fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2267 ]

[ SECRET POST #2267 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2267 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 072 secrets from Secret Submission Post #324.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 2 3 - trolls ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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Asexual people aren't oppressed. Thinking they are is a joke.

If asexual people are oppressed because people boggle that they aren't interested in having sex or question why they aren't interested, then I'm oppressed because people boggle that I have no interest in learning to drive, or learning to swim.

I'm still free to learn if I ever get curious and none of my rights have been stripped or will be stripped if I decide I never become interested. In the same way, asexual people are absolutely free to be asexual. To not fuck whoever they don't wanna fuck (or fuck whoever they wanna fuck if they decide they want to). They're also free to get married if they want or not get married. Have relationships if they want or not have them. Live wherever they want. Go wherever they want. Work wherever they want.

Yea, no. That's not oppression. That's just being a part of a fringe group and not even one of the groups that are actually victimized.

I didn't actually think it was oppression, until literally the comment I responded to. The anon gets angry over why people would have to come out as asexual in such a derogatory tone that I'm still fuming. Being victimized includes being talked about in such snide tones.

I'm not all worked up like the AYRT but I see why they would be. Especially if they're LGBTQ-oriented. Coming out for such a person could get them disowned, beating, or even killed. 'Coming out' to say that you just never wanna have sex ever with anyone at all? Having some people go bug-eyed and ask stupid questions about why you don't wanna shag is not even close to the kind of victimization that LGBTQ-oriented people can face. I could see why the AYRT would get really upset about someone insinuating that the two are similar in any way.

The stupid thing with all of this though is it completely ignores personal circumstances. I came out to my family and friends as gay, and guess what? Everyone was supportive and nobody cared.

Am I lucky? Sure I guess, but most people in my community are like that. I'm not some crazy exception. What makes my life so much worse than someone who's asexual? Why do I get the right to complain and cry oppression for something that's barely ever affected me but if someone else suffers constant ridicule and feels left out of a huge chunk of society because of their sexual orientation then they should just shut up and deal with it? Just because they don't fit on to some approved list of 'oppressed minorities'?

If shitty things happen to you they're shitty regardless of the categories you fit in to.

I'm not saying homophobia isn't a huge problem, but it's an incredibly complex issue and you can't just reduce it to: LGBT? Oh you poor thing nobody has suffered more than you. Anything else? Fuck you your life is great stop whining.

I never said people should shut up and take ridicule. Ever.

And yes, it's personal and varies from situation to situation. But that doesn't change the facts of the matter. The chances that someone who tells another that they're asexual will get beaten to hell and back by close-minded idiots are a hell of a lot slimmer than if a gay person does it. It's a difference in kind and in degree.

Being ridiculed for who you do or don't shag is shitty. But calling it oppression cuz some asshat fires off 10 rapid questions when you tell them you're asexual? That's going far and slights groups that actually are oppressed by society and the government.

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2013-03-19 05:53 (UTC) - Expand

AYRT, and yes I do get pissed when asexuals think coming out as not wanting to have sex is this super oppressive ordeal. I came out and was kicked out of my house. Fortunately (and strangely) my father was a lot more open than my mother and had no problem helping me move across the country to live with him.

As a whole, being homosexual is so much more dangerous than being asexual it is laughable people even compare the two.

The part that fucks me off is that while I was closeted, I never spoke to friends and family about boyfriends or girlfriends or dates or sex or expressed any interest in relationships of any kind. You know - like an asexual. I got some annoying questions now and again from nosier relatives, because marriage and family are very important in my community. But so what if people thought it a bit weird? Or told me that I'd change my mind and find somebody later? It did me no harm. That didn't hurt. The idea that if I did find somebody, my friends and family might not respect our relationship or treat her with respect and kindness? That hurt.

People don't need to know every aspect of your desires, life or identity.

Coming out as asexual. Christ fucking Jesus.

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2013-03-20 07:35 (UTC) - Expand

I have friends who understand and accept homosexuality but they don't understand asexuality. It's like something seriously bizarre for them. Could even need some medical help.
Yes, asexuals aren't oppressed actively in a way you think but god it baffles me when people get all angry about asexuality and brush their problems under a carpet. Tells how accepting/understanding they really are about this form of sexuality.

(no subject)

wldcatsprstr_14 - 2013-03-19 20:26 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2013-03-20 00:19 (UTC) - Expand

Hi, I'm a queer person, and I'd like to take a second to explain to you why people get angry over the use of coming out.

Consider the fact that for asexual people, if they *come out* as asexual, they get strange looks, asshole comments, questions on if they are all right and don't need help with a medical arousal issue.

Know what lgbt people have historically received and even often do receive today? Being thrown out, domestic violence, losing friends, being killed, prayers for their souls, and sometimes worse. It's true that these days, things are getting better in many areas and LGBT youth who come out to their families are receiving less violently negative reactions, but it doesn't change the high amount of homeless LGBT youth due to coming out or being outed, and the amount of LGBT teens who are bullied to the point of suicide or murdered.

So please, do not pretend that stating that you (general you, not you personally) are not interested in sex or do not experience sexual attraction/desire for sex is anywhere near coming out, and how coming out is for LGBT folk.

"They're also free to get married if they want or not get married. Have relationships if they want or not have them. Live wherever they want. Go wherever they want. Work wherever they want."

None of this applies to homoromantic asexuals.

You know, I was actually gonna throw that in there but then I looked at how long it was and started to feel like I'd come off as angry or ranty so I didn't.

But yes, this is very true.

I'm just going to link a few comments back up on the thread and leave the discussion.

http://fandomsecrets.dreamwidth.org/775105.html?thread=638961089#cmt638961089

(And it wasn't that long or angry or ranty. You do have good points, but I feel like people ignore the emotional oppression because it doesn't leave scars like physical oppression does. Also, yay Merlin icon!)

(no subject)

wldcatsprstr_14 - 2013-03-19 00:25 (UTC) - Expand

But they are denied those rights because of their homosexuality, not their asexuality.

Yes, but everyone's just saying "asexual" in this thread as if there's only one type of asexual. Saying that "asexuals can't be oppressed because of their sexuality" is completely erasing of non-hetero asexuals. People aren't opposed for being asexual, true, but some types of asexuals can still be oppressed because of their sexuality.

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2013-03-20 10:06 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2013-03-20 23:44 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2013-03-23 08:13 (UTC) - Expand

homoromantic asexuals are members of the LGBT community in that they are same sex oriented. They are not members of the LGBT community for being asexual.

due to their being homoromantic, they are oppressed for their sexuality, yes. because sexuality in this case is not HAVING sex, it's the sex/gender of your partner.

Fwiw, asexuality is generally treated as a medical disorder (hypoactive sexual desire disorder in the DSM-IV) or personal choice, not a sexuality. As a bisexual, I can certainly understand the suckiness of having people refuse to believe that your sexuality exists, calling your sexuality disgusting (while having a completely incorrect understanding of it), refusing to entertain a relationship with anyone of your sexuality, and attempting to get you to choose a different sexuality.

While it may not be like the systematic oppression that certain groups experience, the precedence for...maligning...asexuals clearly exists, as evidenced by the words "frigid" and HSDD. Homosexuality is no longer considered a mental disorder in most Western countries, and transsexuals are increasingly seeing medical professionals for assistance in transition. Both are also increasingly being understood as rooted in brain chemistry rather than personal choice, childhood abuse, or other nonsense. You find homosexuals and transgender people on television shows and movies out of proportion with the actual population. Crossdressers and genderqueer people are also being increasingly represented.

It may not be oppression, but the world has a long way to go until asexuality is considered a real sexuality.

All very true. From a scientific perspective, I can see why the battle will be so long and arduous. Humans are typically sexual creatures. Homosexuality is considered a 'sexual deviance,' sex with the 'wrong' body, but no sex at all just baffles folks. Hopefully we get there soon and stop thinking people need to be 'fixed.'

God, if one more dumbass asks me if I had to choose, would I pick guys or girls for the rest of my life, or which one I like more, I will scream.

or learning to swim
I've gotta say, as someone from a small island nation I'm absolutely horrified by this. EVERYONE should learn to swim, unless you are physically incapable of it for whatever reason. It doesn't matter whether you want to, it's a safety thing.

LOl I know I *should* and I've started but only at the urging of others. I have absolutely no personal interest.

No one is going to tell you that there's something inherently wrong with you mentally or physically because you don't want to learn to swim. Asexuals have to deal with that ideology on a pretty regular basis. Does that sound family? Homosexuality was treated as a psychological disorder for a long, long time too.

If you don't know your history, you're doomed to repeat it. This is a prime example.

I think I see the world differently than other people then cuz I dont considering being atypical something that always needs fixing. Being born with your wiring screwed in such a way that you don't register pain or your blood doesn't clot? That's an abnormality that needs fixing (abnormal simpy meaning 'not functioning in the typical fashion'/functioning in a different way and nothing more). That some people exhibit the abnormality of having no sexual desire towards other people DOESN'T need fixing. It's just another reality of humanity, like green eyes or red hair or being left-handed.

Of course I'm the kind of person who doesn't equate weird/strange/unusual/outside the norm with 'We must fix this!/you need fixing!/you're broken' so when I say 'huh that's odd,' I don't mean it the same way someone else might. So I agree, I think medicine and society would benefit more from just accepting that some atypical human traits don't need 'fixing' just cuz they're atypical.

And I did not say it should be "corrected". What I said is being forced into treatment for something that is not a problem is oppressive.

(no subject)

wldcatsprstr_14 - 2013-03-19 21:08 (UTC) - Expand

Could you not say abnormality in this context, please?

It's nice you think we don't need fixing, but it would be even nicer if we weren't categorized as abnormal. It sounds... upsetting.

(no subject)

wldcatsprstr_14 - 2013-03-19 21:52 (UTC) - Expand

Fucking this, preach it preach it preach

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