[ SECRET POST #3424 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3424 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 15 secrets from Secret Submission Post #488.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

(frozen comment) Re: What media did you instantly regret spending money on?

[ariakas]

I don't actually think they were bugs, I think they were spectacularly bad programming and design decisions that could have won the Derp of the Year Award.

But everyone forgives it that because the story gave them feels.

Also I hear the MP is good but I've never played it.

(frozen comment) Re: What media did you instantly regret spending money on?

[herpymcderp]

The non-functioning prompts is definitely a bug, tho. Otherwise they wouldn't have just randomly decided to work half the time.

(frozen comment) Re: What media did you instantly regret spending money on?

[ariakas]

Every time I think of what a diseased, festering pile of excrement the stealth in that game was, I remember how good it was in Metro 2033/Last Light. IA with Yahtzee: gold-fucking-standard right there. And I think I played the two games too close together to have anything but the worst disdain for TLOU shitting the best when MLL succeeded so brilliantly.

MLL: clear distinction between when you will be heard or seen and when you won't be, which works the same way in every sequence, with hazards you can use to minimize/increase your risk in a predictable fashion. Takedown prompts work 100% of the time when timed correctly.

TLOU: JOEL'S CROUCHED DOWN BEHIND A BOX 1/3 HIS SIZE THREE FEET FROM AN ENEMY BUT HE ~CAN'T BE SEEN~. Next sequence: JOEL IS HALFWAY ACROSS THE MAP BEHIND A SOLID BRICK WALL, TAKES A SINGLE STEP FORWARD AND OH NO~~ THE SAME HUMAN ENEMY SPOTS HIM!!! And, like, you can walk ten feet away from this fungus zombie but only five from this one, but this one spots you no matter what because ~~~~~~drama~~~~~~~. Want to use a takedown? Roll them dice, fucker.

There was a vague sexual threat in there at some point though so it was gritty and real. I do have to give it that.

(frozen comment) Re: What media did you instantly regret spending money on?

[herpymcderp]

Hnnnngh. Metro's stealth was so good that not only did I actually go through the entire game with an (almost) no-kill playthrough, I had FUN doing it.

Compared to that, TLoU's stealth gameplay was straight garbage served on a pile of shit and perfumed with a fart.

And ...I've complained about the ending enough that I won't get too much into it again but... Fuck. At least make it a real dilemma that actually might occur ever in existence. You can't bullshit a neuroscience major on this, guys. You just can't.

(frozen comment) Re: What media did you instantly regret spending money on?

[dethtoll]

Stealth bad in TLOU, good in M2033 (let alone "gold standard"!)

biggest lmao in the world

(it's better in MLL tho)

(frozen comment) Re: What media did you instantly regret spending money on?

[herpymcderp]

We were talking about Last Light. I never finished 2033.

But still, if you count Yahtzee's opinion it's 3 against 1 here.

Metro stealth >>>>>>> TLoU stealth.

(frozen comment) Re: What media did you instantly regret spending money on?

[dethtoll]

Ari specifically mentioned 2033 and called the stealth in the series the gold standard, which is unbelievably wrong.

(It's Thief, but that's neither here or there.)

And of course you never finished 2033, because if you had you'd know how bad the stealth is. I dare you to do the Reds and Nazi levels in Metro 2033 stealthily. I fucking dare you.

(frozen comment) Re: What media did you instantly regret spending money on?

[herpymcderp]

Well... in her defense she's also posting from a phone, so.

In the context of what we've both played and the Zero Punctuation video she's referring to, I'm pretty sure she was actually talking about M:LL.

(frozen comment) Re: What media did you instantly regret spending money on?

[dethtoll]

So typing in "Metro 2033" was just a slip of the thumb, eh.

Anyway I don't watch Zero Punctuation. If I wanted to listen to a grumpy Brit disgorging whole paragraphs about why we're all plebes for liking things, I'd go back to TTLG. As it is, I've had enough pseudo-intellectual white cock for one lifetime.

(frozen comment) Re: What media did you instantly regret spending money on?

[herpymcderp]

Well in that case you might as well just believe both of us that we were definitely talking about M:LL and not 2033, right?

That way you can avoid having to look up the reference and save yourself the white cock.

(frozen comment) Re: What media did you instantly regret spending money on?

[dethtoll]

Then why mention 2033 at all? Oh, right, the stealth in that game is shit so we have to pretend you never said anything about it.

(frozen comment) Re: What media did you instantly regret spending money on?

[ariakas]

I was - as I stated - quoting Yahtzee, who called MLL's stealth the "gold standard" by which other stealth games should be judged. I am posting from a phone and missed a word, but it should be clear since I specifically mention MLL as "brilliant" and not M2033, and make direct comparisons between MLL and TLOU, and not M2033, which one I mean.

So you're deliberately misreading it or you're dense as a sack of hammers.

I dare you to do the Reds and Nazi levels in Metro 2033 stealthily. I fucking dare you.

I did. On Ranger Hardcore. Ask Herp: I finished that game with every military grade bullet I picked up firmly in my own possession.

Why? Because the stealth was reliable and once you knew what you were doing it worked very, very well. It wasn't as good as MLL's, no, but TLOU's was a thousand times worse.

Honestly if quibbling a single poorly worded sentence is all you've got to defend your shitty game by, go to bed and I promise you your TLOU fanboy butthurt will feel better in the morning.

(frozen comment) Re: What media did you instantly regret spending money on?

[dethtoll]

Oh, I'm sorry, I wasn't aware that Yahtzee was the Pope of Gaming.

And if you're calling the stealth in 2033 reliable, well, I can't argue. It was reliably shitty.

But you know what's funny? I don't even care about TLOU all that much. It was a nice game, nice enough to replay a couple times, but you're throwing a screaming fit because I like a game you don't and I don't like the stealth in Metro -- a series I actually ALSO like, in spite of its glaring flaws. All this started because it occurred to me that Herpy seems to run into ALL the bugs, and I couldn't help but wonder how much of those bugs weren't just PEBCAC.

(frozen comment) Re: What media did you instantly regret spending money on?

[ariakas]

Ah yes the old internet "screaming fit."

I made you mad so I win!!!

And Herpy's wrong about them being bugs IMO, it's bad game design. I mean if you're casting PEBCAC aspersions about TLOU I seriously have to cast them about Metro because a five year old could beat some of those stealth sections by just switching off the lightbulbs.

(frozen comment) Re: What media did you instantly regret spending money on?

[dethtoll]

Go ahead and pretend that your ALLCAPS TANTRUMS aren't a screaming fit and are actually cutting rhetorical victories on your part, you clearly need this more than I do.

Anyway, I dunno man, that stairwell in Frontline is just bullshit. Lights off, me in the back, not moving, they'd still rush into the stairwell and perforate me. Stealth was more of a luck-based puzzle than anything else.

Haven't had a chance to play Redux, though, so maybe they fixed it.

(frozen comment) Re: What media did you instantly regret spending money on?

[ariakas]

I - and Yahtzee - were referring MLL. Which is what came out close to TLOU, so that goes without saying?

Reading is hard.

(frozen comment) Re: What media did you instantly regret spending money on?

[dethtoll]

So I hallucinated you mentioning Metro 2033? Okay then.

(frozen comment) Re: What media did you instantly regret spending money on?

[ariakas]

No you just ignored literally everything else I wrote, like "MLL succeeded so brilliantly" as opposed to "M2033 succeeded so brilliantly" and the direct comparison between "MLL" and "TLOU" and not "M2033" and "TLOU."

M2033's stealth was still better than TLOU's, though.

But since you're reduced to deliberately misreading comments here I can only assume you're more or less finished defending the flaming trainwreck that was TLOU's Greek travesty of gameplay.

I get it man, the story gave you feels. I do. Many people awarded it GotY for that. The game itself was shit-tier. Also, fungus zombies were all the rage there for a while because they're... not virus or voodoo zombies, I guess.

*Disclaimer: apparently the MP is good. I have never played it.

(frozen comment) Re: What media did you instantly regret spending money on?

[dethtoll]

What's to ignore? You're mixing in your complaints about the story, which are understandable (though I don't agree) with complaints about the gameplay that simply do not reflect the experience I had and I played TLOU three times. And now you're literally telling me that me responding to your mention of Metro 2033 is a rhetorical failing on my part because I won't let you pretend you never said it? Okay then!

(frozen comment) Re: What media did you instantly regret spending money on?

[ariakas]

I brought 2033 up because I believe its stealth to be better than TLOU's, which is also true of MLL. I believe MLL's stealth to be the "gold standard" - which is the quote from Yahtzee - and used it in comparison to TLOU. Like seriously, google it. He's stalking about MLL. Not M2033.

You are telling me that I called M2033 the "gold standard."

Yeah that is a pretty big rhetorical failing on your part, tbh. And seems increasingly disingenuous since a) it's really fucking clear even from my slightly mistyped comment that that's not what I meant, and b) yeah, they're both better than TLOU so exactly how does this matter?

You're literally "not letting (me) pretend" a thing I never said, which is irrelevant to the conversation, and it's fucking baffling because you're not, like, actually defending the game you purport to like so much you're just going HAH YOU THOUGHT THE STEALTH IN A GAME ~I~ DIDN'T LIKE WAS SHIT?!? WELL THEN, YOUR OPINION IS INVALID!

I guess I'm happy my badly worded sentence gave you something to seize on to lick your wounds and rest assured that you are correct even though TLOU's stealth is terrible and the gameplay is badly programmed af?

(frozen comment) Re: What media did you instantly regret spending money on?

[dethtoll]

I actually do like Metro, cupcake. You're just making a mountain out of a molehill and trying to use "I was just quoting Yahtzee" and Herpy's using "she's typing on a phone" as an excuse to act like I'm being unreasonable for responding to something YOU SAID.

I'm really done with this conversation.

(frozen comment) Re: What media did you instantly regret spending money on?

[herpymcderp]

We're both telling you your reading comprehension is off here, actually.

I get that it's not a really intuitive post for someone who isn't us, but we were talking to each other about a shared experience (playing M:LL).

(frozen comment) Re: What media did you instantly regret spending money on?

[dethtoll]

I'm sorry I don't speak enough gibberish to be in your gang.

(frozen comment) Re: What media did you instantly regret spending money on?

[ariakas]

Look, they need all of baby Jesus allegory's blood, ok.

No, I don't care that there's not enough blood inside a single person to transfuse everyone in the world. That's just how much they need.

No, they can't just take enough that it won't kill him and then feed him some cookies and take the rest in a couple of days.

For... reasons you stupid ingrate shut your mouth and enjoy your parable.

~~~~Joel~~~~~

The story ends with Joel turning around gruffly to manfully face the sunset beardfully, and Ellie shoots him in the back of the head.

(frozen comment) Re: What media did you instantly regret spending money on?

[herpymcderp]

The ENTIRE brain or no brain at all! What is a spinal tap? What is a biopsy?

These things do not exist in funguszombieland!!

Once Ellie shoots Joel in the back of the head she then turns and walks back to the hospital to propose a radical new procedure which revolutionizes medicine forever, with the startling realization that you only need to take a tiny, tiny sample of cerebrospinal fluid to check for foreign bodies.