fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2359 ]

[ SECRET POST #2359 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2359 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

__________________________________________________

02.

__________________________________________________

03.

__________________________________________________

04.

__________________________________________________

05.

__________________________________________________

06.

__________________________________________________

07.

__________________________________________________

08.

__________________________________________________

09.

__________________________________________________

10.

__________________________________________________

11.

__________________________________________________

12.

__________________________________________________

13.

__________________________________________________

14.

__________________________________________________

15.

__________________________________________________

16.

__________________________________________________

17.

__________________________________________________

18.

__________________________________________________

19.

__________________________________________________

20.

__________________________________________________

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 066 secrets from Secret Submission Post #336.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

08. https://imageshack.us/scaled/large/842/secret72.jpg

Go to a makeup store and ask for help, so you can learn to do it in a right/natural looking way?

Also, keep in mind that those are actresses, so they were probably chosen for looking like that. Most regular people won't be able to look as perfect.

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2013-06-18 23:13 (UTC) - Expand

It helps to try a little at a time, and not try to reinvent yourself as a whole all at once. One day wear lipstick, another day try a coat of nail polish on your fingers. If you have the time off work now and then wear a dress that hugs your figure. Very few people can be the perfect feminine ideal without training themselves into it.

I think you just have to start getting used to it. When I was in high school I NEVER wore make-up, and it was always really weird. However, lately I've been wearing a ton of nail polish, playing around with make-up, and it's become more and more comfortable/easy for me.

The suggestion of going to a makeup store is a good one; I got help from a makeup counter at a department store, and they found me the foundation I still use today, and really helped.

[Picture is the cover of the CD "Music from the Motion Picture 'Mona Lisa Smile'", and shows the faces of four attractive young women lined up.]

Watching this movie was weirdly painful for me because I want so badly to be able to be feminine in the way of the girls in the movie. Not all the time, but when I feel like it. But I have a super manly job and I've always been kinda androgynous-leaning-towards-masculine by nature. I feel female, but I never feel feminine, not like these girls. I dress myself up sometimes and look in the mirror, or I try to play with hair and makeup or do girly things sometimes, but I always end up feeling terrible because I can't make it feel natural. I just end up feeling like a huge faker, like I'm crossdressing and shouldn't even be doing this, like it's wrong for me (though I have no problem with actual crossdressers, it's the feeling fake that gets me.) After watching this movie I wanted to cry, because I'll never be pretty and a lady like that.

Like a above poster, don't do it all at once. Baby steps. Unlike you, while I'm perfectly fine with my sex being female when it comes to gender I'm kind of nothing. Mentally just I can't bring myself to identify as a woman. I really feel like I'm lying when I try to appear feminine, but you have to do what you have to do to (in my case it's to get ahead in the workplace, because apparently being a 30-yr-old woman but not looking like one makes people uncomfortable?) and small steps is the way to go. Nothing wrong with starting out with, like, a lightweight foundation cream, some brown mascara, and tinted chapstick. It's not a harsh change to your natural color, so I at least don't feel like a huge Fakey McFaker when I wear it.

Same with clothes. Build yourself out to more colors (if that's your problem) gradually starting out with shades just a little bit off from what you usually wear. Cuts that have just that little bit more flow, embellishment, or whatever else than you're used to.

Hair I'm lost on. If it's not a bun, some kind of braid, or a french twist I don't know how to do it. The hair product aisle scares me. XD

Edited 2013-06-18 23:41 (UTC)

Why not try different things and define your style. Also seconding the whole going to a make-up store and asking for advice.

Aside from looking the part, would you be open to...I don't know how to word this, but erm...pretend/play feminine? When you're alone, dance along to a Beyonce video, purposely try to sit like you have a girdle on (or you can put one on) when you're just watching tv or cooking, pretend to be Marilyn Monroe to the mirror for a few minutes. Sounds silly but maybe you also need to start feeling more feminine so when you dress up a little, you may feel just a smidge more comfortable.

I was always a tomboy and eschewed all "girly" things throughout childhood and early high school. It honestly all kind of changed when I went to prom - I had my makeup professionally done at the mall, I found a gorgeous chocolate-brown Audrey Hepburn-esque dress, wore heels, asked a male friend to go with me. That's when it all started to click. I started messing around with makeup and different hairstyles, I bought a dress or two (along with some bike shorts to wear underneath), started wearing shirts that were a little form-fitting and low-cut - many of my issues came from being uncomfortable with sexuality.

Now, I tend to be more comfortable/relaxed in pants and a cool shirt, but I still go girly every now and again. Like someone above said, take little steps - maybe start with some lip gloss and mascara one day with your regular clothes. Or go for a more feminine shirt with your normal masculine pants. It doesn't have to be one fell-swoop - I've actually realized that I don't look great in the styles from MLS (as much as I would LOVE to be able to pull off a 50s look). I've found what makes me look and feel both good and comfortable.

It might be worth it to go get some makeup professionally done - I had no idea how to use makeup before late high school, and all I had for reference was my mom's mature styles and my sister's goin'-to-the-club look. Go by yourself to the makeup counter and describe how you'd like to look. Makeup artists are trained to know what colors/styles will look good on you.

Try a bit at a time... like try wearing either lipstick or mascara (but only one and only that) every day for a week or something, just to slowly adjust to it. Make-up is fun but it's admittedly kind of a weird thing, so trying to jump full-in is understandably uncomfortable and awkward. Regularly go to stores and grab a bunch of feminine clothes you like and just try them on in the dressing room. Look at yourself in the mirror, move around, sit in them, bend, get comfortable in them. You don't have to buy them of course, but it's okay to familiarize yourself with the style before committing. :)

I just want to say that I feel you, anon. Growing up I felt (and I would never say this out loud, because I don't want to be insensitive to transgender people) almost like a woman trapped in a man's body, although I am cisfemale -- because I really wanted to be feminine, but felt trapped in this clunky awkward shell of a body and had no idea how to be feminine, because no one ever taught me how. Also because I thought I was a landwhale and ~of course~ you have to be dainty and petite to be feminine, right?

Now I'm 35 and feel fine in my skin, and I can't even identify what I did to get comfortable. But I nth the baby steps suggestion and to try out different personas in the comfortable privacy of your home first.

You know, maybe one thing that helped was getting over the idea that there are strict rules and structures to being feminine, like it's an arcane language you have to be taught. There are no rules. You don't have to wear makeup and walk in high heels to be feminine.

Edited 2013-06-19 00:27 (UTC)

Many things feel weird until you get used to them.

OP, you might just not be having much luck with the particular style of beauty you're going for. As a preteen, I remember being absolutely crushed when my mom told me "You're not the pretty type, you're the smart type"--because it was a crushing thing to tell a twelve year old girl who desperately wanted to be pretty. I found out much later that she was telling me what someone had once told her--and it had basically defined her personal style, which was a sort of mix of sporty and classic, and now it has defined mine. I can't look cute, or like a pretty princess, to save my life (and now I'm much too old to look like an ingenue anyway), but I can look pulled-together and even elegant, which is a look that might work for you too.

After watching this movie I cried as well. Not for your reasons, though.

Have you tried getting used to it at home before you go out? Put on make-up or wear high heels or other 'feminine' clothes at home, where no one can see you, where you don't have to worry about what people will think of your looks? I never had many issues with trying to look girly in general, but I often do this when I try out something new (like wearing higher heels or shorter skirts or trying out new hairstyles or other things that I'm not yet quite comfortable with) so I can get used to it before I do it out in the open.

I also agree with other commenters that going to a make-up store (or even to a stylist or something like that if you can afford it) could really help you. Everyone has their own style, everyone has things that look good on them and other things that look terrible on them. It's sometimes hard to find out about that on your own. Maybe you feel 'fake' wearing lipstick or eye-liner because you just haven't found the kind of lipstick or eye-liner that looks best on you. :)

Maybe makeup just isn't your thing? There's nothing wrong with that at all. It's kind of trendy to not wear makeup these days anyway. There are other ways to feel feminine without having to wear makeup, too. I never wear makeup -- my skin is too sensitive -- but putting on a pretty dress and some strappy slingbacks and doing up my hair makes all the difference. Maybe find that one piece of jewelry that makes you feel gussied up to go with the dress. Maybe find a perfume that's clearly feminine or flowery. Maybe, if you live in a place where you'll need a wintery coat sometime this year, get a winter coat in a retro cut (try modcloth.com) that serves the style of the girls in the movie.

Just remember, most importantly, to be beautiful to yourself first. The rest will come.

I never wore make-up but lately my complexion has gotten really, really bad so I've tried to use it sometimes... and I totally feel the same way.

Might I suggest Bomb Girls as an antidote?

Like everyone else has said, don't stress OP. If you want to incorporate a more 'fem' look into your style, baby steps is totally the way to go. And don't think you have to wear all the make-up and all the jewellery and do all the hairstyles and wear all the flowery dresses all at once to feel feminine. Just wear what you like and what works for you, and work from there.

For instance, I feel hella feminine and comfortable with my gender as a woman, and fairly regularly get comments on how nice I look (not bragging here, as you will see). Despite this, I'm mentally allergic to hair straighteners, can't do a braid to save my life and my hair styles literally consist only of out, ponytail or bun. Bobby-pins confuse me. Similarly, my make-up routine is just BB cream, mascara and lipgloss/lipstick - and that's if I want to look nice. Maybe a bit of eye-shadow or eye-liner at night, but nothing fancy. When I want to try something new, I look up a make-up tutorial on youtube and see whether I can be bothered, lol. Re: clothes, I just wear the colours and styles that I like - I just naturally like wearing clothes that emphasize my waist (sometimes a form fitting top can do all the work for you, whether it's paired with a flow-y skirt and heels or jeans and sneakers). Basically, I'm immensely low maintenance and purposefully so, because I have better things to do with my time. But I still manage to have a feminine style.

I've also seen a lot of my tomboyish friends gradually incorporate make-up and tailored clothes into their style as they've got older and joined the workplace (PBQ, damn you) - so I know it can be done looking from the outside as well. They found it pretty helpful asking people at shops for advice - that's what shop assistants are there for, after all! Working out your body type and colours will really help in this, btw - it will mean you'll have a guide to what to try on that you know should flatter you, instead of blindly picking things off racks and then getting disappointed when they look off. (We've all been there - my achilles heel is shift dresses, which will never look good on my unless I cut off the sides of my hips, and yet I still try them on.)

Tl;dr: take it slow, OP, and don't stress too much, just wear what works and then work from there. Dressing femininely is just a fashion like any other, and one that anyone can do - they just have to tailor it to their personal style.

I... sort of know how you feel, OP. Wearing dresses or jewelry or heels or makeup feels like playing dressup with my mother's clothing, or a hilarious costume. It's never felt even remotely natural. I've tried wearing small pieces of jewelry or just lip gloss or what have you but by the end of the day - or within an hour two, really - I've taken if off because it's irritating.

It can be helpful in terms of getting dudes to put out though, I'll give it that.

I went to Wellesley, and I can assure you, the portrayal of Wellesley students in that movie was really, really fictional. Even for back then. "The most conservative college in the northeast?" Don't make me laugh. Wellesley had plenty of WASPy ladies, sure, but it had far more serious students from the arts to the hard sciences being hardcore about working in the world, being intellectual and radical, and not necessarily giving a fuck about how ladylike they seemed.

That being said, everyone should be allowed to feel as feminine or masculine as they want without feeling like a faker or that it's not genuine. If feeling that way is really what you want, I have advice -- practice.

There's a reason a lot of girls (and boys) start out by wearing their grandma's high heels and playing with mommy's makeup. It takes time to feel comfortable in that aesthetic, sometimes. Have fun with it -- look up makeup tutorials on youtube, scroll through fashion blogs, try on wedding dresses with a friend one Saturday. Above all, have fun with it and do it for the enjoyment of pretty things and feeling pretty -- don't keep comparing yourself to a highly idealized, not real standard of how you're "supposed" to look or seem.

Non ministrari, sed ministrare

Edited 2013-06-19 04:19 (UTC)

I /totally/ feel ya. It's frustrating feeling like an impostor when trying to a different look. It's tough going, but I'm sure you'll find something that works. You are very pretty, sweetie, and you deserve to feel like it.

OP, I understand how you feel. I used to be in a really similar place.

I truly believe that every woman has a unique individual type of beauty, and that in order to look your best and feel your most confident and comfortable, you need to discover exactly what type of beauty YOU already have within you, and enhance it through your style.

It is possible that the specific style you're aiming for just isn't YOU -- but that doesn't mean you can never feel like a beautiful, attractive, feminine woman.

Audrey Hepburn, Marilyn Monroe, Grace Kelly, and Greta Garbo were all very different women with very difference style essences, but they were all equally incredible and beautiful. If you are an Audrey deep down, you will never feel 100% natural and comfortable when attempting to dress like a Marilyn. But when Audrey dresses like Audrey, she maximizes her beauty by staying true to herself. Does that make sense?

Now, I haven't seen the movie you're talking about and I have no idea who you are, but it sounds like it could be possible that you're aiming for a refined, reserved Classic style when you're actually a fun, sensual Natural or a sassy Gamine.

The world of style and identity can be really confusing and stressful, but once you know who you are and how to express that, it's genuinely life-changing. A lot of people scoff at style analysis/identity systems (and true, a lot of systems are far too limited and a lot of analysts don't have a great eye) -- but looking into some of these systems can help you start to discover your own true style.

You can do it, OP! I fully believe that you can be the gorgeous, fabulous, feminine woman you want to be. It just takes a lot of experimenting, soul-searching, and trial-and-error -- and sometimes you need a helping hand! I really love chatting to people about style and helping people discover what works for them, so if you want, drop me a line at my Tumblr and I'd love to chat! I could point you in the direction of some really helpful resources and great supportive communities, if you're interested.

http://rosecarousel.tumblr.com/

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2013-06-19 09:00 (UTC) - Expand

Oh man, you should go watch "Howl's Moving Castle." The story of a young girl who wants to be pretty but always feels so plain will have you sobbing for hours. The scene where she tries on a hat in the mirror? Guh.

It's not supposed to feel natural. That's the point. It's a delicate and intricate artifice.

you are feminine!!

(Anonymous) - 2013-06-19 20:31 (UTC) - Expand

(reply from suspended user)

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only