fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #6337 ]

I've always been someone who has anxieties and worries a ton, usually about things that I realize are ridiculous and will never happen, but that doesn't stop me from worrying about them. I also will be trying to sleep, or even just doing something in the middle of the day, and a horrible thought will come into my head...either replaying something traumatic that happened in the past or a random awful thing that worries me. When that happens I try to just put it out of my mind and think about something positive/happy instead. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but when it doesn't work immediately, my thoughts will eventually wander onto something else anyway, and I won't think about it anymore.

From time to time I talk to my mom about these sorts of things, and she says that when she has a negative thought, she will think about something good instead, and it will go away, and that it always works since she's had plenty of practice at it. She's super into self help books and recommended one that she thought would help me. I am not interested in self help books at all and have never read one in my life, but I was sick of this issue I'm having so I borrowed the book she mentioned and started reading it last night. I only read the first couple chapters, but it said that not thinking about negative things or thinking about positive things instead absolutely does not work because trying not to think of something means you will think of absolutely nothing else. Since it also mentioned something about looking forward to 2020, I realized it was written pre-pandemic, and I feel like that was such a huge trauma for pretty much everyone in the world that a self-help book written before then can't possibly properly address things that people are feeling now, so I just put the book aside.

Anyway, last night when I was trying to sleep, I was having the negative thoughts, and trying to think of positive things instead did not work. I absolutely could not think about anything else no matter what. I feel like the stupid book cursed me or something and now I'm doomed to forever think about awful things when I'm trying to fall asleep. One of the happy/positive things I would think about as I was trying to fall asleep was stories I wanted to write and it would help relax me, and now I feel like that's something that's been taken away from me.

I feel like most people would suggest therapy, but 1) I can't afford it right now and 2) I've had a bad experience with a therapist in the past and really don't feel like it would help. I really don't know what to do though.

Does anyone have any experience with this type of thing? What helps?

This isn't helpful, to you or to me, long term, but short term? I use the Homer J. Simpson approach.

To alcohol the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.

I beat my braincells into senselessness so I don't have to worry.

Medication. Mine got so unmanageable that I was only sleeping half the night after exhausting myself. I went to my doctor who managed to find the right meds on the first try and after getting past the adjustment period my brain went quiet. It's blissful.

Seconding the medication. It's astounding how well it worked. My mother used to give me the "just stop worrying!" shtick and I would get so upset because I couldn't, but it turns out my brain was operating at a disadvantage.

Constant redirection. Sometimes that includes saying out loud "No. Enough. We are not thinking about that now." And forcefully changing my mind. What works best for me is writing fic in my head or imagining fun scenarios for my current favorites.

I do this over and over because yeah I will suddenly realize I somehow circled back to my anxiety or negative thoughts without even realizing.

It has taken years but I'm pretty good at it now. I may have to repeat the process, but it does stop the thoughts, I just have to be really proactive about my own thought patterns.

What works best for me is writing fic in my head or imagining fun scenarios for my current favorites.

I probably wasn't clear enough, sorry about that. That is something I used to be able to do, but last night after reading the book my mom recommended, I wasn't able to because every time I tried, the negative thoughts would interrupt. That's part of why I'm so upset, because I feel like something I used to enjoy, that used to help me, has been taken away.

It happens. Im sure it will come back to you though! Try not to focus on it and instead cycle through your brain for something else relaxing or fun to focus on. Sometimes the fic or fandom stuff doesn't work for me either, I just go through my brain trying different thought paths until one takes. Or until I fall asleep. Its not an easy solution, but you just have to keep redirecting. I really find talking aloud and at my anxiety like its a person (or an unruly child) helps. I don't get angry or insult myself, just a calm "no, we are not doing that" and redirect.

Sorry you are going through this.

I watched a few videos on ruminating and that had helped me put the negative thoughts into perspective. That's a form of mind work I've done that has helped me.

Instead of replacing a negative thought with a positive one (because I tend to start picking apart the positive thought and it just returns to thinking of the negativity), I stop myself and tell myself, "you are ruminating, stop it."

Remind myself:
*ruminating is my mind stuck on a thought loop, not so much me trying to "work through an issue"
*all this thinking is making me anxious
*all this anxiety is energy that is going nowhere
*I can't fix this issue right now so I am not helping myself by thinking about it over and over
*acknowledge to myself that yes, this thought/issue sucks
*but I need to stop ruminating
*I reassure to myself that I am not in literal danger and that I am safe

It might take a few times of catching my rumination and doing these reassurances and self talk to get me to move on, but it has helped me tremendously with letting go of having negative thoughts dance in circles around my mind endlessly.

PS.

Have you ever done grounding exercises or heard of them? They have helped me too.

Same with self soothing talks and reassures.

IE. When my mind is spiraling from remembering a bad memory, I take a deep breath, and starting from my toes I list off clothing items I'm wearing.
-black socks
-black and white sneakers
-pink underwear
-blue jeans
-pink bralette
-black tank top
-white tee shirt
-black hair tie

I take a few deep breaths and tell myself I am OK.

Tell myself to focus on something that won't stress me out.

Thanks, I will have to try to find those videos!

AYRT
Here are a couple videos that helped me. I don't always take advice from every video I watch and if it doesn't help you, you're

Sorry, pressed a wrong button
*if these videos don't help, there's nothing wrong with you or your brain. We all have our own ways of navigating the world

*this first one really opened my mind to how to tackle rumination
https://youtu.be/osqDARZ8lWs?si=xM_Vu6-6oMpFvSDL

*this one helped a lot too
https://youtu.be/o1G4JFuLlO8?si=faG_fXBysYMOOKrU

stories. Fanfics in your head.

I probably wasn't clear enough, sorry about that. That is something I used to be able to do, but last night after reading the book my mom recommended, I wasn't able to because every time I tried, the negative thoughts would interrupt. That's part of why I'm so upset, because I feel like something I used to enjoy, that used to help me, has been taken away.

great minds and all that. Even the timestamps are almost the same

Imagination. Stories.

I probably wasn't clear enough, sorry about that. That is something I used to be able to do, but last night after reading the book my mom recommended, I wasn't able to because every time I tried, the negative thoughts would interrupt. That's part of why I'm so upset, because I feel like something I used to enjoy, that used to help me, has been taken away.

Hmm, have you tried hot bath and chamomile tea?
Another trick is to write down all your worries so you will think about them later.

About bad memories. You need to visualise them but with a pink flowery frame around, with sparkles and butterflies or find another cute image that works for you. A very expensive NLP shrink tought me this many years ago.

Another trick is to try and relax every bit of your body while in bed.

Finally there's a trick that works for panic atacks that I successfully use for my fear of flying. Basically you concetrate on your surrounding and count. I can dig up the book if you want it.

My friend swears by audiobooks. She listens to them before falling asleep.

I’m usually pretty successful in switching my thoughts from negative to positive. The key is that I have to change my physical activity. If I’m doing one thing when the negative thoughts take over, I need to switch to a different task. That’s easy when I’m doing physical stuff but impossible if I’m stuck at a computer for work or school. I can at the very least stop my thoughts from getting darker by focusing on a happy memory or an upcoming happy thing or even a daydream.

I think it’s weird that a book would say it’s an unsuccessful tactic because it’s part of cognitive behavioral therapy and mindfulness in general is common in therapy and meditation techniques.

I think it’s weird that a book would say it’s an unsuccessful tactic because it’s part of cognitive behavioral therapy and mindfulness in general is common in therapy and meditation techniques.

Yeah, that's what I've always heard, but this book's whole premise is "everything that's been done before is wrong, I know better" (I didn't get far enough to discover what this author thinks is better, and I'm not going to read the rest at this point). The clickbait of books, I guess.

Daydreaming is what works best for me. I put my brain in another world.

Sorry you're dealing with that.

I can't fall asleep while reading unless I'm absolutely exhausted, but if you can, it's harder to think horrible things or worry about them when you're reading a silly story.

Or I hate audiobooks but if you like them and the noise won't keep you awake, listen to one. Music is hit or miss; if you let it be background noise to your brain beating the shit out of you, that won't work. If you're mentally singing along to a fun song, it can help. Although if you get earwormed it can be almost as bad as a doom spiral.

brain if you don't stop singing "76 Trombones," I'm going to smash you with a hammer.

Counting sheep or breaths or seconds doesn't work for me, but listing off "what would I do if I suddenly had magic/won the lotto/could have any mythological creature as a pet/etc" does.

Actually writing fic in my head doesn't, because I either wake up enough to write it down, or get annoyed the next day when I realized I forgot something because I didn't. But a list of fun fantasies (not like "and then I recorded my first multiplatinum album, more "I'm gonna go to Alaska and go birding and then to the Fringe Festival and then...") is engaging enough that I focus on it instead of my brain being an asshole, but not so much that I end up staying awake.

Good luck, I hope you find something that helps.

If it's in the middle of the night? Acknowledge whatever it is, and give yourself permission to worry about it tomorrow. Like, can you do anything about the thing right now? No? Worry about it tomorrow.

During the day? You can always acknowledge the feeling in your head too, and let it pass. Look into journaling as well.

I imagine it's a painting in my head. Then, I paint over it with thick white paint over and over until it stops being visible. Sometimes it takes a couple of goes, but it usually blanks it out enough for the negative feelings to be muted.

[ SECRET POST #6337 ]

How do you stop thinking about negative/stressful things/bad memories/etc. ?

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sa

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