[ SECRET POST #5187 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #5187 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


01.



__________________________________________________



02.


__________________________________________________


03.
[Gnosia]


__________________________________________________



04.


__________________________________________________



05.
[I Care a Lot (on Netflix)]


__________________________________________________



06.
[X-Files]


__________________________________________________



07.


__________________________________________________



08.
[Lolita Fashion Youtuber Tyler Willis]


__________________________________________________
























09. [SPOILERS for The Story of Yanxi Palace]



__________________________________________________



10. [WARNING for discussion of pedophilia/child molestation]

























Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 00 secrets from Secret Submission Post #742.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

+3, I had a robust sex life starting at 16, with people of a variety of ages, and I don't have any trauma and I wasn't groomed. I had a great time, and I'm a healthy adult now. Idk. Yes, there are predators. Yes, there is grooming. But it's stupid and completely reactionary to think that literally all relationships with an age gap are inherently toxic. They're just... not.

I realize it's not kind of me to think this, but I'm anon so I don't care: I fully believe that antis are all the way they are because they can't get laid. It's all sex gone sour. They can't stand that people have and enjoy sex that they can't, so they have to poison and vilify it in order to pretend they're "above" it and feel better about themselves. It's tragic, honestly.

[(Anonymous)]

I think a lot of them are really terrified of sex and/or disgusted by it, and just can't understand that most people aren't. They seem to think the only way a young person would want sex, especially with an older person, is if they've been manipulated or groomed into it, which is just hilariously wrong.

The horny is coming from inside the house.

[(Anonymous)]

This feels like the best explanation for the majority of it, to me. And like, I get it? I grew up ace in a fairly progressive, sex-positive community. I spent a lot of time worrying about sex. Being scared and repulsed and sad and confused, and feeling like I had to force myself to do it in order to not be a weird loser freak.

I knew I was different, I knew other girls weren't ace, and therefore did want sex. But it was hard to imagine what that was like. Hard to imagine they wanted it in any deep-seated, enthusiastic way. It's hard to imagine being really horny if you never have been. It's like trying to imagine what being drunk feels like if the most you've had is a glass of wine on special occasions.

[(Anonymous)]

When I see arguments like this, I'm always a little befuddled, because like... do you not understand how the concept of hygiene works? The whole point of hygiene is that you inculcate good habits in general, not because failing to brush your teeth on one occasion is inevitably going to lead to disaster, but because doing these things consistently reduces the avenue for illness and disease to spread across the board. Not washing your hands one time is not going to inevitably lead to a plague. But the more often you wash your hands, the harder it is for diseases to spread across the board. So we treat it as a good habit in general.

And that's (by analogy) the same reason that people argue against relationships with age gaps and power imbalances - not because such relationships are inevitably and always unhealthy, but because, the less common relationships with significant power imbalances there are, the fewer avenues for abuse there are.

And of course, with hygiene, there are neat freaks who take it too far, and the same is true with sexual mores. Reasonable mature people should understand that violating these norms is not necessarily a big deal each and every time it happens, and a lot of people are not reasonable about the topic. But to mistake that for people simply being jealous they can't get laid is dumb as fuck.

[(Anonymous)]

da

I'll be honest, I am baffled by the connection you're attempting to draw here. Like... idk if you're intending this, but you do realize that by equating sexuality to hygiene, you're saying sex dirties you? It shows your unconscious biases. It's a really, really bad analogy.

[(Anonymous)]

+1, EW

Getting major flashbacks to those "used chewing gum" youth group discussions here.

[(Anonymous)]

That's a totally specious arguments for three reasons

One, it's an analogy.

Two, the analogy does not equate sex to hygiene. It simply doesn't do that. It doesn't compare sex to hygiene, nor does it compare sex to disease.

In the structure of the analogy, sex is not the thing that's comparable to disease. Abuse is the thing that's comparable to disease. The thing that's comparable to sex is... IDK, having hands? And it would be completely and obviously preposterous to say that, if you wash your hands, it means you hate having hands, or that you're opposed to using your hands to touch things.

What I am comparing to hygiene is the basic idea of having social norms about sexual relationships that involve significant power imbalances. Sexual relationships that involve significant power imbalances are more likely to lead to abuse, and social norms are a general response to this broad risk, in the same way that washing your hands attempts to limit the transmission of germs.

I really think that your comparison is totally wrong-headed.

[(Anonymous)]

DA

Below I mentioned puritans and here we go with hygiene analogies for sex that mention illness and disease. Wow.

[(Anonymous)]

Lazy point-scoring.

[(Anonymous)]

Is this comment going to go down the annals of fandomsecrets bizarre takes, alongside evil huskies and other such classics? I hope so.

[(Anonymous)]

AYRT

This. Or it's not that they can't, they won't. They're young people who've been taught to fear/hate sex by puritan parents and society and so are jealous of people who enjoy it. A lot of them sound very young.

[(Anonymous)]

AYRT

I've wondered about that, but I'm not super sure it tracks? Parents of current teenagers fit comfortably into the Millenial generation at this point (Millenials being born between '77 and '95), and Millenials were infinitely more sexually liberated than generations before them... generally speaking, at least.

To me, this reads more as "teens rebelling against their parents," which every generation is guilty of in some form or another, but they have much wider reach through social media than any other generation, so the damage is much, much more real. I'm actually scared for where things are headed, sociosexually.

[(Anonymous)]

AYRT

Now you've made me curious. I wish there were a way to get demographics on the antis. We should do a fake survey.

[(Anonymous)]

I don't know if that's true. I'm Gen X and we were children of the Sexual Revolution of the 60s and 70s (which was the Boomers' doing) and, unless raised by fundies, were not really sexually repressed - even though we came of age in the AIDS crisis. Even the threat of immanent death just made us obsessed with condoms - it didn't make us want to avoid sex at all!

[(Anonymous)]

i just didn't want to have sex with anyone when i was a teenager. i wasn't interested. but sure slap puritan in there and act like you've done something, lmao.

[(Anonymous)]

That's fine, though? You didn't have to. What people aren't allowed to do is say "because I didn't want sex as a teenager, having sex as a teenager is BAD." You know?

[(Anonymous)]

Puritanism isn't about whether you personally want sex or not. It's about controlling the sexual expression of other people.

[(Anonymous)]

I don't really agree with your second paragraph (though you're probably right that some antis are like this), but I whole heartedly agree with your first paragraph.

It's weird to me how reactionary people are about young people having consensual sexual experiences when it's not with people who are equally as inexperienced.

Like, the knee-jerk moralistic jump from, it's vaguely sus and it could be abusive, to iT mUsT Be aBuSiVe!!! is just...huh? Like, at what point do they draw their line? How high does the risk of abuse have to be to render a relationship Not Okay by their arbitrary judgement?

[(Anonymous)]

Yes, and why are they judging, and who are they to judge? At 18, you are allowed to vote, drive a car, and have sex with another adult of any age. There's no law to stop you. Let the judgers go shit in a pot.

-1

[(Anonymous)]

Going to disagree. Based off a real-life example in my circle, but I don't support 24 year olds dating 16 year-olds. To the 24 year-old who got a 16 pregnant, wtf, you're already in college, wtf are you doing looking at goddamn middle schoolers you fucking piece of shit. Everyone in the family was pissed. It was a bad complicated time. I'm still really nervous about teenagers having sex with the possibility of real-life and life-long consequences that early, and it's difficult to say what a good solution would be. It may not be much, but I'd love it if IRL age gaps were warned against more at least. There's no good solution for this I know, but like I feel like the power balance was too extreme.

Re: -1

[(Anonymous)]

The 16-year-old could have just as easily gotten pregnant with a same-age or younger partner. They were having sex and being unsafe. When I was in high school, I dated a classmate and subsequently, an older guy. The classmate was the only one I had sex with, so if pregnancy is the only metric to go by, then you would say the same-age relationship was more dangerous.

Re: -1

[(Anonymous)]

AYRT

I personally don't think that 16 year-olds should be having sex at all, but I was compromising my own beliefs because people claim they managed to be safe with it. I justify it with the thought that at least the power difference isn't that extreme. I can't stop all underage sex from happening, but at least I'd like there to be more education and public opinion against uneven/predatory relationships.

Re: -1

[(Anonymous)]

The solution to this is to start educating kids about birth control EARLY. Way earlier than 16 (which is high school, not middle school, lol I started COLLEGE at 17 because I'd skipped a grade). There is no excuse for kids in their mid-late teens not being well educated about birth control and consent. (And that includes learning how to say "yes I'd love to have sex with you but not without a condom")

Re: -1

[(Anonymous)]

I think it wasn't even that long ago that a GC thread on here had several people sharing stories about their high school classes having multiple teen pregnancies, and the commonality in these stories was something like: conservative community, heavy religiosity, deep south, etc. I have definitely read reports that showed teen pregnancy was lower in more affluent and liberal communities in the US, and even lower in other developed countries with even more open attitudes toward teen sexuality.

[(Anonymous)]

I think antis are more about bullying other fans than sexual behavior.