case: (Default)
Case ([personal profile] case) wrote in [community profile] fandomsecrets2011-01-05 04:09 pm

[ SECRET POST #1464 ]


⌈ Secret Post #1464 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 05 pages, 108 secrets from Secret Submission Post #209.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

(Anonymous) 2011-01-06 12:16 am (UTC)(link)
You do realise you're using the "it wasn't rape-rape argument"?

I'm saying that for it to be rape, non-consent has to be expressed at the time of the sexual act.

Please reread your sentence.

Can you see how it excludes a vast number of circumstances which are still rape? If someone's drunk or unconscious, they cannot express a lack of consent. If someone's mentally incapacitated, they cannot express a lack of consent.

What about coercion or abuse of power? Consent is given, but it is not given freely. Mindfuck? Consent is given, but it is not informed. And so on, and so forth.

Also, I don't usually like when people use personal anecdotes, but about "well if you regret after a week it's not rape"? It took me months to realise and admit to myself that I'd been raped. Double that before I could say it out loud. If I wanted to prosecute the person (who, may I add, I've had very cordial relations with all that time), I'd have gone to the police years after it happened. So, you know, there is that possibility.

[identity profile] kallanda-lee.livejournal.com 2011-01-06 12:25 am (UTC)(link)
I'm very sorry for what happened to you.

I truly am.

Believe it or not, someone did actually try to sexually assault me, but I was one of the ones lucky enough to fight him off.

I do think rape is a very grave crime, which is exactly why I loathe women who cry rape where there was none. No matter how small the group, it gives actual victims less credibility.

I do think there's a difference between needing time to admit it was rape, and regretting sex that was consensual at the time, but then rationalizing it by calling it rape. Does that make sense?



(Anonymous) 2011-01-06 12:47 am (UTC)(link)
No matter how small the group, it gives actual victims less credibility.

- true, of course. Made even worse by the fact that too often, people don't believe rape victims. But by perpetuating the very prevalent idea that women cry rape when there was none - which you do - you also decrease the credibility of the actual victims.

So, yes. There is always a possibility that the accuser is lying, although percentage-wise, this possibility is minuscule. However, most people assume the accuser is lying from the start. So how about we start from believing the accusers to balance this out? Kind of like parity laws. First, we abolish rape culture and misogyny, THEN we start talking about how it can both ways. Because as of now, the assumption that the victim is telling the truth and the assumption that the victim is lying are not on equal footing.

And thank you for the kind words. I'm perfectly fine and I occasionally joke about it (although never in a bigger group; my way of dealing might not be someone else's way of dealing). The only thing that sometimes chafes is that my best friend doesn't think it was rape - because I did not express a lack of consent. She'd like to call it "molestation", because I didn't struggle, therefore it wasn't "rape-rape". This is, incidentally, not aimed as a barb at you, but is actually true. I just didn't feel it'd be appropriate to put a smiley at the end of that sentence, so I'll put it here - ;)



[identity profile] kallanda-lee.livejournal.com 2011-01-06 12:56 am (UTC)(link)
Well, I don't know what to say now...sorry about your friend. And I do wish you all the best.

(Anonymous) 2011-01-06 04:28 am (UTC)(link)
NO IT DOESN'T, EXCEPT TO A MISOGYNIST VICTIMBLAMING FUCKHEAD LIKE YOU

FUCK.

[identity profile] kallanda-lee.livejournal.com 2011-01-06 04:31 am (UTC)(link)
This is exactly the mentality I'm opposing.

(Anonymous) 2011-01-06 04:39 am (UTC)(link)
victimblaming misogyny is exactly the mentality you're espousing

[identity profile] kallanda-lee.livejournal.com 2011-01-06 04:48 am (UTC)(link)
Blatant misandry is just as bad.

(Anonymous) 2011-01-06 04:53 am (UTC)(link)
are you fucking serious

[identity profile] kallanda-lee.livejournal.com 2011-01-06 05:00 am (UTC)(link)
Absolutely.

(Anonymous) 2011-01-06 04:57 am (UTC)(link)
hope u ded

(Anonymous) 2011-01-06 04:58 am (UTC)(link)
lol
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[identity profile] kallanda-lee.livejournal.com 2011-01-06 05:12 am (UTC)(link)
Oh, please.

There are plenty of ways that men can get totally screwed over in modern society.
Like becoming financially ruined after divorce, or being forced to support kids they didn't want (this is especially bad in America.)

Yes, men have a lot of advantages over women, even in this society.

But women are not the fragile dolls they were considered to a a 100 years ago, either.

[identity profile] bloodparade.livejournal.com 2011-01-06 05:14 am (UTC)(link)
AH HA HA HA HA HA HA!

OMG, poor men. Getting screwed over at every turn. Guess what? If I man consents to have sex, he has to deal with the consequnces of that. If that means babies, then he has to deal with it. He made the decision.

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(Anonymous) 2011-01-06 05:17 am (UTC)(link)
lol those poor men, having to take care of their own children. the injustice!!1111!

(Anonymous) 2011-01-06 05:17 am (UTC)(link)
women on the whole were never considered fragile dolls, only upperclass nobility was.

jfc go read a book about this shit before you open your mouth on it

[identity profile] farchivist.livejournal.com 2011-01-13 11:07 am (UTC)(link)
Like becoming financially ruined after divorce

If you don't like equitable division of property (and equitable means fair) then get the law changed. If you prefer, we can always go back to how it used to be, where you were forbidden to divorce or the man didn't have to give you a damn thing.

being forced to support kids they didn't want (this is especially bad in America.)

That's a lie.

First, you seem unaware that if a guy cums in you, the woman has been given the sperm as a gift and is free to do whatever the fuck she wants with it. (http://writ.news.findlaw.com/colb/20050309.html) Court says so. You don't want the woman to have a baby with the sperm? Don't give the gift in the first place. And no, there are no takebacks. Why? Because gifts don't work that way. Court says so.

Second, you seem unaware that support to an "unwanted child" is not given because of the parents. The courts say it doesn't matter if the man didn't want the child, if the woman didn't want the child, or if both didn't want the child. It's irrelevant. The child must receive support and said child will receive it from both parents in equal proportion to what they're able to provide. There are very complex mathematical formulas that go into figuring it out; it's not simple. The only way one or both parents will not be required to support a child, wanted or not, is if parental rights are severed. Good luck with that. Again, a parent whines about having to pay child support? Shouldn't have given the cream as a gift in the first place. Court does not fucking care. It's not about the welfare of the parent; it's about the welfare of the child.

If you have a problem with all that, take it up with the legislators and judges and convince them otherwise. Which you won't. Because you don't have a valid argument that will be accepted.

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[identity profile] bloodparade.livejournal.com 2011-01-06 05:00 am (UTC)(link)
So, in addtion to being a victim blaming asshole, you are also very stupid. I see.

Misandry is not a real concept, jsyk.

[identity profile] kallanda-lee.livejournal.com 2011-01-06 05:13 am (UTC)(link)
I suppose you believe that racism only works in one way, too, right?

(Anonymous) 2011-01-06 05:14 am (UTC)(link)
AND IT DOES

HTH

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(Anonymous) 2011-01-06 05:03 am (UTC)(link)
lol no

[identity profile] kallanda-lee.livejournal.com 2011-01-06 05:13 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you for proving my point.

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