[ SECRET POST #5446 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #5446 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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10. [SPOILERS for Wheel of Time]



















Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 00 secrets from Secret Submission Post #779.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

02. https://imgur.com/bKFCHTj.png

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah there's some people who really don't know how to tag.
Maybe it doesn't count as gentle dom - but the amount of times I've called it quits on a fic because every 3 sentences has the dom asking the sub their color to check in is ridiculous and takes me way out the mood.

[tabaqui]

THIS. Any supposed BDSM fic where this is happening instantly turns me off and bores me to tears.

[(Anonymous)]

My favorite is using "red, yellow, green" in historical or secondary-world settings where traffic lights don't even exist.

[tabaqui]

HA, omg, that's terrible.

[(Anonymous)]

I've seen, in some kink-writing circles, an undercurrent of suspicion of anyone who is a dom and enjoys domming too much. There's a tendency to make all tops service tops, and not let the story focus on what the dom is getting out of it for themselves if it isn't all about caring for the sub.

This kind of is a thing in real-world BDSM too - the "life support system for a whip" thing where the dom's pleasure is treated as less important than the sub's.

Rightfully, the sub has the power to stop the scene at any time and that's sometimes interpreted as having ALL the power in the scene...which isn't really accurate.

I think there's a tendency to side-eye anyone who really enjoys being in command and inflicting pain, even in completely consensual contexts. This person has to exist for the sub to get what they want, but even some kink writers find their POV uncomfortable to dwell on. So they don't, and so they soft-pedal it, and "gentle kink" becomes barely kinky at all.

[(Anonymous)]

You're talking about this as if it was weird or wrong to feel that a person, who genuinely enjoys insulting you and beating you, is not the nicest person.

[(Anonymous)]

NAYRT

Being a dom and/or a sadist in this context is all about enjoying being that way in the bedroom though, not acting this way 24/7. It’s purely a kink thing. There’s no reason to assume whether a person is actually “nice” based on whether they enjoy being a dom. Unless they just always act like that, which really only happens with fictional femme fatales dominatrix-types.

So no, I suppose it’s not that weird for ignorant outsiders who don’t understand the kink to think doms might be bad people, but that doesn’t mean they’re right. At least not generally, because anyone is capable of being a bad person, regardless of what they’re into. I’m not even remotely into BDSM, and I can still believe that someone whose kink is being dominant and sadistic in sexual settings can be a nice and average person outside the bedroom.

[(Anonymous)]

You don't suddenly get an overwhelming urge to dom someone in the bedroom, and then suddenly have that urge disappear when leaving it. The thought is there all the time, you just have to wait for an appropriate moment to act it out. If a sub is into 24/7 BDSM that suits me well, if not, I respect that, because I'm patient and they're hot enough to be worth the wait. But all the thoughts I have in the bedroom I have also outside it and considering that there are many 24/7 BDSM couples out there, I'm definitely not the only one.

[(Anonymous)]

“You don't suddenly get an overwhelming urge to dom someone in the bedroom, and then suddenly have that urge disappear when leaving it.”

That’s not really how any kind of kinks usually work though. People aren’t driven by the same urges 24/7, nor are they cavemen that only think in pure instinct. People think about all kinds of different things while living their lives, and that includes thinking and feeling different things when they’re with their partners. There’s no real basis for saying it’s universal that overwhelming urges someone gets in the bedroom can’t or don’t go away when leaving it. When you’re with your sexual partner outside the bedroom, you might think “I really want to dominate you right now”. But that’s not always the thing on your mind. It’s not like someone with a foot fetish is incapable of thinking about anything but feet in their day to day lives.

Again, I’m not into BDSM, so I’m not even pretending to be an expert. And your comment is a bit confusing past the first sentence. Nor do I know if you’re the same anon I responded to who said “ You're talking about this as if it was weird or wrong to feel that a person, who genuinely enjoys insulting you and beating you, is not the nicest person.”.

That anon seemed to be saying that it’s understandable for people to think badly of doms, and also seems to disagree with people saying that doms pleasure is just as important as the subs. It seems weird that people who are into BDSM would judge the dom, who an important part of the act, so harshly just for enjoying the act itself. And that doms should instead just be service tops. But if you are that anon I replied to, your last comment seems different in tone and intention compared to the previous one. And if you’re not that anon, you can ignore all that speculation and confusion about how different the comments are lol.

Maybe that’s because I’m not actually into BDSM, so there’s things I just don’t get by being an outsider. It’s possible. But treating doms like it’s understandable to think they’re all not nice people even outside of the bedroom, and that their dominant personality just can’t be turned off by thinking about literally anything else, is a very weird thing to me. And a very new point of view I had never heard of before today.

And honestly, the first comment I responded to that said it was understandable to consider doms not nice people felt a little like kinkshaming, by making a judgment about someone’s character based on their kink and private bedroom activities. I can definitely be wrong and reading too much into things, of course.

But if you yourself are a dom talking about your personal experiences, I’m not trying to say I don’t believe you. And I believe you when you say you’re not the only one who doesn’t have their urges go away. But I just don’t think it’s that universal. Because it seems a bit unlikely that everyone who’s into BDSM, which is a very common kink, is unable to turn off their urges outside of the bedroom. Compared to most other kinks where that is definitely not the case, it just seems hard to believe to me.

[(Anonymous)]

If you're a sub who enjoys consensual D/s, why would you ever think it's suspicious for your Dom to enjoy it too, as much as you do? If your Dom isn't having as much fun as you are, then it's work for them and you should be paying them.

Both partners should be having about the same amounts of fun.

[(Anonymous)]

My... dom? You assume I'm a sub? lmao. I'm very much a dom. I'm also very much not into insulting and beating my sub, unless that's what they enjoy. My enjoyment comes from leading the sex and having the final say in what happens in the bedroom, how it happens, and what the sub must do to earn it. If you think that a person, who genuinely gets off to belittling you, doesn't get these thoughts outside the bedroom when they look at you, you're naive. Consent is just permission to act out your wishes without the risk of suffering any unpleasant consequences for it, that's all.

[(Anonymous)]

So basically, the kinks you don't like are Bad and Wrong.

[(Anonymous)]

I mean, thanks for demonstrating the kind of "People Who Fuck Weird Are Evil" thinking the above commenter was referring to.

[(Anonymous)]

Thanks for demonstrating the kind of thinking of all those women defending James Deen and calling him a feminist icon, while he was out raping sex workers and disregarding safewords whenever he thought he could get away with it.

[(Anonymous)]

Consensual Sex I Dont Like The Idea Of Is A Crime.

Nothing but the purity culture hits tonight!

[(Anonymous)]

Consensual Sex That I Don't Like Is Bad And Wrong!

[(Anonymous)]

There's a HUGE difference between someone who enjoys roleplaying some really rough stuff with a fully consenting partner and an actual rapist.

You're not making the point you think you are by trying to blur this very sharp and distinct line.

[(Anonymous)]

OP here. I've been reading all these comments, and painplay and the associated kinks is definitely an area where lines can easily be crossed. But I thought I'd just chime in to say what I personally get out of it. For context, I usually dom, but I have been on and enjoyed both sides of the equation.

So for me personally, the best way I can describe the appeal is that it's less about the pain and more about the transgressive badassery. Like, in the moment, I am doing something that would normally be seen as bad or unappealing, but I'm so good at it and so fucking hot that this person who I am with is loving it. Like, on a practical level, there's obviously been a conversation beforehand and all that, but in the moment I feel like the most competent, boss-ass, in control person on the face of the earth. The closest equivalent I can even think of is being really, really good at a sport or something.

So yeah. Idk why I even wrote this and whether being someone who likes egotistical fantasies is any better, but it's worked out for me so far lmao

[(Anonymous)]

Like you said, this is the area where lines can easily be crossed. I can see scenarios in which your line of thinking would be ok, but imagine the same thought process happening in the head of a white dom calling their black sub the N-word, for example. Being driven by the desire to be so sexy that they can get away with it. I also don't much like it when male doms go straight for gender-specific humiliation games towards their female subs. I suppose the root of our disagreement is that BDSM is a term that encompasses a wide varieety of scenarios and practices, so we're all thinking about different types of play here in this thread. Pain by itself is not the issue, the circumstances and attitude surrounding it is, and I think that it's an important discussion to have and it's not unreasonable to question the person's motives for enjoying it, given all the risks involved in it. This goes both ways, in fact. I've talked with subs who admitted they have been in situations where they wished to use the safeword, but felt too indimidated by the dom to be comfortable using it, and this isn't how I'd ever want to be seen, or remembered. Intense vetting is not a bad strategy in the type of relationship, where any vagueness or uncertainty can later be framed as a borderline rape.

[(Anonymous)]

+1 A lot of people don't get that there is a difference between liking to be in charge and inflicting pain as sensation and doing harm to other people.

[(Anonymous)]

Honestly, there were a lot of factors at the time it got made that meant the cast ended up with a fair number of little-known actors in big roles. But presuming that there hadn't been a big fantasy movie series before (or anything that it opened the door to) and a promising, but still proving himself writer/director wanted people in New Zealand for a year and a half shoot, I think something like it could happen again. However, if were presuming in this time that there would have been an equivalent big fantasy series in place of LOTR that did as well as it did, then I think that, yes, there would be more big-name stars cast.

And just to make you feel old, Elijah Wood was 20 when Fellowship came out, so someone the same age as he was then in a film coming out now would have been born the year that movie came out.

Wow, sorry, put that ^ in the wrong place.

[(Anonymous)]

Just thought I was the thread for the one below. Oh well.

Re: Wow, sorry, put that ^ in the wrong place.

[(Anonymous)]

You know who's a big ol' gentle service top? Samwise Gamgee, that's who!

Aragorn can get really mean and gnarly if he's reassured enough that's really what his partner wants.

[(Anonymous)]

It's a shame. I would just die for some good Fem!Domme fic for my OTP. Where it's from the Domme's POV and she gets to focus on her partner's body and reactions, how much she enjoys the sensations and actions and all the while is keeping an eye on how things are going and how her partner is feeling. Just ooh.

Partially its because I'm a very submissive sort who likes that reassurance that dominant types are really enjoying themselves. Partially its because I like to read about someone loving on the characters I like the most. Partially it's for novelty.

But yeah, I hope the trends turn around.