[ SECRET POST #6434 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #6434 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 39 secrets from Secret Submission Post #920.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Weird culture trends that you don't get.

[(Anonymous)]

(I'm American, for context.) I know the whole wedding industry has always been kind of nuts, but the general trend seems to be getting worse. I read that the average U.S. wedding cost around 29K in 2023. That's crazy! How many people can truly afford that? It's insane to go into debt for a one-day party, no matter what the occasion is.

The sense of control and entitlement seems to be getting worse, too. Like traditionally, I know the bride and groom chooses wedding colors for the bridal party. But what's up with telling your GUESTS that you want them to wear a specific color or fit with a specific color palette? I can't imagine trying to orchestrate that many peoples' wardrobes, just for the sake of having a matchy-matchy color scheme for my wedding photographs.

Destination weddings are a whole other thing, too. By all means, have them if the location is more important to you than having your friends and family there on your wedding day. But the number of people who choose a destination wedding and then act all surprised and upset when it turns out that not everyone can afford to fly out and stay at a resort because of work and life obligations, or, you know, not wanting to drop several thousand bucks for your wedding, plus gift.

Re: Weird culture trends that you don't get.

[(Anonymous)]

I don't get why we have to keep tearing everything down? It doesn't even seem to bring the people doing it joy, they seem pure miserable about it, can we not let there be some magic left in the world?

Re: Weird culture trends that you don't get.

[(Anonymous)]

nayrt
I'd agree if not for the fact they don't really seem to bring any additional joy lol

Re: Weird culture trends that you don't get.

[(Anonymous)]

For me, the wedding/pre-wedding tradition that annoys me is when women who are otherwise acting like the pinnacle of "strong independent woman" keep whining that their boyfriends won't propose to them and insist on an overly expensive ring. Lady, if you're such a strong independent woman, YOU can propose as well! Nobody is stopping you!
Also, how I get the feeling with quite a lot of weddings that they're basically just an unnecessarily expensive party celebrating the bride, and ONLY the bride. The husbands are just the necessary evil they need to get their huge, lavish princess party. And god forbid the husband has any of his own wishes for the wedding, it might destroy the instagrammableness.

And on the other hand you have husband who seem like they couldn't care less if there is a wedding or not and who, despite getting asked for input, dump all the work and planning on their bride to be.

Another thing I find weird is the people who insist on childfree weddings - which in itself is perfectly fine - throw a tantrum when someone with small children chooses not to attend. Same as with destination weddings, you have all the right in the world to do it. But your guest also have the right to decline the invitation if it isn't an option for them.

Re: Weird culture trends that you don't get.

[(Anonymous)]

The whole Big Princess Wedding weirds me out too, but it's so pervasive. It's not uncommon for women to refer to how they've dreamed about their wedding day since they were a little girl. Seriously? Who you're marrying doesn't matter, nothing else about it matters besides a big white dress and feeling like a princess for a day? I mean, okay if that's what you want. But I feel like if society had more fulfilling roles for women and/or if the women in question had more fulfilling lives, they wouldn't be so focused on this fantasy.

And it's always so money-focused, too. Insisting that the cost of a wedding gift must be the cost per person of the catering/wedding, etc. That's bullshit. If you want to throw an expensive party, that's YOUR call. It's not your guests' responsibility to pay for it.

Re: Weird culture trends that you don't get.

[(Anonymous)]

What I hate most is when people say "it's supposed to be the best/most beautiful/most important day of my life" and... what, are you just expecting shit to rapidly go downhill from there? I know what they mean but damn, take it literally and it gets pretty depressing.

For the móney, I live in a country with a big minority of middle eastern people and have seen a lot of their weddings and it's basically an "invite everyone you even remotely know and all their relatives" because it's expected that everyone who is invited will give substantial cash gifts. Which in turn pays for the party and then some. And I feel this mentality/tradition is kind of similar to the whole "gift price must equal attendance cost" thing, and they BOTH weird me out.

Re: Weird culture trends that you don't get.

[(Anonymous)]

Oh god, you remind me of a discussion I had with a bunch of (female) friends. They all had at least one child and the topic came up if they would want to get another one. Everyone said no, citing how much being pregnant sucked. Except one friend whose reasoning was "I loved being pregnant, everyone was taking care of me and I liked the attention [husband] paid me" and I'm like, FRIEND. THIS SOUNDS LIKE A DISCUSSION YOU SHOULD HAVE WITH YOUR HUSBAND. But it has zero to do with getting more kids.

It seems to me that many of the big princess weddings are fuelled by the same sentiment, tbh. But instead of bringing child into it at least it's only burning an unnecessary amount of cash.

Re: Weird culture trends that you don't get.

[(Anonymous)]

But I feel like if society had more fulfilling roles for women and/or if the women in question had more fulfilling lives, they wouldn't be so focused on this fantasy.

Well, that's just the thing, isn't it? Modern society does have fulfilling roles for women, in the sense that we are fully able to chart the course we want, and to find purpose and meaning in that course.

These are women who find purpose and meaning not when they have a fulfilling role, but when they've captured all of the available attention.

This is likely why people who overspend on their weddings are more likely to divorce than those who go frugal.

Re: Weird culture trends that you don't get.

[(Anonymous)]

Lady, if you're such a strong independent woman, YOU can propose as well! Nobody is stopping you!

I admit I proposed to my husband to avoid getting an engagement ring. That reminds me of a secret I should submit, actually....

Re: Weird culture trends that you don't get.

[(Anonymous)]

I didn't propose to avoid getting an engagement ring; he still wanted to buy one. I did insist, however, that it not be expensive! IIRC, it was less than $200.

Re: Weird culture trends that you don't get.

[(Anonymous)]

Scrolling through other people's supposedly glamorous lives on Instagram.

I don't get it, never have, never had an interest. Who cares what some random stranger is wearing or what car they're driving or what they're eating? Why would you suddenly care if you 1000x the price? I wouldn't even care if it were my best friend; I love them and it's good they're happy but I do not care about where they went for lunch last Tuesday and I do not need photos of their meal unless they have something in particular to say to me about it. Nor does the general public need photos of me in random places I go.

Do people not realize it's 99% fake or something?

Re: Weird culture trends that you don't get.

[(Anonymous)]

I hate how everyone, on both the left and right, is always walking around so damn angry; so damn eager to just take offense at something and unload on another person. Everything is simultaneously problematic or woke at the same fucking time. Just, everyone, take it down a notch or ten.

Re: Weird culture trends that you don't get.

[(Anonymous)]

+100000

Re: Weird culture trends that you don't get.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm not sure if Internet Etiquette was ever a class in school, but they definitely need one in the age of social media. Placing emphasis on "it's perfectly okay to sit on a response for an hour or two, or even a whole day, before responding" and "you don't owe some rando on the internet a response ever."

Re: Weird culture trends that you don't get.

[(Anonymous)]

Just, everyone, take it down a notch or ten.

If their anger is contributing to widespread endangerment (such as denying life saving crops to people due to pseudoscience guiding crop regulations), I'm going to do the opposite and kick it up ten notches.

Re: Weird culture trends that you don't get.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm this person in the Deadpool & Wolverine fandom right now. I'm easily triggered, angry, and mean. It's just a movie! But it feels like an important battle in the culture war. I djo

Re: Weird culture trends that you don't get.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm this person in the Deadpool & Wolverine fandom right now. I'm easily triggered, angry, and mean. It's just a movie! But it feels like an important battle in the culture war.

Re: Weird culture trends that you don't get. (More Instagram stuff here)

[(Anonymous)]

Psychology/self help Instagram is a trend that I actually kind of get but find myself really unhappy with. At best, it's a bunch cliches you see everywhere. At worst, it's actually encouraging abuse. I recently stumbled upon couplestherapywithjonathan, where this guy (who claims he's an MFT; I have yet to verify his licensing credentials) encourages people in relationships to know each others' passwords. Um, hell to the no. I brought this to my counselor's attention so if nothing else he is aware of what his other clients might be seeing/taking to heart.

Re: Weird culture trends that you don't get. (More Instagram stuff here)

[(Anonymous)]

Regarding your anecdote, JFC, that's so irresponsible.

I get how people can be naive about this sort of thing. They have a good relationship, and they trust their partner, and they have the attitude of, "what's mine is theirs, and what's theirs is mine." But that simply is not the case for everyone. Some people are in relationships that make them feel afraid, or make them feel trapped, and they don't know how to get out (or don't think they can, or think it's the best they can get), and any little slice of privacy they can carve out for themselves is vital. And hell, even when that's not the case, people often want to reserve space that's just for them, and that's okay. We do not merge when we enter into relationships. We are still separate people, and are entitled to that separateness.

Re: Weird culture trends that you don't get.

[(Anonymous)]

Gender reveal parties. Gender reveals period.
I just hope it's not going to be popular in my country because we tend to take the worst from USA

Re: Weird culture trends that you don't get.

[(Anonymous)]

Agreed, they're really obnoxious and I have no idea why they've caught on the way they have. Isn't a baby shower enough already? Never mind all the gender reveal parties that have stupid stunts where someone is hurt/killed.

Re: Weird culture trends that you don't get.

[(Anonymous)]

Yes! Like you already have a party for this (we don't, usually all the needed stuff people bring after the birth, but whatever it seems like a fun tradion)
Also it's not gender reveal, isn't it? It's sex reveal. But it sounds creepy BECAUSE IT IS. Guh

Re: Weird culture trends that you don't get.

[(Anonymous)]

I remember the one that started a major forest fire in my country.

Re: Weird culture trends that you don't get.

[(Anonymous)]

As a 'Murican, agreed. Gender reveals for the unborn are dumb and a waste of time (okay, maybe just my time) and money.

Re: Weird culture trends that you don't get.

[greghousesgf]

the first time I ever heard about a gender reveal party I thought it was some kind of coming out party for trans people.