[ SECRET POST #2790 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2790 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 069 secrets from Secret Submission Post #399.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

So.....

[(Anonymous)]

Intellectually I understand that men can be abused by their girlfriend and it can really be distressing for them just like with women.

But I still feel like if I ever saw or knew a guy who was abused by his girlfriend, I would be unable to stop myself from feeling vaguely amused by and contemptuous of his weakness.

This really bothers me.

Re: So.....

[(Anonymous)]

As it should, since it's both obviously wrong and straightforwardly a result of sexist patriarchal thinking.

Re: So.....

[(Anonymous)]

It should. it's a shitty reaction.

Re: So.....

[(Anonymous)]

I know exactly what you mean.

I feel less bad about it, at least less bad for the man. Think about it. You have been socialized, by men, to consider women of no threat to a man.
Thee feeling you have are a symptom of "The Patriarchy" (scare quotes because I don't like the term, but it is the best word of the idea I'm suggesting) and just another bit of sexist bullshit against us.

Re: So.....

[(Anonymous)]

Wait, so... you're seriously saying that looking down on male abuse victims is okay? Because when you look down on them for being abused, you're really the one who's suffering from sexism? Please tell me I'm misreading you.

Re: So.....

[(Anonymous)]

Well, I'm glad you're bothered by it. That's a start, at least.

I really hate that a lot of people think this way and aren't bothered by it, though.

- they are holding someone in contempt for being abused.
- abuse is not necessarily physical.
- it keeps abused people from seeking help for fear of being mocked and seen as weak.
- it promotes the idea that a man always SHOULD be stronger than a woman.

Re: So.....

[elaminator]

I don't know what else to say other than I agree wholeheartedly and well said. This line of thinking (men can't be abused, or 'wow, he must be weak') worries me.

Re: So.....

[morieris]

Well that's a shitty mindset.

Re: So.....

[(Anonymous)]

I know everyone is going to tell you that you suck.

But I don't think you do, because I don't believe you're right about yourself. You feel like you'd be unable to not be amused and contemptuous? I think that would change if you actually knew a guy like that.

Society loves to play the guy being abused by a girl as comedy. The situation seems ridiculous because everyone keeps telling you it is... as a far-away idea that happens to Other People. Ha-ha, what a wuss and a weakling. Nobody you know would react like that.

But one day you go to school, or work, or the bus stop, and there's a woman yelling at a man. Telling him he's a worthless sack of shit, he doesn't deserve to live, that his family and friends would be better off without him, that he doesn't deserve her, and he takes it and looks like maybe he agrees. Like he's sorry he sucks so much, or exists at all. She storms off. He's just as embarrassed and awkward as everybody else and can't meet anybody's eyes when he tries to tell them that she's not always like that. She loves him, really. They're engaged, in fact.

Would you still think that's funny?

If so, then maybe I'm wrong.

Re: So.....

[(Anonymous)]

See I agree OP does not suck.
HOWEVER
"But one day you go to school... there's a woman yelling at a man... looks like maybe he agrees... They're engaged, in fact."
This is definitely not abuse. if it is it's self inflicted because he already feels this way about himself, but even if you consider him a victim, what precisely is he a victim of? Is he harmed by harsh words? Then he's a joke, and genuinely does not deserve a relationship with an actual human being.

Re: So.....

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, you are an asshole. Probably like the ones in these videos.

http://youtu.be/u3PgH86OyEM
http://youtu.be/LlFAd4YdQks

Re: So.....

[kallanda_lee]

Would it really amuse you? I mean, maybe if it´s a sterotype of hurr durr she threw my stiletto at me, but if you´d actually see a guy with a black eye, or one who was traumatized enough by abuse to flinch at your touch - would that really amuse you?

I think the reason that female violence against men is perceived as comical, is because the media often presents it that way. I daresay, that if you are a decent human being, and knew an actual male abuse victim, you would likely feel differently.

Re: So.....

[(Anonymous)]

Not OP, but yes. It really would amused me.

Re: So.....

[kaijinscendre]

Well, we all know they are not decent human beings.

Re: So.....

[(Anonymous)]

Trust me, I used to know a man who was both physically and emotionally, abused by his girlfriend and the dynamic is not that different from a relationship where a man is abusing a woman.

Re: So.....

[comradesmiler]

"contemptuous of his weakness"
I'm going to give it to you straight: You're a prick. Because take it from me, If you're reluctant to retaliate against someone you love, be it girlfriend or parents, that's not a weakness. That's a fucking strength. It means you're better than the childish scumbags who resort to violence to get their fucking way.

da

[(Anonymous)]

I wouldn't say it's strength. It's not weakness either, it's neutral, but you're not a stronger person for not exiting an abusive situation, any more than you're a stronger person for getting out.

It's a difference in personality and reaction - and frequently in perception, since a lot of people who are being abused normalize their abuse in some manner - not of strength or weakness.

Definitely agree that OP's an ass, though.

Re: So.....

[kaijinscendre]

As someone whose father was abused by his psychotic (ex) girlfriend, you need to take a hard look at yourself.

Re: So.....

[dethtoll]

At least it bothers you, but I don't think I'd want to be around you. As a victim of abuse by both parents, as well as students and adults at school, as well as a girlfriend when I was in high school, I'm not interested in being in proximity to someone who would just laugh at my pain and call me weak. Even if it bothers you. Because if it bothered you, you wouldn't do it.

Re: So.....

[(Anonymous)]

You probably wouldn't? Unless you are the dick who has been obviously trolling this tread you probably won't be dick to someone who is upset.

It's like if you imagine two hot people making out in front of you, you might think you would be exited by it. While in the real world that sort of pda would make you more uncomfortable then anything else.

Re: So.....

[(Anonymous)]

As long as you know it's not right, you aren't being too bad? I'm pro-choice, but my older brother had a girlfriend who ended up pregnant. She took him to an appointment and he saw his child via ultrasound. He was so excited, and then she aborted it behind his back without at least letting him know beforehand. He was devastated. It infuriates me knowing this. I think it's in human nature to have conflicting views and feelings, ya know?

Re: So.....

[solticisekf]

A.C.Doyle had a character who is abused by his wife, but thought that it's ok, because he saw how girls suffer - his mother or someone else.

Re: So.....

[anonymous4]

I used to feel a bit like that -- with the difference between what I knew to be true and what I felt -- but then one of my friends told me he'd been beaten up by his ex-girlfriend (more than once) and explained how he'd just curled up into a ball because there was no way he would hit her back, and I found that my respect for him actually increased.

Re: So.....

[nyxelestia]

Well, the fact that it bothers you is a start.

I'm not surprised, though - society and popular media has consistently and repeatedly played male victims of abuse and rape as comedic.

But that's often attached to a specific portrayal, one that tends to veer towards the unrealistic. But as kallanda_lee put it, if you were dealing with an actual abuse victim in real life with actual injuries and trauma, you would probably be at least sympathetic, regardless of their gender, by virtue of interacting with, well, a non-comedic version of this dynamic.

I think the fact that knowing this potential attitude about yourself is, alone, proof that if/when you run into male victims in real life, probably you'll find yourself far more sympathetic to them than you currently expect.

Re: So.....

[(Anonymous)]

So you're an asshole. It's pretty simple and easy to understand.