fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #1763 ]

[ SECRET POST #1763 ]

⌈ Secret Post #1763 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Somebody's been spamming the submissions post with old secrets, apparently (for what actual purpose, I'm not sure). Just give me a heads up and I'll take the repeats down.

Secrets Left to Post: 08 pages, 200 secrets from Secret Submission Post #252.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 1 - omgiknowthem ], [ 1 2 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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Not OP, but yeah. I think less of people for smoking, especially if they're younger than 30. There's just no excuse for taking up the habit anymore.

This is the reason I can't get close to a girl in our group. She's fun, active, single like myself, and we share a lot of interests. But she smokes. I feel like I can't be her friend because if I were to be honest with her I would tell her she's an idiot. So it's either offending her or hiding my true opinion.

....really?

If you truly must, you could just say to her "dude, you're my friend, and because of this I have to say I kinda think you're an idiot for smoking." She'd probably say something like "I like smoking. I know the effects. You're not my mom and I'll do what I want, thanks" and I'm assuming you'd say something like "I know" or "okay" and then it would never come up again

(not being her mom or her doctor, you could always just keep your opinion to yourself, but hey. Hell, maybe she'd say something like "I know. It's stupid. I'm working on cutting down with a mind to quit soon but I could use some help with keeping on track. Wanna motivate me?" My point is, you can definitely BE A GIRL'S FRIEND even though she smokes =/)

I know but it's more complicated than that. She KNOWS it's bad for her but she acts like she has it under control, that she's only smoking a few and at parties, that it doesn't have an effect on her (even though she lost her voice and couldn't stop coughing at one occasion. And her only concern was...she couldn't have another cigarette.) I just can't stand how she's fooling herself while doing harm to her body. Every time she lights up a cigarette and claims it's her first/only one I want to tell her to stop and realize what she's doing.

Re: NF

megalomaniageek.livejournal.com - 2011-11-01 02:22 (UTC) - Expand

Re: NF

(Anonymous) - 2011-11-01 17:31 (UTC) - Expand

Re: NF

(Anonymous) - 2011-11-01 18:44 (UTC) - Expand

Re: NF

(Anonymous) - 2011-11-01 18:45 (UTC) - Expand

Re: NF

(Anonymous) - 2011-11-01 21:24 (UTC) - Expand

yeah, basically this. Friends and relatives will *always* be doing things that you think (or even know) are stupid, but if you just abandon them every time it happens, you're the one who will end up lonely. Smoking isn't any more destructive than heavy drinking, but I'm still friends with my friends who drink a lot.

So it's either offending her or hiding my true opinion.

Why is that so hard? Do you honestly vomit out every thought that comes into your head or consider it dishonest somehow? You don't actually have to tell somebody what you think of them and every one of their life choices. You can just mind your own business.
Or hey, guess what, sometimes you feel you really need to, maybe because you honestly care about the person so much, and you'll be willing to face the consequences to help them. Interventions are typically filled with close friends and family members.
But choosing to avoid a person you'd otherwise be friends with just because they smoke seems really petty.

But choosing to avoid a person you'd otherwise be friends with just because they smoke seems really petty.

nayrt

You sound pretty, actually, for judging her for not being friends with someone who smokes. Smoking is disgusting, smelly not just for the smoker but the smokees around her (everyone stinks after being with a smoker), gives not only herself but the smokees around her lung cancer (second hand smoke is even more dangerous than the inhaled smoke due to not being filtered), and it's been proven to cause lung cancer. How much more stupid can someone get. I don't want to be around someone who smokes and it's my choice and it's not stupid or petty either.

I won't be friends with, much less date, a smoker, until they quit or are trying to. My mother smoked until I was 18. I fuckin' hated it. I reeked of smoke, the house reeked of it, she reeked, everything reeked. Yes, I judge you if you smoke. You're a stupid, idiot loser. And yes, I lost a friend who didn't smoke to lung cancer b/c of his career and jobs exposed to smokers on nightly basis. He was trying to be a professional singer and so took care of himself and his voice. So fuck off with the it's harmless crap.

Re: NF

megalomaniageek.livejournal.com - 2011-11-01 02:21 (UTC) - Expand

The way some of these people come off...it's like, my mom smokes. Should I avoid an d judge her harshly, even hate her, cause she smokes? I disapprove, yes, and I'd love her to stop for health reasons, but I don't avoid her or judge her for it. :/

What? Do you honestly think it's your right or responsibility to tell every person you know exactly what you think of their choices? Why would that be in any way expected? It's freaking rude. I bet your friends don't feel the need to openly approve or disapprove of every action you take in your life. I bet many of them treat you like an actual adult person who is capable of making decisions, even if they don't always agree with you.

For some reason many non-smokers seem to think that they have a right to explain to people how stupid/gross/inconsiderate/unhealthy they are for smoking. Even though those same people don't think they have a right to school people or call them names for any other bad habit, like driving too fast, or drinking alcohol, or eating transfats, or any of the other million-and-one things people do that are bad for them. JFC, grown-ups get to decide to do bad things sometimes, just because we enjoy them. It doesn't make us idiots.

nayrt

You want to know why? Let me explain it to you: it reeks and not only for the smoker but the smokees, it CAUSES CANCER EVEN IN THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU W/DON'T SMOKE, and most of the other actions you cited don't physically harm the people around you w/the exception of speeding and I've heard friends complain about another friend's speeding. YOU EATING TRANSFATS AFFECTS ONLY YOUR HEALTH; IT DOESN'T AFFECT MY PHYSICAL HEALTH (although if you have a heart attack from it, I may be emotionally upset/damaged by that). I DON'T WANT TO SMELL LIKE OR SMELL YOUR DISGUSTING SMOKE. IT REEKS; IT MAKES ME COUGH; AND I DON'T LIKE IT AT ALL. Your eating transfats doesn't make me fat or damage my arteries or give me cancer. Can you say that about smoking? I didn't think so since 2nd hand smoke has been proven to cause cancer.

Smoking is disgusting, smelly not just for the smoker but the smokees around her (everyone stinks after being with a smoker), gives not only herself but the smokees around her lung cancer (second hand smoke is even more dangerous than the inhaled smoke due to not being filtered), and it's been proven to cause lung cancer. How much more stupid can someone get. I don't want to be around someone who smokes and it's my choice and it's not stupid or petty either.

I won't be friends with, much less date, a smoker, until they quit or are trying to. My mother smoked until I was 18. I fuckin' hated it. I reeked of smoke, the house reeked of it, she reeked, everything reeked. Yes, I judge you if you smoke. You're a stupid, idiot loser. And yes, I lost a friend who didn't smoke to lung cancer b/c of his career and jobs exposed to smokers on nightly basis. He was trying to be a professional singer and so took care of himself and his voice. So fuck off with the it's harmless crap.

Re: NF

cold-river-blue.livejournal.com - 2011-11-01 02:16 (UTC) - Expand

Re: NF

(Anonymous) - 2011-11-01 02:36 (UTC) - Expand

Re: NF

cold-river-blue.livejournal.com - 2011-11-01 03:59 (UTC) - Expand

Re: NF

(Anonymous) - 2011-11-01 02:18 (UTC) - Expand

Re: NF

megalomaniageek.livejournal.com - 2011-11-01 02:27 (UTC) - Expand

Re: NF

cdaae.livejournal.com - 2011-11-01 18:33 (UTC) - Expand

Re: NF

(Anonymous) - 2011-11-01 02:43 (UTC) - Expand

Do you also avoid people who occasionally drink?

Wow, so many heated words because I care about my friend and hate to see her kill herself. Did any of you notice I said I don't tell her what I think and that was the problem? Did you perhaps consider the reason I avoided her was because it's too painful to watch and not do anything to save her from lung cancer which she might be heading for?

Re: NF

cold-river-blue.livejournal.com - 2011-11-01 18:49 (UTC) - Expand

I'm sure you're free of bad habits.

I don't care what their vices are I can still have fun with my fandom friends online, but I can't be near them when they light up because of my asthma.

I think it's a bad habit and my mother fubared her lungs because of it but I aint their momma or their doctor so I won't tell them it's nasty. I'd just bring up my asthma and hopefully they won't think it's rude of me if I stand away from them while they smoke.

I feel like this is completely reasonable. As long as you're not judging them for it and meddling, which from the comment you sound like you're very much not, they have a responsibility as your friends to not make it harder for you to breathe.

They all pretty much understand. I have my own vices: coffee, caramel,chocolate and I drink once in a while. We all indulge in stuff that is bad for us and I don't want people judging me for mine and I won't judge others for theirs.

Because they want to? Because they're self-medicating, perhaps for anxiety or depression? Because a lot of people think it looks cool?

I'm pretty sure there isn't a single smoking adult who isn't fully aware of the consequences, but they choose to do it anyway. They must have their reasons. People rarely do things "because they're just stupid, that's why."
It's not a choice I would make. It's a choice I asked my mother not to make because she was my close family member and thus I felt it was my business. It can be fairly objectively pegged as an unwise choice and a vice. But everybody has vices and makes unwise choices, they just vary from person to person. Most things seem like a good idea at the time.

Frankly, some of the best, funnest and most indulgent stuff in life comes with conseuences. There's something satisfying about a vice - you know its bad for you, you KNOW you shouldn't be doing it, but it feels so freeing to be consciously making a bad choice, and have it be yours, and not give a damn. It's like a fuck-you to all the good decision-making you have to make throughout the day.

Basically, smoking wouldn't be anywhere near as satisfying if it WASN'T bad for you. An important element of any good vice is that it has to knock a little time off that ticking clock, steal a bit of life. It's a deal-with-the-devil sort of situation.

Because enjoying something is no excuse? I guess there is no excuse for people eating cheeseburgers, either, but I certainly don't think less of people who do it.

second hand cheeseburgers never made anyone sick.

When I'm smoking in a designated outdoor area where you don't have to be, second-hand smoke doesn't make you sick either.

Being friends ON THE INTERNET with someone who smokes never made anyone sick, either.

And before you assume anything, I'm a non-smoker.

No, but seeing the effects they've had on people certainly has

US is the number one fattest nation in the US, and its a place where its totally okay to sneer at someone for taking a drag on a cig, but incredibly rude to tell someone who is overweight they shouldn't be eating that cheeseburger. You're still killing yourself slowly.

Really, all I'm getting is that a lot of you have a really smug sense of superiority about this and all of these excuses just exist to justify and bolster that idea of superiority. You're just smarter and better than us idiots who dare to pollute our bodies. Would love to see how many of you are overweight - or is it not ok for me, a smoker, to judge your life decisions?

Re: NF

(Anonymous) - 2011-11-01 17:43 (UTC) - Expand

Personally I do think a little less of people who eat McDonalds. But not of people who smoke. Then again, I think 90% of people I know who smoke picked up the habit in psychiatric hospitals, which just goes to show what great care such places take of people's mental health.

Me too, Anon. I'm sure it's not "right" or "rational" but yeah, I judge.

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