[ SECRET POST #2446 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2446 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[ ----- TRIGGERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]




















04. [WARNING for gore, blood, etc]

[How To Train Your Dragon]


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05. [WARNING for child abuse]



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06. [WARNING for rape]



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07. [WARNING for rape]



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08. [WARNING for torture]

[Fall Out Boy's "The Phoenix"]


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09. [WARNING for underage]

[pokemon conquest]


















Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #349.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 1 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Been saying that for years. All those trigger warnings and brow-beating others to be "nice" and "gentle" only sets back any recovery. The world is a harsh place and instead of sanitizing things, us survivors need to be rebuilt not sheltered.

[kaijinscendre]

It is like parents who coddle their kids and always tell them, YOU ARE THE MOST SPECIAL, SMART KID EVERRRRR! Or schools that have started turning towards "Everyone is a winner. You can't give kids a 0 on their grades." Those kids are going to have a hell of a time adjusting to the real world.

[(Anonymous)]

Reminds me of my son's Kindergarten class. In his preschool, I gave invitations to the kids he played with the most. But at new kid orientation at his Kindergarten, I found out the school requires parents to give EVERY CHILD in the class an invitation to birthday parties "to avoid hurt feelings and to ensure every child feels included".

Now, I'm not for making any child feel alienated, but dealing with disappointment is part of growing up, and this rule is NOT a good start to that.

[alexi_lupin]

That's ridiculous! Not everyone has the money or space (or inclination) to host a party for an entire class worth of kids!

[(Anonymous)]

Ugh- I hated being invited to birthday parties of kids I had nothing to do with and then being told by my mother to "be nice" and go to the party. My mom also tended to invite kids I didn't like to my party. I wasn't thrilled about that, either.

[(Anonymous)]

...We had that birthday invite rule in elementary school. In the early 90s. This is nothing new. Basically, if you didn't want to invite every kid (or every girl if you were a girl, every boy if you were boy) in the class, yup, you had to hand-deliver that shit. Some kids bypassed the rule by giving them out at recess, but my mom wanted me to be "legal" with the invites.

And as a kid who's had social anxiety as early as age six, it was rough.

[(Anonymous)]

...Why couldn't the invitations be mailed?

[(Anonymous)]

If you have everyone's address. And if you don't, how to get other kids' addresses without violating the 'rules' can be tricky, particularly for young kids.

[(Anonymous)]

We had it in the mid '80s. If you passed them out at school, everybody got one. Otherwise, you mailed them- we had a school directory, so you had pretty much everybody's addresses, or at least their phone numbers to get an address.

[(Anonymous)]

When I was a little boy, I gave birthday party invitations to everyone in my class, except for two boys. They were the ones who didn't conform to the rigid gender binary of elementary school, the ones we all called gay even though we didn't totally understand what that meant. I didn't invite them, and they didn't come. Almost the whole rest of the class did.

There is literally nothing I did as a child that I am more ashamed of. I cannot for a second pretend to myself that those two kids didn't know they were being deliberately snubbed, and I will never know how much I hurt them. Maybe not at all, maybe it just rolled right off their backs. But I doubt it.

ayrt

[(Anonymous)]

That's really sad and I'm glad it lives in your memory as something you regret. I don't think you should beat yourself up too much about it, but I think it would mean something to those two boys if they knew how bad you feel as a adult. There's a girl back in my past who was ostracized for being who she was - poor, not very pretty, overly dramatic - and I still think about how hard it must have been for her, and how I contributed to that, even though I was by no means one of the popular people.

But I'm resistant to inviting nearly 30 kids to my child's party because if even half of them RSVP, there's no comfortable way for me to be pay for that many kids. I wouldn't even know WHERE to throw it because where I live is too small. Not to mention it's never just the child and one parent who shows up but both parents and ALL the siblings. Two years in a row, I even had a grandma show up along with mom and dad and little sister. So while I understand the sentiment behind the rule, I just don't think it's practical from a financial POV. I don't remember this rule growing up (I'm 42), I wasn't invited to a lot of birthday parties and I'm fairly certain it didn't scar me. I was disappointed, but I dealt with it and moved on.

[(Anonymous)]

Personally, I think a child should be built up, because there's going to be a whole line of people wanting to cut them down throughout their lives. I think it only becomes harmful if they expect the planet to coddle them, rather than when they do it themselves.

Ideally a child should slowly adjust to real life, but on the whole, I'd rather a spoiled adult get their shock than the child be insecure and unhappy.

[mimi-sardinia.livejournal.com]

I can't help wonder if the rise in warnings and tags and safe spaces is partly a result of the generation of coddled children getting to the age where they are getting involved in Fandom.

[(Anonymous)]

i don't know about that. safe spaces on tumblr are stupid because tumblrites are stupid. having a place, even a small one, where a person doesn't have to deal with the world being shitty to and about them can be a huge relief.

[(Anonymous)]

That sense of relief is the problem. That is a minor relapse on the road to recovery. Everytime that ability to hideaway in the safe space is invoked is yet more time added onto the recovery. It fucking sucks, but it is the road that has to be traveled sooner or later. Making it later makes the road harder and longer.

[(Anonymous)]

Orrrr it keeps you from overloading.

It's like if you severely injured your legs and have been bedridden for months. You can't just get up and start running marathons, you'll hurt yourself again. You have to take it slowly and taper things up, getting plenty of rest.

"Throw the baby in the water, see if it can swim" is not a viable strategy in all areas.

[nyxelestia]

Interestingly enough, if you throw a baby into water within the first month or so of life, it'll start swimming on its own. After that period, though, the swimming instincts are gone, and kids have to be taught. The older someone is when they start to swim, the harder it usually is for them to learn.

There is a big difference between giving someone a place to rest their injured legs in the process of recovery, and constantly getting things for them when they put their feet up so they never have to put their feet back down again. Safe spaces start out trying to be the former, but increasingly they end up turning into the latter.

[glo_unit]

So the answer is no safe spaces for anyone ever? Because that's what most people here seem to be suggesting.

[nyxelestia]

You and I must be reading different threads, because I've been seeing mostly suggestions on how to change safe spaces or to use them less, not how to get rid of them.

[(Anonymous)]

Actually, it's not up to the safe space to adjust to the needs of the individual - THAT'S coddling. Everyone has to work out for themselves how to interact with these spaces in a way that's healthy and right for them, and it's them and their therapist's job to figure out that way, not tumblr's or LJ's.

ayrt

[(Anonymous)]

i don't think that's true necessarily, anon! forgive my COOL ANECDOTE BRO (TM), but i am trans and would have been unable to realize this in the climate i live in. having places where this was not derided constantly gave me a place where i could conceptualize myself as trans without immediately dismissing the possibility because of ambient disgust and hatred for trans people. do i still have to go out into the 'real world' where there is that? yes, of course. but there is no 'recovering' from being attacked for being trans - i am going to have to deal with this my entire life. having a safe space is... kinda like in videogames where you need to eat bubbles to live in a water level, if you will forgive my juvenile simile.

Re: ayrt

[(Anonymous)]

totally. Safe spaces are necessary and you don't magically recover from everything - I like having a safe space from the patriarchy, for example. I don't ever want to fucking recover from that.

[(Anonymous)]

To be fair you don't fucking sound like a mental health professional.

There's a difference between having a supportive environment (of which fandom spaces can be a part) or being enabled (in which fandom spaces can play a role).

[(Anonymous)]

For you, maybe. Please don't extrapolate your individual experience to apply it universally.

For me? Safe spaces are a haven when I feel like I'm going to explode. And yes, I need the haven, because the explosion WILL set me back much farther than taking a breather.

[(Anonymous)]

But there's a big difference between going to said place every now and then and living in there more than in the real word. That later is the issue, since that can make a person unable to stand reality.