fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #6448 ]

[ SECRET POST #6448 ]

⌈ Secret Post #6448 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[Powerwolf]

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[Genshin Impact]

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[Tokyo Afterschool Summoners]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 42 secrets from Secret Submission Post #922.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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Ask Me Anything

Did you or your partners parents help you buy the house? The only millenials I know that own a house had their parents give them a gift of a downpayment or paid for everything basically though young adulthood so they could save up to buy the house.

Glad you are living the dream!

I am not a millenial, just missed the start date by a year or two, but have never owned a house and probably never will. Living the sad statistic of raised in poverty, never getting out of poverty :(

AYRT

No, our parents did not help us. In my case, mine are dead; in his, they're...kind of crazy? His father, for example, actively plans to leave him and his siblings with debt.

That said, my parents did help me pay for college. But I moved out at 21 and paid for everything myself from then on out.

I am sorry that you're in the situation you're in, and I know it's a common one. I don't see how our current path is sustainable, given how many people are unable to accumulate personal wealth. Something has to give.

I would actually consider parents helping paying for your college and everything until 21 as helping you. That is a head start many people don't get.

But it is not the same as giving you money for the house that is for sure. I have been shocked to hear how many people actually buy their kids "starter home" in my area. That is just wild to me!

Re: I'm a millennial who has kids, owns a house, and has a steady job

(Anonymous) - 2024-09-01 03:25 (UTC) - Expand

How do you feel about the discourse around childraising in the current era? Do you think it's currently encouraging isolation?

AYRT

Oh boy, I have so many thoughts, and I'm not sure how cohesive I can make them, so bear with me.

I think the current discourse around childrearing is almost tailor-made to increase stress and anxiety. There's this very technocratic sense that you can optimize your parenting by reading the correct books/studies, buying the correct products, adopting the correct philosophy, performing the correct sequence of actions, etc; and if you fall short, or your child is not behaving as they should be, then it's a crisis.

Of course, the reality is that we can only do so much as parents. Our children come to us with their own personalities and particularities, and it's our job to learn who they are, guide them as best we can, and prepare them to make do without us. The current discourse, I feel, makes it much harder to recognize that, and actively works against the primary "task" of parenthood, which is transforming children into adults.

When I think specifically about isolation, I have a feeling I may not head in the direction you intend. But I think parenting for the last several decades has trended toward isolation, in the sense that the idea of the nuclear family has calcified. One to two people are supposed to be able to raise a child all by themselves, and if you struggle with that, then it means there's something wrong with you. I sincerely believe that postpartum depression would not be as common an issue if it were accepted that babies need an entire group of people to take care of them.

Hmmm...the part about isolation kind of went in the direction I expected but not completely. I've been hearing more people call for a communal approach to parenting, but I admit I hesitate because I've been burned far too often by "communal" initiatives.

My extended family was pretty involved in my upbringing (especially my mom's side). Thus, I grew up with both sets of grandparents and my mom's two sisters spending a lot of time with me and helping me develop both skills and preferences (especially diet-wise; my parents tended to be somewhat less enthusiastic and fruits and veggies than I've ended up becoming). On the other hand, I am an only child. I think if I had siblings the communal dynamic would have been quite different, and I'd actually have fewer strong relationships with my extended family. Time among all the members would have been more limited. Unfortunately, being autistic in the specific way that it shows up in me means I need more time than usual to develop a sense of security in relationships even in my own family. So I grew up in a communal environment, but I realize in hindsight that it had a lot of potential to go awry if I had any siblings or even more cousins. I actually had no cousins on my mom's side, so I got even more time with my aunts. This is admittedly a double edged sword, as this did mean I had more eyes tracking my school performance and behavior. It was an interesting twist on the ol' smart but bored theme that permeated my teenage years.

As far as getting burned by the more "communal" groups, well, I've had a strong tendency to form closer social bonds with guys. They have generally made more effort to include me in conversations and activities. When I've been friends with other girls/women, I've been pushed to the edges of the group more frequently. Masking can prevent this from happening, but the cost of masking is super high. These experiences set up a rather sturdy foundation for being skeptical if more communal approaches to a variety if issues, childraising being among them. Likewise, the way communal is being defined is stepping outside the extended family and involving friends. It's also being pushed in a way that to me feels rather forced and performative*. Because of that, I am feeling rather anxious about the direction childraising discussion has taken, as it means my husband and I are in for some long and recurring discussions about our boundaries and being around our niece and nephew (we are childfree).

*-Here is one example of the discussion I've seen around the communal aspect of parenting: https://www.vox.com/features/23979357/millennials-motherhood-dread-parenting-birthrate-women-policy

What brought about this AMA?

Not ayrt but guessing it had to do with the Simpsons secret and comments.

AYRT

Secret # 3!

What country do you live in?

You can even be more specific (state, province, city) if you're comfortable.

AYRT

I live in the US, in the New England region.

Which are common pitfalls to avoid (or at least lessen the pain of) during the house hunting/house buying process?

AYRT

I suspect the answer to this will vary from person to person, but to me, the two big pitfalls are this: not having your paperwork in order, and rushing through the viewing of a home.

To the first point: financial institutions need a very specific set of documents (several months' worth of bank statements, two years' worth of tax returns and W2s, etc... It's all dictated by regulations, so if you google, "documents required for a mortgage," you should be able to get good idea of what's entailed) within a very specific time frame to be able to move forward with a mortgage. Being prepared for that is huge.

To the second: if you're looking at a home, and you rush through it, it's likely that you're going to miss something. Open cabinets; turn on taps; look closely at the piping in the basement; etc. Ask lots of questions. Schedule a private showing if you can, so that you don't feel any social pressure to move quickly from room to room. Inspections don't always catch everything, so don't rely on them. And, if you can, buy the homeowner's insurance policy that has the lower deductible.

Yeah, I figure there might be a few other things that would depend upon type of home and location (and possibly whoever's in office), but this is good information to consider and I appreciate it.

Why don't film studios make good, well-written, mature thrillers and romances and comedies for adults anymore?

AYRT

To hear Matt Damon tell it, it's because there's no longer a secondary home video market for films. When people could be expected to buy a film after it had left theaters, studios could take more chances, because they could recoup some of their expenses through video sales. Now that people mainly stream movies instead of buying them, theater ticket sales are more important, and what gets people to the movies is big, tropey spectacles.

You might very well say, "but look here, Matt Damon. They used to make well-written mature films for adults before home video existed." And I think he would respond with, "but there wasn't on-demand streaming back then. Your best chance to see a movie was to go to the theater, which meant more people went."

In any case, I don't know for sure that he's right. But I do think the economics of filmmaking have gotten more uncertain, and that drives the creation of "safe" films over better written and more interesting ones.

NAYRT

I love that you answered this random question that has nothing to do with you completely sincerely lol

How much did your parents chip in for you?

Can you stay home in November instead of going out to vote for Trump.

I'm curious what prompts you to think this person is a Trump supporter.

Re: I'm a millennial who has kids, owns a house, and has a steady job

(Anonymous) - 2024-09-01 18:18 (UTC) - Expand

Re: I'm a millennial who has kids, owns a house, and has a steady job

(Anonymous) - 2024-09-01 18:30 (UTC) - Expand

Re: I'm a millennial who has kids, owns a house, and has a steady job

(Anonymous) - 2024-09-01 18:39 (UTC) - Expand

Re: I'm a millennial who has kids, owns a house, and has a steady job

(Anonymous) - 2024-09-01 19:44 (UTC) - Expand

Re: I'm a millennial who has kids, owns a house, and has a steady job

(Anonymous) - 2024-09-01 21:17 (UTC) - Expand

not OP but WTF is this response.

Homeowner status is not an indication of one's political views (and frankly, most Trump supporters aren't anywhere near as fortunate as OP). Grow the fuck up and stop painting people with a broad brush.

Welp, all but one or two of the millennials I know who own homes and have kids do fit this stereotype (and by know I mean follow on Facebook, so it's people I went to school with and some distant relatives) so I'm a little more sympathetic to your sentiment than the previous replies. But millennials with that kind of privilege are also more likely to seriously be on the fence (Trump: good economically for people with money but bad socially for millennials and their more left-leaning values) and petty enough to let a comment like yours tip them into voting for Trump.

Re: I'm a millennial who has kids, owns a house, and has a steady job

(Anonymous) - 2024-09-02 12:18 (UTC) - Expand

Re: I'm a millennial who has kids, owns a house, and has a steady job

(Anonymous) - 2024-09-02 15:52 (UTC) - Expand

I'm the same aside from the kids (but because I've chosen not to, not because I couldn't afford it). I also came from an extremely poor working class background, had no help from parents, and bought said house in a HCOL area. It's hard to describe how much I had to bootstrap to do this (working multiple jobs at any given time, clown car apartments with roommates, spending less than $5/day on food to the point I had an underweight BMI, never using my heat or AC) but after many years I was able to pull it off... back in 2015.

Now that same very small house I paid $500k for is worth $1.3 million. Now it would be quite literally impossible for someone to do the same, no matter how much gumption (or, to be brutally honest, depression) they had. What took me 10 years would take them 20-25. They'd be middle-aged before they could pull it off, and carry a huge mortgage into their retirement. Plus those cheap multi-roommate apartments are three or four times the price they used to be, and with the rampant profiteering of grocery stores in the area, on $5/day for food you wouldn't be skinny, you'd be dead.

So yeah I bootstrapped, but I will never tell the people who were born later that they should do the same, they can't do the same. They're fucked. At least where I live, anyone who doesn't have significant parental assistance is fucked. We're going straight back to the Victorian era where the propertied class stays propertied and everyone else will remain a deeply exploited renter for the rest of their lives.

(It's funny to describe this to my partner, who is not just from an HCOL area but a VHCOL city, whose parents bought their house for less than $100k in the 70s and is now worth $2.7 mil: she gave up a long time ago - your parents give you money, you move, or you live in their basement for the rest of you life because rent is also >$3000 for a one-bedroom lmao. At least two well-off professionals who bootstrapped and saved for a decade could theoretically buy a house in my hometown in their 30s; $1.3 mil is a one-bedroom condo in hers. I wonder???? why millennials???? aren't having kids???? etc.)

Thanks for this perspective.

I see reports that the majority of millennials now own a home, but that number is roughly 51%. Which, sure, is a majority, but that's still way too many folks who don't own their own home. (Obviously, I'm not assuming everyone WANTS to, but simply saying the majority own homes isn't an accurate picture, and says nothing of the ones who struggled and/or are still struggling.)

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