fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2442 ]

[ SECRET POST #2442 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2442 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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I'll never say this off-anon because I'm asexual myself but I have a real hard time seeing demisexuality as legit

Hi, are you me?

There must be three of us because I'm neither of you.

...I think.

Make that four... I have friends who claim to be demi, but I just don't really get it, because I thought that's basically how a lot of people who are not asexual are. Can't figure out the difference really.

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2013-09-10 03:32 (UTC) - Expand

We're multiplying.

SHHH DON'T TELL ANYONE

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2013-09-10 00:19 (UTC) - Expand

Basically, "demisexuality" is one of two things.

1. A way to make absolutely certain to potential partners you aren't going to jump into bed with them quickly--I understand that.
2. A way to call people who have casual sex sluts without getting yelled at.

Except people yell at demisexuals all the time for that????

Well, yeah, but that's because the secret's out.

Which people are these?

So, question: Why does one need a label/name/identification/orientation for point 1?

Because someone hangs out with jerks who'd call them a prude for not wanting to fuck someone immediately

OR

someone has an inflated sense of how much casual sex everyone else is having.

(no subject)

vethica - 2013-09-10 21:00 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

chardmonster - 2013-09-10 21:08 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

chardmonster - 2013-09-10 21:13 (UTC) - Expand

Or 3. The state of actually being incapable of feeling any sort of attraction to people you don't know very well, to the point where you may not even be able to identify whether a person is physically attractive or not. Because finding someone sexually attractive is not the same as having (or wanting to have) sex with them. If demisexuality were only about who you were willing to have sex with, then you'd have a point. But it's not. It's about attraction.

(Not demisexual, just not seeing how this is hard to understand.)

Thanks dude. The difference between attraction and behavior is something I'm continually confused to realize a lot of people don't understand. :\

And that's still how it works for a lot of normal people. How many people have you heard say attraction is all about their personality?

Like I see a picture of someone who good looking, objectively acknowledge they're good looking but not have any attraction to them unless I get to know them.

DA

(Anonymous) - 2013-09-10 18:57 (UTC) - Expand

Re: DA

(Anonymous) - 2013-09-10 20:22 (UTC) - Expand

Re: DA

(Anonymous) - 2013-09-10 23:47 (UTC) - Expand

Re: DA

vethica - 2013-09-11 02:20 (UTC) - Expand

Still not different from majority. I was curious actually and I surveyed people on this. All thos friends who say certain actors are hot, fit and anything else and in-between wouldn't jump their bones. They just find them pleasant to look at. In real life, same people look at others on the street and comment "oh, they're nice!" while not wanting to rip their clothes off. Some start feeling attracted based on looks after a few meetings, some after surveying their date's personality for a long time. Aaaaand that is precisely how everyone acts around me all the time. Those who know they want to sex someone up instantly? They're the odd ones out. Those who are less than emotional? Yup, also weird.

You're right, don't be ashamed of your opinion. Demisexuals are the furries of sexuality.

Wouldn't furries be the furries of sexuality?

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2013-09-10 00:03 (UTC) - Expand

I was thinking they're more like the bisexuals of sexuality? Like

if we have gender spectrum it's gay - straight spectrum, bisexuals are in the middle

and then sexuality is like sexual(?) - asexual spectrum with demisexuality in the middle???

Then you have that parallel of straights/gays frowning on bi, sexuals/asexuals frowning on demisexual

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2013-09-10 04:14 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2013-09-10 04:35 (UTC) - Expand

As an asexual I don't mind the idea of "demi" but I don't consider it a sexuality, I consider it a preference like I consider kink a preference.

orientiation = "a group of people a person would be open to having sex with, should other standards be met"

Demi- can't say that they are an orientation imo, because an orientation can't have "standards already met" as part of its definition.

I often hear this explanation: "Demisexuality means that you simply can't get aroused by people you don't personally know. This includes porn, no matter the kind." According to this a demisexual would only feel arousal if the pornstar was their friend and they liked them very much/had romantic feelings for them.

Isn't this a form of asexuality?
After all a lot of asexuals admit to being aroused by fanfic, porn, what have you. Some even masturbate. They just don't want the 'real' intercourse.

Or do you also think that asexuals who masturbate aren't "real aces"? :P

And for the record, I also don't think demisexuality is a sexuality. It's just a low level of sexual attraction.

It's not about libido, though (which is what I took you to mean by "a low level of sexual attraction" -- if you meant something else, I apologize and hope you'll clarify). It's not a form of asexuality because a demisexual person can enjoy and desire sex. A demisexual person can be very, very eager and enthusiastic about the idea of having and enjoying sex... it's just that their pool of prospective partners is limited to people they have certain feelings for -- and it's not even just about sexual partners, it's about thinking someone is hot, or getting that special tingly feeling in one's underpants from looking at someone.

Being a sexual person involved with a demisexual person, I have to admit I am LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY at the whole idea that his demisexuality is "just a low level of sexual attraction".

I could elaborate but then I'd be late to WILD SEX O'CLOCK.

that's because it's not.

Agreed. I'm straight, and it makes my life really easy--I don't need the tumblr oppression points, and people who think they need them need to step aside and let real issues to the front.

it's so good to know what people without sexuality think of people who are sexual!

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