fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3702 ]

[ SECRET POST #3702 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3702 ⌋

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I have been very short tempered recently. I know it is a combination of the job I hate and some personal things. I have been really snappy and withdrawn in all areas of my life. I realized it was a problem today when my mom asked me not to be mad at her because she could not figure out her taxes (I said I would help her).

I am not normally like this. I am the one who takes care of my other family members and their depression/anxiety/money issues. So I don't know what I can do to curtail it.

De-stress, therapy, learn better coping mechanisms, maybe consider some marijuana if you are in a weed positive state.

I'll tell you, but you won't like it.

It's a doctors trip for you, I'm afraid. I know you're asking here for advice other than that, really, if you're mood and behaviour is changing in a noticeable way some form of therapy is the best and only realistic option.

Home brew "Count to ten and grind some stress balls" remedies and armchair phych are, In my own experience, a stopgaps at best.

I think most of the advice I could give you is just going to come down to finding a way to be in a better mental state generally. And there's no secret to that, I don't think.

The one more specific piece of advice I would give is: it's probably not a good idea to put yourself in a position where you have to be the one who takes care of your family members and their problems, and it's definitely not going to make your life better or easier for you to make that part of your self-identity. It's a good and noble thing to do but it's really, really, really, really, really important to balance it.

I didn't really put myself into the position...it just sort of happened. I am the most stable of my family members so whenever they have problems they confide in me. And it just sort of...became a thing.

I have too recently. I found myself getting really angry at drivers today. I restrained myself from honking, but I did yell at people who couldn't possibly hear me. And every little thing is irritating me. It is stress.

Find some time for yourself. Find some healthy way to let off steam (punch a pillow, run or swim or do some other excercise, distract yourself with things you enjoy)

I was in a similar situation a while back. I don't think other people really noticed a big change but I definitely noticed it I was getting annoyed easily and constantly preparing for arguments and it was terrible. It was also a combination of work stuff and personal problems. I was lucky in that I knew the work stuff was temporary, so after that was over a lot of it went away. So if you know the underlying causes and you can do sth about it, try that. If not, than just sort of accept it's out of your hands. That's easier said than done though. Make sure you get enough sleep. And alone time to recuperate if good too, but make sure to do fun things as well.

Try to notice when your thoughts are getting angry, I guess? Like I was having these arguments in my head all the time, preparing for when I'd have the 'real' ones with ppl who annoyed me. Except when the time came, the conversation wouldn't turn into an argument, they'd be pretty reasonable. Or I'd suddenly realize I didn't think it was worth getting us both all worked up over. So I'd spent days building up steam for nothing. Once you realize sth like that, it's easy to stop the next time you can feel yourself doing it again.

Good luck! Hope things get better soon

There are two very applicable sayings:

Don't set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.

Put your own oxygen mask on first.

It's admirable to help your family, but you can't do it at the expense of your own mental health. You might also be taking on too much simply because you're used to doing it and your family is, too. Take the tax issue. Your mother is an adult and presumably has been doing taxes for years. If she's unable to hire someone or use TurboTax, is there any particular reason why she can't get assistance from someone else besides you?

She can also call the IRS directly:

https://www.irs.gov/uac/irs-offers-new-toll-free-numbers-to-assist-taxpayers

In the meantime, you need to take some time for yourself and practice self care before you burn out. Your family will have to make do without you for a while - something they need to learn how to do anyway, because it's not good for you OR them to be so dependent on you.

I helped her with her taxes. With my anger, it generally cools down pretty quick. So by the time I got off work, I was calm enough to help her.

DA
The question is why are you helping her with her taxes? You're going through a stressful time at work etc. You don't need to take on more tasks that will stress you out more, especially when your mother is perfectly capable of doing her taxes or accessing free help.

I've been guilty of this in the past. I've been a crutch for family members, cared for them, and put aside my (real but not as drastic) problems to assist them. It got to be too much, and affected my own mental health.

It's great that you help your family members, but I'd advise you to sit down and really think about your current mental health and stress level. You can go to your family members and tell them that you're very stressed right now, you could use their support, and you love them but you cannot do extra things to help them right now, such as taxes and [insert here]. They're your family. If they don't understand or accept your boundaries/limitations, that's a different issue.

nayrt but I'd echo what the other anon said. It's nice that you could do that, but you should probably ask yourself if it's truly necessary. How did your mom manage to do her taxes before you could help her? What would she do if you weren't around or available to help?

When you're the stable, together person in the family, it's easy to fall into the role of Caretaker of Everything. But honestly, it's not always a good idea. It's one thing to need a little help now and then because everyone does! But your family should be able to survive and even thrive without you, or there's something really wrong here. Your situation right now proves it. You have a limited amount of emotional resources, and you can't always spend it on other people. It'd be best for you and your family if they learned how to do things for themselves rather than waiting for you to bail them out.

Are you taking B12? Some people have a severe anger reaction to B12. (For other people, it can be great and amazing. And some people just have to be careful what kind they take.)

It's in a lot of vitamins; it's in a lot of energy drinks. Basically one size doesn't fit all for everyone, and it can have a really bad impact on your life if you're unable to process the artificial kind of B12.

I do not. I eat normal food (nothing I can think of that would be vitamin enriched). And mostly drink water.

P.S. On the vitamin front, taking niacin has been helping me a lot w/ anxiety issues and allergies.

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[ SECRET POST #3702 ]

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