[ SECRET POST #3155 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3155 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.


__________________________________________________



02.


__________________________________________________



03.


__________________________________________________



04.


__________________________________________________



05.


__________________________________________________



06.


__________________________________________________



07.


__________________________________________________



08.


__________________________________________________



09.















Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 039 secrets from Secret Submission Post #451.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

I'm a 22 cis female, and I got really sexual with a 35 year old man last night. It was in his truck. It was manual sex, and he was totally focused on pleasing me, and didn't mind that he didn't get to finish at all (he didn't want to make a mess in the truck).

It was pretty hot.

But he has a girlfriend (ugh, I hate myself right now). And he asked me what I expected from this whole thing, and I wanted to say "nothing, I want to have fun, I don't care. I'm bitter from my abusive, cheating ex boyfriend." but instead told him it was reckless and we're horrible for it and should stop. He respected that and agreed.

He's being very sweet about it and we still talk. He likes asking me about my day and stuff, he tells me about his. We joke around, etc. We've been friends for a few months now, we used to work together.

I feel like shit. I feel hurt that I would even ENTERTAIN the mere thought of hooking up with a man who's involved, let alone actually doing it. I also feel hurt that I've developed feelings for him. As if anything would happen though, I wouldn't be with someone who was cheating on his woman for me.

I keep convincing myself that he's done this before, but I don't know. It's fucked up, but it comforts me feeling like I'm not the only one. I don't want to be the only one.

Anyways. I've only ever been sexual with one man before him, and he was an asshole to me and was not sexually satisfying at all in any way. That relationship lasted 3 and a half years. Not using this as an excuse, just throwing this out there. I don't even know where my behaviour is coming from.

I just thought I'd share. I hope no one shits on me, but it is what it is.

[(Anonymous)]

Nobody's perfect. What's done is done, and what's important is to figure out how to do better going forward.

[(Anonymous)]

SA - but the corollary of that observation is that it's important to do work and actually figure out why it happened and what actual changes you can make to not do it again

and in your case, it sounds like that's finding a partner who can not be an asshole, sexually speaking

[(Anonymous)]

I'm sorry about your abusive ex.

I'm glad you had a better experience, but you should probably stay away from this guy for both your sakes, and the sake of his girlfriend.

[(Anonymous)]

We all do things we regret, anon.

You did call a stop to it and maybe you can carry on being friends without the sexual component?

[(Anonymous)]

Well, I mean, clearly you're horrible. Oh, wait, no you're not. These things happen, and it took 2 to make it happen. Don't be so hard on yourself or your feelings. But I'd definitely encourage you to continue not entertaining a relationship with him. Not so much because it makes you the other woman, but because if he'll cheat on her, he'll cheat on you.

Just try to think about like having some good sex in a one-time situation a d move on. As friends if you can or cut loose if you can't.

[(Anonymous)]

I don't feel the need to emphasize this, because AYRT clearly understands it, but it is a morally wrong thing to do, and you have to consider it as such.

[(Anonymous)]

The thing about morals, is everyone can have a different set.

[(Anonymous)]

That is a fucking stupid thing to say.

[(Anonymous)]

Sure, but it kind of behooves you to actually make some kind of constructive case about why a particular moral stance is or is not justified. You can't just leave it at "morals vary" and shrug, not if you want to have any kind of moral code at large. Like, you could make the same argument against literally any moral statement, couldn't you?

[(Anonymous)]

Take the fact that you feel bad now as a good lesson to remember to avoid in the future -- I know it's cliched or cheesy to say so, but seriously, making mistakes and saying "never doing that again" is a much stronger way of learning things than just telling yourself "that's stupid, I'm never going to do that."

Anyway, you're not a horrible person. A horrible person is someone who excuses their bad actions and/or keeps doing them while knowing it's wrong. Anyone is capable of doing one bad thing if they're in the right set of circumstances.

[(Anonymous)]

I cheated on my partner of many years at a party where me and another dude were drunk. He had a wife he was having trouble with. I had been having trouble with my partner. We had sex one other time and then ended it. (He was an asshole anyway who I know cheated on his wife a lot and it was a mistake and a learning experience for me. That was my first time cheating and the only other person I'd been with in my thirty years. I'm an asshole I know.) Anyway, point is we all make mistakes and as long as you know this is a mistake and you know that this dude is probably just using you, then if it makes you feel good I say keep on. But if you feel guilty and shitty and confused, maybe you should step back and reconsider.

You are not the only one, trust me.

[(Anonymous)]

People make mistakes and you're right about the age where it's normal (if frustrating) to make some doozies. Don't beat yourself up about it too much, but do yourself a favor-- if you're developing feelings for this guy, cut waaaaaaaaay back on contact with him. You probably won't want to offend him or hurt his feelings, but honestly, this is a situation where you need to do what's right for you. Tell him you still have some unresolved thoughts about what happened, you need a break from socializing with him, and you'll let him know when you're ready to talk again. No contact is probably the best idea, really, at least until you get your head straight.

[(Anonymous)]

DA - This is some really good advice imo.

[(Anonymous)]

You can't change the past, only the present. You made a terrible mistake, but what's done is done. Use it as a learning experience and move on. And yes, you should move on. If you're upset your ex cheated on you, you shouldn't stick around a man who cheats. I'll be blunt, he's cheating on her, he'll cheat on you, too. Ask him for some space and let your feelings for him go away.

[(Anonymous)]

You know you abetted a wrong action already, so the important thing is that you learn from it. I'd cut off contact with this guy if I were you, and find some other guy, not involved, to develop feelings for. Lots of terrific guys out there. :)

[(Anonymous)]

DA

Yeah, I agree with this. I think maintaining contact with him is (a) keeping temptation right in your grasp, and (b) not really fair/kind to his gf.

[(Anonymous)]

The feel good shit in this thread is sickening. You were wrong OP. He was wrong. When you're wrong, it's ok to feel bad.

[(Anonymous)]

Sure, she should feel bad. But she should also accept what she did and move on. The guy is a scumbag, and if she sticks around she's just going to fall into the trap of 'maybe I'm different, teehee'. It's also really shitty for his girlfriend. Especially since she knows how it feels to be cheated on.

[elaminator]

I don't see it as 'feel good'. I don't think anyone is implying that what OP did was fine, just that she's made a mistake and obviously can't take it back.

OP did an awful thing, he did too, and I think her feelings of guilt are perfectly reasonable given the situation, but I mean...what else are we supposed to say, you know?

IMO OP, it would be best if you distance yourself from this guy; I can't see this situation ending well if you stay friends with him.

[(Anonymous)]

She was 22 and emotionally vulnerable. He was 35 and should fucking know better, and there's almost no possible way he didn't know better. Yeah, OP made a mistake, but let's not pretend they're equally liable here.

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, no. A twenty two year old will still know helping a guy cheat on his girlfriend is a fucking horrid and scumbaggy thing to do, ESPECIALLY when she was hurt by a guy cheating on her as well. All the shitty feelings she felt when she found out he cheated on her is exactly how this guys' girlfriend is going to feel. She's not innocent by any stretch.

[herpymcderp]

I wouldn't say it's exactly your obligation to police someone else in what they want to do outside the bounds of a relationship. Maybe he's deeply unhappy in said relationship and is looking for a reason/way to end it. Maybe being open is a thing that has been discussed and he wanted to test it out.

You don't really know what's going on and you shouldn't feel bad unnecessarily.

I tell people straight up that I'm attached if I'm going to have sex with them, but I also make sure to let them know that I have an open relationship so it's not going to wind them up in any trouble later. It just stops people from catching feelings if everything is laid out up front, I find.

It seems a lot less dickish that he'd admit his status to you rather than trying to hide it, tbh, but that said I don't know the whole story either so... who knows. He might well be an asshole who's playing with everyone's emotions.

[(Anonymous)]

unless you're asking about specific STDs you could have contracted idg why you thought mentioning you were cis was necessary lmao

[(Anonymous)]

Idk exactly either but I found the information relevant as there are particular norms around cis-heterosexual sex / monogamy / cheating.