[ SECRET POST #2609 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2609 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 076 secrets from Secret Submission Post #372.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Question about age differences

[(Anonymous)]

Is a 40 year old man who fucks 18 year old's a creep? If yes, then what about a 30 year old man? If no, then what about a 50 year old man?
Would I be right in assuming that most of us here consider it very skeevy at a certain point? What is that point for you? What should be done about it?

Re: Question about age differences

[(Anonymous)]

Depending on people, I say over 10 or so year difference is the limit. However it's different when one is a teenager. Teen and early twenties is still so young it's practically a child, so it weirds me out when I hear about adults 30 or older dating an 18 or 20 year old. And gender does not matter to me, the age gap is weird any way you gender roll it.

Though I don't think anything needs to be done about it. Not like legally or anything.

Re: Question about age differences

[(Anonymous)]

/Teen and early twenties is still so young it's practically a child/

exactly right, although I disagree about the genders not being a factor on this. men reach their sexual peak around the ages of 18-20, so I think it's perfectly acceptable, even preferable for women of any age to be attracted to young men and to act on it.

I probably sound like a dirty old woman, but I really don't mean to. this is all based on real studies, and let's be honest, have you ever heard of a young man complaining about the attentions of a more mature woman? have you ever heard any stories about young men who have been used and abused by their older lovers? there is clearly something wrong with an older man who pursues young women, but I don't think we can always say this is the case with older women.

Re: Question about age differences

[(Anonymous)]

...nooooo. Teens and twenties is not practically a child. It's not a fully mature ADULT yet, but trust me, as a former child, teenager and twenty-something who now has an almost-sixteen year old daughter, there is a vast, VAST difference between a late-teen or older and a prepubescent child.

Re: Question about age differences

[(Anonymous)]

for me the line is when the man is likely to be dead of natural causes at the point a woman reaches her sexual peak (mid forties if you didn't know).
men who look for women below this age are generally only doing it so they can exploit the power imbalance such a relationship inherently has. it's a very subtle form of rape, and should be dealt with as such. unfortunately the justice system in most countries is run by creepy old men who are unlikely to want to punish sexual predators of this type.

Re: Question about age differences

[(Anonymous)]

Not touching your rape comment, but curious if you feel the same if it's an older woman dating a younger man?

Re: Question about age differences

[(Anonymous)]

NO NO AND NO.
It is not a subtle form of rape. What the fuck is wrong with you?

Re: Question about age differences

[(Anonymous)]

I see rad!fem troll was feeling let down about the debate on page 1 on whether or not this is a crazy community (consensus says it's not). Therefore she's back with a vengeance with her man-hatin' rapin' venom.

Re: Question about age differences

[(Anonymous)]

OFFS, this 'rape inflation' has gotten totally out of hand. Look, "rape" does not mean "any sexual situation which is in any way the least bit questionable or skeevy," it means sex that is forced upon someone without their consent. Period. If consent exists, it may not necessarily be a good or healthy situation; in some cases it may even be some other sex-related crime, but it's not rape.

Re: Question about age differences

[(Anonymous)]

I'm getting what do you think about men having facial hair! anon vibes here, but I'll bite.

Past someone's mid twenties, I don't generally care about all about age differences.

In the early/mid twenties, a gap of more than 10 years seems kind of skeevy to me, but I'll reserve judgement until I meet the couple.

Late teens, anything more than 5 years seems skeevy to me.

Re: Question about age differences

[(Anonymous)]

I'm getting what do you think about men having facial hair! anon vibes here,

You know, now that you've mentioned it yeah.

Re: Question about age differences

[(Anonymous)]

This sounds about right to me.

Re: Question about age differences

[starphotographs]

If they're both having fun and making it work, I don't see the problem.

Re: Question about age differences

[(Anonymous)]

you don't see things like systematic abuse, coercion, unhealthy power dynamics etc as a problem? these are all endemic to the situation of an old man who targets young women.

Re: Question about age differences

[gondremark]

Age differences bother me if the older party already has children who are in the same age range as the younger party. The notion of someone having step kids who are her/his own age is just a bit too odd for me.
Other than that, as long as there's no abuse of power or coercion or otherwise sketchy things going on that would be sketchy regardless of age, I really couldn't care less about gigantic age gaps.

Re: Question about age differences

[(Anonymous)]

even if the girl is only 18? or 16 in the uk? or 13 in mexico? you don't think that there is always going to be a sketchy power dynamic when an old man want's to fuck a child? and legal definitions in this day and age they are people who are still childlike right up to their 30's.

Re: Question about age differences

[(Anonymous)]

DON'T just say "man." Older adults fucking very young adults is weird and skeevy, whether man or woman. And yes, women can be (and are) sexual predators.

18 is a fine legal age, but I personally don't consider an 18-year-old to be a real adult. I mean, the brain doesn't even stop developing until around age 25. I know it does depend on the couple to some extent, but I think it shows something about your maturity level if you can't date people in your own age group. Granted, the older you get, the less age matters. For example, I'd think nothing of a 40 year old dating a 60 year old. But a 20 year old dating a 40 year old is a little weird.

No. What two consenting adults get up to in the bedroom is none of my business.

[(Anonymous)]

You don't get to take any adult person's choice away because you decide they aren't mature enough to make an adult decision.

Re: No. What two consenting adults get up to in the bedroom is none of my business.

[(Anonymous)]

Thank you.

Re: Question about age differences

[(Anonymous)]

This aversion to age difference in relationships wasn't a thing when I was younger -- my teenage friends and I all had crushes on much older men because we didn't find boys our own age interesting. The anxiety seems to me to be a product of our greater awareness of paedophilia, but relationships between consenting adults are not paedophilia, no matter how large the age difference; 'skeeviness' is a subjective concept; who is to say where the power lies between a vigorous younger person and a less vigorous older person; and why would we have any right to police other people's relationships when they're not breaking any laws?

Re: Question about age differences

[nyxelestia]

A lot of people go by the "half your age plus seven" rule - take the age of the older partner in years, divide by half, then add seven, and the younger partner should be at least that old for it to be not creepy.

I tend to use that, but very lightly - it's like a guideline rather than a solid rule.

So:

40/2 + 7 = 27, which is nearly a decade older than 18. Average 18-year-old and average 27-year-old are such big differences in maturity, stability, place in life, etc., that I would definitely call this creepy. If you up it to 50, the output age is 32, which is an even bigger gap. However, at 18, I would caution said 18-year-old about all the problems of the relationship*, but there's not much I can do so I won't bother trying.

30/2 + 7 = 22, which is still significantly older than 18, but now at least you've got two age groups in the same school (in that, on average, a college student/4-year-degree spans from age 18 to 22). So I would side-eye the relationship, but if it was a mature 18 year old, then I would be much more understanding of the situation and let it go without more than an eyeroll.

* = if they are actually pursuing the relationship seriously; I definitely consider it within the realm of possibility that an 18-year-old would just be in it for some sex or a fling with an older person and doesn't expect anything serious to come of it, in which case, I again roll my eyes and leave them to it. I sure as hell would have jumped RDJ or Johnny Depp at 18 (or even younger) and if someone has managed to find attraction to a person that much older than them that is 'real'/accessible to them, then I sure as hell can't throw stones at them.

Re: Question about age differences

[(Anonymous)]

A. I think so.
B. I think so.
C. Why would that be different?

18 y/o with 22 y/o - fine
25 y/o with 35 y/o - fine
30 y/o with 50 y/o - fine

Those ages are arbitrary but they're examples of what I think is acceptable.

Re: Question about age differences

[(Anonymous)]

An 18 year old shouldn't try a relationship with anyone over 30, honestly. It's their choice and it's not illegal since they're technically an adult, but imo it's the same problem with a teen dating someone 20+. They're both in completely different parts of their lives that shouldn't be (and almost always isn't) compatible.

I always feel like there's definitely something off about a person that dates people years younger than them, with the gap depending on their ages. A guy in his mid-20's only dating barely legal? Likely can't deal with someone his own age that is not as naive as most teens. Same if they're in their 30s-40s looking for 20-year-olds because people their own age aren't interested in their bad personality.

Re: Question about age differences

[cbrachyrhynchos]

Depends largely on the people involved, how they met, and what they're getting from the relationship. Yeah, I think chickenhawks (of either gender) tend to be creepy. So are relationships where there's a power imbalance (professor/student supervisor/employee).

However, hooking up for an explicit one-nighter or age differences among people who know each other through religious, social, volunteer, or professional communities? Not so creepy.

Re: Question about age differences

[caerbannog]

Yes.
Yes.
Bonus yes.