fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #4354 ]

[ SECRET POST #4354 ]

⌈ Secret Post #4354 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

__________________________________________________

02.

__________________________________________________

03.

__________________________________________________

04.

__________________________________________________

05.

__________________________________________________

06.

__________________________________________________

07.

__________________________________________________

08.

__________________________________________________

09.

__________________________________________________

10.

__________________________________________________

11.

__________________________________________________

12.

__________________________________________________

13.

__________________________________________________

14.

__________________________________________________

15.

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 31 secrets from Secret Submission Post #623.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

And do you like them as people, as in, if they weren't your parents, do you think you'd be friends with them?

Yes and yes. We don't share all the same views but they're both reasonable and respectful people. All of us have friends we don't share views with, so that wouldn't be an issue.

As for how they are as parents: they love me and all of their children unconditionally. Their biggest dream in life is that we are happy. They taught us everything they could think of to give us the means to take care of ourselves, to succeed in life, to do whatever we want, to be whoever we want. I couldn't have asked for better.

What kind of things did they teach you, anon? New parent asking.

Re: Just curious... do you think your parents were/are good parents?

(Anonymous) - 2018-12-06 23:12 (UTC) - Expand

I was raised by my father. Growing up, I thought he was an amazing dad. Now, I think he was more of an amazing friend and an okay dad.

My mom was very hands off but good. She just doesn't have the personality for kids. Once we got 13+ she was much better at handling us.

I think I'd be friends with them.

My parents were terrible parents. My mom suffered from unmedicated bipolar and postpartum for my entire childhood, and, while neither of those things are her fault, she was abusive and acted so strangely at times that it was terrifying. My father is an abuser and bully who was physically and emotionally battering our entire lives. He used to tell me I was trash that no one would ever love and would physically carry me outside and put me with the garbage because that was 'where I belonged'.

My mom is one of my best friends today but my relationship with my father is non-existent and I'm happy about that.

No and no. My parents played favorites with my sibling and I to the point where I'd figured it out by age 6. My father was the good guy and forced my mom to be the disciplinarian all the time, and we as kids resented her for that, which totally wasn't fair to her. And for all their claims of being good liberals, my parents were two of the most classist, racist, sexist people I've ever known. I don't hate them, but I've got no use for either of them. My father is dead and I miss him, but I haven't spoken to my mother in over a year and her example of motherhood is a main reason why I chose never to have children myself.

As an adult, I've come to realise that my mom is probably the best, compared to the mothers of the kids I went to school with. She is wise and she is kind, she's not afraid to speak her mind and she very rarely judges situations wrongly. Very little advice that she's given me has turned out wrong. She's one of my best friends, and truly a good person.

My stepdad is nice, and unquestionably loves all the kids. His parenting has been good, though he's had his moments. Like how he insisted that my brother was "a great talent at the piano" when he was mangling classical pieces with his lack of fine motor skills and musical intuition. He always was kinda preoccupied with The Son, but I don't think he ever saw that himself. He'd certainly deny it if anyone were to accuse him of ignoring his daughters!

My dad is very, very nice, to the point where he is honestly kind of a doormat. He's always helping people - including me and my half-brother there, but his inability to say "no" also means that twenty years after they parted ways, he's still having to deal with my other brother's crazy mom. I also think his conflict avoidance was part of why it took him so long to truly confront the crazy mom about the way she was treating me (to his defense: this was in the nineties, when "emotional abuse" wasn't a thing). He broke it off with her becaues she made him choose between her and me, and given the exhausting story about visitations rights and custody battles that followed, it is probably the greatest sacrifice anyone has ever made for my sake.

Yeah, I think they really were. I loved - love - them to pieces, enjoyed hanging out with them, and was always so proud of them and in awe of them.

I had a good childhood and a good relationship with my parents, and miss my dad (he passed about ten years ago) and my mom (she lives in another state with my sister) every single day.

I made it this far being raised by an alcoholic and a parent.

Bit overbearing, I'd probably be farther along in life if they weren't.

I don't know. Honest. They were good in some ways, but really bad in others. And I have a hard time telling. But no, I wouldn't be friends with them if they weren't my parents. I don't have too many conservative friends.

My dad was a bad parent in a lot of ways and I doubt I would’ve been friends with him, but he wasn’t a total monster. My mom was a good parent in a lot of ways and fucked up badly in others, and I probably would’ve been friends with her. I mostly was friends with her. But she was an addict, mostly of alcohol, her whole life, and my dad became a drug addict and terrifying to be around in the last few years of his life. But neither of them was a bad person. They spent a lot of time and energy helping people.

Yeah, they were good. Honestly looking back I really am grateful for how good my home life was growing up, I don't think I'd have done well without that at all.

I partly already consider my dad my friend as well as my father, so yeah I'd certainly get along with him, my mum I like but I think without her being my mother the relationship might be a little more tenuous(we basically have all the same worst aspects as each other so while it's mostly fine when we have blown-up at one another it's never been good).

If I wasn't into nerdy shit however I probably wouldn't be friends with them, but if I was, I think so yeah.

I love/like them as people. But I don't think they were great parents, per se.

Yeah I do.

I had issues with them for the years after I graduated and we didn't get each other. I also had untreated Bipolar that made things really difficult as well as I finally worked out with my doctor that I was having flashbacks to my time in school and I didn't realize that was what it was so it was also untreated. Long story short I had a lot going on with me that made it really difficult to see straight, so to speak. And I could be pretty difficult.

They're not perfect obv, and I still have qualms with my father for how he can be about some things. But growing up they were very loving. They tried to address the needs of each of me and my siblings and do their best. And even now they are helpful and there for us. They give me space now since we visited last, and respect my needs and interests. My mom understands more.

*ahem* yeah that was helpful to write so I'm glad to find this topic.

Sort of, and..... sort of? My parents were/are very complicated people, very much shaped by their experiences with the communist party. I don't think it would be possible to be friends with them, even if someone wanted to.

As for whether they were good parents... For most of my childhood I was very independent from their influence. I think they prepared me for what I'd face in life, but I'm not sure if a parent deserves credit for being absent to the point their kid develops self-sufficiency?

well, my parents divorced when i was eight, so...

my mum; on the one hand she was a single mum trying to work a job and raise two kids who spent forever struggling in the face of adversity, and i respect her efforts and achievement on those grounds (even if it did mean virtually abandoning the two of us to more or less our own devices for at least three years)... but ultimately i almost think she was somebody who was beaten down by it eventually, especially with regard to her subsequent choice of partner, and i think i'd respect her even more if she'd come out stronger for it all than weaker

friends? no chance - except for biology, we have literally nothing in common; there's no shared interests or experiences, no real level on which we can communicate, nothing more than "hi, how's work, how's the other side of the planet (she emigrated a few years back, which is a story in itself), okay i'll speak to you again in another ten years" after which nothing will have changed

my dad; i love him dearly, but i've seen the way he's dealt with other kids; his own by his next partner, her previous kids, the kids of his next partner after that, the kids they subsequently adopted... and honestly, he's not that great at parenting - he's got me and my sister pushing 40, and my half brother pushing 30, and there's numerous other kids, and somehow he's managed to never spend much time dealing with any of us through the ages of about 12 through 17, and on the few occasions that he has it's never ended well; on top of that he's also looking to have his own bit of breathing space, particularly as he gets older, and dealing with kids isn't something he's enjoying or wanting to do

but friends-wise, we get on great; pretty much the exact opposite of my mother in that we can talk into the small hours about everything and nothing, we've got shared interests, shared ideas, things in common, things we can actually have fun with and talk about

I think they were good parents but they don't really "get" me; I have Asperger's and in many ways I'm very, very different from them personality-wise.

Mm... No.

I had some undiagnosed things as a kid, and my mother was very bad with handling them. She never really took an interest in my hobbies and often brushed them off, and if I was sad about something she didn't think mattered she wouldn't really bother with it.

And then my Dad worked away from home so I barely saw him, and when I did he was more of a friend than a parent.

I'd probably be friends with my Dad if we weren't related? But tbh I wouldn't be friends with my Mum at all. We just... Aren't similar people.

I love my parents very much and I definitely think they're good parents overall, just a little too traditional at times. My sisters and I grew up very well-loved and they worked hard so we could have a good life. I get along with both of them, but I'm not sure I'd be friends with them if we weren't related because our interests aren't the same.

My mom was an alcoholic but we "didn't talk about it." She was also a strong believer in hitting your kids whenever they piss you off (and would basically say so in so many words.) She was a lousy mother. My dad was very cool but he was also very passive and wouldn't interfere with my mom.

Yes and no, respectively. They weren't perfect parents and I think they struggled at times to understand both me and my siblings and didn't always get it. They tried very, very hard to make all of us fit into a certain mold and got pretty frustrated when we couldn't/didn't. But I never doubted that they loved us and wanted the best for us - it's just that we didn't agree on what "the best" meant.

But I don't think we'd be friends, no. We don't have enough in common in terms of personalities and common ground. We'd be casual acquaintances at best.

I think they honestly tried their best, but they were both raised very hands off, and I could've used more pushiness and structure than I had. We all realized this in hindsight, and we all blame ourselves for me not taking that full ride to pharmaceutical school.

I do like them as people! My dad was a super fun to be around. I loved listening to him and his old Air Force buddies or him and his brothers just gab on like fish wives. He had a temper, but it didn't flare up often. He tended to apologize for it with food, which is a habit I picked up. Mom is kind of stuck in the '50s, but not in a bad way. British '50s is very different from US '50s, so it means more that she's stuck on rations mode and "public decency". She's also a total troll and says things just to get a rise out of people, which I appreciate when she's not doing it to me.

Hmmm.

Hmmmmmmm.

I think my parents tried as hard as they could to the best of their abilities. And continue to do so to this day. That said, they made choices as parents that were incredibly damaging to my mental health, which is one of a myriad of reasons for why I've been in and out of therapy for the past 13 years.

As for what I think of them as individual people outside of their relation to me...
Hmmm.
Hmmmmmmm.

I'd like to believe I'd be friends with my dad. He has different political views and religious views, but I think my dad has a good heart. I believe he's a good person trying to do his best in an imperfect world. That said, the older he gets, the shorter & worse his temper gets, and he isn't great about apologizing for it & does not appear to be actively working on improving himself in that capacity, so that's frustrating. But simply put, we have a lot of things and opinions in common & enjoy doing things together, so we would probably be friends.

My mom, on the other hand, has a tendency to be wildly more self-centered than my dad (or myself. Or my brothers.) Not maliciously so (most of the time,) but harmful all the same. I think she strives to treat people the way she would like to be treated, but she often comes off as rude in moments when feelings like discomfort supersede civility. She's not a great listener. She doesn't retain information very well, and I personally find it exhausting & annoying constantly having to repeat the same answer to the same questions. On the whole, she can't read implicit social cues worth a damn & it has embarrassed me both personally & secondhand on her behalf many times before. She's not great about boundaries. Or understanding other people's lived experiences. In her defense, I've come to assume/read between the lines that she was incredibly emotionally abused by both of her parents (especially her own mother) up until both of her parents died when she was in her 50s.

She'd likely be an acquaintance of mine, but not someone I explicitly callsx or considered a friend. Perhaps the most distinct, concise way to describe my mother, as I often do, is this: "The road to Hell is paved with good intentions."

In some ways they are amazing. My Mum in particular is a force of nature and would do anything for us. My Dad tails along in her wake but loves us and helps willingly.

But, because of a combination of their personalities and shitty childhoods, neither of them know how to be happy in themselves or how to be reasonable.
My Mum is quite emotionally unstable and will lash out at us for any perceived slight to herself (usually something as innocuous as my sister and I getting along well). My Dad lives in another world. Neither of them have any common sense or self-preservation. And truth be told I feel like I've been the parent since I was a teenager.

Friends? Difficult question to answer. I feel like they're my responsibility rather than my friends.

I don't think my mom was a very good parent, but she wasn't the worst, either. She basically got the job done. But she also spent all the child support money on beer and cigarettes, and tended to make me feel overly demanding if I ever asked for anything, even really small stuff like more peanut butter on my sandwich or something. She didn't have the patience for my emotions, and she never really had the emotional maturity to let me have emotions without reacting to them as though we were on equal footing.

I think my father was an incredibly good parent, but not a perfect one. He was unbelievably patient and generous and understanding of my emotions and I've never once doubted that he loves me unconditionally. He was constantly willing to play with me and talk to me and meet me on my level, and he never seemed bored. He also rarely enforced rules unless they had clear and important purposes (like keeping me safe and healthy, or not being mean to others). But he did have a protracted breakdown in my preteen years, which left him unable to sustain a job and thus we ended up poor af and semi-homeless a couple of times. Our situation was worsened by his extremely poor money sense. I don't hold any of it against him, I truly don't. But objectively I'd say that one part of being a "good parent" is doing the shit that needs to be done so your child has a relatively stable home, and he was often unable to do that. Hence why I say he was a great parent, but not a perfect one.

I think my dad is a profoundly wonderful person. I would happily be his lifelong friend if he weren't my dad. I actually like my mom more as a friend than as a parent, but I'm still not sure I'd be friends with her if she weren't my mom. Maybe.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only