[ SECRET POST #2606 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2606 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 021 secrets from Secret Submission Post #372.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

15. http://i.imgur.com/Vhxn8qr.png

[(Anonymous)]

Sometimes I feel the same way. But then, I'm not really social.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm just here to read the fic.

[kallanda_lee]

I hate to depress you, but I've been in fandom for over 15 years and never actually made lasting friends. But then I'm pretty much a loner irl as well.

[(Anonymous)]

I feel you, OP.

[(Anonymous)]

same here, don't know what to do anymore

[(Anonymous)]

I always see this kind of thing and my first reaction is 'since when is making friends the goal of fandom?' But hey, different strokes for different folks, and I hope you get what you want out of it. I'm gonna keep happily browsing fics and stuff on my own.

how do you define fandom friend?

[(Anonymous)]

General question, not only to the OP. I drop in and out of fandoms, but I call anyone who I chat with regularly, about anything, a friend.

[(Anonymous)]

*hugs OP*

I can empathize so much, OP. I tried for 2 years to make a connection in one particular fandom. I commented on blogs, I ficced, I participated in small ways in meta discussions, but after two years, I felt invisible to all but a few people. I finally accepted that that particular fannish space was full of cliquish, unfriendly assholes. After a stint dealing with my frustration by casting some of those people as minor OCs in various stories (where I felt free to accurately portray the obnoxious behavior they'd shown to me), I felt like I'd been de-poisoned. I found other fandoms and other people who were much friendlier.

There are lots of cool things in the world, OP, and lots of friendly, eager people who want to talk about them.

[ex_mek82]

While some of my longest lasting friends I have made through a couple fandoms, I've reached a point where I don't look to fandom to find friends. Without going into the details, I found from my own personal experience that making friends solely based on one fandom alone was a bad idea. Those experiences kinda made me wall myself off from really interacting with other people (especially on Tumblr) in a not so good way, so yeah. =T

But hey, other people have different reasons for wanting to be in fandoms, and that's fine. What works for one person may not gel with another and all that. Hope you're able to find and make friends in whatever fandom you're participating in, OP.

[(Anonymous)]

Tumblr ruins all social behavior

[elaminator]

It's different for everyone, but finding friends (in or outside of fandom) can be difficult. Most friends I've made through fandom I lost touch with or grew apart from. However, I'm SURE people can make lasting friendships in fandom and if you're still interested then all I can really say is don't give up. I met my current bff through fandom about...idk, eight years ago? It's been a long time and she's still one of my favorite people on the planet.

(IDK if you're on tumblr or not, but if you're using tumblr... As much as I like tumblr it can make interacting difficult. It isn't the best forum to make friends. Again, I know people have managed it but you might want to try different places, see what happens.)

[(Anonymous)]

Same here.

[(Anonymous)]

Eh, I've experienced so much drama and wank with some fandom friends (and now ex-fandom friends) that I'm much happier just reading fic, looking at art and making the occasional comment. I don't look to fandom just to make friends, but it is nice when it does happen, especially when you and your friends have moved on to different fandoms and you still speak to each other.

Basically, don't force it, but if you keep doing stuff like commenting on fic or art or whatnot, you might be able to strike up a conversation with someone and see where it goes from there.

[(Anonymous)]

maybe we should switch places, then. I swore off having fandom friends and then I accidentally made more. dammit

[nightscale]

I've never been good at making fandom friends and I've been in fandom for probably over 15 years now, but I also suck at making friends irl so yay for consistency I suppose?

[herpymcderp]

You can be active and friendly all you like, but in order to make friends you actually have to engage someone directly. Pick someone you think is interesting, ask them about themselves, maybe make positive comments or contribute knowledge.

Making friends isn't that hard. You really just have to show that you're interested in someone and chances are they'll be interested in you too.

[(Anonymous)]

ME TOO, OP. Me too.

[(Anonymous)]

In my experience, if you're not an outgoing, social butterfly type of person in fandom, you need to be the one generating content and then having "fans" and people interested in your work approaching YOU. And it's hard to get attention for fics and fanart unless you're really really good, especially in big fandoms. If you are the outgoing, social type of person, then you're presumably the one approaching and interacting with people generating content. I have no idea how people in fandom who aren't generating content end up socializing and becoming friends (I'm sure it happens, I'm not just not sure how outside of coincidence).

[rivulet027]

*hugs*

[(Anonymous)]

Depends. Is your fandom space tumblr? If so, you're probably fucked.

[(Anonymous)]

I think you're doing a good job, OP, but you've started to worry to much about the results, and that is not good. Keep doing what your doing, but forget about the "I have to make friends!" and focus on having fun, discussing the things you like. Friendships form naturally, and they tend to work better when you don't force them. Good luck!

[blueonblue]

I think I know what you mean. It feels weird to be excited about something and not have anyone to talk to, also, for all the time I spend on fandom things, no one would notice if I disappeared tomorrow. It's not a great feeling.

[(Anonymous)]

Hey OP. I understand where you are coming from. :'( I definitely know this feeling and it sucks. I used to feel like tumblr was the end of all "proper" fandom interaction and I felt really miserable about not being able to make fandom friends like others were able to so easily. I'm pretty sure I posted a secret about this too. I would comment on stuff and post the occasional thing but none of that lead to anything and it all felt really empty.

It's somewhat comforting to understand that tumblr isn't a collective entity. sometimes the right person will just pop up and there are probably many individuals out there lurking around in silence who feel the same way that you do.

I am pretty much the shyest person ever and I found the best friend of my life this past year after I drew a picture for her. Making stuff for people or doing exchanges of any sort are always a great way to interact, it feels nice to give stuff to others and it will definitely make their day. Also, I've found that the rping community really lovely for making friends too if you're into that.

[eve_n_furter]

What fandom(s) are you in and what platforms are you using? There's good and bad ones and luck and chance has a lot to do with it. In my experience fandoms with older people have much less drama and also more patience with differences and personal quirks.

But it also has a lot to say what you expect from it. If you are looking for a true soul mate to hang with everyday, I think you will have a long way to go yet. But if you want to know a group of people who will be there after you yourself have needed a month off, for light, enjoyable interaction, you should be able to win out.