[ SECRET POST #6072 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #6072 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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[Jojo's Bizarre Adventure]



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[Futurama]



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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 30 secrets from Secret Submission Post #868.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Vent thread

[(Anonymous)]

Yes! Another!

Re: Vent thread

[(Anonymous)]

I posted in a book thread like a week ago that I was reading 'Cobalt Red.' As I've read it, something I haven't been able to stop thinking about is a podcast I listened to for a spell called Decolonizing Buffalo. It's run by a part-Comanche man who's pretty far-left and into, well, the project of decolonizing colonized peoples, obviously including his own. First got into it while researching the "Pretendian" phenomenon.

Anyway, over time, I started to get the impression that he was...kind of credulous? Like, if someone was critical of the US, he'd just believe whatever else they said. What finally made me quit the pod was when he had on a Chinese national who went on at length about how the Belt and Road initiative is fantastic for Africa.

Well, now I'm reading a book about the continued exploitation of the Congo, much of it at the hands of Chinese companies, and I keep thinking about this podcaster. It doesn't seem to have occurred to him that while yes, the US has propaganda, other countries do as well -- including China! He's all about decolonization, but he was swallowing hook, line, and sinker the words of someone who has every reason to back his country's modern-day version of colonialism and little incentive at all to tell the truth. Children are in debt bondage and are dying in mines, and he's out here thinking they've been enriched by a benevolent superpower.

I think the reason it bothers me so much is because it highlights how people want to believe there's an easy answer to the injustice in the world. They want to think that if they can identify the One True Bad Guy and then get rid of them, all of our problems will vanish. But the truth is that the ability to be the Bad Guy lies in almost all of us.

In other news, I am now not comfortable buying an EV, and don't know what to do about the device in my hands.

Re: Vent thread

[(Anonymous)]

Extremely common problem with leftists. And, really, people in general.

Anyway, if you can live without having a car, that's probably the best option. If you can't, then an EV or hybrid is still a better option all else equal than a gas car.

Re: Vent thread

[(Anonymous)]

In other news, I am now not comfortable buying an EV, and don't know what to do about the device in my hands.

I think at this point seeking the services of a counselor is your best bet in determining what trade offs will work for you. The older I get, the more I've understood that no perfect solution to any problem (simple or complex) actually exists.

Re: Vent thread

[(Anonymous)]

Some friends of a friend of mine had a baby, and they already have a slightly older kid. Apparently they keep asking the older kid if she loves the baby and coaching her to say yes. They also spend a lot of time telling the older kid to kiss and hug the baby. I think this is probably not a real good idea to force the kid to act affectionate but I kept my mouth shut. Am I wrong?

Re: Vent thread

[(Anonymous)]

How old is the other kid?

Re: Vent thread

[(Anonymous)]

The parents should not be doing that, but I don't think you're wrong to keep your mouth shut. Trying to talk to them about it, even gently, is likely to just make them defensive and double down harder on coaching their kid to do what they want.

Re: Vent thread

[(Anonymous)]

You're not wrong. I think it comes from good intentions, i.e. wanting the older child to love and accept the new baby. But that can't be forced, and it's frankly weird to me how many parents just do NOT understand that at all. Insisting on it won't make it happen, it'll just increase the chances of pushback because the older kid isn't stupid. Even if they can't articulate what they dislike about it, kids don't like being pushed and prodded to feel positively about something they don't actually feel positively about.

The cynical part of me says that the reason parents do this is that they stubbornly and selfishly believe it'll be easier to magically create a good sibling relationship instead of doing it the hard way, which is to make sure your older kid(s) still feel loved, valued and have an appropriate amount of parental attention and nurturing even though there's a new baby in the house. NGL, that's hard. But you know, you chose to have more than one kid, so get on it.

Re: Vent thread

[(Anonymous)]

Yeaaah, you probably can't do anything. You can try asking why they are doing it without sounding too judgy. Maybe it can strike conversation that will help them realize this shit is super weird. But other than this? Dunno

Re: Vent thread

[(Anonymous)]

TBH One of the hardest things as an adult is not saying anything to the ways people parent their children.

Especially when I was/am going through some childhood/family trauma.

My approach is to have a respectful and encouraging interaction with the kids in my life (sibling's kids, friends' kids, etc). Let them know their boundaries and opinions matter too.

Re: Vent thread

[(Anonymous)]

MM I feel you. And having seen all the arguing over the whole thing... like.

Being forced to hug and kiss the baby at age four is not the thing that's going to ruin the kid's life, that part is true-- it's NOT going to foster the close sibling relationship they want, but it's not like this *one* thing is going to wreck that relationship, either. It's NOT a relationship, though, and it won't be until baby is old enough to be interesting to a four year old, and that's pretty normal. Some four year olds love a baby and are interested in a baby and will grab a doll and mimic how mom and dad care for baby, some four year olds could not care LESS until their sibling is big enough to actually play with.

The real problem is that if they are comfortable with forcing their older daughter to hug and kiss baby, and comfortable *getting outsiders to do the same*, that's a precedent for what they think of their child's autonomy, and that CAN lead to things that will hurt her! And if they think they can bully their way through the bonding at *this* phase, rather than putting in the work to make their kid feel like she matters, then the odds are they will continue to make the wrong moves during phases that ARE going to have more lasting/serious consequences.

But, of course, they're never going to listen to a non-parent about it, and probably not ready to listen to other parents, either. Which makes it hard to stop the behavior now when it's the kind of thing the kid won't remember later in life.

Re: Vent thread

[philstar22]

I had to take a half day today, which means I'm going to have to change vacation plans somewhat and only take a half day the day before thanksgiving. And hope I don't get sick again for the rest of the year. argh.

Also, my mom ordered these Keto drinks from Walmart. They were curdled. She doesn't think it is worth it to complain, but I'm annoyed and wish she'd let me go to the store and complain.

Re: Vent thread

[(Anonymous)]

My dental insurance via Medicaid is total shit and many people across the USA have filed complaints about it. It doesn't cover anything beyond basic cleanings and x-rays. They deny a lot by saying it isn't medically necessary. I'm terrified of what will happen to my mouth in the future because I'll have to go out-of-network and pay big- and I'll never have that kind of cash. Fuck DentaQuest and fuck HealthFirst/Medicaid!

Re: Vent thread

[tabaqui]

That sucks!! I'm sorry.

I don't know about this stuff; can you just choose dental insurance on your own? Like google some price quotes? I was doing that a couple months ago and there were some really cheap (to me) options, like 50 bucks a month, 100% coverage in-network, 80% out of network, covers fillings and stuff like that, low copay....

I got several quotes that seemed really reasonable, but then got a job with dental, etc., so didn't go with anyone....

Dental health/paying for it is such a fucking scam in the US.

Re: Vent thread

[(Anonymous)]

Teeth are for the rich.

I don't have dental insurance and I just broke a tooth and to fix it (which I def need to do because I've had other teeth pulled due to being poor and it being the cheapest option) it's going to cost me a minimum of $1500. Which maybe isn't a lot for some? But it is definitely a big deal to me. Luckily I have a small amount of savings I can dip into.

Fuck the Healthcare in this place. I hope for the best for you and your mouth!

Re: Vent thread

[(Anonymous)]

Get your ass on GoFundMe and make people in countries with universal healthcare pay your dental costs with all the money they've saved through the dumb luck of being born in a decent place.

I'm not joking (about the GoFundMe part)

Re: Vent thread

[(Anonymous)]

I'm so sorry.

The dental Healthcare system is completely fucked in the US.

Re: Vent thread

[(Anonymous)]

My best friend’s ignoring me and I don’t know why. We used to meet up once a month just to get out of our houses and catch up, but it’s been three months and I haven’t seen her. She said she was too busy to meet up and I told her to just let me know when she’s not busy, but she never replied. I messaged her on her birthday and said I had her present, but she left me on read. I’m just feeling really sad ‘cause I don’t know what I did wrong.

Re: Vent thread

[(Anonymous)]

Do you know if she's okay?

I guess you could message her one more time and say you miss her and hope she's doing okay.

Re: Vent thread

[(Anonymous)]

Are you me? Also having this, OP.

There's always the possibility that she may just have a lot going on or be going through something; I know it's super easy to feel like "what have I done wrong?" but maybe try leading just with "I noticed you've been quiet lately, is everything okay with you?"

I tend to clam up on messaging when I'm having a shit time, so it's entirely possible she may just be dealing with stuff. I hope you guys can talk again properly soon.

Re: Vent thread

[(Anonymous)]

I'm sorry your friend isn't communicating with you.

I think you can't be certain if you did anything to get her to ghost you, so please try not to blame yourself.
It's possible your friend is feeling overwhelmed or has other things going on.

I think a good option would be to give one final message. Tell them you just want to check in on them, wish them well if you want, and then try your best not to ruminate on this situation.

If your friend gets back to you, they will.

Re: Vent thread

[(Anonymous)]

When I spend all my time doing things that don't take me outside my comfort zone, it really let's me forget how bad my anxiety is

Re: Vent thread

[(Anonymous)]

I could have written this. *hugs* if you want them

Re: Vent thread

[(Anonymous)]

One of my clients is curiously silent after getting invoice from me. We are on a good working terms with several projects in progress so it was unexpected.
Also frankly I am right now torn between needing money and really hating what I do. I would like to change my field but I don't know where to start and where to get fucking money for this.

Re: Vent thread

[(Anonymous)]

I wish more people would be honest with themselves about clickbait/wankbait. To quote an AlunaGeorge song, "You know you like it, but it drives you insane." I think if more people acknowledged that they like this sort of stuff we could make headway in having more civil interactions (online or off).