[ SECRET POST #2793 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2793 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.


__________________________________________________



02.


__________________________________________________



03.


__________________________________________________



04.


__________________________________________________



05.


__________________________________________________



06.


__________________________________________________



07.


__________________________________________________



08.


__________________________________________________



09.


__________________________________________________



10.


__________________________________________________



11.










Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 036 secrets from Secret Submission Post #399.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

*sobs*

[(Anonymous)]

I started up an RP blog in my fandom and I just wrote my first real scene and another RPer said my portrayal of the character was exactly how they imagined them and I was going to squee about that but I also have a serious school-related uncertainty that's making me anxious enough to cry and it's clouding my mind and I don't know when or if I'll get it worked out why am I even in school anyway is it because I'm still not ready for the real world after 2█* years, is it because my dad has two doctorates and my mom has a master's and they would never have heard a word otherwise, is it because I was raised in a wealthy educated community and it was just so utterly expected of me, I don't even know...

What am I going to do? Please, I don't have the energy to explain the actual problem, long-winded and complicated as it is, but I really really want some encouragement and good feelings and things from you guys because oh god I'm gonna panic.

*Censored because I'm embarrassed at how old I am and still in school, still so much an incompetent, useless child. What I'll always be...

Re: *sobs*

[(Anonymous)]

Ack, didn't think before posting. If anyone finds this triggery or something, tell case to delete it, I've got the text saved and can redo it as a second post.

Re: *sobs*

[(Anonymous)]

It'll be okay. You will figure this out eventually. You are going to be fine. You are not useless. Nobody is useless. Virtual hugs if you want them.

Re: *sobs*

[(Anonymous)]

*whimpers and accepts hugs* I'm in such a fucked-up state right now...think I'll take a walk...do things that make me feel competent and adult-like...buy some groceries. Easy to buy groceries. Not hard. Not complicated like school. Better leave before I annoy you all to death...hopefully when I come back I'll be more...mature-sounding, I guess...

Re: *sobs*

[(Anonymous)]

NAYRT but you're not annoying us. It's okay. It's all good. We understand, sometimes shit feels like it's too much. Please don't worry about bothering us if you want to talk about it.

Re: *sobs*

[dethtoll]

I was in school a lot longer than I intended myself so don't feel too bad.

Re: *sobs*

[silvereriena]

I'm in a program with people as old as 30 so don't feel embarrassed. Do you like what you're studying? Do you know what you want to do? Even if you don't there are plenty of young people with the same uncertainties of the future. I'm not sure what aspects of your life you are most worried about but I personally find that tackling one issue at a time calms me down even though it's easier to panic about everything going wrong.

I give you all the Internet hugs and seeing as RP is making you happy, I suggest you keep it up.

Re: *sobs*

[kallanda_lee]

I'm not even sure about half the things you want to say, but sweetheart, you sound upset and I think you need to take a step back from this if it's making you feel this way.

What the other RP'er said? That was a compliment - to you, not to anyone else. No one else takes credit for it.

But it seems putting yourself out there like that is making you very stressed.

On the other note: you are not your parents. You do not owe it to them to be a clone copy of them. It's probably a good idea to finish school - but take your time. If you feel you're not ready for the "real world", do not force yourself (though do know that if you're talking highschool, getting out might in fact be an improvement).

You are not useless. Do what makes you happy - that is the way that you will be able to grow.

Re: *sobs*

[(Anonymous)]

I didn't mean to imply that the RP was stressing me out, I'm sorry. It was a completely separate thing, and i mentioned it because it was part of the jumble in my brain (cause before this school thing hit, it was what was on my mind and what I was planning to post about here, as good news). And when it comes to my parents, let's just say they're putting a lot of pressure on me to be...not as good as they are, but a lot better than I am.

Re: *sobs*

[kallanda_lee]

Right, but that might be one of your problems and sources of stress. Doesn't mean they're bad people, just that they don't understand what impact they're having because they're very different people than you.

Sounds like they are part of your source of distress.

Re: *sobs*

[(Anonymous)]

My parents are very much part of my stress in life, yes, but I have little choice but to either rely on them a while longer, or live on the street, which wouldn't be the end of the world if not for the fact that I'm on mutiple medications that keep me sane and I need to afford them.

Re: *sobs*

[kallanda_lee]

Are there places you can get temporary relief from them - like staying with another relative or a friend;, at least for a few days?

And can they be reasoned with, or not at all?

Re: *sobs*

[(Anonymous)]

I was in college until I was in my late twenties. I once met a woman who was still there and in her late 30s to early 40s. It doesn't make you incompetent. I don't know your situation, but if you ask me, not rushing things means you're actually mature and know you shouldn't rush before you're ready. I'm in the working world and let me tell you, I work with a LOT of incompetent "adults."

Re: *sobs*

[(Anonymous)]

I wanted to add that I hear you, though. Is there anyone you can talk to? An advisor or something? Even a place you can go to when you feel stressed now and then? I picked a place hardly anyone ever went, and I'd just sometimes let loose. It helps.

Re: *sobs*

[(Anonymous)]

I emailed my advisor about the problem I'm having but I'm so nervous for her response. She's nice sometimes but I don't completely trust anyone in authority not to invalidate me and talk down to me because I grew up with people never taking me seriously so the expectation is always in the back of my head.

The walk helped a bit though. It's night and it's not too hot or cold. I like night.

Re: *sobs*

[a_potato]

First: deep breath. No, seriously. Stop for a second and take a really deep breath. In fact, take a series of them. Four counts in, four counts out.

Second: separate the RP comment from everything else. That probably sounds really hard, but try. You did something well, and someone's paid you a compliment about it, and you deserve to feel good about that.

As for all the rest, what you're going through is completely normal. The pressures that you feel as a result of your background are felt by many, many people (there was an article in the New Republic not long ago that touches on some of those feelings, although the main thrust is about a different problem). Furthermore, there are a lot of people who remain in school throughout their 20s, and continue even into their 30s. Sometimes, it's because they're passionate and keep alighting on things they want to study, but often, it's because they're not ready to leave school.

Before saying anything else, let me ask you a few things, OP. Have you already gotten a degree? Who's paying for you to remain in school? What would happen if you left?

Re: *sobs*

[(Anonymous)]

I don't enjoy school at all, but I have nothing else to do. I'm too anxious to work and too normal otherwise to get disability. I don't have a degree, my parents are paying for my school, they're "strongly encouraging" me to graduate in the next two years, and if I left, the already stressful friction between us would double, and I don't have the resources to not rely on them yet (if I ever will).

Re: *sobs*

[a_potato]

Is there anything that really piques your interest? And what is it about work that makes you anxious?

Re: *sobs*

[(Anonymous)]

Nothing, and everything, respectively. It's not just feelings of anxiety, I'm on meds for it and tend to go crazy without them, but I don't think that's enough, if the fact that my friend who's disabled physically as well as mentally couldn't get disability payments is any sign. Work environments...I can't imagine one that I'd be able to handle, and people tell me that's a cop-out and I'm just lazy and, well, I am lazy, but this is different, this is completely separate from me not wanting to do an assignment or a chore or something. I've had very bad experiences with employment...

Re: *sobs*

[kallanda_lee]

Sorry to hijack here, but is your anxiety mostly performance related? As in tests, doing well in school, careers - I'm just asking because it sounds familiar.

And what about work environments is daunting - the people, the noise, performance stress itself?

Could working from home be a solution? In that case you could try and steer your studies to that direction?

And do your parents even acknowledge you have anxiety? If not, could you get someone to talk to them about it? Preferably someone with authority. Sounds like they're the kind of people to respond to that.

Re: *sobs*

[a_potato]

I can kind of get that first bit. There's a difference between interest and passion, and sometimes it's hard to study something that doesn't fall into the latter category.

Are you okay with saying what your bad experiences with employment have been? I'll completely admit that I don't know whether I'll be able to help at this point, but I'd love for you to be able to get all of this off your chest, granted that you're willing.

Re: *sobs*

[(Anonymous)]

Aw, I'm sorry. I'm in a really similar place (still in school, having a lot of anxiety about it). I'm 24, but I'm finishing up my associate's degree, and if I want to get a bachelor's degree, I'll still be in school for a while. Some of it is my fault - I kind of gave up for about two years, and didn't really go to school, before going back, and now I keep thinking if I hadn't done that, I could be finished, or maybe working on my bachelor's degree instead.

Anyway, congratulations on the compliment on your blog. :)

Re: *sobs*

[lunabee34]

Don't feel embarrassed. I teach students of all ages, and there's nothing at all embarrassing about learning new things and acquiring new skills.

*hugs*

Re: *sobs*

[(Anonymous)]

Anon.

First and foremost, get a grip.

I'm older than you (30s) and even though I have an Associates' degree and a job, I still don't know what in the hell I want to be when I grow up. And despite my supposed accomplishments, I keep getting pressure from family and former professors to "continue my education" in a way that matches THEIR vision. But I'm taking it one day at a time, and am trying to fill my life with other things as well in the meantime.

(I'm not saying I don't intend to continue my education, but I also know my kind of role is unique and I may have more leeway when it comes to courses and training and better college degrees.)

People go back to school all the time. Sometimes, the education doesn't end. I know people 20, 30 years older than me who just got their Master's. Really. The fact that you're in school is not some sign you're a hopeless case.

You're only a useless, incompetent child if you believe you are. Seriously, get a grip. Why do you think you're useless, etc.? If you keep comparing yourself and your ambitions and happiness to other people's, you're going to be miserable. A degree is not a prize or an end goal. It's just a tool to help you along the way. Just live your life. Know what you want, and if you don't know what you really want, then figure it out and own the shit out of it. Learn to support yourself if you aren't yet, and roll with it. It can be a scary world out there, but it's not impossible to survive.

Re: *sobs*

[(Anonymous)]

I'll be 31 when I graduate. Of course you might think that's embarrassing for me, too but sometimes it helps to remember that other people are in the same or worse situation than you.