[ SECRET POST #2597 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2597 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 047 secrets from Secret Submission Post #371.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - titc ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Weirdest fanfics you've ever read!

[(Anonymous)]

Describe to us the weirdest fanfics you've ever read! You can describe them in just a couple sentences, like a fic summary, or launch into a long paragraph describing all the weird shit that happens in them.

Bonus if the author gave those fanfics a really weird/hilarious summary too.

Re: Weirdest fanfics you've ever read!

[(Anonymous)]

An AU where the characters were Girl Scout cookies. There were pictures. It was weird but AWESOME.

Re: Weirdest fanfics you've ever read!

[insanenoodlyguy]

I read a fanfic about Hannibal google translated from Thai in a russian accent once. That was trippy.

Does anybody want me to re-upload it? I recorded that one.

Re: Weirdest fanfics you've ever read!

[(Anonymous)]

I once read a fanfic where Mary Morstan's ghost possesses Holmes' body after she dies because she wants to keep fucking her husband.

Re: Weirdest fanfics you've ever read!

[kaijinscendre]

A Yu-Gi-Oh Seto/Joey one where they decide to have sex emulating different animal species (sex while sky diving like birds).

A LOTR fic where (whatever race of elves Legolas is, are slaves to other elves. And Aragorn is an asshole who owns Legolas. And if you rub their ears the slave elves get horny. And at one point Legolas has sex with a tree. I'll remember that fic until the day I die.

Re: Weirdest fanfics you've ever read!

[kallanda_lee]

It was Alvin and the chipmunks slash where they use peanut butter as lubricant. It stuck with me because it sort of grossed me oout, cause I imagined it would look somewhat like shit in that context.

Re: Weirdest fanfics you've ever read!

[(Anonymous)]

I read this crazy RPF story where Jensen Ackles, Jared Padalecki, James Marsters, Michael Rosenbaum, Tom Welling and David Boreanaz were all in this polyamorous BDSM relationship. Except one of them was a psychopath who was stalking Jensen. And no one noticed. Spoiler: it was David Boreanaz!!!1!

OMG HOLD THE PRESSES

[intrigueing]

You just reminded me of a list I bookmarked, like, four years ago, compiling Starsky & Hutch fanfics with the most hilarious summaries evvvvvvvver.

*dives into bookmarks to hunt for it*

*three minutes later*

GOT IT. You don't need to know a single thing about the show to appreciate the hilarity of these descriptions:

http://starskyhutchfiles.net/taggingbaycity/?p=420

Re: Weirdest fanfics you've ever read!

[(Anonymous)]

Weirdest fic was prob all in SGA. Unicorn/Rainbow AU, Girl Scout cookie AU, that one messed up fic where Rodney fucks a sheep, the one where John was a centaur. With the exception of the bestiality fic, they were all the awesome kind of weird too.

Re: Weirdest fanfics you've ever read!

[sporkly]

I don't really read fic.

But my friend once described a Twilight porn fic where Edward fell in love with his car and ended up having car babies.

Thirty Hs

[(Anonymous)]

No description could do it justice, so instead I'm just gonna quote the first line of the fic:

"Dobby relished his groinsaw's roar as he withdrew the flesh-choked blade from the astronaut's ruined skull. He turned to Harry, thrusting his bloody, retina-covered pelvis with elfin fervor."

Re: Weirdest fanfics you've ever read!

[(Anonymous)]

I read a Dark Angel fic once where Max and Logan are getting busy on the Space Needle, and she tells him to look at her nipple, and then she tells him to bite it. So he does. And then she asks him to bite it harder, then softer, then harder again. Then she asks him to suck on it.

It went on like this for many paragraphs, just Max telling Logan to do things to her nipple, and both of them reacting to it.

Re: Weirdest fanfics you've ever read!

[(Anonymous)]

Two words: Panther/Duo.

With subsequent adorable furry assbabies. I swear I'm not making this up.

Re: Weirdest fanfics you've ever read!

[(Anonymous)]

One late night I was going through SPN fics and came across one of those bestiality stories (I didn't know what OMD meant before this, but now I know). I think the plot was something about Dean driving Sam all over the country so that Sam could get hot and heavy with every mutt they met. My reaction was something between laughing uncontrollably and just blinking at the screen.

Re: Weirdest fanfics you've ever read!

[(Anonymous)]

I once read a ABO fic where Sherlock impregnates John with thirteen babies at once and then causes them to all develop super fast in the womb because they both find the idea of John being so pregnant he's helpless and unable to walk really hot.

Re: Weirdest fanfics you've ever read!

[caecilia]

there was a DBZ fic that I read when I was probably 13 where Frieza had some kind of device that let him control Vegeta's penis

Re: Weirdest fanfics you've ever read!

[(Anonymous)]

That Dean/Castiel fic where Dean helps Castiel...lay eggs.

Re: Weirdest fanfics you've ever read!

[(Anonymous)]

Transformers Bumbelbee/Richard Hamond of Top Gear.

Bumbelbee was the car he took from Africa. They had some sort of cleaning sex thing.

Re: Weirdest fanfics you've ever read!

[cloud_riven]

There is this Teen Wolf fic where some werewolf lady dumps a werewolf baby on Derek's doorstep, and he and Stiles become its baby daddies. Stiles gets a shit ton of the Pack Mom characterization piled on, and I think Derek gets turned on when the baby tries to suck Stiles' moob. And there's a classic yaoi fic scene in a supermarket where the baby's alpha father tells Stiles he is the perfect mate because of his mothering skills or something and sniffs him up, and then everyone battens the hatches at Derek's house. I don't remember what happened after I had to tap out.

Oh, and there's a bunch of popular Sherlock fics by an author with so much heavy headcanon that would be good in origfic, but wildly out of character. If I remember right, there's a line that goes something like, "I want to lick your eyeballs."
Oculingus is a thing I'm into, but I don't think that was what the line was aiming for.

Oh, and for a while there was an authoranon on 420chan's pokemon board writing a Leaf genderswap fic where the player is zapped into the game and is Green (the girl MC in this case). He is a 20-something dude in a 12 (11?) year-old girl's body, drinks all the time, and romances an older girl. It's rather skeevy, and meanwhile he is losing his sense of self while it is implied that the real Green is in his body in the real world, and wants to come back.

Re: Weirdest fanfics you've ever read!

[mrs_don_draper]

It was a Hannibal crack!fic where Hannibal was the Cheesecake (not Chesapeake) Ripper. Each "crime scene" had a dismantled cake, and Will cried/was upset because he could "see" who was ripping all the cakes of their graham cracker crust.

Re: Weirdest fanfics you've ever read!

[herpymcderp]

Doctor Layton mpreg fanfic where the kid (aged up) gives birth to a car.

It was even treated semi-seriously.

Re: Weirdest fanfics you've ever read!

[pantswarrior]

LOTR slash songfic to Avril Lavigne's Sk8r Boi. Aragorn was the skater boy, Arwen the snob, and he ended up with Legolas. :P

Re: Weirdest fanfics you've ever read!

[fingalsanteater]

It was called PokeAccident and it was about Charizard, who wears fingerless gloves and toeless socks, drinking too many Buds before going on a bus trip. His asshole trainer has a running commentary of Charizard's need-to-pee-o-meter and remarks every time something happens to make Charizard less likely to be able to hold it. It's my favorite fic and the author deleted off ff.net and sad as fuck right now.

Re: Weirdest fanfics you've ever read!

[queerwolf]

I just read a Teen Wolf one where Derek was a tree and Stiles was a bird trying to nest in him. All the other characters were also either woodland creatures or plants. Strangely enough, the author made it work when it should have been cracky nonsense.

Re: Weirdest fanfics you've ever read!

[vethica]

Care Bear gang rape.