fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2435 ]

[ SECRET POST #2435 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2435 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 049 secrets from Secret Submission Post #348.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You had to have laughed at it though. Honor system.

What's green and likes nuts?

Syphilis!

What's black, white and red?

A nun in a blender.

What's black, white and brownish-green?

Same nun a week later.

I went to Catholic school. Horrible nun jokes were our black market trade.

The head nun of a convent called all the nuns before her and said "I have something to tell you, I have had word that there was a man in this convent last night"
99 nuns went "Ooooooohhhhhhh", one nun went "Tee-hee-hee"
The head nun continued "Apparently he had sex in the convent"
99 nuns went "Ooooooohhhhhhh" one nun went "Tee-hee-hee"
"There was a condom used"
99 nuns went "Oooooooohhhhhh", one nun went "Tee-hee-hee"
"There was a hole in the condom"
99 nuns went "Tee-hee-hee", one nun went "Oooooooohhhhhh"

Edited 2013-09-03 00:43 (UTC)

Guy comes to work on Monday. His buddy gets a cup a coffee and stands next to him.

Buddy: What he did on the weekend?

Guy: Craziest thing. I was walking home from work along the railroad tracks and I found this girl tied the train tracks. It was weird, just tied up to the tracks like it was some old timey movie.

Buddy: What did you do?

Guy: I untied her and took her home. We had sex all weekend. I did everything to her. Every position I knew. We had sex throughout my house. Friday night, all day Saturday and Sunday. I even nailed her once more before I left for work today. She had long legs, round hips, beautiful ass, thin waist and a huge rack. I couldn't believe my luck.

Buddy: What did her face look like?

Guy: I don't know. Never found the head.

*eternally screaming*

(though still saves the joke.)

Re: Tell me a joke so horrible or disgusting that you were ashamed you laughed at it.

oroburos69 - 2013-09-02 23:55 (UTC) - Expand

PPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT

Re: Tell me a joke so horrible or disgusting that you were ashamed you laughed at it.

oroburos69 - 2013-09-02 23:56 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Tell me a joke so horrible or disgusting that you were ashamed you laughed at it.

anonymouslyyours - 2013-09-03 01:01 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Tell me a joke so horrible or disgusting that you were ashamed you laughed at it.

(Anonymous) - 2013-09-03 01:15 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Tell me a joke so horrible or disgusting that you were ashamed you laughed at it.

vethica - 2013-09-03 02:11 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Tell me a joke so horrible or disgusting that you were ashamed you laughed at it.

oroburos69 - 2013-09-03 01:46 (UTC) - Expand

omgggg

Re: Tell me a joke so horrible or disgusting that you were ashamed you laughed at it.

oroburos69 - 2013-09-02 23:57 (UTC) - Expand

Do me! Do me! I want a joke!

Re: Tell me a joke so horrible or disgusting that you were ashamed you laughed at it.

oroburos69 - 2013-09-03 00:28 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Tell me a joke so horrible or disgusting that you were ashamed you laughed at it.

(Anonymous) - 2013-09-03 01:25 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Tell me a joke so horrible or disgusting that you were ashamed you laughed at it.

diet_poison - 2013-09-03 01:31 (UTC) - Expand

...no

al28894 - 2013-09-03 00:22 (UTC) - Expand

Re: ...no

oroburos69 - 2013-09-03 00:33 (UTC) - Expand

Re: ...no

al28894 - 2013-09-03 00:40 (UTC) - Expand

Re: ...no

oroburos69 - 2013-09-03 00:49 (UTC) - Expand

Re: ...no

al28894 - 2013-09-03 00:51 (UTC) - Expand

Re: ...no

oroburos69 - 2013-09-03 00:54 (UTC) - Expand

http://imgur.com/gallery/R0r3qt9

specifically, "Fuck, you the niggest"

What do you call a white person on fire?

A firecracker.

On their wedding night snooker player Stephen Hendry started chalking up his dick, his wife asked him "What are you doing?"
He replied "I'm wondering if I should go for the tight brown or the easy pink"

Why did Ellie fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
Why didn't she get back up?
Because she had no legs.
Why did nobody help her?
Because she had no legs.

I'm even giggling now and I don't know why because that's appalling and not even funny but the first time I heard it I was 8 and I laughed until I was very nearly sick and it obviously got hardwired into my brain somewhere.

This isn't all that bad but hey.

What do a pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?

Both can smell the goods but neither get to taste them!

(Kid, bouncing) - Why am I getting so many presents for Christmas this year, mama?
(Mum, reserved) - You have cancer, sweetie.

What's Mary short for?

She's got no legs.

What's black, Highly combustible, and yields diamonds if you squeeze it hard enough?

Africa.

Misfired from somewhere else but - there's an RA Lafferty short story where a spaceship lands on a planet that looks exactly like the Garden of Eden - complete with Adam, Eve, the snake, the apple tree. And the crew has to decide if it's really what it seems, see? Whether it's actually a complete paradise that they should colonize, or not. But they investigate it, and most of the crew of the ship thinks it checks out - it seems authentic, they can't see any danger, all the details seem right.

And so they decide to leave and come back to colonize it, and when they come back, they're all slaughtered, it was a trap. And so they ask one of the guys on the original crew why he didn't believe it, and he says, "I knew it couldn't be real. It was just too good to be true - the whole time we were there, the woman never spoke a word."

It's not even that good of a joke but it took me by surprise so much the first time I read it (not expecting the story to be a joke) that I cracked up.

An Arab man moved to America, there to make his pile. He did reasonably well for himself. The only real problem he experienced living in America was that after a couple months, he began to constantly suffer from a mysterious illness. None of the doctors in his neighborhood could diagnose it, let alone cure it. He searched high and low, but the experts failed to find anything wrong with him. Finally he did some digging and found an Arab doctor, thinking that here he just might find the help he needed. When he described his symptoms to the doctor, the doctor gave a knowing nod and offered this advice: "Take this bucket, go into the next room, poop in the bucket, pee on the poop, lean over the bucket, and breathe in the fumes for ten minutes." Upon following the doc's instructions, the man felt better--much better. As he left the room, he thanked the doctor profusely.

"No one else was able to identify this illness, let alone treat it. What was the problem?"

"You were homesick."

What's the best thing about sex with twenty-one year olds?

There's twenty of them.

9/11: Bring Your Plane To Work Day

Re: Tell me a joke so horrible or disgusting that you were ashamed you laughed at it.

(Anonymous) - 2013-09-03 05:57 (UTC) - Expand

"Daddy, daddy, I'm tired of running circles all the time!"
"Shut up or I'll nail your other foor to the floor as well!"

"Mommy, mommy, I don't like grandpa!"
"Be quiet and eat up!"

What is Belgium famous for?

Chocolate and child molesters.
They only have the chocolate to get more children.

What's worse than two dead babies in a trash can?
One dead baby in two trash cans.

There were a lot of dead baby jokes in my high school, and I laughed at most of them, but that's the only one I can remember.

Re: Tell me a joke so horrible or disgusting that you were ashamed you laughed at it.

(Anonymous) - 2013-09-03 22:04 (UTC) - Expand

What's white and sticky and floats across the sky?

The coming of the Lord.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Tell me a joke so horrible or disgusting that you were ashamed you laughed at it.

Re: Tell me a joke so horrible or disgusting that you were ashamed you laughed at it.

Re: Tell me a joke so horrible or disgusting that you were ashamed you laughed at it.

Re: Tell me a joke so horrible or disgusting that you were ashamed you laughed at it.

Re: Tell me a joke so horrible or disgusting that you were ashamed you laughed at it.

Re: Tell me a joke so horrible or disgusting that you were ashamed you laughed at it.

Re: Tell me a joke so horrible or disgusting that you were ashamed you laughed at it.

Re: Tell me a joke so horrible or disgusting that you were ashamed you laughed at it.

Re: Tell me a joke so horrible or disgusting that you were ashamed you laughed at it.

Re: Tell me a joke so horrible or disgusting that you were ashamed you laughed at it.

Re: Tell me a joke so horrible or disgusting that you were ashamed you laughed at it.

Re: Tell me a joke so horrible or disgusting that you were ashamed you laughed at it.

Re: Tell me a joke so horrible or disgusting that you were ashamed you laughed at it.

Re: Tell me a joke so horrible or disgusting that you were ashamed you laughed at it.

Re: Tell me a joke so horrible or disgusting that you were ashamed you laughed at it.

Re: Tell me a joke so horrible or disgusting that you were ashamed you laughed at it.

Re: Tell me a joke so horrible or disgusting that you were ashamed you laughed at it.

Re: Tell me a joke so horrible or disgusting that you were ashamed you laughed at it.

Re: Tell me a joke so horrible or disgusting that you were ashamed you laughed at it.

So this baby seal walks into a club

Re: Tell me a joke so horrible or disgusting that you were ashamed you laughed at it.

Re: Tell me a joke so horrible or disgusting that you were ashamed you laughed at it.

Re: Tell me a joke so horrible or disgusting that you were ashamed you laughed at it.

Re: Tell me a joke so horrible or disgusting that you were ashamed you laughed at it.

Re: Tell me a joke so horrible or disgusting that you were ashamed you laughed at it.