case: (Default)
Case ([personal profile] case) wrote in [community profile] fandomsecrets2013-09-14 03:26 pm

[ SECRET POST #2447 ]


⌈ Secret Post #2447 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 061 secrets from Secret Submission Post #350.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

"I talked to my boyfriend about porn

(Anonymous) 2013-09-14 07:40 pm (UTC)(link)
and explained to him how degrading and hurtful I found it, so he promised not watch it and he doesn't do it anymore."

I've seen this quite a few times and I have to ask, do people actually believe this? I mean it's almost adorable in its naivety.

Re: "I talked to my boyfriend about porn

(Anonymous) 2013-09-14 07:42 pm (UTC)(link)
I always feel sorry for those women.

They're missing out on some hot porn.

Re: "I talked to my boyfriend about porn

(Anonymous) 2013-09-14 08:06 pm (UTC)(link)
+1, I just hope they end up finding something they do like.

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tabaqui: (Default)

Re: "I talked to my boyfriend about porn

[personal profile] tabaqui 2013-09-14 09:14 pm (UTC)(link)
Me, too. They remind me of my ex-cousin-in-law who would tape paper over all the girls in bikinis in her husband's car magazines. Just...wth.
ill_omened: (Default)

Re: "I talked to my boyfriend about porn

[personal profile] ill_omened 2013-09-14 07:52 pm (UTC)(link)
Yes.

I've only had two people mention it in real life. Both cases I knew their boyfriends looked at porn.

Outside weird cult religions, every single man does it. Scientists have serious difficulty finding men who don't for studies, they're just so rare.

Re: "I talked to my boyfriend about porn

(Anonymous) 2013-09-14 07:57 pm (UTC)(link)
It may depend on how precise your definition of porn is.

Re: "I talked to my boyfriend about porn

(Anonymous) 2013-09-14 08:00 pm (UTC)(link)
Pssssshhhhh most women do it as well. I watch porn allllll the time. I love porn. Sometimes when I am doing something, I'll put it on in the background.

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ariakas: (Default)

Re: "I talked to my boyfriend about porn

[personal profile] ariakas 2013-09-15 01:38 am (UTC)(link)
I knew two guys who didn't, growing up. One was an ultra-fundie who believed porn would damn him straight to hell and had some serious sexual issues. I don't know if he still doesn't now, but he sure didn't back then.

The other had the lowest sex drive known to man, and we used to make fun of him while he'd go on and on about how terrible porn is and how stupid we all were for watching it. He hated the fake tans, fake tits, and hideous male partners of like 90% of straight porn.

But then his wife introduced him to amateur lesbians and apparently that's all over now. He watches the shit out of that.
mekkio: (Default)

Re: "I talked to my boyfriend about porn

[personal profile] mekkio 2013-09-14 08:01 pm (UTC)(link)
"He doesn't do it anymore."

Or at least, he doesn't do it around you, sweetie. Because, trust me, he's still looking. I would place rent money on that bet.
insanenoodlyguy: (Awesomeface)

SURE IT DOES

[personal profile] insanenoodlyguy 2013-09-14 08:04 pm (UTC)(link)
ALL THE TIME! YEP! WE ARE VERY HONEST, US GUYS!

Edited 2013-09-14 20:04 (UTC)

Re: "I talked to my boyfriend about porn

(Anonymous) 2013-09-14 08:21 pm (UTC)(link)
how degrading and hurtful I found it
I've always found that a rather strange argument. Sure, some (mostly professional) porn is, but there are so many different types of porn. Like amateur and home porn: some couple decides to tape their steamy evening and share it with other people, or someone wanks on camera. How is that automatically degrading or hurtful?

Re: "I talked to my boyfriend about porn

(Anonymous) 2013-09-14 09:00 pm (UTC)(link)
What's degrading and what's not is in the eye of the beholder, genius ;)

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sootyowl: (Default)

Re: "I talked to my boyfriend about porn

[personal profile] sootyowl 2013-09-14 08:23 pm (UTC)(link)
Nope. Boy is just getting better at hiding his porn stash from you. Whatever helps people sleep better at night, I guess.

Re: "I talked to my boyfriend about porn

(Anonymous) 2013-09-14 08:25 pm (UTC)(link)
I really don't understand that at all. I'm a woman, and I admit dieing a virgin is something I have no problem with, and maybe why I don't get it. My mom hates my dad watching porn.(Something I found out in one of those conversations I never wanted to have with her while she was drunk. Thanks Mom.) A friend from school told me about finding her husbands porn stash and destroying it.

I don't get it, why so much hate for it? Is it threatening or something? I just really don't understand where that is coming from.

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Re: "I talked to my boyfriend about porn

(Anonymous) 2013-09-14 08:36 pm (UTC)(link)
But porn is awesome. Trying to deprive someone of porn should be considered an act of cruelty.
elaminator: (Spartacus: Mira)

Re: "I talked to my boyfriend about porn

[personal profile] elaminator 2013-09-14 09:01 pm (UTC)(link)
A friend once called me up when she found her husbands porn stash and I had no idea what to say. I don't see what the big deal is, and if I were her I'd be watching it with him. But...people are different and all that.
Edited 2013-09-14 21:02 (UTC)

Re: "I talked to my boyfriend about porn

(Anonymous) 2013-09-14 09:20 pm (UTC)(link)
My boyfriend once FORBID me to watch m/m. He really thinks I stick to it, lol!

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Re: "I talked to my boyfriend about porn

[personal profile] mrs_don_draper 2013-09-14 09:36 pm (UTC)(link)
Who watches porn for accuracy?!

Re: "I talked to my boyfriend about porn

(Anonymous) 2013-09-14 10:02 pm (UTC)(link)
I can understand why most people scoff, but I stopped looking at porn because my partner asked.

They didn't have a problem with written smut, so I still read that, but I don't watch porn anymore. Wasn't really a big deal.

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darkmanifest: (Default)

Re: "I talked to my boyfriend about porn

[personal profile] darkmanifest 2013-09-14 10:05 pm (UTC)(link)
I find it sad that the boyfriends in those stories aren't honest with their partners, and their partners aren't honest with themselves. Then there might be an actual healthy conversation about porn and its place in their relationship, instead of the don't-ask-don't-tell bullshit that usually results.

I don't understand

(Anonymous) 2013-09-14 10:41 pm (UTC)(link)
Why would someone lie about this? Outside of teenagers, I guess. I don't think I'd continue to be with someone who couldn't be truthful about such a simple thing. If you disagree that porn is degrading and hurtful, just say so.

Also, if I'm in a relationship and actually care about the other person I wouldn't want to continue to do something that they see as hurtful. Especially something as simple as stop watching porn.

Re: "I talked to my boyfriend about porn

(Anonymous) 2013-09-15 12:33 am (UTC)(link)
I would never ask a guy to stop watching porn unless it was illegal shit like involving underaged people. Porn is just... porn. Half of the things that turn me on have NOTHING to do with what I like in real life. I get turned on by non-con, and there's no way in fucking hell that means I'm pro-rape. I get turned on by being really dominated and yet I'm also a really bossy feminist.

At the same time I'm not super fond of the porn industry in how it's so skewed towards male viewers. Mainstream porn assumes only men are watching, and so it doesn't even attempt to cater to women. Even the girl/girl porn is very obviously straight women eating each other out rather than actual lesbian porn. But that's a whole other argument; asking someone not to indulge in porn just doesn't make sense to me.
tei: Rabbit from the Garden of Earthly Delights (Default)

Re: "I talked to my boyfriend about porn

[personal profile] tei 2013-09-15 01:12 am (UTC)(link)
My boyfriend does watch porn, and so do I, and we talk about it openly and send each other our favourite porn (long distance relationship most of the year...)

However, I would hope that if I did have serious ethical objections to porn and expressed to him that I was made uncomfortable by his consuming it, we would at least be able to have an honest conversation about how to work it out so that I wasn't constantly worrying about it; maybe by looking into the moral philosophies of different porn sites and companies and only choosing ones that I felt acted ethically, by me sending him pictures to make up for lack of other porn, or by him at least cutting down on his consumption.

I mean, probably none of these would be quite satisfactory to a person who didn't want their boyfriend watching any porn at all, I don't know because I don't really understand the sentiment. But I still think that if you care about someone you should at least try to work out ways of being that don't make them uncomfortable, especially if its a sexual issue. And if you tell your boyfriend that you have moral objections to porn and he doesn't think that's worth any conversation, either you just don't have compatible views of morality or he's just a shitty person who doesn't care if his partner is comfortable around him sexually.
insanenoodlyguy: (Default)

THIS CAN SAVE YOU

[personal profile] insanenoodlyguy 2013-09-15 03:33 am (UTC)(link)

Re: "I talked to my boyfriend about porn

(Anonymous) 2013-09-15 04:15 pm (UTC)(link)
Depends on what level of Social Justice hell they are currently residing on. I've seen anti porn people that believe, no matter how much any woman tells them they like their job, that all porn is degrading. Women that equal all porn with sex trafficking and say that no women that participates in it has the agency to do so. There seems to be the belief that woman can't have sub fetishes or humiliation kinks yet it's ok for men. It just comes down to that rad fem idea that if you give women a choice they'll take it so we have to outlaw all of it.

I live with a guy and we met through a mutual fetish. Me telling him not to look at porn would be hypocritical.