fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2628 ]

[ SECRET POST #2628 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2628 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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06. [repeat]

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[ ----- SPOILERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]

07. [SPOILERS for Sherlock]

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[ ----- TRIGGERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]

08. [SPOILERS for The Wayfarer Redemption series/Sinner]
[WARNING for rape/incest]

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09. [WARNING for suicide]

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10. [WARNING for suicide]

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11. [WARNING for rape/abuse/etc (unmarked by OP, but I'd assume it applies)]

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12. [WARNING for rape]

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13. [WARNING for eating disorders]

[Bleach]

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #375.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 1 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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NAYRT, but the AYRT does have a point. We don't know where the Secret OP lives or what their situation is, and while there is a good chance that counseling is available to them, it might either have not helped or it might not be something available to them.

"Just pick and leave" wouldn't be my own first suggestion to someone suicidal, but I'd hardly dismiss it as an option given the situations some of these people might very well be living in.

I'd say in most situations it's pretty bad, short-sighted advice. If the problem is the OP, it sounds like it, then how will going somewhere else help? It will probably be just a band-aid.

Unless you are some specific subset of person, going some random place with no money, plans, or resources and embracing homelessness will almost definitely not help.

And OP might be that specific subset of person? Everyone else - including myself - is mostly suggesting hotlines to the secret OP, counseling, etc. What the AYRT was offering was another alternative if counseling isn't available, or if OP already sought counseling and it didn't help.

It might be like putting a band-aid on a bullet wound, sure, but a band-aid sure as hell beats doing nothing if you've got nothing else on hand.

Yeah sorry, "specific subset of person" was supposed to indicate "people who aren't suicidally depressed"+"people who can embrace temporary distraction".

I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree on this being terrible advice.

If you say so, but then I do ask this: let's say secret OP tried to get counseling and none of the ones they have access to helped them at all. And there is no one in their life they can talk to, and their current life situation is the cause of their suicidal feelings in the first place. What would you suggest to them then?

Yeah, just packing up and winging it is a terrible thing to do...but if you are already on the verge of suicide with absolutely nothing else having helped and no where else to go, then really, at that point, what have you got to lose?

Your life. Dying of exposure or say, rationalizing that you are already off the grid and presumed dead, so why not just...

This is a horrifically bad piece of advice to a person when we don't even know the context of their suicidal thoughts.

Sure, if they are in a truly horrible environment, escape would be good. But what if they are in a loving supportive family but have clinical depression, or were perfectly normal until a truly horrible reaction to meds?

Not to mention if they are on meds they need, being homeless? Kinda crimps your style on getting more.

Stupid advice is stupid.

Stupid what ifs are stupid. It's good advice for certain people in certain situations.

Re: da

scrubber - 2014-03-15 01:36 (UTC) - Expand

Re: da

insanenoodlyguy - 2014-03-15 02:04 (UTC) - Expand

(reply from suspended user)

Your life. Dying of exposure or say, rationalizing that you are already off the grid and presumed dead, so why not just...

In that case I'm really not that much worse off, am I?

Re: OP

insanenoodlyguy - 2014-03-15 02:13 (UTC) - Expand

Re: OP

(Anonymous) - 2014-03-15 02:16 (UTC) - Expand

Re: OP

insanenoodlyguy - 2014-03-15 02:18 (UTC) - Expand

Re: OP

chardmonster - 2014-03-15 02:23 (UTC) - Expand

Re: OP

(Anonymous) - 2014-03-15 02:34 (UTC) - Expand

Re: OP

chardmonster - 2014-03-15 02:39 (UTC) - Expand

Re: OP

(Anonymous) - 2014-03-15 02:43 (UTC) - Expand

(reply from suspended user)

Re: OP

(Anonymous) - 2014-03-15 04:36 (UTC) - Expand

Re: OP

othellia - 2014-03-15 06:00 (UTC) - Expand

Sure, if they are in a truly horrible environment, escape would be good.

Which was pretty much the only situation this advice would apply to.

As I mentioned, this is NOT a first choice or second or whatever. It's the last choice, for someone who is in that very kind of horrible situation and has no other option to them. This advice would, obviously, not apply to the vast majority of people feeling suicidal. But maybe there's a chance it does apply to the OP and it wasn't something they thought of before. There are SO MANY possibilities and acting as if "go seek counseling" or "talk to someone" are the only options possible is counterproductive because then the next idea might very well be "well, those didn't work, and those were the only possibilities I heard of, so obviously I'm just a lost cause".

There was a reason why I used the "band-aid on a bulletwound" analogy above. It's only saving grace and the only reason I or anyone would suggest is that it's better than 'caving in'/committing suicide, and OP might very well be at that stage. Or not - who knows. Most of the people on this thread are either random Internet people telling the secret OP to not kill themselves or they - like what I did - started linking to various hotlines and support sites for people in that position. That was my first response, and I stick by trying counseling and hotlines as a first response. I just don't see the sense in acting as if it's the only response.

"absolutely nothing else having helped and no where else to go"

we really don't KNOW this situation. it's a last resort and by itself could be lethal. jesus.

homelessness has a high mortality rate, and fuck, as someone who did a homeless girl a favour last week by buying her dinner and then as per her request, dropping her off at her rapist's house, i'm really really doubtful it's good advice unless you KNOW the person VERY WELL. and it's going to be safer for physically healthy adult men.

Re: da

nyxelestia - 2014-03-15 02:23 (UTC) - Expand

I'm the original anon, and this is basically what I'm saying. I'm not actually suggesting that homelessness is what OP should be gunning towards. Ideally, they could set themselves up somewhere else with little hassle. I was just bringing up the thought that if they ARE scared of becoming homeless, depending on where you are or what you're doing, it's not all that bad.

Like I said, being homeless wasn't some sort of nirvana for me, but it did actually give me some amount of peace in ways I didn't expect.

I wouldn't advocate packing up and leaving unless it was the only option they felt they had. But sometimes shedding the skin of your old life is the only thing you can do. Even the most effective.

I was just trying to suggest something they might not have considered, because I assume they would have been told at some point about hotlines and counselling, which are much more ideal.

I do believe you are trying to be helpful, but this advice is of the sort that can backfire catastrophically

Possibly, I know. I hope that OP could find help in more conventional ways. But I guess I just read OP's secret as being very dire (as in, I'm just trying to build up the courage, and then I'm killing myself). If they're at that stage, I figure they've either tried other things or they wouldn't consider them no matter what.

Packing up and moving away is extreme (although I'm not even suggesting OP break contact with everyone), but it's just...a stop gap, I guess, before killing yourself.

I only brought up the homeless thing because I thought they might have been afraid that might happen to them if they try to move, and I wanted to tell them that even in that you can find peace and still live.

And sometimes even if things go badly, when you want to kill yourself, just being given new things to think about, entirely new problems to tackle can make your mind wake up and you start to notice other things. That's my experience, anyway.

Re: da

nyxelestia - 2014-03-15 02:58 (UTC) - Expand

Well, if it's not too cold or dangerous... It's a thought anyway.
a da

Scrubber, many a person has been psychologically helped by riding the rails and whitewashing fences for biscuits. Stop being so insensitive.

I know, I know. OP needs to find themselves through the beauty of nature and the tweeness of small-town folk philosophy.

Just like Christopher McCandless! As long as they avoid Alaska everything should be fine.

(reply from suspended user)

I know that, but you still have a serious leg-up over the well-meaning dopes of the internet. I value your voice in these discussions more than someone who has no experience but a lot of opinions.

...Also, let's be real, if you were a doctor people would still blow you off whenever it was convenient.

Edited 2014-03-15 02:26 (UTC)

(reply from suspended user)

So this particular advice doesn't work for you - why do you have to come in here and be an ass about it? OP and Anon that suggested it might very well be in that specific subset of people.

And it might be a band-aid or a stop-gap measure but that doesn't mean it's not helpful. Band-aids are helpful in their own way.

And that's fine, but please, avoid Alaska.

Or you know, anywhere cold. US centric again.

Partner (we come from a hot climate) remembers visiting North America and finding homeless people as piles of occasionally moving snow in Toronto. Pretty shocking.

US centric again.

You don't miss a beat do you.

Re: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christopher_McCandless

(Anonymous) - 2014-03-15 03:25 (UTC) - Expand

Incredible.

scrubber - 2014-03-15 03:30 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Incredible.

(Anonymous) - 2014-03-15 03:33 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Incredible.

scrubber - 2014-03-15 03:45 (UTC) - Expand

(reply from suspended user)

+1

cutting most of my ties and moving to another country was exactly what pushed me from "extreme depression" to "actively planning fool-proof suicide methods." at the time it felt like I was finally taking meaningful action.

then again, if OP's situation is abusive family or other abusive social situation, it might be helpful to get away. maybe stay with a reliable friend if that's feasible? like you said, we don't know the situation

I picked up and left, and it's probably while I'm alive. I'm not going to *tell* the OP to do that, but neither did the person who left the comment.

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