Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2015-12-11 06:13 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2015-12-11 06:13 pm
[ SECRET POST #3264 ]
⌈ Secret Post #3264 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
01.
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02.
[Folgers Coffee Commercial]
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03.
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04.
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05.
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06.
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07.
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08. http://i.imgur.com/DKoxG0z.jpg
[linked for porn; anime character + random dick]
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09. [SPOILERS for London Spy]
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10. [SPOILERS for Fargo]
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11. [SPOILERS for Borderlands 2]
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12. [WARNING for rape]
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13. [WARNING for incest]
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14. [WARNING for suicide]
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15. [WARNING for abuse]
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16. [WARNING for rape]
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17. [WARNING for rape]
http://i.imgur.com/nxf1nRw.jpg
[nudity, porn star James Deen]
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18. [WARNING for rape]
[The Tempest]
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19. [WARNING for noncon/rape]
[Hannibal]
Notes:
Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #466.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
Re: Absolutely.
I mean really dodgy guys like to think of themselves the way you're describing but their past partners might tell you different. You'd never know.
Re: Absolutely.
Re: Absolutely.
So you're arguing based on the current partner (who still loves him) describing him in positive terms? The current partner is usually going to be the biggest defender, even in cases of actual abuse and not just creepiness.
This means absolutely nothing.
Look: I'm not making a specific argument about this dude. He might be perfectly fine! I'm sure there are good guys in the community. I'm saying the nature of hetero dude doms is such that I can't in good conscience point someone toward a minefield and say "jog briskly and probably nothing will explode!"
Re: Absolutely.
Unless there are some statistics I'm not aware of that suggest that heterosexual males who are the dominants in BDSM partnerships are more likely to abuse their partners, I'm not sure either of us can claim we know exactly what the tendency is.
THIS THREAD IS SO CONFUSING
(Anonymous) 2015-12-12 01:46 am (UTC)(link)But I'm not really sure you and chard are even having the same conversation, you seem to be talking past each other here, hence my confusion.
Good day to you both!
Re: THIS THREAD IS SO CONFUSING
I thought chard was disagreeing with that? If not, my bad lol.
Re: THIS THREAD IS SO CONFUSING
See, if a guy is telling me he's a dom... then he's either pretty likely going to be part of that lifestyle or it's something really important to him! Otherwise, how do I know?
If a guy confides this on like the third date or something, and isn't making a big deal of it, that's different. There's a difference between "I am a Dom!" and "I am calling this being a dom because I don't have another word for it, but clearly I've been interacting with you as a normal dude too."
I have certain kinky things I'm into. I am never in a million years telling the vast majority of my friends. I'm a bit more open about it here because people don't know my name or face. If I tell my friend "Hey, Sarah, I'm really into ____!" I must be really, really, really fucking into _____.
Re: THIS THREAD IS SO CONFUSING
It seems there are a few subsets of people. I will say I'm a thing without being into that thing pretty frequently, just because it denotes a casual hobby or interest.
So I could theoretically say, "I'm a polyamourous bisexual man!" and still have never once set foot at a Pride event or similar (activism/protests not included) because I don't really tie that into my identity. I don't feel strongly about it.
So "het male dom" nice guy is probably in my boat, where he's just using that to categorize himself. It's not really a personal identity, it just describes a thing he finds sexually arousing sometimes.
Does that make sense?
Re: THIS THREAD IS SO CONFUSING
Okay, see: this is a different thing. Bisexuality is a sexual orientation. Polyamory is how you engage in relationships--or an orientation. Either way.
"Dom" is neither of these things. It's a bondage-related sexual role.
Re: Absolutely.
Okay, so let me get this straight. You--a dude--are telling a woman who's hinted very strongly she's into kink that she shouldn't trust her experiences with guys into the same things? That's like me telling you what the gay/bi male community is like and that you shouldn't give advice based on things you've actually experienced.
Yeah, this sure sounds like a study that'd actually get funded.
No, but again, one of us is female and the other isn't. Your experiences with hetero guys are by definition really different! They aren't trying to date you. They aren't sending you weird messages.
Look at it this way: assault is absolutely 100% never the victim's fault. But if a younger friend comes up to me and says "hey! there's this frat on campus known for really shady shit holding a party this weekend, should I go alone and get wasted, maybe I'll meet a nice guy" you know damn well what my advice is going to be. And it's not going to involve looking up a study about frat boys so I can provide detailed statistics.
Re: Absolutely.
I'm not sure you're focusing on anything but accusing me of speaking over women at this point though so... I'm just going to bow out.
Re: Absolutely.
I'm pointing it out because you're a good dude and I know you don't mean to. Like I said: by definition you're just not seeing the same stuff. And... look, may I be blunt? I generally don't talk about my worst sexual experiences with guy friends, even very close guy friends. It just won't come up. That doesn't mean they don't trust you or aren't close to you. I'm just saying... well, you're a guy. Just like my guy friends aren't going to talk about certain things with me.
Re: Absolutely.
I don't really have close male friends, per se (well okay, I have one or two, but they're largely not really a part of my life these days).
My close female friends are the only friends with whom I share terrible/traumatic experiences, and in return they talk about similar ordeals. I'd rather not get into specifics.
I don't expect that to be the case for most female-male friendships, but it's true for me personally. The reality that you're talking about might be a common (heteronormative?) one, but it's not my reality.
DA
(Anonymous) 2015-12-12 01:41 am (UTC)(link)Seems like you've decided what you want to believe and nothing is going to convince you.
Re: DA
There are very few people out there who like to introduce themselves by talking about how shitty they are. "Hi! I like long walks on the beach and sometimes feel ashamed about my boundary issues." No, of course not.