[ SECRET POST #2598 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2598 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 031 secrets from Secret Submission Post #371.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

tl;dr penis envy and your fucked up confessions

[(Anonymous)]

This is not the best place for this in any way, and I don't think f!s can really guide me or offer anything like advice, but I have to get this out. Certainly I won't go do it in a place that isn't anonymous so this is my only choice.

I am cis female. I'm happy being female and have never thought of myself as anything else. On the other side of it I hate my vagina. I HATE IT. I don't want kids. I don't want to look at it, or touch it, or have anyone diddle with it. I know how to give myself a orgasm but it's such a bore to me and I hate messing with it so I masturbate like once every few months. I could go on. I have serious dick envy. If I could go out and get surgery to get an actual nice dick I would save up the money and do it, no second thought. So I guess I am not trans at all I am just some kind of freak? I don't know f!s. How can I learn to live with something I can't get rid of? I imagine myself with a dick and I feel so much happier with that idea. I don't know why and I can't explain it. I am a virgin so maybe once I finally let someone be sexual with me I'll feel different but I am doubting it.

This probably sounds like a troll or just someone mesing around but I had to get out my fucked up confession. Now feel free to share your own fucked up confessions.

Re: tl;dr penis envy and your fucked up confessions

[(Anonymous)]

I have no idea what to tell you other than I feel the exact same way. Though I'm also jealous of flat chests dudes have, it's not quite the same level of envy the dick gets but it's there.

Re: tl;dr penis envy and your fucked up confessions

[(Anonymous)]

I totally understand where you're coming from. I don't hate my vagina, but it doesn't really do it for me in the sex department. Many/most of my fantasies involve having a dick. I enjoy anal sex better than vaginal.

On the other hand, I love having breasts. And have serious breast fetish. I'm straight (mostly, I think), and I don't find vaginas a turn on. But I do get turned on by breasts.

Re: tl;dr penis envy and your fucked up confessions

[(Anonymous)]

It's not just you. What you describe isn't totally common, but it's definitely a thing. You might enjoy experimenting with strap-ons, soft packers, and stuff like that, see if you find it comforting or if it just makes you more frustrated. I hope you find some way of making yourself more comfortable, anyway, because it sounds like right now you're pretty unhappy, and that's a shame.

Re: tl;dr penis envy and your fucked up confessions

[(Anonymous)]

All I can say is, you are not alone anon. I don't hate my vagina, but I certainly have no interest in putting anything in there and would love to have a dick instead. But I'm definitely not trans, just odd I guess!

Re: tl;dr penis envy and your fucked up confessions

[(Anonymous)]

If it helps at all, I don't think those feelings are all that unusual and I understand where you're coming from, to a certain extent; I wouldn't say I hate my vagina but I sure as hell think I'd be happier sexually with a penis. So you're not alone, and I hope you figure stuff out :)

Re: tl;dr penis envy and your fucked up confessions

[(Anonymous)]

Buy a dildo

Re: tl;dr penis envy and your fucked up confessions

[(Anonymous)]

I'm always afraid my labia is gross.

Like I clean it everyday, but it's darker than the rest of my skin, super wrinkly, and long. It never feels clean.

Re: tl;dr penis envy and your fucked up confessions

[(Anonymous)]

Your description sounds normal. Vaginas have many, many kinds of looks - if yours doesn't look like your friend's or the ones on porn, it doesn't mean there's something wrong or gross with it. That is, *if* you go to an obgyn regularly and get it checked out and got nothing diagnosed, you're probably alright and the not clean thing might be all in your head.

Re: tl;dr penis envy and your fucked up confessions

[diet_poison]

mine looks like that too; I clean it and see a gyn once a year so *shrug*

yours is probably fine as well

Re: tl;dr penis envy and your fucked up confessions

[herpymcderp]

Vaginas are like a rainbow, anon. Yours is fine.

Also, stop washing with soap and don't douche. If you wash frequently, you're destroying the beneficial bacteria that actually keeps your vag clean. Rinsing with water is all you need, unless you have been doing things that are particularly messy. ...Like sitting on cakes or something, idk.

Actually I don't recommend sitting on cakes either.

Re: tl;dr penis envy and your fucked up confessions

[(Anonymous)]

How do you feel about your bum? Isn't that also a much darker shade? Also, mens junks tend to be darker than the rest of them as well. Not sure why this would be the case but it surely is.

Re: tl;dr penis envy and your fucked up confessions

[lynx]

Anon, I assure you your labia is alright. Every woman has different labia, shaped and sized in a plethora of ways. Since there are unrealistic expectations even in how one should look "down there" (the fault lays mostly in porn, I think?), there are even art projects dedicated to the beauty of the amazing variety in vulvas.

(Clean it with water, tho', please don't use soap.)

Re: tl;dr penis envy and your fucked up confessions

[kallanda_lee]

Maybe you'd be happier fucking someone with a strapon? I dunno. I never hated my vagina, I'm just not planning to use it to have kids. Never wanted breasts, though. Wearing sports bras helps.

Re: tl;dr penis envy and your fucked up confessions

[(Anonymous)]

I'm cis, mentally I definitely feel female, and my body is as well, but I sometimes feel like other people don't see me that way. Like if I go into a public women's restroom I feel almost like an impostor and wonder if people think I don't belong there or something. Like, yes, my brain is female, and I have boobs and a vagina but maybe random strangers think I'm actually a dude or something. Which makes zero sense.

Re: tl;dr penis envy and your fucked up confessions

[(Anonymous)]

Maybe not that fucked up, but I've been drinking more than I probably should.

OP Here

[(Anonymous)]

Wow. I never expected there would be many people out there who feel at least a bit similar to me. Even if there is no way to fix my problem right now, I feel better knowing I'm not entirely alone. Thanks f!s for your words and advice.

Re: tl;dr penis envy and your fucked up confessions

[(Anonymous)]

FWIW, I'm also a female, and while I'm perfectly comfortable with my body, I think masturbating by hand is tedious and more effort than it's worth. Have you tried any types of vibrators?

Re: tl;dr penis envy and your fucked up confessions

[(Anonymous)]

Not a freak, just *maybe* not as cis as you think? But you're definitely not alone.

And I don't have penis envy, but man do I get upper-body envy.

Re: tl;dr penis envy and your fucked up confessions

[(Anonymous)]

I'm a cismale. I can't see myself as anything other than a cismale. There is no way I'm even remotely trans.

BUT

I hate it. I hate being male. I hate that being a man means I'm either woefully incompetent or a significant danger to women. I hate that my genitals makes me an implied threat to women. I hate knowing that I have this immediate social image, and I hate even more that I deserve it. I hate that I laugh at problematic jokes, I hate that sometimes I just can't see where some feminists are coming from with certain things, and I hate what this probably means about me. I hate that I read "strangers in paradise" for the first time last week, and in spite of hearing for years about how good it is, how feminist is it, how good for women it is, I hate that I felt uncomfortable reading it, like it was specifically against me. I hate feeling like the villain and I hate knowing that I am the villain and that I deserve to feel uncomfortable, that I am the villain. I read a poem on the blog of a woman I really respect recently, and I hate knowing she feels this way about me. It was about men in general, but I hate knowing it applied to me. I hate how angry Anita Sarkeesian makes me. I hate that this whole post is a fedora "Woe is me it's so hard to be a man" style MRA screed.

I am a man and I truly hate myself for it. I hate

Re: tl;dr penis envy and your fucked up confessions

[kallanda_lee]

Take a deep breath, son, I doubt you're the monster you think you are.

Re: tl;dr penis envy and your fucked up confessions

[(Anonymous)]

I don't understand "I'm not trans, but I want a penis."

Re: tl;dr penis envy and your fucked up confessions

[(Anonymous)]

I'm sort of in the same boat, OP. I'm cis and I enjoy being a female, except for my vagina. I've had plenty of sex and while I've enjoyed the act of sex and the person I'm with, it doesn't get me off. Masturbating with my hand is cumbersome, and I'm not really a fan of touching my vag in general. I have vibrators, and even though it feels good it's not like, mind blowing either.

I love my breasts and being a female in general, but I don't ever want to birth a child and I also wish I could have a dick instead of a vagina. But I know that my husband wouldn't be very happy with that idea at all. He's very much a cis male.

So I feel your pain, OP. As for how to live with it, I just do. I mean, I can't change it, so I might as well make the best of it.

Re: tl;dr penis envy and your fucked up confessions

[thezmage]

A penis isn't much better. A vagina you can just ignore, but that penis will always be dangling there, and you'll have to do something with it.

Re: tl;dr penis envy and your fucked up confessions

[lynx]

It's really normal, tbh, calm down ^^ Sure it feels nice fantazising with having a dick, it's not weird at all and even healthy if it gets you hot. (I'd do anything to have the ability to switch back and forth between physical sexes).

What it's not so healthy is hating your own vagina so much.

If you really want to work on this, I think you really should gather some courage and at least start to get familiarized with your vagina. Look at other vaginas, look at yours with a mirror (don't make comparisons, though!), read on it, on how it works. Don't approach to your vagina with a "this THING is for popping out kids"; because it's so much more than that. (I like mine, but I sure as hell don't want children). I've found learning about things and getting familiar with them helps a lot to stop thinking they're weird. Learn about how to maximize your pleasure and make possitive assosiations with the look and color and taste.

(Please don't go to bed with anyone before you've learned to like yourself. Maybe it works for some people, but in my own experience - and a lot of my friends'- that only alienates you further and will not get you a good lay.)

As for the dick part, try with packing? Look at yourself with tight pants and packing, for example. I'd advise also to get one of those fancy no-straps strapons to see how you look with a /hard/ dick as well, but you mentioned being a virgin, so don't go inserting anything there yet.

Good luck :3