[ SECRET POST #394 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #394 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 15 pages, 375 secrets from Secret Submission Post #057.
Secrets Not Posted: 0 broken links, [ 1 ] not!secrets, [ 1 ] not!fandom, [ 1 ] repeat, [ 1 2 ] too big, [ 1 ] personal attack, [ 1 ] we went through this yesterday.
Next Secret Post: Tomorrow, Monday, February 4th, 2008.
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[tealizard.livejournal.com]

Oh I know. But after watching one woman break up with a perfectly good man who dropped out of school just to help support the kid because she got bored of him, and another tell her boyfriend it was ok not to use condoms because she was on BC... only to lie because she wanted to get pregnant so he'd "Have to stay with her", and countless others turn into selfish bitches because they just couldn't wait to jump into bed, and blaming their boyfriends... fuck. I mean. There's a little word. It goes "NO".

Well, they did tell you to brace yourself

[jlarinda.livejournal.com]

Because no girl ever is pressured into having sex. Of course not.

Re: Well, they did tell you to brace yourself

[tealizard.livejournal.com]

If she's raped, like I said, that's another thing.

Now if a guy tells you "well, you'll be cool if you have sex with me", or some other bullshit, wouldn't, in this day and age, you be more worried about being labelled a slut than someone who "isn't easy"?

[jlarinda.livejournal.com]

Didn't you ever hear about girls being told by their bfs that they'd dump them if they didn't sleep with them? Sure, there're tons of stupid kids who have unprotected sex knowing the consequences, or people like the OP's brother's gf. But saying that all girls who get pregnant are 'stupid sluts' is a horrible generalisation.

[tealizard.livejournal.com]

I'm not saying their stupid sluts. And also, I've been pressured. I was able to say "no". It's more easy than you think.

[jlarinda.livejournal.com]

The OP was. And you were agreeing with them.

Just because YOU could say 'no', it doesn't mean every single young girl will have the same strong will or w/e. Personal experience =/= every single person in the world's experience.

[fairness.livejournal.com]

Oh man, you should've gone to university with her. I can't even count the times she threw the kid in daycare so she could skip university to go get drunk with Nick and co.

[tealizard.livejournal.com]

Fuck. She was such a whore. I mean, he was such a good friend to me for the first couple of years of highschool. And he dropped out of school JUST TO TAKE CARE OF HER. Ugh ugh UGH people like that.

[fairness.livejournal.com]

I remember I mentioned her situation in stupid_free once and they threw the "WELL AS LONG AS THE KID IS HAPPY AND HEALTHY, WHO CARES WHAT SHE DOES" ... except, you know, shoving your kid in daycare so you can get wasted, constantly arguing with the kid's father in his presence, and not feeding him properly =/= healthy and happy.

It was retarded. XD

[tealizard.livejournal.com]

Seriously. The "Mother's should be able to have fun too" movement is going a bit far. Lets try "mothers should have fun but remember their number one responsibility is to the child that they need to feed, clothe, and love"

[linkeepsitreal.livejournal.com]

Why isn't the boy expected to abstain? What if you want to have sex, just not get pregnant?

You can be as smart as you want about it, sometimes it still happens. Doesn't make you dumb, or a slut, or a money-grabbing bitch trying to "trap" your boyfriend. Sometimes it just means you're unlucky.

[tealizard.livejournal.com]

The boy should abstain too, sure. But the girl gets to say no to the guy, or the guy can say no to the girl (since guys aren't the ONLY sex feinds out there).

Unlucky? The moment you have sex with a guy while you're unable to financially support yourself, well... Then you're stepping into it. Accidents happen, but can be easily prevented. If you're a 16 year old who IS financially supporting themselves, sure. But you're probably still not mentally ready for that kind of thing.

[linkeepsitreal.livejournal.com]

The thing is, if I want to have sex when I'm 16, I should be allowed to. I'm 18 now and have abstained, so it's not like I'm trying to defend myself. Sex isn't just about babies in this day and age: you can be smart about it and it can still happen. Sex is also about wanting to be with the person you love.

If I am in a committed relationship, want to make love with my boyfriend because WE LOVE EACH OTHER, and use birth control pills AND condoms and I still get pregnant? I don't see how that makes me a stupid slut.

My point being, I don't want to be judged because I am young and want to be with my boyfriend. It doesn't mean I'm not responsible, especially if I do everything I possibly can to prevent such a consequence.

Because, no. Sometimes they can't be prevented. Birth control is still not 100% effective. You can, though it's rare, get pregnant while on the pill. Condoms break, and even if they don't, they AREN'T 100% effective.

And my boyfriend can put on his own condom. I don't need to remind him.

Sorry, I just really disagree with you.

[tealizard.livejournal.com]

at 16 years old, I'm sorry, but you're not mentally capable of forming a **~~LONG~LASTING~BOND~~** It rarely happens. During that period, you're usually dating around, getting a feel for what you want in a S.O. I know... one couple that has been together since highschool, and they're... oh god, so fucked up.

Also this bothers me:

"And my boyfriend can put on his own condom. I don't need to remind him."

Noo, but a guy that's really excited to have sex can forget, so you damn well better say "oh what about the condom"? If you care about your body and the possible consequences of having sex than you'd best be double checking for your good and his. Just as much as he should say "you're on the pill, right".

[linkeepsitreal.livejournal.com]

I'm not responding to that first part. You're simply passing judgment and I refuse to even dignify it with an answer.

I was not saying I don't share responsibility in birth control. I was trying to say that HE has EQUAL responsibility - it's not MY JOB ALONE. He's capable of contributing, especially if he wants to have sex. Neither of us are excused simply because we're "excited."

If I am blamed for a pregnancy because I purposefully didn't take birth control in order to get pregnant? Fine. Fair. I did that to myself.

If I get pregnant because a condom breaks? It isn't MY FAULT alone.

[dev-chieftain.livejournal.com]

Okay, let's just take this aside and clarify something. What exactly do you mean by "long lasting bond"? Are you saying that a human being is incapable of the strong emotions necessary to be in "love" at the tender age of sixteen?

Setting aside the fact that theoretically you should be in love with your family platonically by this age, let's first look at this historically, and then psychologically.

Historically, people were married and set for life usually between the ages of 12-18 in Western society. People could be married and sexually active much earlier than this (as early as 9, which, despite every stupid piece of fiction ever, is the earliest age a girl can get her period. Trust me: I speak from experience.), but it was downright STRANGE and considered undesirable to wait beyond the age of, say, 20 to marry. This is not just because the lifespan of a human being varies depending on the society her or she lives in (making 20 sometimes middle-aged for people in certain unlucky points in history), but because physically, it is an enormous health risk to bear children after the age of thirty, and usually impossible by the time you are forty (thanks to menopause).

Psychologically speaking, humans develop in several quick stages early on. From 1-3, they are infantile. They tend to be developing basic behavioral patterns, and such important skills as "motor control". Memory is not a very strong part of this stage of development. Humans are at their most exploratory at this age. From about 4-7, they are "children", and while memory is still difficult to maintain, it's stronger. Children at this age group begin to learn about concepts such as lying-- the possibility that what they are told may not in fact be true. From about 9-12 they are "pre-adolescent", and while they show the more full scope of human cognition and ability that we recognize in adults, certain hormones are not necessarily being produced within them at this time, which somewhat limits their capacity for thought and emotion by comparison to their elders. It is not that they cannot EXPERIENCE these deeper cognitive processes and emotions, so much as that the experience, if it occurs, will be very difficult if not impossible for them to define. It should also be noted that the most "learning" one does is done from ages 1-5, and following that the mind is less receptive to outside input and information. From 13-25, you are completing your growth into adulthood, but psychologically speaking, 13-25 year olds are alreayd capable of the full range of thought and emotion available to humanity as we know it.

So, in short, you are completely wrong: 16 year olds are not only historically capable of forming or being forced into a long lasting bond, but fully physically and psychologically capable of forming a long lasting bond if they so choose and if fortune happens to grant them such a thing. Perhaps you and I would not be so interested in developing an emotional dependency like that, but it is FAR from impossible.

[jlarinda.livejournal.com]

Because all grown up relationships end up perfectly! No one's EVER divorced, rite?

You become magically able to find your one true love the second you become 21 years old.

[coutureable.livejournal.com]

Thank you for being smart, it's obviously so hard for tealizard.

A MEMBER OF CF_HARDCORE - no wonder you are so against sex. Idiot.

[moebot.livejournal.com]

That is really far from being the "norm." That's where all the ?!?!?! is coming from. That's one experience. It happened similarly to someone extremely close to me (like... family close. Biological parent close) and affected my life negatively, but I don't go around making judgment calls based on one experience that clearly is not as widespread as two teenagers having sex and making an accidental baby.

Because, you know. One experience =/= all experiences.

[tealizard.livejournal.com]

Man, I know GOOD teenage parents too. I'm not saying I don't. I'm just saying I don't have any pity for someone who JUST CAN'T WAIT TO HAVE SEXIES WITH HER BELOVEDDDDD.

[moebot.livejournal.com]

I have sympathy for teen mothers because just looking at a person, I can't know her life story. Maybe she was a stupid kid who didn't use BC or condoms. Maybe she did it to trap a man. Maybe she didn't know anything about sex-ed because of abstinence only education, was coerced into sex, and wasn't allowed to get an abortion. Maybe she is a married woman. Maybe she slept around with 50 different guys. Maybe she was raped. Maybe it's a product of incest. Maybe maybe maybe.

I can't know these things so I don't pretend that I do. It is obviously your perogative if you don't want to pity somene. I'm just saying that judging people without getting to know them first kinda sucks.

[tealizard.livejournal.com]

I don't judge them. I simply save my sympathy for cancer patients and sick children. I don't look at them and go "what an IDIOT" if I don't know them. I simply don't look at them and go "that poor thing"

[moebot.livejournal.com]

Faaaaair enough. Thanks for being cool about this convo.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm sorry you feel you have a limited amount of sympathy. :( I'm sure the cancer patients are super-grateful, though.

[jewbrat.livejournal.com]

well imagine how awful you're going to feel when a teenage mother you branded an "idiot" turns out to be a rape victim.