[ SECRET POST #4824 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #4824 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 48 secrets from Secret Submission Post #691.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

05. https://i.imgur.com/8bi8au1.png

[(Anonymous)]

If it's specifically a PWP I can get how it rankles.

As an ace who enjoys smut and who headcanons several characters as being non-sex-repulsed ace-spec, I really like stories where asexual characters navigate what they're comfortable with, sexually, and where they figure out what about sex they can enjoy despite not experiencing sexual attraction or not having a drive for it. But like... I don't consider those stories PWPs even if the focus is on sex, because that IS the plot, it's about self-discovery and negotiation and boundaries etc.

Like, I like stories with two ace characters trying to figure out what the fuss is, whatever conclusion they come to-- or two characters who don't experience sexual attraction but do experience the physical desire for an orgasm deciding that they're comfortable doing this together because they Get it and have similar levels of need/comfort. I like stories where a demisexual character experiences desire for the first time and has to rework what it is they want and don't want. There are plenty of asexuals who have sex and like it fine for so many reasons, and I'm all for seeing fics that explore that. And some of them won't be virgins when they have sex with their partner for the first time because they didn't figure asexuality out without trial and error.

But, like you, I'm not here for a story that boils everything down to 'but YOU'RE okay' and then skips the introspection and gets straight to the boinking. Stories by other aces who aren't sex-repulsed, even if it's different from my personal experience, will still read as true, but allosexual authors sometimes... like, they like an ace headcanon but they don't know how to write an ace character and they follow the same map every time.

[(Anonymous)]

Because of my less than positive feelings about my own asexuality, I would honestly probably enjoy a fic where a character was ace, but found one person who was an exception for them who they were wildly attracted to. That would probably be some major wish fulfillment for me.

However, even as an ace person who would probably enjoy that...I still find it pretty darn questionable, and I can completely see why many ace people wouldn't feel too good about it. IMO, if a person wants to write that story, it's better if they refrain from labeling their character as ace, and just make it clear that they've never been interested in anyone before.

That's what the majority of Sherlock fanfic did. Was John the first person Sherlock had ever really wanted? Yes. But did Sherlock - prior to meeting John - think of himself as ace? No. And did the narrative label him as ace? No.

[(Anonymous)]

Why is it questionable? For all you know, the writers identify as asexual, and writing the fic is wish fulfillment for them just as reading it would be for you.

[(Anonymous)]

Because there is a strong societal narrative that ace people are just 1. picky, and 2. broken, and all they need is The Right Person to come along and fix them.

And while there is a small percentage of ace people who are like me, and very much wish we could be allo, the majority of ace people (from everything I've seen) are good with being ace - they just wish people would stop treating their asexuality like a temporary glitch, a damage that needs fixing.

So any narrative that furthers the pervasive attitude that an ace person might become allo by meeting the right person is, yeah, questionable. I don't think it's completely invalid, because sexuality is complicated and sometimes fluid, and it's certainly possible that an ace person might find someone they have those feelings about. But it's a tricky story to tell sensitively, in a somewhat similar way to if you wanted to tell the story of a gay person who found their "one exception" in someone of the opposite sex. Is that a totally invalid story? Not inherently? But is it pretty darn dicey? IMO, yes.

[(Anonymous)]

That's not wish fulfilment, that's just demisexuality.

[(Anonymous)]

And if the fic addressed that ("I always figured I was ace, but maybe I'm demi and just never formed a close enough bond with someone who was right for me before") I would be inclined to respect the author's depiction.

But if the narrative is, "Ace character is horny for amazing sex with partner who they totally want to bone," and that's it, and the incongruity of an ace character being horny to fuck their partner is never addressed, or is actively used to make things "hotter," then it's a pretty fetishy depiction of asexuality. (Something being fetishy is honestly not the end of the world, imo. I personally don't care about fetishy depictions of asexuality. But I support the ace people who do find it uncomfortable, because I think that's a totally reasonable way to feel.)

[jadeile]

YES! This. Co-signed.

My current fandom has a canonically asexual character (who is also aromantic and clearly sex-repulsed, but fic are gonna fic about those and I grudgingly accept it. ...While writing my own epic shipfics where I keep him true to all of that and still have them be shipfics - admittedly half out of pure spite, with both of my middle fingers up) and I have to put up with seeing this shit with basically two thirds of the fics that get published. He's the fandom bicycle, despite being aroace, and while I understand why I still hate it.

[(Anonymous)]

Ooh, what fandom?

/ace who's always trying to find more canon ace characters!

[jadeile]

Hazbin Hotel. It currently only has the pilot episode on youtube, but it's SO GOOD. (Btw. If you've heard some shit about it or its creator... I'll give the blanket statement that most of that is actually pure bullshit. I can back up that statement with sources if I have to.)

[(Anonymous)]

The only character who immediately comes to mind, (especially as the fandom bicycle) is Alastor from Hazbin Hotel.

I'm not a huge fan of Hazbin but as an asexual, I can't help but feel a bit pissed off that a large portion of people are doing this to a canonically Ace character.

Like I get it, fic exists so that we can play with these characters however we like. But I can't help but feel like his sexuality would be more respected a bit more if Vivziepop had written him as a gay man.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm annoyed by it because pretty much all the fic I find with asexual characters, they're the type that are still fine with having sex, and the fics include sex. I want fics where characters are asexual and don't want to have sex and don't do it. To see pretty much none of those makes me feel kind of lonely as an asexual who doesn't want sex.

(I'm also annoyed by the "sex-repulsed" label because I'm not repulsed by it, I just don't want it, and I don't think you have to be repulsed by something to not want to do it. I see way too many people [not characters in fic, but random people online who identify as asexual] who either are okay with having sex or outright LOVE it, and while I get that the definition is technically "not sexually attracted to anyone", I kind of feel like...what does it matter if you're not sexually attracted to anyone if you still love sex? It's one of the reasons why I really don't like asexual as a label and wish there was a different one, but...that's a whole different topic.)

[(Anonymous)]

I feel you. I'm the same way. Not sex repulsed, I just don't want to do it. And I mean, tbh I think most non-ace people would probably feel repulsion if they tried to make themselves have sex with someone they weren't attracted to - that doesn't mean they're repulsed by sex. It's the same for me.

And while I 100% accept sex-liking ace people as ace, there definitely is a par of me which feels like, "Man, you have it easy." Personally, I would kill for the kind of roaring libido that would allow me to enjoy sex without any attraction involved. But me and my 2/10 libido are never going to be down for that.

Honestly, given how profoundly minimal ace representation is in the media, I am truly just happy when we get any rep at all, and I'm not someone who wants to look a gift horse in the mouth or be too nitpicky. Like, I'm not looking for reasons to be mad at creators for "doing it wrong." But that doesn't mean that I don't still sometimes wish there was an ace character out there who actually felt really similar to me.

[(Anonymous)]

Your first problem is incredibly easy to solve. Just don't read fic with sexual content???? If you see your asexual character and the fic is tagged as explicit, just don't read it.

As for your second comment... no comment.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm just so exhausted at the double standard. Fandoms absolutely loose their shit when a canonical lesbian is depicted having sex with a man and enjoying it.

And when it's that rare asexual representation (especially if it's a guy) nobody bats a fucking eyelash when they get turned into a bicycle.

All I want is a little bit of outrage is that too much to ask?

[(Anonymous)]

I'm an ace who isn't outraged myself (I'm just highly outrage resistant about everything, all the time). But all the same, I definitely understand why you feel this way, and if anybody hassles you about it, I'm totally in your corner. There is a pretty glaring double standard, and it's BS.

[(Anonymous)]

for all that people get outraged there are just as many, if not more that tell those people to shut up and get over it. or people who just don't care.

[(Anonymous)]

Totally. I feel like people should either say fandom is fandom and characters can be shipped with/written as having sex with people of whatever gender regardless of their canon sexuality and it's all fine, or else you need to respect their canon sexuality and not write things that undermine it. I can see arguments either way, but whichever people do, they need to keep it consistent...you can't be all "OMG you can't say a lesbian just needed to find the right man, that's so offensive!" and then turn around and write about how an asexual person just needed to find the right person to have sex with and then they were "cured". It's total BS.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm not ace myself, but if you're writing an asexual character, just fucking write an asexual character! If you want to write them figuring out that they're asexual that's fine, but if you've got one of the few canonical ace characters, write them as ace.

[(Anonymous)]

You. I appreciate you. <3

[(Anonymous)]

Before I start offending people, what does Demisexual even mean? I'm Ace, so I know there is a lot I don't understand, but as far as I know, you like one, the other, both, or neither, and everything in between confuses the fuck outta me. There's only two genders, so how are there so many options?

[(Anonymous)]

Demisexual is "not wanting to fuck someone until you like them enough" - so basically being like everyone who else who isn't into casual sex.

[(Anonymous)]

Demisexual is where you feel no sexual interest in people until you get to know them and form a relationship with them.

Most people who simply aren't into casual sex probably still sometimes feel sexual attraction towards people they don't know, or barely know. Whereas a demi person won't feel any sexual attraction to anyone until they've really gotten to know them.

I'm not demi myself, but I have multiple friends who aren't into casual sex, and one friend who is demi, and from my observation, it absolutely is different.

Whether or not demi's belong in the ace community or not is a separate issue, and one I don't want to weigh in on here.

[(Anonymous)]

There's only two genders

It's actually rather more complicated than that.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third_gender

[(Anonymous)]

it's not wanting to bone someone you just met, so basically most people on the planet. but some people who feel like this needed to make-up a label for themselves because they wanted to be special and unique.