[ SECRET POST #2496 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2496 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.


__________________________________________________



02.


__________________________________________________



03.


__________________________________________________



04.


__________________________________________________



05.


__________________________________________________



06.


__________________________________________________



07.


__________________________________________________



08.


__________________________________________________



09.


__________________________________________________



10.















Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 071 secrets from Secret Submission Post #357.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

08. http://i.imgur.com/LMpHQde.jpg

[loracarol]

Oh dear. D: I'm planning on meeting up with some online friends at a con in March, so posts like this make me super nervous. D:

I hope you can work things out with your friend!

(Though is anyone else wondering if this is the flip side to that secret we had a bit ago about the friend's who met in rl, and one of them was really rude?)

[tree_and_leaf]

I wasn't, but I am now!

[(Anonymous)]

Don't worry about it. I met one of my fandom friends years ago and we've been very close friends for over 8 years now. Hell, she was a bridesmaid in my wedding.

So yeah, it can all work out.

[(Anonymous)]

It's okay! Almost all of my friends started as online friends. One of them is the person I'm about to marry :) So don't be too nervous about that!

[iceyred]

That popped into my mind as well. I don't think this is the other person, because the secret maker of that secret made it pretty clear the meeting was odd because the visitor was rude and anti-social. This just sounds like generic awkwardness.

[silverr]

Heh, I thought of that older secret as well -- this one almost seemed like a repeat.

RL meetups are a little like blind dates. Sometimes what works on-line or over the phone just doesn't click in person -- but sometimes it does. Keep an open mind and reasonable expectations and chances are you'll have a good time.

[(Anonymous)]

tbh I think this, and the flip side secret you mention, happened with teenagers. As long as you're a reasonably-socialized adult, and the people you hang out online with are as well, it should go fine. Have you been to a business convention? Same thing, only more partying. Or not, if that's not your thing.

[(Anonymous)]

I've met two of my best online friends in RL, and it went swimmingly. In fact, I've roomed with them both at different conventions. It's not always a disaster.

[riddian]

I've met plenty of online friends at cons, and most of them are great! So don't worry, getting along IRL does happen, it's just that "I met my online friends and it went nicely" doesn't make for as interesting a secret. XD

[(Anonymous)]

I met my best friend about 9 years ago online. We became BFFs IRL very quickly, but that's because we lived less than half an hour away from each other and met frequently. It really depends on the individual person and how awkward they are IRL versus online personality.

[(Anonymous)]

Sorry the meeting didn't go well. Have you tried messaging her since the meeting? Maybe she's thinking the same thing you are.

I think a lot of the time when people meet internet friends offline they fail to actually plan anything out. So you just meet without an actual activity to do, so just sit around awkwardly. And there's an odd level of familiarity while also essentially meeting a stranger.

The key to meeting internet friends offline, imo, is to have it planned out and an actual activity or topic right off the bat to talk about/do. Browse Tumblr together. Go minigolfing. See the newest fandom movie you both love then talk about it.

[loracarol]

Not the OP, but thanks for the advice. :)

[tree_and_leaf]

That's very sound advice. The times I've met fandom friends IRL, it's always worked better if we've done something, even if it's just showing the friend round town, than if we've just tried to hang out in an unstructured way.

[(Anonymous)]

I think you should message her and address it? My experience is that offline and online interaction with the same person can just be different, but you can learn to switch between the two modi. Also what was said re activities is true.

[dreemyweird]

I want to know what went wrong (unless, of course, it was just the generic awkward silence) :( Why didn't you explain, OP?

[(Anonymous)]

I worry about this sort of thing all the time. I'm pretty "in the closet" as far as fandom goes, and if I ever met extremely vocal fans IRL I'd probably be embarrassed on their behalf / want to GTFO ASAP.

I'm definitely a shitty person who thinks there's a "right way" to be a fan (namely: please observe the social norms of the majority whenever possible, and acknowledge that your interests are fringe. Tin Hats need not apply)

It's why Aja's stuff on the Daily Dot gets my most powerful side-eye.

[(Anonymous)]

The first time I met a friend in person I'd never met any other way, he had a whole list of things for us to do - we went into Chicago and went shopping at places that weren't accessible where I was from, and the next day, we went to a monstrously large flea market full of antiques and other fun stuff.

Having stuff to do while you're getting to know each other in person most definitely helps.

[(Anonymous)]

I sympathize. This happens a lot, but you shouldn't hate yourself for it - some people just gel together better in an environment that has a different immediacy than real life interactions.

I do have one online friend I get along with much better online, but I soon realized that in actuality, she is PRECISELY as she is, both offline and online. It's just that when she goes quiet online, I thought it was for any number of reasons (phone call, internet distraction, bathroom break, kitchen break) and not because she just has these moments she goes silent. Whereas I'm the kind of person who doesn't like very long breaks in conversations, unless there's a good reason for it (like to relax during a long bus ride when there's really not much to discuss).

This kind of dynamic works much better online, for obvious reasons. I can blabber away on IM and she can respond when she chooses. It's not as annoying or as awkward when it's IRL.

It has changed the friendship, since I know myself, and all my best friends are equally talkative and chatty. But it hasn't killed it. Moreover, I realised how much our friendship was fandom-based, and eventually you just gotta move on from that, and build on something else, if you want to keep the friend when fandom changes.

[khronos_keeper]

There's actually something to be said for the vastly different ways in which we communicate online vs. face to face. Interestingly enough, people feel more comfortable presenting more intimate information online than they would in person-- it's a mechanism to make up for the lack of other features of a conversation, like body language and vocal tone, etc.

Also, we have a habit of more finely editing our self presentation online-- you can control how you come across to the other person more strictly, because most of the time they have a much less complete picture of you as a person on line than in person. Again, the lack of body language, tone, the element of timeliness of response, etc.

So even though you might try to represent yourself as truthfully as you can in an online media, you can really only present a version of yourself, but not the version someone would see when actually meeting you. Basically, they met a different "you", and now they have a completely new set of characteristics about you that may or may not have fit with their version of you that they gleaned from online.

It's just the format of the medium that you interacted on. Maybe if you tried video chatting or phone calling, there would be less weirdness, because you would have a more complete picture of the other person, with the missing elements.

//social science communications nerd

[(Anonymous)]

That stinks, but honestly, it happens. With the advent of Facebook, I've found that there are plenty of people I can talk to online that irritate the SHIT out of me in person, and people I love in person but who have revealed too many ugly things online. And then there are people who are amazing, wonderful people in both places. So it stinks to realize someone's not nearly as great as you expected, but it happens. On the plus side, there may be plenty of other fandom friends who are glorious to be around in person!

If you want to do something about it, you could always do what I do, which is be honest with the person: "SO THAT WAS AWKWARD. Sorry I'm a freak, hope we can keep in touch, though! Have you seen the latest XYZ?" *shrug*

[(Anonymous)]

You know, sometimes it just... doesn't work out. I went to my first and only con ever years ago to meet with my closest fandom friend at the time, and it was so awkward our online relationship was never the same.

But at that same event, I hit it off with 2 other girls I was previously not as close with, and we became great RL friends and still talk and visit each other to this day.

[(Anonymous)]

I've met seven people irl who I first knew online. Every time they were exactly as I expected - no nasty surprises, no awkwardness. I don't think meetings are like blind dates as someone else suggested. Every time I met someone it was like AWESOME WE'RE TOGETHER - it felt really natural.

[(Anonymous)]

I've met up with a lot of online friends over the years, and many times we've been horrendously incompatible. Some of them had no sense of how to behave in public (for example, something I type in allcaps isn't necessarily the volume I say it at in real life, but it was for them). Some of them, I was simply incompatible with in terms of personality and conversational style. The former I was usually too uncomfortable to contact again, but the latter I am still friends with online (Facebook and Twitter).

However, a few times I have been tremendously compatible with people irl. Interestingly enough, only one of them was a person I had actually met online first, and I felt our relationship was incredibly awkward for a long time - but I got over it/got used to her. The other people I am actually still friends are all people that were in the same online communities as me, but not terribly active in them. I met them at conventions, and I'm still friends with all of the ones I hadn't met online first. I actually attended one's wedding as a bridesmaid. I'm friends with them because we were naturally compatible irl.

So my long-winded point is a lot of the time it's awkward, but sometimes if you like the person enough you can get through it, and sometimes you meet other people you *do* stay friends with.

[(Anonymous)]

Sadly, this is just a thing that happens. Just because you're compatible online doesn't mean that you will be IRL as well.

I've met a few people that I've known online at cons and such, and for the most part things went really well. But then there were a couple other meetings with other people that didn't go as well and were kind of on the awkward side. Not enough to kill off our friendship, but I can see why this does happen.