[ SECRET POST #7014 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #7014 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


All secrets have spoiler/content warnings today!






01. [SPOILERS for Big Mouth (kdrama)]




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02. [SPOILERS for Call the Midwife, series 15 finale]




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03. [SPOILERS for Call the Midwife]




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04. [WARNING for discussion of pedophilia]




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05. [WARNING for discussion of ableism]




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06. [WARNING for discussion of JKR/transphobia]




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07. [WARNING for discussion of transphobia, racism]



























Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 00 secrets from Secret Submission Post #1001.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Venthing thread.

[(Anonymous)]

This needy motherfucker won't leave me alone.

Every 30 to 45 minutes (if not more often) I get another text and it's going to drive me up the fucking wall. If I don't reply within 5 minutes I start getting more texts about being ignored. I feel like I am trapped and cannot escape for any time at all. This person is in a bad state mentally so I can't tell them to PLEASE KINDLY FUCK OFF FOR JUST AN HOUR OR TWO AND LET ME EXIST WITHOUT BEING YOUR GODDAMN EMOTIONAL SUPPORT HUMAN but seriously it is KILLING me to get these little messages throughout the day, all day long, to the point that it feels like I cannot relax or be left alone.

I am GENUINELY beginning to understand why some people who make plenty of money voluntarily work long hours and then have a second job or side hustle they do just to get out of the house even though they don't need the money because AT LEAST AT WORK I GET PAID MONEY FOR MY SUFFERING. THIS IS JUST MISERABLE AND I DON'T GET ANYTHING OUT OF IT EXCEPT HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE. IF I WERE AT WORK I WOULD HAVE AN EXCUSE TO NOT HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS.

I'm sorry for the vent guys, I'm just OVER this.

FUCK THE CAPTCHAS

[(Anonymous)]

FUCK. THE. CAPTCHA.

IT JUST MADE ME DO ONE THAT HAD A WEIRD FILTER ON IT FUCK YOUR FUCKING MOTORCYCLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Re: FUCK THE CAPTCHAS

[(Anonymous)]

Oh man, seconded. But at least they're loading now instead of that hot garbage a couple years back when they wouldn't even work.

Re: Venthing thread.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm sorry, rereading this I see how it makes me look so cruel and uncaring, but ***I*** AM ALSO NOT EXACTLY IN A GREAT STATE MENTALLY. WHICH THIS PERSON KNOWS. BUT WHEN I AM NOT IN THE BEST PLACE, I WANT SOME TIME AND SPACE TO MYSELF. This person is evidently the opposite and wants to cling really, really hard, and stay in literal constant communication for hours at a time. This is WRETCHED to me. I do not want to spend EVERY WAKING MOMENT with anybody except maybe my cat. And even her I once in awhile want to sleep on the bed instead of in my lap! I just feel like I literally get ZERO time to myself to relax and chill out because SOMEONE is nagging at me or NEEDING something from me at all fucking times if I'm not at work. For the past TWO HOURS it has been constant fucking text messages and I hate it SO much. LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Re: Venthing thread.

[(Anonymous)]

You don't look cruel and uncaring. It's okay not to set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.

Re: Venthing thread.

[(Anonymous)]

It makes you sound like a compassionate person in an unsustainable situation. I hope you can find a good resolution to it for yourself.

Re: Venthing thread.

[(Anonymous)]

Honestly, nonny, tell them to fuck off and block them. If you're really concerned they need help, call for a welfare check and then block them. Take your peace back. They're holding you hostage, the way things are, and as long as you continue to respond to them, they're going to keep doing the exact same thing. You have to break the cycle.

Re: Venthing thread.

[(Anonymous)]

What happens if you tell them you're also not doing well and need some space?

Re: Venthing thread.

[(Anonymous)]

Block or at least mute this person for your own mental health, nonny. You deserve some peace and quiet, and you're not this person's trauma-dumping site. If you're feeling kind, briefly tell them that you're really busy at work and can't talk and then BAM mute that mofo and don't respond anymore.

Aging parents.

[(Anonymous)]

This post got to me, man.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AgingParents/comments/1rsze6p/68_year_old_dad_getting_wildly_offended_when/

My father can be the same way. You cannot tell the man anything, he's convinced that he knows everything and is always smarter than you even when he's clueless. Refusing his "expertise" makes him mad. Asserting that you know what you're talking about makes him mad. He doesn't want to listen to reason or other peoples' ideas, he just throws up his hands and complains about how awful you are and he's done with you blah blah blah. (Spoilers: he's not done, and he'll totally be back complaining and criticizing everything you do.)

The advice people have for dealing with aging parents can be useful, but also sad and frustrating. Gently tricking them into believing that your idea is his own, pampering his fragile ego and sacred feelings while he stomps all over yours. It's... a strategy. But holy shit it's terrible.

"The mental gymnastics some people go through to not bruise the egos of elderly men with toxic masculinity is astounding to me."

Yes. I think this is why it upsets me. Women have to do this for men all the time - not just old men, not just older parents who are deteriorating, but men in general. And now they need to do it for their own fathers because their fathers have gone hyperdrive into assholery.

Re: Aging parents.

[(Anonymous)]

Oh gosh, yes, I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes there is a complete lack of openness to discussion, it's just straight out my-way-or-the-highway, and any disagreement - no matter how much you sugarcoat it - is interpreted as rejection or putting them down. You are SO RIGHT that SO MANY men just expect this, and it does seem to get worse for many as they age. It's so frustrating. I'm sorry you're having to deal with that.

Re: Aging parents.

[kaijinscendre]

My elderly father is going to die alone in a rotting house and the assholes he has living with him are going to steal anything not bolted down before calling an ambulance. And this is with four daughters who have spent so much money and energy to help him AND offered to move him in with them. Took us two years to get him to wear hearing aids and we had to buy some OTC ones because he won't work with us to get him to a doctor.

Re: Aging parents.

[(Anonymous)]

While I understand the psychology between trying to benignly manipulate someone to do the right thing without damaging their ego, it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I recognize my own dad in posts like that. He doesn't like being questioned for any reason, which is a problem because his mental faculties aren't what they used to be and sometimes his ideas just don't make any damn sense, or they're straight up bad ideas that would result in a negative outcome for himself or other people. Gentle reasoning or trying to appeal to his better nature doesn't work. What he'd prefer that I do is nod and agree to everything he says, and then when it blows up in my face, I need to nod and agree that nobody could've seen THAT coming and there's no possible way anyone (especially my dad) could've predicted a terrible outcome, it was just bad luck you guys. Or he'd try to make it out like it was MY fault, somehow.

He'd rather have me mindlessly follow his bad advice and suffer the consequences, just to protect his own ego. He wasn't always like that, but he's like that now - a spiteful, selfish old man. I don't have unlimited energy and emotional resources to coddle an asshole who would happily throw his own kid under the bus. I'd do it for my dad who used to not have his head shoved up his own ass. But I won't do it for this jerkwad who yells at me because I have a mind of my own.

Health stuff

[(Anonymous)]

I am constantly getting painful bumps around and in my vulva area. Not sexually active and my last pap smear was fine. Yet, my hormones cause me to get them all the time. Sometimes painful, sometimes non painful bumps. And they always go away before I can get to a doctor.

Re: Health stuff

[(Anonymous)]

cysts. I used to get them all the time before T. next time you go to the doc, just tell them straight up it's exterior (dermitological) cysts, it's painful and you're concerned about infection, and see if there's some kind of hormonal adjustment they can prescribe, birth control or otherwise.

Can people enjoy one thing without shitting on another

[(Anonymous)]

A thing released in my fandom a while back is widely hated by fans, but I really like it. Now the next thing has been released, and I want to engage with it but it seems impossible to talk about it without people drifting to the topic of how much the other thing sucks. Can people stop yucking my yum for five goddamn minutes and celebrate the thing we are actually talking about?

Re: Can people enjoy one thing without shitting on another

[(Anonymous)]

I don't know why it's such a common impulse, but it is. I'm sure plenty of people will say it's about asserting identity--i.e. "I'm the sort of person who likes A and dislikes B." I'm sure that's one aspect of it. I also feel like there might be an even deeper-seated thing about the ability to make quality assessments being rooted directly into our odds of surviving and thriving.

Also, I think sometimes when we get something we really like, it just makes our discontentment with another thing way more apparently all of a sudden, in a way where it's like we'd been suppressing that discontentment before, and now suddenly it all rushes to the forefront of our brains at once, and therefore is felt much more intensely.

FInding People Online to Hang With

[kaijinscendre]

No one I know in real life enjoys playing video games, other than my sister and BIL. So when they are unavailable I have no one to play with. Either everyone is on discord, they are creeps, they want to play WAY too much, or we just don't hit it off. :(

Re: FInding People Online to Hang With

[(Anonymous)]

Same here. It's hard to make friends online that you really click with. I find they either are too flakey or too intense or creepy.

Re: FInding People Online to Hang With

[(Anonymous)]

People get mad at this suggestion, but... I've had better luck finding Discord servers via social media. Follow and interact with people who are into XYZ game, sometimes they'll post links to their server or will advertise a close knit community by posting "DM me for invite".

Re: Venthing thread.

[(Anonymous)]

I keep trying something a bit different with shaving my facial hair and freaking myself out every time (I wore it the same way for a few years). I can't tell if it looks bad or I'm just not used to it but it's so weird seeing my face looking different.

Re: Venthing thread.

[(Anonymous)]

Block them.

Re: Venthing thread.

[(Anonymous)]

You deserve to prioritize yourself OP. If you feel like you need an outside source to give you permission, this is the signal that it's OK to be unavailable. Put your phone on Do Not Disturb mode.

You are responsible for one person, yourself. The other person, even if they are in a bad place, they are responsible for themselves. They may want you to be the responsible one, but you have to put yourself first. And sometimes that means putting others' needs aside.

And that is OK. You matter, thread OP. If you need alone time or simply time not conversing with a specific person, take it.

And I think you sound so caring that you are worn down from caring a lot. What I have read, it sounds like stress has got your patience on empty. It doesn't mean you don't care, if anything, it means you care very much. Don't be too hard yourself. Give some of that care to yourself. Sounds like you need some of that kindness and patience toward yourself. ♡

I'm tired of the sun

[(Anonymous)]

I wish we could have some rain, or even just some cloudy days. But it's just been nonstop sunshine, and I honestly find that depressing after awhile. You go outside and it's just the horrible bright glare. Also, it's hot. It got up to 90 degrees today, breaking the record high. It's going to be 90 tomorrow and the next day, too. It feels like we didn't get a winter. There were 1 or 2 intense cold spells, and other than that, it was unseasonably warm.

Even on my Animal Crossing island, it's been sunny. GIVE ME SOME RAIN, PLEASE, SOMEWHERE!!!

Re: Venthing thread.

[(Anonymous)]

I had a dream last night that felt so real, and it's deeply unpleasant that I can't get it out of my head. In it everyone was calling me a liar and saying they couldn't trust me anymore, and I couldn't remember what I had said that made them think I was a liar. I couldn't remember if I had really lied or why. Feels too much like something that could really happen (has happened, to other people) that I'm upset.