[ SECRET POST #5726 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #5726 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


01.



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02. https://i.imgur.com/XNRVKS8.png
[OP marked NSFW]


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03. https://i.imgur.com/hIlZV9G.jpg
[OP warned for clowns]


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04. [SPOILERS for Xenoblade Chronicles 3]




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05. [SPOILERS for Arknights: Rhodes Island's Records of Originium]




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06. [SPOILERS for Final Fantasy XIV: Endwalker]




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07. [SPOILERS for She-Hulk]




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08. [WARNING for discussion of suicide]

[The Mortuary Assistant]


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09. [WARNING for discussion of suicide]




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10. [WARNING for discussion of dubcon/underage]




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11. [WARNING for discussion of suicide]




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12. [WARNING for discussion of ableism]




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13. [WARNING for discussion of sexual violence]

(Judge Dredd)
















Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 00 secrets from Secret Submission Post #819.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

12. [WARNING for discussion of ableism]
https://i.imgur.com/fIECWbk.jpg

[(Anonymous)]

"Responsibility" for what?? WTF are you blathering about? Oh. You're just being an ableist cunt.

[(Anonymous)]

Because all self-diagnosed people have the disability they claim to have. Sure. But carry on jerking that knee.

[(Anonymous)]

So you hear that a fandom friend just found out they have, say, ADHD and you just ghost them based on that? That's not something a friend does. I think I'd understand it if you have a friend who constantly keeps using their diagnosis as an excuse to be a shitty person, but ghosting them solely because of their diagnosis isn't kind.

[(Anonymous)]

I question your theory that someone with all those diagnoses would be nonfunctioning.

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, I was gonna say, I'm not sure what all is wrong with me, but I have a full time job and become a useless lump when I go home because at work I hold my executive dysfunction at bay for fear of losing my job. Then I go home and collapse onto the couch and grow roots until it's time to haul my ass to work again.

And everyone in my family (including my parents) who was diagnosed with that stuff and similar were productive members of society who died when their "coping" methods killed them.

[pantswarrior]

Yeah, I was reading the earlier parts of this secret and thinking "maybe I should comment and explain some things" and then I got to that part and just kind of thought "Oh. One of those."

[(Anonymous)]

I've got three of the four OP listed (not depressed as far as I know), a few they didn't, and I'm fairly sure I have at least one thing I haven't figured out what it is yet, and I can hold down a 40 hour a week job.

It's incredibly unpleasant, and I question how neurotypicals apparently manage to not only do this but keep up with hobbies and a social life and raising children and a proper sleep schedule all in the same 168 hours a week I've got -- but still, I'm not anywhere near a "useless blob wedged in a corner".

[(Anonymous)]

Right? I’m disabled, previous job was full time, currently working part time and looking for another full time position. My partner works full time with more than one diagnosis too.

Shoutout to disabled people whose disabilities do prevent them from working (and/or neurodivergent people with similar experiences), doesn’t make you any less of someone I’d like to meet as a fandom friend. OP shouldn’t assume someone’s capabilities based on a diagnosis… or take it upon themself to measure capabilities in such unkind terms.

[(Anonymous)]

Yes, I think that fandom, which has bones built on people's hyperfixations and special interests, attracts a lot of neurodivergent people. I also think that - since a lot of internet fandom mostly just requires... access to the internet - it attracts a lot of disabled and chronically ill people.

As to whether you should be judged for noping out of a friendship because someone just found out they have ADD or whatever?

Were you friends before that? Do you think they're just going to start talking a lot about a new piece of information relevant to their life? Yeah, that can be tiring. Being able to set and respect boundaries is an important life skill. (But also, so is practicing empathy for the people around you.)

Do you think they're going to use whatever diagnosis as a 'get out of consequences' card when they're awful to people? Well, lots of people on the internet think they have the right to be awful and shouldn't have consequences, and the exact excuse is a bit more malleable.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is, why were you friends in the first place?

And also - loss of empathy for others can happen when someone is overly tired and/or depressed. So it might be an idea to take some time... just being kind to yourself, OP.

[kaffy_r]

You are a kind and thoughtful person. I just wanted you to know that.

[(Anonymous)]

Wow... I have all those things you mentioned, yet I go to work everyday, I pay my taxes, I even have a retirement account. Ableist much?

[(Anonymous)]

Maybe I'm too charitable, but I think people who self-diagnose with online quizzes and then make it their whole personality are a very tiny minority. I'm sure they exist, but in discussions of neurodivergence in fandom, they're just a bogeyman, not a real problem.

[(Anonymous)]

They unfortunately are, as is often the case, a very loud minority so this tends to leave the impression they are more common than they really are.

[(Anonymous)]

Sorry for all the shit you are going to get, and from people who will probably insist secret one is wrong, but I get it at least a bit.

I’m in fandom for fun, not to be emotional support for a bunch of self diagnosis. Modern society is brutal. You (general you not OP specifically)probably should be depressed and we all have some capitalism post traumatic stress disorder, but I literally joined fandom for porn and fix it fics.

[(Anonymous)]

It's definitely the "emotional support" part for me. I've had way too much experience being a part-time feelings-sponge and punching bag for other people's issues, and finally teaching myself to stop giving a shit about other people's problems--real or not!--has been a gigantic boon for my own mental health.

[(Anonymous)]

First things first, I do believe that fandom has a huge share of disabled people seeing as it often doesn't require a lot other than an Internet connection, and disabled people often make less money seeing as they are well, disabled (lol) .

Having said this I also think that disabled people can find comfort in eachother in fandom. So they are okay with sharing their disabilities in ways that they aren't IRL, where a majority are ableist cunts such as yourself.

[(Anonymous)]

Uhhh yeah that's pretty ablist of you-- and you very well MAY be neurodivergent but with the coping strategies and support necessary for you, sans diagnosis, to be successful at your job. LOTS of ND people work full time without being useless blobs.

[(Anonymous)]

I get not being able to hold other people up all the time, but I figure if a friend was being really draining on you that would have been the case before a diagnosis. If they weren't draining before then a diagnosis shouldn't change that and you should give them a chance like you might someone who wants to talk about their new puppy or whatever has just changed their life and see if they settle down. (If they do suddenly start trying to drain you then yep, dump 'em.)

[(Anonymous)]

A *huge* amount of "ablism" I have witnessesd is based on "well, I have all of those problems too, and I'm not *disabled*, just miserable! So why should they be?"

what I am saying is you might want to look a bit closer at those quiz results ok

[meadowphoenix]

1) You're allowed to have the type of friendships you want. Sometimes those friendships are non-intimate ones (which makes sense on the internet for fandom). You can also make say a kind version of that upfront when people try to develoe something deeper.

To be clear, are you also not giving intimate information about yourself, yes? If you're going on about your problems and then not letting people go on about theirs, I don't think you want friendship at all.

2) You'll never know the density of diag/self-diag "incorrectly"/self-diag "correctly"/scammers. And frankly, it has zero to do with whether people hold other accountable or not. Accountability is for behavior, which is irrelevant to diagnosis, and which can enforced regardless of whether people feel like they can control their behavior or not.

3) What weight would you have to take up in a fandom context? As above, even in fandom projects, you can set standards, boundaries, expectations, exit plans and then enforce them.

4) Here's the thing, people actually develop coping mechanisms for maladaptive psychology naturally. Sometimes people can't or their coping mechanisms are worse than their psychological issues, and they have trouble surviving. Some people just develop coping mechanisms that don't interfere with the capitalistic "productive" parts of their lives, but still might have maladaptive issues with parts of their life society finds less important. None of this means you are coping well overall. I genuinely hope you don't have any issues OP, but therapy if you can afford it is a nice way to make sure!! Or else complain about what's annoying you about people and get useful ways of handling that!!

[(Anonymous)]

=/
This secret is the reason why ableism is as prevalent as it. People individualize mental health/neurodivergence when it's systemic.

Do you think all these people who self diagnose have the resources and support to get the REAL help they need?
And it's not just money or insurance ( ut that plays a heavy hand in it). It's also knowing you have a support system where you won't be judged for your ignorance and mistakes and shortcomings. That it takes time to find the right resources.
There are nuances in every culture that affect mental health progress. In some cultures mental health is still seen as a taboo subject, or that it means as a person they are defective or less than human, even on a legal level.
And then there's the nuance of race, gender identity, class, a lot of things...an issue I've personally come across as well as having seen and heard it from others in my life and in media is BIPOC patients wanting to find a therapist with a similar background but there being none available.
And it's not a recent problem that popped up post 2020. A friend mentioned to me back in like 2015/2016 that they couldn't find a WOC therapist. And I'm not interested in hearing people say this is an excuse, any therapist will do, BIPOC are just wanting to be special, kindly go fuck off.

Because as obviously seen in this secret, individuals feel like it's expected of them to take on the personal responsibility of looking out for/caring for disabled folks and they resent it.
It's an asshole take, but I understand that it's part of the system to build up platforms, networks, and resources that purposely is difficult for disabled folks to live in and promote ableist ideologies so that we don't have to consider that if our system won't do the bare minimum to the most vulnerable in our society/community, when shit hits the fan, our system won't give a fuck about us.

But look, if you can't stand disabled folks, yeah, maybe it's for the best OP not keep being around neurodivergent folks if it affects them so.
But that doesn't absolve OP from the judgment they have gotten/will receive (and TBF OP stated they're aware of it).

I feel bad for OP's friends they ghosted. =( It's a lonely world for most of us, neurodivergent or not. Sucks to lose a friend, sucks even more to lose them because they don't like you for who you are. But best to keep those friendships in the past, don't keep fake friends around. Guess OP did their friends a favor

[(Anonymous)]

If you're friends with someone and you feel like the dynamic between you and your friend is acceptable, but then they mention that they have [diagnosis] and you ghost them, then yeah, that's dumb and shitty.

However, if what's actually going on is that you feel like they're making their diagnosis and/or mental health struggles a big part of their online identity and you aren't vibing with that, then that's actually fine. Complicated and deeply personal topics like mental health can be exhausting, and it's entirely reasonable if you'd just rather curate your fandom experience to not involve a lot of stuff to do with that subject.

Or, alternatively, if the problem is actually that you aren't happy with the dynamic you have with someone, then once again it's okay to nope out on that dynamic. Nobody is owed friendship, and it does suck when you have a friend who is constantly leaning on you without any sense of reciprocation. At the end of the day, it doesn't have to matter to you why your relationship is unequal; it's okay to nope out regardless of the reason.

Bottom line, I totally understand feeling like you're barely keeping yourself afloat and therefore do not have any extra resources to use helping someone else who is struggling. AFAIC there is nothing whatsoever wrong with drawing those boundaries for yourself. However, presuming that someone is going to be high maintenance based solely on the fact that they mention their diagnosis occasionally on tumblr is just nonsensical and, yes, ableist.

[(Anonymous)]

it, uh, kind of seems like you're currently holding on to the bare ability to be functional with your teeth and fingernails right now, OP. Given that you don't have any energy to spare for anyone doing the empathy vampire routine who happens to have those diagnoses.

Just barely hanging on is a thing that a lot of people with that kind of stack of diagnoses and a half-functional group of coping mechanisms can go through.

It would be kind of ironic if the main stumbling block in the way of you maybe getting some help with your situation (of whatever sort -- meds, counseling, coping skills and advice specifically crafted by the communities in question) was your ablist assumption that someone with those conditions would be a complete dysfunctional mess and therefore that can't be you. But I sincerely hope you do get more breathing room and one way to get that might be getting evaluated for all of that.

[(Anonymous)]

i think some types of hollywoodised neurodivergence, especially austism spectrum being painted as "highly intelligent but socially awkward", do overlap strongly with people who find internet fandom as a place where they can manage their social interactions at a distance

the hollywoodised part is the problem