[ SECRET POST #6030 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #6030 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 25 secrets from Secret Submission Post #862.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

It’s awesome that worked on that! I’m not being even a little sarcastic, I’m aware that takes a monumental effort. But it doesn’t mean the people you lied to in the past are required to start trusting you again or believe anything you said back then even if you only lied about some things. You lost all credibility for that time and probably some time after, possibly even forever with some of the people you knew then. That’s just how it goes. Lie and get branded liar.

[(Anonymous)]

Lying about having seen a show is not that serious bro. Reflect on why *you* have such a knee-jerk reaction to white lies.

[(Anonymous)]

I know exactly why I have no tolerance for lies. You not agreeing with me isn’t going to change anything *shrug*

[(Anonymous)]

Have to agree with this anon. "Lying" is not even an across the board social faux pas, let alone a mortal sin. And if someone's morality is so black-and-white that there's no room for a person to lie about anything, ever, I probably don't want to be anywhere near them. That's evangelical-grade moral absolutism.

[(Anonymous)]

And yet here you are in the thread started by a person you said you didn’t want to be anywhere near.

Look, I didn’t go into any other comments and start throwing shit at the multiple people who said they also lie. I wasn’t even an asshole to the person who came into my thread and said they used to do that. I think it’s shitty behavior to lie to someone’s face and if someone does it to me I cannot trust them about anything. Ever. Even if it’s a lie YOU think is ok.

But I do wonder at the many people in this thread that imply it wouldn’t erode their trust in someone. It is human nature to trust someone less when you know they lied to you. It’s a nearly universal mammalian trait.

At work I don’t put my subordinates into positions where they feel they have to lie because then I cannot objectively perform their reviews. But if any of the people I do lightly socialize with lie to me I avoid having anything to do with them again. And more often than not the people who compulsively lie about things you don’t think matter also go on to lie about much bigger things. Not always but damn close.

I do wonder a bit also if some of this isn’t a matter of imaging vastly different scenarios: I’m speaking about actual occurrences that took place face to face in which someone repeatedly pretended something that wasn’t true. I wouldn’t judge someone on social media the same way if it were something like a tumblr post or a tweet or anything like that. I also wouldn’t care as much if it were a passing stranger but then again, I wouldn’t be in that kind of situation so that’s a moot point. I’m only ever in that position with people I am around regularly and have to have some measure of trust with. “Is Linda telling the truth about what happened? Or is she lying to cover her ass? She IS the type to lie about being a fan of a tv show she’s never seen.” Yeah, that’s a real thing. And in Linda’s case she was lying to cover her ass and no one trusts her even a little but HR recommended to the bosses not to fire her so most everyone tries to avoid having anything to do with her.

[(Anonymous)]

DA you complimented the anon on having worked to improve themselves, but that doesn't mean you weren't an asshole to them. Maybe you should consider working on yourself in a similar vein so that your own experiences don't filter into others, like now.

[(Anonymous)]

+1

[(Anonymous)]

How was I an asshole to them? My initial comment hurt their feelings because of their guilt over past shitty behavior. That’s not on me, that’s on them. It’s for them to own it which obviously they have and that’s a GOOD thing. I didn’t insult them or do anything to make them feel worse. Are you upset because I didn’t say that because they no longer compulsively lie that the lies they told in the past are erased? Because they aren’t. And if you read their comment, the lying wasn’t just to the people that they felt they had to lie to, it became a compulsory behavior. If anyone from that time in their life is still in their life now, it’s entirely plausible that the trust between them isn’t as strong as anon thinks. That’s the consequence of being a dishonest person no matter the reason for it *shrug*

[(Anonymous)]

DA

Nah, you're assuming a lot. They didn't like being insulted (which is what your claiming anyone who does this is a sack of shit was). That's not the same thing as "they feel bad because they were a bad person." Maybe you want them to feel like a bad person, but you know what? That's why people are saying you're being an asshole.

You've probably never met this person, and yet you're acting like you get to play the role of someone they wronged in the past. And stand up on behalf of whoever you imagine they offended by not disclosing what they did with themselves in their free time. The "crime" you're accusing them of seems ridiculous to me, and yeah, like defensive asshole behavior.

You may have entirely valid reasons to be angry with other people for lying to you in the past. That, I know nothing about. But I see how you were treating the person who was right in front of you, upthread, and I don't think they deserved any of that.

[(Anonymous)]

^^^

This

[(Anonymous)]

Maybe it's more a neurotypical trait for lying to be acceptable? I'm with you, anon. You start lying to me, and I'm never trusting you about anything again. Doesn't matter what you lied to me about.

[(Anonymous)]

Thread OP
Yes I’m ND. But as I’ve stated elsewhere it’s actually really common even with neurotypical people to not trust someone who lied to them. The fact that the example is something of such little consequence actually makes it worse because someone who lies about inconsequential things cannot be trusted to be honest about important matters.

But again, I think context matters. I’m working off the premise of this being a face to face encounter where an entire conversation takes place, not a throwaway comment either in person or on social media. That sort of behavior wouldn’t erode my trust, I would assume it was an avoidance tactic. But to partake in a whole conversation based on the lie that one is knowledgeable about the subject of the conversation is shitty behavior at the very kindest and indicative of major character defects.

The only real impact my ND has on this is that I’m baffled at how many people think being caught in a lie wouldn’t someone’s erode trust in the liar. It absolutely will if we’re talking about grown adults. Anyone mid twenties and above who does that stuff is flawed. Great for them if they can surround themselves with people like the ones in this thread who praise them for being compulsive liars but somehow I doubt that’s actually the case.

[(Anonymous)]

AYRT

I'm still baffled by weird stuff NT people do. I've mostly given up trying and I just take each situation as they happen. I'm just so weirded out by this situation, though. How hard is it to say, "yeah, I tried the first book, but I couldn't get into it"? Like, is it painful or something??

[(Anonymous)]

I am NT and baffled too. I can understand why someone would do it, but I can't understand how everyone so mellow about it.

I don't necessarily think that relationships with a compulsive liar are necessarily that bad. But I do think that it makes things awkward in a long run.

[(Anonymous)]

AYRT

I was in this thread, replying to someone else. Alright, though: since you engaged, we'll talk now.

> It is human nature to trust someone less when you know they lied to you. It’s a nearly universal mammalian trait.

I disagree. I am human, and it is not in my nature to treat lies like an indiscriminately evil thing. Everyone I've ever been close to uses them, and often to protect the wellbeing of people they care about. Lies are powerful, but they are not inherently abusive.

I will concede that some of the people I've met who lie about small things lie about many things. It depends what they're doing and why. But I have other ways to assess what I can expect from them that are more to the point. Lies that make a pattern that's to their benefit and my detriment - there's a danger sign. Elaborate lies, like pretending someone sent a third party a letter on their behalf when they wrote it themselves and forged the signature - that's the sort of behavior I may not forgive. But just being afraid to admit they didn't watch a movie or read a book? No. These things are not alike to me at all.

You seem concerned that the people disagreeing with your approach are telling you that you have to adopt our methods, and that's not my intent. I expect you to know better what works in your life.

It would have been nice if you hadn't replied to traumadump anon with "good for you for getting better, but no one who knows you lied about anything will ever trust you again." You don't speak for all of us, and I fully expect them to find people who will empathize, and care, and trust them regardless. It sounds like they already have. But I didn't direct my comments to you because it seemed unlikely that you would want them.

[(Anonymous)]

those people don't deserve honesty.

[(Anonymous)]

Your takeaway from someone lying to avoid being bullied is that the /bullies/ don't trust them anymore? Get over yourself.

[(Anonymous)]

+1