[ SECRET POST #2385 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2385 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 073 secrets from Secret Submission Post #341.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

I have to wonder how close you were to begin with, OP. Was this a friend or someone whose LJ you followed? Because I can't imagine being happy to hear of an old friend's misery, no matter how horrible our "breakup" was. And I've had pretty nasty ones.

[(Anonymous)]

Seconded. I had a fandom friend and our friendship ended terribly (and we both were to blame, but let's not get into that.), but if I found out something bad had gone wrong in her life, I wouldn't feel too smug about it .-.

[silverau]

The fact that you were both to blame and it wasn't just one person ruining your life probably explains why you don't hate her...

[diet_poison]

thirded...I've had nasty fallings-out before, both platonic and romantic, irl and even if some of those people were jerks, I can't imagine feeling happy if I heard they were miserable. I might be a bit satisfied to learn they were learning hard lessons from some of the bad decisions they were making, but lessons are supposed to lead to better futures, and in the end I won't wish misfortune on anyone.

[silverau]

I feel like in this thread you've been kind of judgmental towards OP and others who said they've done similar things and I don't really think that's fair of you. If you don't have bitter feelings towards those who have hurt you and want to see them hurt, that's great, but for some people it's a coping mechanism. Sorry for getting personal here, but when I finally cut someone out of my life whose emotional abuse really fucked me up mentally, I will admit I laughed my head off at the fact that he spent a like a year after that obsessing over me and beating himself over what happened. For the sake of my own mental health, I COULDN'T feel sorry for him, because sympathizing with him would mean giving him back the emotional power he had over me. I never retaliated against him, I never took advantage of his obsession with me (despite the fact that I easily could've), I never tried to turn anyone against him (beyond warning mutual friends what happened so the same thing wouldn't happen to them), I didn't wish death on him, and eventually I did get over it and move on instead of carrying bitter feelings in my heart forever.. but I did have some laughter at his expense. It's like a "the best revenge is successfully moving on" kind of thing.

Anyway, again sorry for getting personal, but I just wanted to point out what it feels like to be in that position.

[(Anonymous)]

I hear you, except it was my emotionally manipulative mother. When I heard my dad left her, I worried about my dad, but in her case? I just fucking laaaaaughed. Both of her kids moved across the fucking country (in my case, partly to get the hell away from her), and her husband left her. She fucking deserved it because her behavior did nothing but tear down and alienate everybody around her - it's really satisfying to know that it all finally came crashing down on her head.

On the flip side, I don't internet-stalk her (even though I think she has a facebook and I probably could) or any of the two-faced "friends" that screwed me over. I'm quite happy assuming they're miserable, and I'd hate to be proven otherwise.

[diet_poison]

It's like a "the best revenge is successfully moving on" kind of thing.

I'm not sure I understand how this goes along with everything else you just said.

And expecting you, or anyone else, to specifically pity someone isn't really what I'm talking about. It's more the whole "I'm delighted by the fact that you aren't/will never be happy again, and I'm delighted that you are miserable [despite the fact that I understand what it's like to be miserable]". I really can't relate to that.

I think my own personal beliefs/philosophies are influencing the way I see this very strongly. I'm not trying to stand around here and say "I JUDGE U" but I am sharing my opinion on the experience since it's what OP started talking about. If I started to feel that way about someone who had hurt me, like being really happy that they were miserable, I'd start to feel like I was sinking to their level and turning into someone like them.

It just occurred to me - I think there's a lot of subtlety that's being left out of this conversation. It's hard to describe exactly what a person is feeling/thinking/going through.

[(Anonymous)]

I had a falling out with someone I would consider a best friend prior to the falling out. I don't get a lot of glee out of misery she has, other than finding out she isn't very successful. (This was a bone of contention, because she often insisted I had no ambition.)

I did, however, have one close friend that just ... flipped a switch one day, decided we were no longer friends, and spread a lot of shit around about me, actively trying to get our "mutual" friends to dislike me, literally trying to wreck every moment of my life. This was, BTW, post college, and she was post-college age. I get a lot of schadenfreude when I find out awful things happen to her, because she ended up being such an awful, jealous, manipulative person.

[(Anonymous)]

I get a lot of schadenfreude when I find out awful things happen to her, because she ended up being such an awful, jealous, manipulative person.

Until someone's been in a toxic relationship like this, it's difficult for them to understand why some people would actually love to know that they are not the ones who were the problem.

If they were the problem, it would be their life that is crashing and burning. As it stands, the real problem in the relationship is the one dealing with the ashes now that they've set their world on fire in their dysfunction.

[(Anonymous)]

That doesn't make sense at all. Terrible things happen to people whether or not they were at fault in a falling-out with a friend. This person was a lousy friend, that's why their house has been foreclosed on? idgi

[(Anonymous)]

Probably it's more that the personality that made them a lousy friend also affected everything else in their life. If you live your life as if nothing you do has consequences and you expect to be able to talk or bluster your way out of trouble all the time, that would very possibly make you behave horribly to your friends and irresponsibly in your business dealings.