the kind of environment I'm trying to describe.

But I suppose for us it might be different because we have a of of gay/arty/quirky people in our social circle, and the divide is more obvious.

[maverickz3r0]

Exactly. Better than I said it, for sure.

The blood donating thing is one of the things that really pisses us off. Both of us would donate if we could, but nope.

[(Anonymous)]

I will never understand that...ever...

Why the hell can't I donate blood, why can't my husband?! Arrgh!

[(Anonymous)]

ayrt
Turns out I can't give blood anyway for other reasons, but he could. And it's just the principle. Also, when I was in my last year of college, a group of people from my class went to give blood. I really wanted to come, and at this point I didn't know disqualified for other reasons. I sort of made up a stupid excuse and they probably thought I was a jerk for not going.

Fun fact: at this particular point in life, the only unsafe sex I ever had was oral. So at point where I was supposedly a walking AIDS hazard, I had never had piv or anal without a condom.

[fuchsiascreams]

Holy shit, this so much. From the queer community you get "You're just denying your true nature to fit in!", and from straight people you get, "You're just doing it for attention!", as if it isn't actually possible to be bisexual. Also, I can't even tell you how many times I've had people tell me that I was just being greedy, and that all bisexuals are actually just using their sexuality as a way to be whores and cheaters. Because apparently it is not possible to be monogamous and bisexual at the same time.

[silverau]

This is a good comment.

THIS!!

[(Anonymous)]

All of it.