fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2244 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2244 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 05 pages, 121 secrets from Secret Submission Post #321.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

My boyfriend is a huge childish asshole. He has broken up with me almost a hundred times in the past few years, calls me filthy names afterwards, and constantly acts like I mistreat him, even though I bend over backwards for him and am the only person who has ever had to compromise on anything.

Confession: I always take him back because I know I'm too ugly to find anyone else and I really do not want to die alone.

Fuck that shit.

FUCK THAT SHIT

Pretty much this.

I think someone is missing the point of a confession thread!

YOU ARE IDIOT. BE LESS SO. YOU HAVE BEEN TOLD THIS THING BEFORE, YES? NEXT TIME LISTEN!

OP, nobody is ever that ugly. You can and deserve to do better.

My entire life experience would beg to differ on that, lol, but thanks for the kind words.

Why do I feel like he probably made you feel that ugly (or at least contributed to it, if you already felt ugly)?

Anyway, leave his worthless loser ass. Or just refuse to take him back. And you CAN find someone else, no matter how "ugly" you are/think you are.

The opposite, actually. He doesn't think I'm ugly, and somehow twists that into me being a 'whore' whenever he does dump me. Even though I've never been with/dated anyone else and am closer to thirty than I am to twenty. He's the only person who has ever told me I was cute/pretty/etc. I suppose that's part of why I feel the way I do, lol.

Then, he's manipulating you in a different way. Even if he does think you're cute or pretty (and not just saying that to keep you because he knows you're insecure about it), he doesn't seem to value much else about.

Again, dump his ass. Someone else will find you pretty. Seriously.

Usually I don't do this but I'm not gonna sugar coat this one: You're still alone, boyfriend or no. Loneliness isn't not having anyone around you, it is being unhappy and unable to commiserate with someone who you can trust and who trusts you back. There are degrees to loneliness and the highest one, the worse one, is not being able to trust yourself and having to defer your self-esteem to an outside source.

Your boyfriend is a scumbag, and as long as you continue to enable him, the longer you'll continue to be alone because he's part of what's keeping you from getting out of this rut you are in. If you feel you're too ugly to find anyone else, then why do you believe that someone who can so easily treat someone else so callously deserve a girlfriend? Even if you don't think of it as you 'giving him something', you actually are giving him validation and, take it from me and every sensible person on earth, he doesn't deserve that.

I suppose because the world isn't kind or fair. Beggars can't be choosers, and even if he doesn't deserve a girlfriend, it's still better than the alternative-which is being utterly alone. I'd much rather be miserable sometimes and be told I'm loved once in a while (Even if it's isn't true) than to have to go back to how my life was before meeting him.

Being alone is honestly much better than being a bad relationship. I've lived alone nearly ten years now, and I love it! I can do what I want when I want, eat whatever I like, I don't have to fight for the remote. I've got an actual social life (limited, but so it goes) with actual friends. And people who are in unahppy relationships but who can't quite make the leap (for whatever reason, and goodness knows I stuck with a bad marriage far too long) look at me with such envy.
I will never pick up someone else's socks again.

I've never had a social life. I grew up in mostly motel rooms on the outskirts of town or battered women's shelters. I moved a lot because my father was a gambleholic. The few friends I've had were all males, as I never fit into any female cliques in the eighteen schools I attended. I work in customer service now and I talk to some co-workers, but the environment is very clique-ee, and I just don't fit into any of them. I'm only in contact with one of my childhood friends and we only talk every few months. When we were in HS he would purposely avoid being seen around me in public. I spent a lot of my childhood running away and hiding from kids/teens who wanted to physically harm me. My parents had their own issues and I've spent most of my life alone and by myself.

It really isn't an issue of live alone and go hang out with friends. I know my life could have been a lot worse, but I still don't want to go back to it.

Dump his ass and join some social organizations instead. Volunteer, join clubs, take group lessons, whatever. Just get out there and meet new people. He isn't worth it.

DA

I absolutely and 100% agree with you (and my path sounds similar to yours), but it doesn't sound to me like OP wants to hear any of it - it sounds to me like she may like the situation she's in and gets some value and self-worth out of it, so save your breath

I'm sorry I don't know how to say this without being read as patronizing. But the further I read into this thread, the more it looks like you're stuck in a cycle of abuse that comes from an already abusive household. Now, your boyfriend is not going to change. Men like him don't, no matter how much they promise it. So it's you who's going to have to change things.

You're unhappy now, but letting things be like this is the easiest, cheapest way out. And you'll be unhappy forever if you don't take another path.

You're a fucking idiot.

What the hell

Sweetie, you deserve better. It is better to be alone than to be with an abusive asshole. Plus, I will tell you this. Attraction and beauty is not objective; if you are attracted to someone for their personality, they become beautiful to you, even if they are what society would think is ugly.

May I also recommend reading the advice letters and comments at CaptainAwkward.com? I know I've read people asking for advice that have dealt with similar to what you are, and I think reading what they have to say may help you.

[ SECRET POST #2244 ]

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