fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #7014 ]

[ SECRET POST #7014 ]

⌈ Secret Post #7014 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

All secrets have spoiler/content warnings today!

01. [SPOILERS for Big Mouth (kdrama)]

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02. [SPOILERS for Call the Midwife, series 15 finale]

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03. [SPOILERS for Call the Midwife]

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04. [WARNING for discussion of pedophilia]

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05. [WARNING for discussion of ableism]

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06. [WARNING for discussion of JKR/transphobia]

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07. [WARNING for discussion of transphobia, racism]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 00 secrets from Secret Submission Post #1001.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

General comments:

(If the thread contains spoilery/triggery content please warn/post as 2nd comment so it collapses!
Please collapse images, too!)

It'll be monitored until Monday's FS post goes up. You can leave your comment secrets here:

https://fandomsecrets.dreamwidth.org/3377356.html?thread=1154176204#cmt1154176204

Have a good weekend!

a secret maker

This is kind of silly because I don't even know this person IRL, but on one of my Discord servers, there's a venting channel, and one person in particular is on there almost every single day, complaining about something - usually other people. And at first I thought, this person is really unlucky! She has so many bad things happen to her. But the more I read of their comments across the discord, the more I realize, nah... girl, YOU are in fact the problem.

I had a friend like that too actually. I felt like she had more than the average amount of weird things happen to her, but then eventually I found out that she caused a lot of the problems for herself.

I know exactly one person who really is just an unlucky soul and has bad things happen to her, mostly in the form of guys stalking her because she's friendly, pretty, and has big boobs so clearly any attention she gives those guys means she wants to fuck them.

But everyone else? Oh boy no they are right at the centre of it and causing most if not all of it themselves.

Yup. I'm more discerning about the company I keep these days due to past experiences with folks like this. Especially if they're the type to negatively gossip as well.

Ohhhhh yeah, definitely. I also had a drama-prone friend, and eventually I cut her off and ended the friendship. To be fair to her, I really do think she had more not-her-fault drama blow through her life than most people do. But she definitely caused most of the drama in her life, and refused to take accountability for any of it. I didn't realize in the beginning, and I had a lot of sympathy for her because it seemed like life just kept shitting on her, but as I got to know her better, it became clear that some of it was 100% her fault, and she never wanted to own up to any of it.

It should have been a red flag that she had a trail of flamed out relationships and friendships and jobs in her wake, but I was stupid and didn't heed that warning sign. :|

Oh yeah. I mean sure, some people are unlucky or can't catch a break, we've all got days like that. But a lot of people cause their own problems and refuse to manage their own lives properly. Getting sympathy from others just enables them.

Several of my family members.

yep, that person was the worst roommate I ever had. I bought a house to get away from her.

my partner and I tried to be her friend, we moved in to help her finally get out of her parents' house at age 30, even fully well knowing why some people didn't leave (this was 2010 so it wasn't an inability to afford her own place). turned out yeaaaahhh "if everyone around you is somehow an asshole/bully/out to get you, the problem is actually you" was 100% true for her. the only reason we even got our security deposit back (she refused to clean her craphole room) was because the shitty landlord wanted to bribe us not to report mold.

There's a girl I "follow" on tumblr who constantly complains about how she's been "betrayed" by every friend she ever had. Combined with the fact that she never has anything positive to say about anyone (outside of her celebrity crushes), it's pretty clear that those friends are/were not the problem.

LOL I was passively thinking of starting a thread to ask FS if someone I know is sorta the self-destructive type...

I definitely know people who seem to have bad luck, but the more time I spend with them the more I start to wonder if they create and fulfill their own prophecies of bad luck.

In a specific situation, I have a coworker named Betty.
Betty used to tell me that she didn't have friends because she tends to have bad luck with friends, they betray her or abandon/ghost her. Despite the NLOG coded back story, I make friendly with Betty, because everyone deserves a chance. I can't just write people off based off first impressions.

Along comes a new coworker, Gwen. Gwen, Betty and I get along well and hang out a few times outside of work.
Then Betty gets weird about Gwen. When Gwen isn't around Betty says she doesn't like Gwen. Our friend group at work widens a bit at the same time, and yet Betty insists on stating that she doesn't like Gwen.

From my perspective, Betty is comparing herself to Gwen and for whatever reason Gwen makes her feel insecure, so she wants other people to choose her over Gwen to quell her insecurities.

At some point, I realized I can't create a way for Betty to see past the projections she casts on Gwen. She even told me that if I invite Gwen to events don't invite Betty because Betty can't stand Gwen. Which I was like, "OK. Noted."

Gwen and I make plans to hang out all the time. Sometimes it's just the two of us, sometimes with other friends. Sometimes plans fall through but it's no big deal because we are always discussing future plans.

Making plans with Betty is challenging. I find myself being the one to organize and communicate. Add to that, Betty is really flakey. I can't predict if she'll cancel last minute. Sometimes she'll want to add onto the plans but have no regard for how it'll complicate the timeline (IE. I planned a dinner and karaoke for 6PM, a week ahead I tell Betty and another friend, Nikki, I made reservations. Betty keeps insisting on going to get piercings and/or tattoos beforehand, and I ask what time does she want to meet up because I want to know how early I need to get ready and leave the house. She continually responds with "let's play it by ear." I point out if she wants to get tattoos at a parlor in downtown, it's about an hour away from the restaurant I'd made reservations at, so again, what time is she wanting us to get to the tattoo parlor?
All this days before the event. Day of, she sends texts about car issues so she can't make it. I text back sorry to hear, hope her car is OK. Nikki and I confirm with each other that we can meet up for dinner and karaoke and it'll just be a duo night. Magically, Betty's car issue is resolved and she can meet us for dinner. Like, Lord, I just want to hang out with friends. I'm not here to play mind games).

After Betty outright told me she didn't like Gwen nor wanted to hang out with her, I told Gwen she should be cautious with Betty, and even though I wish we could all just hang out and get along, I don't want to create opportunities for Betty to create issues with Gwen. When I made plans with each lady, I tried not to bring it up to the other.

A couple weeks ago, Betty found out about a lunch I was having with Gwen and some friends we'd made through work. I think it made Betty feel left out. But you know...she said if I invited Gwen, Betty wouldn't want to be there...

And then earlier this week, Gwen brought up to me that Betty told her that she wants us all to hang out again. And we're both kinda on the same page. It's not that we don't want to hang out with Betty, because she can be very funny and engaging and nice. But her talking shit/mind games and flakey habits makes it hard to want to do things with her outside of work.

The other ladies (outside of Nikki) stopped talking to Betty because neither they nor Betty put effort into keeping in touch, ya know?

I told Gwen I would only make plans to invite the both of them if Gwen wants to, but I am leaning towards not doing so.

I think of Betty saying she doesn't have friends when we first met, and I see how she tried to create a "Me vs Her" situation with Gwen, when the entire time Gwen has been so kind and inclusive toward Betty!!!
It's so sad to see women like Betty lose out on amazing friendships all because she's too busy projecting her insecurities onto other. =(

I know that NLOGs/Pickmeshas can only make it to the other side when they're ready (realizing other women aren't competition, we're each other's support system if we can get past the comparison and competition!). And they're extremely defensive when called out. I want to give Betty some grace because I've been insecure with some of my friendships in the past. My friends in those situations were so understanding and patient with me and my flakey, insecure self.

But IDK how it's going to go since Betty and I are different people, and our approaches and (possible, in Betty's case) intentions are different.
I do wonder if Betty's actions are intentional or not.

I had another friend, Jaslene, who I'd lost touch with when I moved away when we were 15. Over a decade later, we got back in touch. She'd stopped talking to a lot of our friends. From what she said, it sounded like they ghosted her. I felt bad for her. I stopped talking to our friends because I moved away and we simply stopped talking as time went on.
But the more time I spent with Jaslene I realized Jaslene is really self centered and the "Iamsmart" type of person. Where she makes assumptions based on anecdotal situations and leans into confirmation biases, and concludes she is right.
It was exhausting talking to Jaslene. I know Jaslene had gone through a lot, but at the same time, Jaslene seemed to lack the capacity to connect that how she affects people affects how they interact with her.
Like, yes, Jaslene, it sounds terrible that you were harassed at work, but the Coach purse saleslady was just trying to make conversation....
And I was there because I thought we were there to shop. Not listen to Jaslene make her problems everyone else's....

Re: You ever find someone who has a lot of drama, and realize they do it to themselves?

(Anonymous) - 2026-03-21 01:58 (UTC) - Expand

My aunt does this. I blame severe mental health issues. She can’t get any sort of treatment because she wouldn’t trust anyone who would give it.

Yeah, I had a friend like that. We had mostly online friendship and I always was surprised how she kept changing her accounts and always was in some drama or other even though she is a fun person to be around.

And then I was absolutely done after her 1. absolutely TERF opinions 2. She kept attacking in discourse person 10 years younger who was always civil to her, just asked questions she didn't like. And I realised that I was part of her clique and it SUCKED.

I am still friends with this younger person lol

99% of the time, this is the case.

Yes, and she just stopped being friends with me so I got a break from it.

Yeah. To be fair, she was bipolar and had some extreme highs and lows. Though she was on meds and gained some stability later on in life, she was estranged from her only child who just didn't want to be part of the whole up/down cycle even if it wasn't as bad as it used to be. Poor kid probably had a pretty messed up childhood and I don't blame her.

Unfortunately for my former friend, her manic phases still meant impulsive spending on knick-knacks that she justified as being for her emotional/mental health. She'd drop hundreds of dollars on porcelain figurines (as in, hundreds of dollars per figurine) and because she was already on Disability and didn't have a job, she was always broke. She'd buy some figurines, then have to life off ramen or food pantry boxes for weeks. Her pets never saw a vet for any reason, no flea/tick meds because she never had the money, and then she'd complain about being broke, hungry, water/power's about to be turned off because she can't pay her bills, scraping up money to buy pet food and how she was such a good cat/dog mommy because she fed them before she fed herself... and then she'd go out and drop a few more hundred bucks on another damn collectible and the whole cycle began again.

And she'd totally act like this was just something that happened to her, like she wasn't the one spending her own damn money and then messaging us proudly to show off her latest purchase! I sent her $100 grocery money once. ONCE. After that, I gave up because it's not like she has no income at all, it's that she spends it on crap instead of food and utility bills. I never scolded her for this, I just didn't want to participate in the cycle of giving her sympathy for the problems she created and she lost her shit and kicked me out of the group she moderated at the time. Later, she messaged me via a friend and acted all magnanimous saying I could come back. I never replied, because fuck that.

This needy motherfucker won't leave me alone.

Every 30 to 45 minutes (if not more often) I get another text and it's going to drive me up the fucking wall. If I don't reply within 5 minutes I start getting more texts about being ignored. I feel like I am trapped and cannot escape for any time at all. This person is in a bad state mentally so I can't tell them to PLEASE KINDLY FUCK OFF FOR JUST AN HOUR OR TWO AND LET ME EXIST WITHOUT BEING YOUR GODDAMN EMOTIONAL SUPPORT HUMAN but seriously it is KILLING me to get these little messages throughout the day, all day long, to the point that it feels like I cannot relax or be left alone.

I am GENUINELY beginning to understand why some people who make plenty of money voluntarily work long hours and then have a second job or side hustle they do just to get out of the house even though they don't need the money because AT LEAST AT WORK I GET PAID MONEY FOR MY SUFFERING. THIS IS JUST MISERABLE AND I DON'T GET ANYTHING OUT OF IT EXCEPT HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE. IF I WERE AT WORK I WOULD HAVE AN EXCUSE TO NOT HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS.

I'm sorry for the vent guys, I'm just OVER this.

FUCK. THE. CAPTCHA.

IT JUST MADE ME DO ONE THAT HAD A WEIRD FILTER ON IT FUCK YOUR FUCKING MOTORCYCLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Re: FUCK THE CAPTCHAS

(Anonymous) - 2026-03-20 21:56 (UTC) - Expand

I'm sorry, rereading this I see how it makes me look so cruel and uncaring, but ***I*** AM ALSO NOT EXACTLY IN A GREAT STATE MENTALLY. WHICH THIS PERSON KNOWS. BUT WHEN I AM NOT IN THE BEST PLACE, I WANT SOME TIME AND SPACE TO MYSELF. This person is evidently the opposite and wants to cling really, really hard, and stay in literal constant communication for hours at a time. This is WRETCHED to me. I do not want to spend EVERY WAKING MOMENT with anybody except maybe my cat. And even her I once in awhile want to sleep on the bed instead of in my lap! I just feel like I literally get ZERO time to myself to relax and chill out because SOMEONE is nagging at me or NEEDING something from me at all fucking times if I'm not at work. For the past TWO HOURS it has been constant fucking text messages and I hate it SO much. LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Re: Venthing thread.

(Anonymous) - 2026-03-20 23:23 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Venthing thread.

(Anonymous) - 2026-03-20 23:47 (UTC) - Expand

Honestly, nonny, tell them to fuck off and block them. If you're really concerned they need help, call for a welfare check and then block them. Take your peace back. They're holding you hostage, the way things are, and as long as you continue to respond to them, they're going to keep doing the exact same thing. You have to break the cycle.

What happens if you tell them you're also not doing well and need some space?

Block or at least mute this person for your own mental health, nonny. You deserve some peace and quiet, and you're not this person's trauma-dumping site. If you're feeling kind, briefly tell them that you're really busy at work and can't talk and then BAM mute that mofo and don't respond anymore.

This post got to me, man.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AgingParents/comments/1rsze6p/68_year_old_dad_getting_wildly_offended_when/

My father can be the same way. You cannot tell the man anything, he's convinced that he knows everything and is always smarter than you even when he's clueless. Refusing his "expertise" makes him mad. Asserting that you know what you're talking about makes him mad. He doesn't want to listen to reason or other peoples' ideas, he just throws up his hands and complains about how awful you are and he's done with you blah blah blah. (Spoilers: he's not done, and he'll totally be back complaining and criticizing everything you do.)

The advice people have for dealing with aging parents can be useful, but also sad and frustrating. Gently tricking them into believing that your idea is his own, pampering his fragile ego and sacred feelings while he stomps all over yours. It's... a strategy. But holy shit it's terrible.

"The mental gymnastics some people go through to not bruise the egos of elderly men with toxic masculinity is astounding to me."

Yes. I think this is why it upsets me. Women have to do this for men all the time - not just old men, not just older parents who are deteriorating, but men in general. And now they need to do it for their own fathers because their fathers have gone hyperdrive into assholery.

Re: Aging parents.

(Anonymous) - 2026-03-20 22:29 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Aging parents.

(Anonymous) - 2026-03-20 23:12 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Aging parents.

kaijinscendre - 2026-03-20 22:34 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Aging parents.

(Anonymous) - 2026-03-20 23:15 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Aging parents.

kaijinscendre - 2026-03-21 01:16 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Aging parents.

(Anonymous) - 2026-03-21 02:16 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Aging parents.

(Anonymous) - 2026-03-21 02:19 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Aging parents.

kaijinscendre - 2026-03-21 02:21 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Aging parents.

(Anonymous) - 2026-03-21 04:05 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Aging parents.

(Anonymous) - 2026-03-21 01:09 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Aging parents.

kaijinscendre - 2026-03-21 01:17 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Aging parents.

(Anonymous) - 2026-03-21 02:18 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Aging parents.

kaijinscendre - 2026-03-21 02:23 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Aging parents.

(Anonymous) - 2026-03-21 02:47 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Aging parents.

(Anonymous) - 2026-03-21 04:18 (UTC) - Expand

Health stuff

(Anonymous) - 2026-03-20 22:25 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Health stuff

(Anonymous) - 2026-03-20 23:22 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Health stuff

(Anonymous) - 2026-03-20 23:47 (UTC) - Expand

Can people enjoy one thing without shitting on another

(Anonymous) - 2026-03-20 22:56 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Can people enjoy one thing without shitting on another

(Anonymous) - 2026-03-21 00:40 (UTC) - Expand

FInding People Online to Hang With

kaijinscendre - 2026-03-20 23:12 (UTC) - Expand

Re: FInding People Online to Hang With

(Anonymous) - 2026-03-21 01:58 (UTC) - Expand

Re: FInding People Online to Hang With

kaijinscendre - 2026-03-21 02:00 (UTC) - Expand

Re: FInding People Online to Hang With

(Anonymous) - 2026-03-21 06:24 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Venthing thread.

(Anonymous) - 2026-03-21 00:20 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Venthing thread.

(Anonymous) - 2026-03-21 00:47 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Venthing thread.

(Anonymous) - 2026-03-21 01:51 (UTC) - Expand

I'm tired of the sun

(Anonymous) - 2026-03-21 02:03 (UTC) - Expand

Re: I'm tired of the sun

kaijinscendre - 2026-03-21 02:24 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Venthing thread.

(Anonymous) - 2026-03-21 03:35 (UTC) - Expand

What is everyone doing this weekend?

My sister that I usually game with is entertaining my other sister (whose niblings I watch) this weekend. So she probably won't be on much. :( It is also super hot here (almost 100 in March!). So I'll be getting up early to go on walks and then probably doing some solo gaming on one of the Steam games I own but have not played. Also, some more crochet and maybe needlefelting.