case: (Default)
Case ([personal profile] case) wrote in [community profile] fandomsecrets2015-11-22 03:58 pm

[ SECRET POST #3245 ]


⌈ Secret Post #3245 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 067 secrets from Secret Submission Post #464.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

(Anonymous) 2015-11-22 09:10 pm (UTC)(link)
You remind me of the girls who says "I want to be raped by *hot guy*!!!". I seriously doubt you would enjoy a fucked up/abusive relationship in RL.

(Anonymous) 2015-11-22 09:11 pm (UTC)(link)
That was my first thought. Well, "OP sounds young" anyway.
kallanda_lee: (Default)

[personal profile] kallanda_lee 2015-11-22 09:47 pm (UTC)(link)
I...I don't know. It's more subtle in relationship. I think I go for functionally-dysfuctional relationships myself, in a way, and I'd feel sort of uncomfortable in the type of relationship most people want.

Of course it's different if there's an element of abuse, obviously, and it's a problem. But I can understand having the feeling of not seeing the appeal of "normal relationships", though of course normal is relative.

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(Anonymous) 2015-11-22 09:11 pm (UTC)(link)
I've been assured that there's no possible relationship between fiction and real life, so I wouldn't worry about it.
badass_tiger: Charles Dance as Lord Vetinari (Default)

[personal profile] badass_tiger 2015-11-22 09:16 pm (UTC)(link)
Relationships you enjoy seeing in fiction doesn't necessarily equal a relationship you would enjoy being in irl, especially an abusive/screwed up one.
grausam: (Default)

[personal profile] grausam 2015-11-22 09:42 pm (UTC)(link)
I think you probably live too vicariously via fiction. If you have rl relationships or just interactions with, say, a cashier, you'll most likely find that you already prefer people who treat you fairly and with respect.

you're not too fucked up to have a safe relationship that maybe spices things up a little. don't start dating with a lower standard than that.
elaminator: (Hannibal: Alana)

[personal profile] elaminator 2015-11-22 09:47 pm (UTC)(link)
"Healthy relationships are boring" is a sentence I roll my eyes at.

There's a world of difference between finding a fucked up dynamic on tv fascinating and living it yourself. Hopefully at the first sign of someone with Hannibal's proclivities (not just talking about the cannibalism and murder, either; the abuse and the manipulation too) you would run in the other direction rather than stop to think, "Is this feasible?" It really wouldn't be.

(Anonymous) 2015-11-23 01:34 am (UTC)(link)
Haha, me too. Shows little experience with the real thing.

(Anonymous) 2015-11-22 10:06 pm (UTC)(link)
Well, fortunately(?) for you, there are plenty of dysfunctional people out there to be in a relationship with, if you want. But I suspect that once you're actually in an unhealthy relationship, you'll find it's not nearly as hot or romantic as TV and fanfic. Assuming you have even an ounce of sense or self-preservation.

(Anonymous) 2015-11-23 05:21 am (UTC)(link)
Seriously. If you want someone like Hannibal who will even break bones often and stab you, I can put in a sterling recommendation for my exhusband of 10 years, and hes still only 30!

(Anonymous) 2015-11-22 10:15 pm (UTC)(link)
Healthy relationships are only boring to people who are unhealthy and don't want to admit it.

(Anonymous) 2015-11-22 10:41 pm (UTC)(link)
Theeeeeeeere it is

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(Anonymous) 2015-11-22 10:19 pm (UTC)(link)
I generally ship problematic, messed-up ships too, but IRL I prefer un-messed-up relationships. I think it's that way for a lot of people.

(Anonymous) 2015-11-22 11:15 pm (UTC)(link)
Let me tell you about my aunt's sexy unhealthy relationship, OP. She had a kid at 19 and was divorced five years later. She dragged her kid through a series of abusive relationships/marriages with men who were physically abusive and stole their stuff for the next ten years. Those men didn't like the fact that she had a kid, so my cousin grew up without any decent parenting or emotional support, always knowing that if given the choice between his welfare and some dirtbag his mother had met last week, the dirtbag would win. When my aunt finally met the worst dirtbag and my cousin was in his early teens, she shipped him off to live with his father to get him out of the way. Her desperation to love and be loved didn't include her only child, and she was lucky to get out alive. Their relationship is nonexistent now and she's old and lonely and doesn't understand why she has no friends or family willing to stick around.

HAWT, eh?

(Anonymous) 2015-11-22 11:32 pm (UTC)(link)
Dude I ship all kinds of fucked up shit because it's more interesting... In fiction.

I have a healthy relationship going on spanning a few years now. It's far from boring. It's only boring from the outside.
ketita: (Default)

[personal profile] ketita 2015-11-23 12:13 am (UTC)(link)
IRL though "healthy relationship" doesn't mean "nothing ever happens". For most people, navigating everyday life with someone you actually like and enjoy being around is *enough*. There are misunderstandings anyway, stupid shit happens anyway. You find that an unhealthy relationship often is a massive drain on your emotional energy.
It's like how nobody ever wants to actually be the doctor's "interesting case". Trust me, you'd rather be the boring one they send home with instructions to stay in bed for a week and take some ibuprofen.

(Anonymous) 2015-11-23 12:39 am (UTC)(link)
> It's like how nobody ever wants to actually be the doctor's "interesting case". Trust me, you'd rather be the boring one they send home with instructions to stay in bed for a week and take some ibuprofen.


...that statement just hit home for me. Considering lately I've felt like a medical freakshow.

[personal profile] solticisekf 2015-11-23 12:59 am (UTC)(link)
+1
this

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(Anonymous) 2015-11-23 01:54 am (UTC)(link)
Safety and excitement can exist together, OP. If you end up with someone who pushes your limits, you will be much happier (and healthier) with the sort of person who respects 'no'.

There is a reason Will offed himself.
purpleseas: (Default)

[personal profile] purpleseas 2015-11-23 02:14 am (UTC)(link)
Oh yes, I'm sure you want to be gaslit and framed for murder and have your forehead sawed and topple off a cliff and definitely aren't just interested in dramatic, interesting relationships. Lots of healthy relationships in fiction are boring because they're written boringly and not properly integrated into the story. It's not because they're healthy, and certainly not because healthy relationships are boring in real life, it's because the writing blows. Too many writers are hung up on the idea that if there's no major internal conflict between a couple, there's nothing to write about. They neglect some very rich territory in terms of how such a couple deals with an external conflict as a team, how they can support and sustain each other through it, how that bond can motivate them to do things they never thought possible (good or bad!), the impact the conflict has on their daily lives, plans, dreams, intimacy, etc. Any story element can be boring if you don't put any effort or imagination into it.

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(Anonymous) 2015-11-23 03:36 am (UTC)(link)
I can enjoy dysfunctional relations in fiction sometimes, but I wouldn't want one in real life. Plus I can attest from experience dysfunctional relationships can be very dull and repetitive in their own way. What works in fiction doesn't always translate well to real life and visa versa.

(Anonymous) 2015-11-23 03:37 am (UTC)(link)
are you 12

(Anonymous) 2015-11-23 05:24 am (UTC)(link)
One thing to possibly think about, have you ever been involved in friend-drama?

Because online drama can be tons of fun to read about or watch. But real life friend drama tends to be exhausting, miserable, and just all around suck.

Relationships that involve funny feelings in your pants aren't a galaxy away from relationships that don't, so I'd look at the people you like to be friends with.

If you happen to like really really messed up friendships with screaming and drama and abuse IRL then... well, yeah, you might have a problem.
dahli: winnar @ lj (Default)

[personal profile] dahli 2015-11-23 06:55 am (UTC)(link)
I'm almost sure this is a troll.

Almost.